by Stella Rhys
“Yeah, he took the rental, too,” he confirmed.
And with that, we knew that Liam was gone.
Chapter Thirty-One
His cell was still off, and no one had seen or heard from him all day.
But I knew Max was lying to me.
I touched down at LaGuardia at 7PM. The flight from Colorado had been the longest six-and-a-half hours of my life, but in that time, A.J helped me figure out the in-flight texting, and I managed to message the guys from the gym who might not know to lie to me.
Hey sash! Called him couldn’t get through. Haven’t gotten to the gym yet but I’ll let you know if I see him.
The only one who took my bait was Shane, the gym’s newest arrival. When he did check in however, it was with little information.
He’s not here no one has seen him. Tried to ask Max but he’s not here the guys said he hasn’t been in yet today. Sorry!
Knowing not to check the gym, I had the cab go straight from the airport to the apartment while Aria went with A.J to look in some of Liam’s other spots.
My heart was pounding as I waited for the elevator to open onto our floor. I burst out the second I did, soon finding myself in an apartment empty of Liam but not his bags. The luggage he’d taken to Vail was placed by the door. But it was still full of the clothes he’d dirtied while snowboarding. Next to it, I spotted a single footprint that told me Liam had stepped halfway into the apartment to drop off his luggage, and that was all he had done before heading right back out.
A dark feeling spread through me as I thought about where he went with such urgency.
Tossing my own bag into the apartment, I slammed the door. Fear rattled every bone in my body, but I kept my composure as best as I could, flying out the building onto the sidewalk and hailing the first cab I saw to the Upper East Side.
* * *
Back when I lived with him, Ethan was the one who yelled at me when I forgot to padlock the door, even if it was already twice locked. As the proud owner of “hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of the rarest baseball memorabilia,” he was absolutely paranoid about security.
So I knew something was wrong when I found his front door ajar.
Frozen, I stood in the hallway outside his apartment, my urgency sucked away and replaced with dread. I could hear his television playing ESPN – what he generally put on as background noise. The faint voices of the commentators chatted and laughed on as I stepped one foot in front of the other, reminding myself to rinse and repeat despite my pure trepidation.
I told myself I was imagining the smell of blood when I neared the door.
But when I pushed it open, I saw the angry dashes of red on the polished hardwood – the splatters and the bloody footprints patterned across the floor. My hand covered my mouth as I stopped in the doorframe, gripping it tightly till my eyes followed the trail of blood to Ethan’s limp body on the floor, propped haphazardly up against the couch. Bile rose in my throat when my eyes traveled over his injuries, across all the wide-open gashes. Then I met the white of his eyes already staring at me.
“Hello,” he said.
A chill ran through me. It wasn’t the greeting I expected, and while I hadn’t come here with a plan, I stood even more lost and confused as I gaped at Ethan sitting on the floor of our old apartment, half-dead but trying to grin at me. The whites of his eyes jumped out at me from under the caked blood on his face. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to say to him. I could have asked what happened, but I knew exactly what did. I imagined Liam had come early to Ethan’s apartment, maybe sat on the steps leading up to the roof till he saw Ethan walk in, headphones on as usual, paying no attention to the staircase behind him. Once Ethan opened the door, Liam forced his way in.
I looked down to see the dried footprints of his boots still wet from the Colorado snow. They traveled neatly throughout the living room area, some prints half blood, half snow. I saw Ethan’s laptop open and an empty envelope on the floor, and just like that, I knew that because of Liam, the Facebook post was gone, and my letters from Owen were no longer under this roof.
I had nothing to say, really.
If anything, I needed to start pleading.
“He’s screwed, you know.”
I looked up from the blood on the floor to Ethan’s eyes. I stepped in and shut the door. Only then did I notice Daisy. My heart flipped when my eyes landed on her – finally up close and in real life, after so many months of obsessing over her every puppy-eyed snapshot on social media. I wished my first time physically near her wasn’t this way. She was behind the closed French doors of the bedroom, barely visible as she cowered into the corner. All I saw was the top of her head and her big scared eyes peering out from under that deeply furrowed brow. I heard her whimper as my feet drew closer into the apartment.
“Poor thing, Daisy,” Ethan clucked. His voice was tired and throaty. He cursed and winced as he adjusted his position, his left arm immobile and draped over his stomach like dead weight. Under the dried blood on his face, I could see a deep cut over his black eye. His nose was swollen beyond recognition. Still, he spoke to me casually, as if he had the upper hand.
And the reality was that he did.
“Look at her. Sweet girl.” Ethan gazed at Daisy through the bedroom doors. His split lip spread in a smile that had fresh blood trickling down to his chin. “Do me a favor and let her out, Sash? She’s been freaking out for hours in there. Poor girl.”
I hated myself for obliging, but I felt a desperate need to comfort the terrified puppy. The bottoms of my shoes made sticky, peeling sounds as I walked across the floor over Ethan’s blood. But when I opened the bedroom door, Daisy cowered more fiercely, painfully ducking her head lower and lower to avoid my touch.
“Your boyfriend scared her.”
I turned around to face Ethan. I kept my distance from him, standing at the bedroom door. “Why did you do it?”
“Why did I do it? Unless you haven’t noticed, Liam was the one who came in here and tried to break every bone in my body.”
“Why did you put those letters up online? Why did you have to humiliate me like that when you knew everything about my history? You knew exactly how fucked up it was, and you still did it.”
Ethan blinked at me a couple times. “Are you saying that he was justified in nearly killing me?”
“Don’t dodge the question. I’m not talking about what Liam did after the fact. I’m talking about you being so remarkably cruel and unfeeling. It’s not like you went around telling people I cheated on you – that, I could handle. But you didn’t do that. You dug into the most painful part of my past that you personally knew I still hurt from. And not only did you show everyone I knew, and everyone in the world, you decided to put your own flair to it. Just to make it that much worse.” I shook my head in disbelief of him as he stared blankly down at his hands, refusing to meet my eye. “Trust me. I wish Liam didn’t come here and hurt you. I wish he didn’t so much as lay a finger on you. But it’s not because I don’t believe you deserve to be hurt, because I do. I really do.” I felt nothing when Ethan looked up at me with a shocked, almost wounded expression. “The only reason I wish Liam didn’t come here is because I know what you’re going to do now that he did.”
“What would you expect me to do?” Ethan asked. Wincing, he spit blood straight onto his light blue sweater. “That fucking psychopath came into my home and beat me nearly fucking blind for half an hour. Am I supposed to just roll over and pretend it didn’t happen? What, am I going to just go to the hospital for these fucking broken ribs, broken nose – a whole bunch of other fractured shit and just tell them I fucking fell? How do you think the world works?”
“How do you?” I countered. I cocked my head just a bit. “I broke up with you, Ethan. I moved out of your house, I gave back your ring, I paid you the next month’s rent to be kind. When you came to my bar, I believe I made it quite clear that I never wanted to see you again. I ignored your calls. Aria told you I had
no interest in your contact. So what world do you live in thinking that despite all that, you still have the right to hound me? To pretend I’m lost property rather than a living, breathing woman who made her choice?” I paused for him but I wasn’t sure why. I knew he had no answer for me. “I never once insulted you, Ethan. I never stole from you, or deceived you. All I did was leave you, and considering the way you treated me for years, I had every right to that. If you think about that – about how you harassed me for months and then topped it all off by posting a sex tape I didn’t film, and letters from my childhood abuser – I think you might understand why I’m here wishing you might finally put an end to your quest for revenge. You already got it, Ethan. You humiliated me, and you unleashed a world of hell on Liam. He defended me because you did something despicable, and he cares about me in a way that you’re physically incapable of. I have the same deep love and respect for him too, and that is why I’m standing here in front of you praying that you’ll take this opportunity to redeem yourself.”
Ethan stared up at me for a silent minute. The end of his sleeve was dirty and brown with dried blood, but he used it again to wipe the blood that seeped from his mouth.
“You know that’s quite a favor,” he said finally. “He could be in jail for five, seven years because of this.”
“I know.”
“If I let this go without saying a word, I’d end up forgoing a shit ton of money. A shit ton of satisfaction. I’d have to watch highlights of his stupid goddamned fight on ESPN while sitting here recovering from my injuries. I’m not a doctor, but he fucked me up pretty bad, Sasha. And I have a feeling my healing time’s gonna take longer than the month it takes for people to move their interests from him to some football player who beat the shit out of his wife. Am I not right?” He raised his eyebrows at me but promptly winced, a thin line of fresh blood streaming down to his eye. I opened my mouth to speak but it was then that Daisy dared to step out of the bedroom, her paws padding slowly toward Ethan, her nose sniffing his blood every inch of the way over.
“Yes. You’re right,” I finally said. “It would be quite the sacrifice. But it would almost come close to making up for everything you did to both him and me. He hurt you, Ethan. But you hurt us both – me especially. The girl you once loved and said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. I spent nights in your arms crying to you about my memories of Owen, and you rubbed my back and said ‘it’s okay.’ And yet you still had the stomach to pull your stunt yesterday and tell the entire world what I suffered through. You made it a joke. All things considered, I think your silence is more than a fair price.”
Ethan stuck out his lip the way he did when he was considering things. “True. Very true.” He licked the blood from his lips. “Thing is, you can say all that and try to pull at my heartstrings, but the truth is, you’re still at my mercy here. I don’t have to redeem myself. I don’t have to play fair.”
I was shaking inside but I refused to show it. “Then you’re exactly who I expected, and I can’t say I’m surprised.”
“Well, that’s where you’re also wrong.”
“What are you talking about?”
Ethan heaved a sigh, trying to smile down at Daisy as she finally approached him with her bloodstained paws. “I won’t press charges on Liam,” he said, scratching under her chin with his good arm.
I didn’t move. I stood still because a part of me feared he’d overturn his decision if I did anything sudden. My breath hitched in my throat and I wouldn’t let myself breathe, suddenly superstitious over my unexpected and incredible luck.
But Ethan dropped the other shoe fast.
“I’d expect to be rewarded for that though.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“No.” Pulling Daisy onto his lap, Ethan gazed up at me. “No, I’m not. I’m not blackmailing you into fucking me, Sasha. All I’m asking for here is a second chance. The biggest mistakes in my life involved you, and the way I mistreated you. What I did last night online is something I’d never forgive myself for if the roles were reversed. I know that. But I hurt like you wouldn’t believe. I miss you like you wouldn’t believe. The way you see me now – broken, battered and bruised – that’s how I’ve looked on the inside every day since you left me.”
I turned away in disgust. I wanted to roll my eyes out of my head.
“Please, Sasha. Let’s just be real here. You and him aren’t going to work. Regardless of what I did, something would have come out eventually, and something would have torn you two apart. It would get too hard for you two to survive, and you’d just cause him endless trouble, babe, that’s the truth,” Ethan said plainly. “Maybe you don’t think I’m your soul mate, but admit it, we work together. The world doesn’t complain when we’re together. Nobody gets hurt. But when you and Liam are together? Half the bullshit that happened to you two had nothing to do with me, and you know that. You know you can’t possibly be good for him.”
My stomach turned at the familiarity of his sentiment, because I’d thought it a thousand times, too, and as recently as last night. But I still searched myself for a counter argument. “I love him. He loves me. And I know that because what I feel with him is beyond a million times stronger than what I ever felt for you.”
Ethan didn’t flinch. “Doesn’t matter. Even if you guys are in love. There were millions of couples who should’ve been on this Earth, but they never were because the forces of nature tore them apart, and you know what, babe, you can’t fight nature. You can resist for as long as you want, and you can make Liam’s life as messy and ugly and shitty as possible before you finally throw the towel in, but that’s nature still winning. And you should’ve known going into this,” Ethan offered a short laugh. “You may not be blood, but it’s not exactly natural from a stepbrother and stepsister to get together, let alone get married or make babies. This coupling of yours was doomed before it even began, Sasha, and every extra day you force out of it is just you prolonging the inevitable, and dragging him through the mud while you do it. If you had the respect for him that you say you do, you’d know the best option was to leave him alone and let him be. He’s never going to stop making stupid, goddamned decisions for you, and you’re never going to stop leading him into trouble. Maybe he loves you too much. Fucking romantic, huh? Maybe he loves you too much for his own goddamned good. And because of that, maybe you need to make a sacrifice for him the same way I am.” I stumbled back when Ethan rose to his feet. It was like watching the dead rise from the ground. But that seemed appropriate considering the way I was feeling. I was empty inside, hollowed out by the words that rang far too true for me to deny. Ethan let Daisy to the ground and she sat between our legs, calm as he spoke softly now. “You don’t have to stay for the rest of your life if you don’t see the change you wanted in me, Sasha, but at least give me a solid chance to redeem myself, and give Liam a chance to have some semblance of a normal life.”
I unstuck my dry tongue from the roof of my month. “If I did leave him… if I did decide to give him a chance at a normal life, why would I choose to be with you?”
Ethan shrugged the shoulder he could. “Because I want you, Sasha. I love you. And I won’t make this sacrifice to Liam if I know it’s for nothing. I’m sorry. The only way I don’t go to the police is if you come back to me.” When I shook my head, he hobbled a step closer to me, his breath touching my lips. “I swear, I’ll do everything to make you as happy as he could have. We’ll move somewhere else if you need. California. Santa Monica, maybe. We’ll run with Daisy on the beach. I’ll even watch Liam’s fights with you and cheer for him to win. Just say yes so we can try it, Sasha. So we can just try to escape all this and give everyone the new start they deserve.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
I knew where Liam was, but I took a day before going to find him.
I needed the time to make peace with my decision. I had never in my life imagined I’d hurt him like this. The guilt that wracked my body from head to t
oe kept me from sleeping for even a minute, and it made me feel physically sick on so many occasions I found myself spending another night on the bathroom floor. I told myself a million times that I couldn’t and shouldn’t do this to him, and that we would both hurt and suffer every minute we were apart from each other. The thought of what life would be like after this was excruciating, but I loved Liam.
And for that reason, I had to go through with it.
It was at noon the next day that I went to Max’s Fort Greene townhouse his mother left him in her will. It was empty as he slowly worked on renovations. So far, only the top floor was redone. Once it was finished, he planned to move out of the current apartment he lived in, which was directly next to the gym. Since Aria had been staking it out, she was fairly sure he hadn’t been there since our return from Vail. And since he hadn’t shown up at the gym either, despite never missing his workouts, I could only imagine he had been the one to take in Liam after the assault on Ethan, and that he’d hidden him in Fort Greene.
I tried to stroll down the block with at least half a sense of calm. As I walked, I breathed deep and gazed far ahead of me. A good three inches of snow had fallen the night before, and much of it was still untouched on the steps of the beautiful brownstones. It was such a tranquil view and I wished so badly I could enjoy it, but guilt washed over me with every little paw print I saw tracked in the powder, and I hated myself all over again for what I was about to do.
Standing on the stoop of Max’s apartment, I shivered through the text I sent.
Hey Max. I’m outside your door in Fort Greene. If you and Liam are here, please don’t leave me in the cold.
