Weird behavior, since he’s been no better than those cold Wight Walkers all week.
But I can roll with the punches. Hell, I stopped myself from choking on my food when he started telling me a really dirty joke out of the blue. Suffice it to say, I laughed as much about the relief and warmth I got from this thaw than I did about Paddy O’Brien’s dick joke.
Seems the Irish are famous for more than Shamrocks and the Blarney stone.
Now we’re on the sofa, pretending to watch Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze fondle a lump of clay.
I’m just grimacing over the whole dirty hands meet face part when I hear Chase sigh, and then the TV clicks off.
“Hey.”
“I need to talk to you, Rem,” he says, ignoring my protests and turning to face me, one knee bent and resting on the sofa near my own curled up legs.
I nod and turn closer, gulping when he stretches an arm out behind me and starts fiddling with my hair, his eyes following his movements for long minutes before turning and focusing on me.
“I’ve been a right prick these last few weeks. I want to apologize for that. I heard you insulting me after the fight—”
“That’s not—”
“Shh, let me finish,” he murmurs, laying one finger over my lips to quiet me.
That finger rubs little circles into my flesh and dips in briefly to meet my teeth before he pulls away and blows out a harsh breath.
“I was high off the fight, off the release I always get from the challenge and I, in my arrogance, expected you to coo and crawl all over me for my manly display. I was annoyed with your reaction because I wanted to impress you—”
“You did Chase! God, you were phenomenal in that cage. I just…I freaked out a little because it reminded me of something. I took my own baggage and issues out on you. I know now it was wrong.”
Wrong and unfair, but hell, I’ve tried to make it right, haven’t I?
“I know, babe. You tried to tell me and I shut you down because I didn’t want to hear it. I was so certain that what you were going to tell me was bad and I…you need to know that I started in the cage as a way to relieve some of the anger I carry around after I was bullied and beaten half to death by school mates.”
That is such a shock that I gasp and rear back, searching his eyes for—I don’t know what—but needing that connection as bile rises in my throat. Oh hell no, I do not like the thought of a bunch of assholes hurting my Chase.
Maybe I can find them and—
He laughs and strokes my chin, the action soothing me enough that I don’t feel the immediate need to hunt those fools down and put a cap in their asses. Lord, now I’m gonna have to call Doc to steady myself.
“Don’t fret, babe. I made them all pay dearly for it.”
“Good. I hope you beat them fucking bloody.”
My words make him freeze before he throws his head back and starts laughing so hard he doubles over with mirth. It takes him a while to calm down. He's still wiping tears from his eyes as he straightens and shakes his head, looking at me in a soft way that sends shivers down my spine.
“God, and to think I thought you soft and weak.”
“Hey!”
“No, babe. I know now that I was wrong. So, I think it’s time we get everything out on the table. I-I was cornered one day behind the school building by the football team and…well, let’s just say that by the time they got done, I was half dead and praying for it besides. It took the doctors three very intensive surgeries to put my face back together, but it will never be the same.”
I gasp again at the pain he must have suffered and lean in to stroke his cheek, loving this face but feeling sad for the one he lost. It must be terrible to look in the mirror every day and see how much he’s changed, how irreversibly those assholes changed the course of his life.
“You’re still gorgeous.”
“Thank you. But that’s not the point. I was in a lot of pain for a long time and my dad was beyond furious. He tried to get justice for me, but the boys in question are from good families and money and, well, they weren’t brought to justice at all. That’s when dad decided that I had to leave. He packed me up and sent me to my mum in England to finish off my schooling and college. He died in a car accident my last year at university.”
“Oh, Chase.” He blows out a rough breath and starts playing with my hair again as if the action soothes him.
“Yeah. I hated them for a long time. They took my face, my time with my dad, and then worst of all—and the reason I became this man—they took away the love that could have been. At that time…I loved a girl.”
His words make my heart squeeze in my chest because I know this feeling, this regret for what could have been. I loved too and I lost it because I wasn’t good enough.
He though, he could have had his true love if not for the actions of the boys who stole part of him. I feel sad, and truth told, a little jealous of that girl. To be loved by Chase must have been a gift beyond any and it galls me to have to face the fact that he probably still pines for her and that I’m not even close to having that part of him.
“She must have been very special,” I choke out.
“Yes, she truly was. She was so bright and happy just to be most of the time, though how that was possible with her family is beyond me,” he murmurs, his eyes going distant as if he’s reliving a past I can never be a part of.
“Did you ever come back to see her? Did you try?”
Shit Rem, don’t cry.
“Yes. But she was already married and belonged to another.”
“So…”
“I’d built my business up and made sure that I was so rich and powerful that nothing could touch me.”
I smile and shake off my melancholy because it tickles me to think that should those men meet my Chase now, they wouldn’t walk away from the meeting alive.
And how damaged am I to relish the thought of my guy beating them half to death before spitting on their worthless carcasses. Damn, but those phone sessions with Doc are going to have to be intensive if this Remy that has reared her ugly head is staying for the foreseeable future.
“You succeeded, baby,” I murmur, smiling with glee.
His own mouth tips in a smile and I feel it all the way to the soles of my feet. Gosh, what a difference this is to the distance we’ve shared for weeks. The more he speaks, the more I want to know. I find myself not dreading my own story quite as much, not that I know that he’ll understand.
It’s not the same thing, but with his pain, I feel a lot better about my own stupid weakness all those years ago.
“I did.”
“Is that why…”
I trail off because I don’t want him getting angry and distant again. I definitely do not want him pissed at Liv for her snooping. He’d be on the phone with Gabe and chewing the poor guy’s ass for it if I know him.
But, if he’s sharing now and I want to further this trend, I can’t hold anything back, not even to spare myself the repercussions. Honesty is a bitch even as liberating as it can be.
Chapter 34
Remy
“Is that why….” he prompts, lightly tugging at the lock of hair he’s still fiddling with.
“Liv read something on Gabe’s computer that sorta points to you going hard and heavy on Brian and his friends. Did you find out…about those photos and go on a vendetta against them?” I ask quietly, feeling the rage that now courses through me every time I think of those buttholes.
He stiffens but doesn’t show any other outward signs of anger. I breathe a sigh of relief when he just shrugs and meets my gaze.
“I saw them, and went looking. When I realized that they had done that to you…I wanted to ruin them.”
“But…why would you care? You didn’t even know me, Chase,” I point out, hitting on the one loose end that I can’t quite piece together.
While I’m grateful that he cares enough to go to these lengths, it confuses me to understand why he would do th
at for me—a woman he didn’t even know.
“I did know you, Remy. I’ve known you for a long time, babe,” he murmurs, pulling me closer to kiss at the furrowed wrinkles between my eyebrows. “You don’t recognize me, and if I’d had my way, you never would have. But it seems our relationship needs total honesty if we’re to survive this and move forward as I want to.”
“Are you purposefully trying to confuse me? I would so remember you if we ever met before,” I mutter, giving his eyes a pointed look. “There aren't too many hot guys walking around with two different colored peepers, Marshall.”
He laughs at my tart tone and shakes his head almost sadly before looking at me with something that resembles fear.
“I wore contacts at school to hide the abnormality. My eyes were blue.”
“Okaaay. Still would have remembered meeting you though.”
“My face was a lot leaner than it is now and I had a rangier build or, more appropriately, I was a skinny dork who wore his hair long to hide a scar I got in kindergarten.”
I’m at a loss and about to tell him so when my mind blinks and flashes to another skinny, blue-eyed boy who’d scratched at a scar just above his floppy bangs…
And then everything starts running together in a slide show that makes my heart speed up and cramp with every bittersweet memory. Alex smiling at me when I got an A on my math test. I practically climbed him; I hugged him so hard that his left front tooth slightly chipped and was adorable as hell.
Alex scrubbing at his hair in frustration when it took a little longer to explain an equation to me because I was so busy checking him out I didn’t hear a word.
Alex and his habit of playing with one dark lock of my hair while we sat side by side studying in the library.
“Oh God.”
I feel like my bottom has dropped out. I’m left floating and floundering when he looks at me with so much hope and fear that I can’t do anything other than launch myself at him and cling, my body shuddering with joy and residual anger.
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you, Rem gem,” he whispers into my hair, his own body shuddering as he uses that long forgotten nickname that drove me nuts.
I shove away and glare at him, finally feeling steady enough to feel the anger and slight betrayal at his actions.
“First of all, you weren’t there because you were probably in the hospital, so don’t even blame yourself for that. But that does not absolve you of the other shit. You should have called me, Chase! Is that even your real name?”
He’s looking sheepish—as well he should—because he deserves to feel bad about this. He left me, just left without a word, and it broke my heart.
“I know. And yes. My name is Alexander Chase. Marshall is my nans maiden name,” he mutters, leaning his head back on the back of the sofa. “I was afraid. They said that if I ever saw you again…I didn’t want them targeting you for my actions if I couldn’t be there with you. But they did,” he growls, his eyes going hard.
I snort at that because if he’s getting this pissed over a couple of nude pics, I hate to see how he reacts when I tell him about the rest.
“Wellll…er, yeah, but those photos, God, I cringe just to think of those things…they weren’t exactly my only problem at the time,” I admit, feeling the usual dread pool in my belly.
He stiffens and I see his hands tense before he makes a concerted effort to relax and look at me again. I can see the strain he’s under and consider dropping things for now…’cause yeah, I’m reeling from finding out that this is my Alex and that…wait!
“Oh, my Lord! You loved me!” I yell, feeling my heart split wide as the truth rolls over me.
Give me a break. Of course, I am still focused on him telling me he loved some other floozy. Who turns out to be me! Oh yeah, I am totally over the moon now. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m squealing and jumping him like an animal.
Chase laughs when I throw myself at him and kiss the living heck out of him, my happiness bubbling over like a font.
“Good God, woman, you need to focus.” He laughs against my lips before pushing me away and putting space between us. “You need to tell me everything. Please.”
Okay, that dampens my joy, but only a little and I’m still smiling when he gives me a shy twist of his mouth and strokes my cheek.
“We’ll revisit those memories later. For now…talk.”
I nod once and feel my smile slip. I’m picking at the thread on my blouse before I even know it and he frowns when the bottom starts to slowly unravel but keeps his mouth shut, urging me on silently.
“When you left…” he winces and I shake my head, kissing his palm quickly before continuing. “I was in a real funk. I sort of had this urge to just give up and go back to the easy way. But I didn’t.”
I rush the words out and see him lose the frown, his smile soft and tender.
“I kept going. I took the usual classes and kept up with the tutoring and extra credits, hoping to get into a good school by the time I graduated. I broke things off with Brian and told my mom to back off.”
I see his mouth twist in a satisfied smile and feel my own lips tip up.
“They wouldn’t have liked that.”
“Nope. But my dad, bless his neglectful soul, was still tripping off the photos and he sort of gave me a break and tried to keep mom off my back. So, things were going okay. Till…”
Chase stiffens at my hesitation and turns to me fully, his eyes narrowing as if he’s expecting the worst.
“Go on, Rem.”
I take a deep breath, though it’s not as hard this time since I told Liv. For some reason it’s getting easier. I know that reason is Chase and the support and affection I see and feel from him.
“You remember Mrs. Barlow was helping me with those make up classes and she was giving me extra credit assignments?”
“Yes.”
“Well, one day she let me do track first. She waited after school just for me and let me do the assignment to earn the last credits I needed to get my A. Anyway, I did great and I was sorta riding high off my success, but by the time we got done it was late, and I…the school was deserted. When I got outside my tire was flat and I was stranded.”
Deep breaths, Rem. Remember, it’s over and they can’t hurt you anymore.
“I can’t see you changing a flat, sorry, babe.”
He’s trying to make me smile so I do, twisting my mouth ruefully to show him that I notice and appreciate the attempt.
“Nope. I looked at that thing and knew for sure I was beat. Plus, my phone was dead. So I started walking.”
“Not safe,” he warns, and I blush because I knew it even then.
Hindsight. What a bitch.
“Not safe,” I agree. “I got about half a mile and it got dark so fast. God, I was power walking by the time I heard the car behind me, and even then, I fooled myself into thinking I could catch a ride and maybe mom wouldn’t ride my ass.”
He’s not looking good, probably knows that what happened next was horrible, but I give him credit for the deep breaths and obvious effort he’s making, Then I see his fingers turn white where they grip his thighs.
“There were five of them. Masked. And so fast. God, when I think of the way I ran…I could have broken my own track records I ran so fast, Chase.” I wheeze, feeling the same helpless terror, the same burn in my chest when my lungs started laboring for air.
Chase curses and pulls me into his lap, his arms banding around me as I tremble and try to remember the breathing exercises Doc taught me. The panic attacks aren’t bad, but they still have the power to strip me of my senses sometimes. I’m shocked when just his heat and strength restore my balance so quickly.
“It’s okay, Rem gem, I have you my darling. It’s past,” he croons, stroking my hair lovingly.
When I can speak again without the fear choking me, I feel a return of the anger I’ve been nursing and I pull away, scooting back to the sofa with a nod and a smile.
“But they followed,” he growls, and I take his hand because he’s getting tense again and my touch seems to calm him.
“Yeah. At first I thought I lost them because I heard only my own footsteps and my heart. God, it was beating so fast it sounded like one of those marching drums.”
I want to laugh at my own foolishness now, but I seriously doubt he’d appreciate it with the way he’s grinding his teeth, so I start talking again, trying and succeeding at injecting some strength into my voice.
“They were still there. I knew I wasn’t going to outrun them. I had speed, they had endurance, and at that point my legs were starting to give out. So I broke for the trees, dropped and crawled under some bushes.”
“Christ.”
“You can say that again. Big mistake on my part because they, all five of them had me cornered and they knew it. They found me quickly and dragged me out of there. I fought, like I never knew I could but, well, I’m a girl. Not to say I’m weak—”
“They were bigger and stronger.”
“Yes. They were; they let me run because they knew it would tire me out and make things easier I think. Anyway, they tied me up and shoved me in the trunk. Longest ride of my life trapped in that box.”
I’m still terrified of small spaces and only sleep without the light now because Chase is there.
“When we stopped they hauled me out and shoved a needle in my neck. The last thing, besides a lot of bright light, that I remember before waking up in a field around dawn.”
There. Almost done.
Chase remains stiff but turns to look at me, and I’m grateful for it because just that one look steadies me for the rest.
“I survived. I got to the hospital and got checked, no rape trauma, thank God, but they…broke me.”
“Babe, you are not broken,” he hisses, drilling a fist into the sofa. “You’re strong. You stood back up—”
CALLIE (The Naughty Ones Book 1) Page 46
