by Stella Rhys
That wound up my last afternoon at Alma’s. Laurel told Reece that a “whore” shouldn’t be working at his diner and he only comforted her, so I told them to just mail my last check to my apartment. Abram corrected me, instead giving Reece the address to the Monarch.
I started my first shift at the hotel the same night.
chapter ten
The famed club at the Monarch was named XIII. It topped every list of city hotspots and was notorious for turning down celebrities. Its door was comically hard to get into, protected by another Monarch club-slash-lounge of lesser status, that the public had to permeate before they could even think about getting into XIII.
I wasn’t working for XIII.
I was working for a club about a thousand times more exclusive.
It was nameless, at the top of the Monarch but apparently very much underground. Abram gave a brief explanation on the way to the hotel. “Think of it as an off-the-books casino,” he grinned at my absolute confusion. “We have everything they have – poker, betting, fights that people travel to come watch. We just play by fewer rules because we have no one to report to. And that’s a draw for a lot of guests.”
“So this is illegal,” I clarified.
“Technically, yes.”
“And my… partaking in this would also be considered against the law?”
Abram grinned at my phrasing. “Yes. Hopefully, being a part of what we do will ease Nate’s nerves.”
It made sense. For some reason, I wasn’t averse to any of this. I could feel a thrill building in me as the car arrived at the Monarch. “And what exactly will I be doing?”
“The same thing you were doing this morning. But in a much shorter dress.”
I flashed my brows at him. “Am I going to be a cocktail waitress? I can’t carry those trays.”
“You’ll learn.”
I laughed at his simple answer. I had no doubt that Abram was one of those annoying guys who could watch things once and then just do it. “Are you going to be there?”
“I used to oversee most nights but I haven’t had the time lately.”
Right. Because of all that important business to take care of. Looking down at my hands, I swallowed. “Who was that man in the alley?” I dared to ask.
“That’s nothing you need to know about,” Abram said before firmly changing the subject. “Someone will be waiting for you at the hotel when you get in. He’ll walk you through everything.”
“You won’t be there?”
“Unfortunately not. I have a flight to catch in an hour.”
“Oh. Okay, so am I…” I hated that I needed to ask this. “Am I going to see you again?” Only then did I truly understand what he’d told me at Alma’s. Abram was attracted to me but he had every intention of nipping that attraction in the bud. The realization swept me with a sudden wave of hurt. Damn it. I hadn’t even realized how badly I wanted this man until I realized I’d never get to have him. I had breathed the same thick, lust as him last night, felt completely intoxicated by the fire he started in my bones and could only imagine what he’d finally feel like inside me. But that was all I could actually do anymore – imagine. “What is it that’s going on right now?” I blurted my question. It was stupid. I knew he had to be involved in something deep, something a million times bigger than what I was, but I was suddenly so desperate, so eager to know.
“I promise you’re better off not knowing.”
“But – ”
“Isla.” Abram faced me with severity. “What I did the night I met you – it was no accident. It was something I planned, to set off a very specific chain of events that I’ve been waiting a long time for. I’ll be gone for less than a week but when I come back, I don’t expect for us to see each other anymore. You’ll still be taken care of and I’m going to make sure that you’re always okay but I can’t afford to indulge myself anymore. This was hardly a fling and yet I can’t get my mind off of you. Whatever this attraction is, it has to stop. I can’t keep thinking of you as often as I do, or the way that I do.”
I lifted my eyes slowly to him. “How often do you think of me?”
“Too often.”
“And how do you think of me?”
“In ways that get me too hard to be productive.”
I let out a breath and pressed my knees together. “Can’t you just…”
“Jerk off? I do.”
A curious sound hummed from my lips. Abram lifted an eyebrow at me and despite trying not to, cracked a wry smile at my blatant expression. He knew what I was picturing. I couldn’t help it. I’d always imagined him to have some model on call for every spontaneous hard-on, but apparently, even Abram Lenox sometimes closed his eyes and got himself off.
I chewed the corner of my mouth, knowing that I shouldn’t do this. But I couldn’t stop myself. “What do you think of when you do it?” I asked.
Abram turned to me with surprise and then a bitter laugh, eyeing my body in my tunic and skirt. “You. In ways I’m not exactly proud of.” He gazed at me, his mouth curling as his eyes flicked away. “Don’t suck your lip like that.”
I stopped. I hadn’t realized I’d been doing it. But I was so incredibly turned on by the idea of Abram thinking of me when I wasn’t there, getting aroused and imagining exactly where and how he wanted my body. In his fantasies, he could do whatever he wanted to me. I rubbed my thighs against each other as I wondered what naughty images his thoughts conjured.
Groaning, he leaned his head back. “Don’t do this to me, Isla.”
“Do what?”
“Whatever it is you do that turns me into a fucking animal,” he said, glaring forward. But I knew he could see me from the corner of his eye because when I started squirming, he turned to look. “Isla.” He sounded angry but the second he caught my thighs pumping under my skirt, he slammed his fist to his seat and hissed, “Fuck it,” jerking me onto his lap and immediately moving my hips so that my pussy rubbed hard against his cock. “Take it off,” he demanded, burying himself into my breasts the second I whipped off my shirt and bra. His mouth was wide open as he breathed me in, swirling his tongue over my nipples and sucking them into stiff peaks. Thrusting his hand under my skirt, he pushed my panties aside, sliding two fingers inside me. “Fuck, you’re so wet,” he murmured, giving several deep thrusts and then withdrawing to rub the length of my pussy, over and over and over till a sudden orgasm rocked my entire lower half. Growling with satisfaction, Abram fisted my hair, urging me on with a thousand filthy words in my ear as I came.
“Oh God.” Blissfully shaken, I collapsed onto his chest but for only so long. I needed to finally return the pleasure and clearly, he needed the same because as I lay my body across the backseat, he hastily freed his erection. It stood straight up, a stiff rod resting against his abs. My head in his lap, I immediately wrapped my mouth around it, sucking, pushing his thickness between my lips, my hand stroking in unison. I moaned against his hard flesh when I felt his hand lift my skirt and squeeze my ass.
“Christ, Isla, are you kidding me,” Abram groaned, his fingers thrust in my hair. “Fuck, yes, keep doing that… fuck, that feels so fucking good…”
I didn’t come up for air. I loved every bit of his pleasure. His hard body twitched. His thighs flexed underneath me. The handful of my hair that he fisted grew tighter as his cock grew harder in my mouth. His every breath got angrier as I brought him toward a roaring finish.
“Fuck, I’m gonna come, Isla.” His abs clenched tight as he warned me but I didn’t care, only sinking my mouth as far down on him as I could. “Ah, Christ… Isla I’m gonna – ” I stole his words with a last tight, wet pull. “Isla – ”
His body caged around me as he came hard, bursts of hot pleasure pumping into my mouth. I savored every one, drawing my tongue over the last drop beading on his pulsing helmet. He let out a last, tight groan as I licked him clean like a lollipop. When I sat up again, Abram could only stare at me in silent awe, his blue eyes flickering as he caught his breath. “Fu
ck,” he growled, pulling me by the back of my head to his lips. But an inch away, he didn’t kiss me. He looked tortured as he only stared at my mouth before lifting his eyes to mine. “Crazy,” he finally murmured, breathing hard. “Fucking crazy whatever the fuck it is you do to me.”
We parted on those words.
Hot and guilty, I walked into the Monarch alone. I knew I’d done something selfish just now but it had felt so damned good. For us both. I didn’t know when or how I’d have Abram next so for now, I savored the pleasure of his taste. It still lingered hot on my lips.
chapter eleven
“Isla? Are you alive in there? I’m hung over! I need some brunch in my face!” Rhode called from the hallway.
Try as I did, I couldn’t muster up a response.
From my new bedroom, forty-eight floors above ground, I gazed over the High Line. People-watching the High Line was always good distraction and this morning, I needed that. Badly. Even memories of Abram, of our naughty car ride last week, couldn’t divert my painful thoughts. My heart was twisting in my chest. No matter how many times I wiped my eyes, they streamed new tears. Somehow, l’d woken up like this, my dreams reminding me what day it was before I could even open my eyes.
In a last ditch effort to calm down, I looked outside to remind myself of the sudden and dramatic turn in my luck – my reason not to cry.
At 9AM, the railroad garden below my window was already teeming with both locals and tourists. Among flowers, they laid out on the wooden lounge chairs, gabbing with friends and wearing pretty sundresses. It was officially summer, the time of year that made me want things – new skirts, outdoor brunches, a bright, fresh pedicure each week. All things I’d never had. I was fresh out of high school when the diagnosis happened, so I never had the time or money to spare.
But in my first whirlwind week of working at the Monarch, I’d achieved every one of those summertime fantasies, and about a thousand more.
On the first night, I trained with Rhode, a blonde bombshell with a raspy voice she used to swear like a sailor. She left me to change in the women’s clubhouse, returning shortly with two shots of vodka. “Nervous? Don’t be.” She arranged my hair to cover my stitches. “Once you step foot in there, you can’t think about anything in the world besides smiling, looking perfect and making every man in there feel like he’s got the biggest dick in the room. Ready? You are.”
I went with it and found out that the “room” was an entire floor of the hotel. One step in and the scene took my tipsy breath away. It was massive yet intimate, bathed in a warm, amber glow that radiated from the seventy-foot ceiling. On the left side of the room, vested bartenders flitted back and forth, rattling silver shakers in front of arched shelves of all the priciest liquor. At the other end of the room, there was a heavy black curtain veiling a good portion of the floor.
By day three, Rhode offered the explanation. “The ring is behind there. For fight nights. They’re huge because we get some of the best up-and-coming fighters around the world to come here. There’s a big one coming up soon, actually, which is awesome because I hear Abe will be back for it.”
I tried not to look overly excited. “Abram?”
“Fuckin’ Abram,” she sighed, garnishing an Old Fashioned. “Three years I’ve been cocktailing for his nights and he doesn’t so much as hang out with employees let alone hook up with them. Makes me almost wonder why I decided to work for him. Like, would I rather make a thousand dollars a shift or have just one night in that beautiful man’s bed? I don’t know. But the fact that it’s even a fuckin’ question,” Rhode shook her head.
“Yeah, he’s… pretty painfully gorgeous,” I murmured, hating the fact that I had no idea if he’d even speak to me when I saw him again at fight night. But at the same time, I quietly thrilled over the chance at girl talk. I’d lost half my friends in my breakup with Evan and the ones I had left couldn’t deal with my post-Elle depression. I didn’t blame them.
“Yeah, ‘gorgeous’ hardly covers it but that’s not your fault. Really no words to describe that motherfucker,” Rhode lamented. “Which is why we drink. After we’re done here, let’s boogie downstairs to XIII.”
“Won’t it be closed?”
Rhode looked at me like I was crazy. “Not for us.” My surprise made her flat out laugh in my face. “Hoo-boy, you’ve got a long list of perks to learn about, Bruiser,” she whistled before sauntering off with her tray.
They started that night. After a day of training, I received my first tip out: seven hundred-twenty dollars – the lowest amount I’d make all week.
It was wild.
My brain could hardly process the sudden cash flow – my wallet fattening up so much it began to burst at the seams. Overnight, I went from dead broke to comfortable. By my fifth shift, I’d bought my way out of my lease, moving into a suite with Rhode on the forty-eighth floor of the Monarch. After a night of dancing at XIII, I crashed there and never left. I had no boxes or bags to move anyway. “We’ll have to change that,” she said before taking me shopping in the Meatpacking District, where I charged my credit card so furiously that the bank called to ask if it had been stolen.
It was what I needed to stop thinking of Abram – to stop wondering where he was, what he was doing, if he was okay. If he was bleeding or making someone else bleed. I spent every second with Rhode and the bartenders and had the nonstop, no-care-in-the-world kind of fun I didn’t think existed for people like me. A full week from my first night and I’d dined at a four-star restaurant, danced with a New York Yankee at XIII, filled my new walk-in with a summer wardrobe and skinny-dipped with the staff in the rooftop Infinity. And I’d gotten my stitches out. It felt like I’d made a complete one-eighty transformation. I had a new job, a roommate, new acquaintances and for the first time ever, money. And enough to look at something, want it and then buy it. That was a concept so foreign that Rhode liked snapping random candids of my face when I went shopping.
But all that wasn’t enough.
It whisked me away but still failed to drown out the little girl who forever lived in my thoughts, because on the morning of her thirteenth, I woke up gasping in tears. I felt her wondering why I hadn’t thought of her in so long. Elle had always been impossibly humorous about her situation but today, I knew I’d let her down. Toward the end, when she told me she’d be “moving” to Heaven, I’d told her that we would still talk every day. At the same time, every evening, I’d think of her and it would be my way of calling. Through my thoughts, I’d tell her my funniest story of the day and then I’d look up in the sky to make sure she heard it. If it was raining, she joked, that meant that she hadn’t. But probably just because she’d been “chillin’ with some angels,” and she would be back soon.
I spent a year telling her stories. But now I couldn’t remember the last time I’d looked up in the sky for her and the guilt was suffocating me, so I stared out the window, desperately searching for my breath. In the midst of that, my phone buzzed with a text.
From Holly.
Happy birthday to our beautiful Elle. She’s smiling down on us and I know she misses you so so bad. I miss you too babe. I have your jacket that she loved to pieces. You need to take it back for her. Call me when you can. Love you
I nearly crushed my phone in my grip. “Our beautiful Elle.” Our beautiful Elle whose funeral you didn’t attend because you’d already booked a trip for Miami with Evan.
In tears, I both wallowed and fumed. Holly was the last person I needed to hear from. Not while thinking of my sister. Suddenly sobbing, I pulled on whatever my fingers snatched from the closet and grabbed a few bills from my wallet. I needed to be away, close to Elle, so I left the hotel with no keys, phone or wallet – just a few hundred dollars in my pocket and all my darkest thoughts in my head.
chapter twelve
I walked up the winding road of daisies that led to Elle’s grave. I had a long apology waiting for her on the edge of my lips. I wanted to start with being sorry for l
etting myself forget her, if even for a little. I wanted to explain that I’d get her jacket back soon. There were a hundred more things I had to say sorry for, but the second I reached the top of the hill, I gasped and choked on it all.
Already kneeling at her stone cross were my parents, in their best clothes, with armfuls of flower, notes and teddy bears.
Fuck. I froze, turned around and walked straight back down the hill, my tears completely silent so they wouldn’t hear me. Though my heart pounded, I floated like a zombie through the cemetery, rattled with no purpose or way home. Not that I wanted to leave. I wanted to talk to my sister. But at the same time, I couldn’t bring myself to look at my parents – particularly my mom. My dad would speak to me if she allowed for it but she didn’t, so that was that.
Once again, I felt like I had nothing.
My eyes drowned in such a flood of tears that by the time I reached the foot of the hill, I thought the car parked there was my cab. But my cab had been yellow, not black, and a sedan, not a Rover. My walk slowed to a stop as I realized who sat in the driver’s seat. My tears only streamed harder when he got out the second he saw me. I didn’t let my weak knees crumble till he was right there to catch me.
“Isla,” Abram murmured as I melted to nothing in his arms, crying the way I wouldn’t let myself before. He held me tight for however long I sobbed. He murmured my name again. “Is this where Elle is?”
It took awhile for me to answer but I finally nodded, looking up as he smoothed my hair back. I didn’t wonder until that moment why he was there. “How did you find me?”
“I was getting back just as you left the hotel. You looked…” He trailed off. I knew how I looked – like a mess with swollen eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. “Like you shouldn’t be alone.”
“You didn’t have to come.”
“I tried not to.”
I wasn’t sure how to react to that but he was pulling me into his chest, so I let myself lean on him. “My parents are here,” I finally murmured. “I came all this way and now I can’t even see her.” As Abram wiped my tears, I blinked, realizing he’d come all this way too. We were in Long Island, two hours from the city. I looked up at him. “I’m sorry I took you so far away.”
