Ben stared at her as if she’d spoken German. “What?” He took the envelope from her.
“I got us a gig—at the Great Northern Auditorium. It’s a smaller venue, but—”
“You got yourself a gig. This ticket says the Hollie Montgomery Band.”
She shrugged, made a face. “I’m sorry, my manager put it together before I told him I’d never leave you.”
Kacey looked at Ben, a little unnerved at his expression, like he was trying not to use military moves on Hollie too.
“Please, Benji?” Then Hollie looked so stricken, even Kacey couldn’t imagine Ben saying no.
“Fine,” Ben said. “But just this once.”
“You know you can’t quit me.” She winked and looked at Kacey. “See you tomorrow night. We’re having an after party too—stop by.”
Then she blew a kiss at Ben and left. Kacey followed her exit, saw an SUV sitting in the drive, a bald, tattooed man standing by the door wearing jeans and a white print tank waiting for her.
He lifted a hand to Ben.
“Who’s that?” she asked.
“That’s Harley, my drummer,” he said quietly.
Oh.
He sighed, looked at Kacey. The kids and her parents had migrated back to the party. She stood there, her arms wrapped around herself. “I can’t believe my dad did this.”
Ben looked beyond her, into the horizon. “I can. He’s still trying to protect you from me.”
Probably.
“Are you okay?” She didn’t know why she cared—she wasn’t the one who’d kissed her like he’d forgotten his former life only to dive into another smooch minutes later.
Only, seeing as Hollie had attacked him, Kacey could maybe forgive him for that.
“You two never dated?”
He met her eyes then. Sighed. “Not really. We had a moment, but . . . Kacey, she’s nothing to me. It’s an act, I promise.”
A moment?
“Why, Ben? I didn’t peg her as your type.”
He looked away. Sighed again. “I told you how I came home the summer Ian’s niece went missing.”
She nodded.
He looked at her then, his blue eyes steady in hers, his voice soft. “I came home for you. I wanted to show you I’d made it, and that maybe I was worth . . . Maybe you’d finally forgive me.”
His words left her stripped.
He shook his head, casting his glance away.
“I was so ashamed of myself, that I’d not only broken all my vows to God and gotten you pregnant, but that I’d left you. I wanted to make something of myself—and I finally had. So I came home.”
“And I was gone.”
He nodded. “I didn’t know you’d moved away, and then Sam mentioned that you’d joined the military, and since I didn’t know about Audrey, I thought you wanted nothing to do with me. My mom told me it was time to put the past behind me. So she told me to go back to Nashville, to do something with my life. I went back, and Goldie, my manager, decided I needed something fresh, so she paired me with Hollie in the studio for a couple songs. We sounded so good together, it just happened.”
“You were never in love with her?”
“Are you kidding me? She drives me crazy.”
She laughed, and it felt good to finally let go of the fist in her chest.
Then her smile dimmed. “I should get back to the party.”
He stiffened then. “I don’t think tonight’s quite the night to tell Audrey about . . .” He swallowed. “I think there’s been enough excitement for one night.”
She hated the look on his face. But she nodded anyway.
“What about the concert? Will you come?”
“Aw, Ben, I don’t know—”
“Please. You’ve never really heard me sing . . .”
“Are you kidding me? I grew up hearing you sing. I still hear you sing, all the time.”
She wasn’t sure why she let those words escape, but she felt his smile, the way he searched her face.
“I really want to kiss you right now,” he said, a tone in his voice that slid under her skin, turned it to fire.
However, she put her hand on his chest. “Not in view of the children. Or their cell phones.”
He made a face but closed his hand around hers. “Fine. But I get a dance tomorrow night, at the after party.”
“Does that mean I’m your date?”
Oh, crazy words issuing from her mouth tonight. But she couldn’t seem to stop them.
“Wear a dress.” Then he let go of her hand. “Thank you for tonight. And for . . . understanding. You sure you don’t want me to stick around, have a chat with your dad?”
The question caught her off guard, and the protectiveness in it stirred warmth through her. “No. I’ll talk to him.”
“Tell Audrey good-bye for me.”
Behind them, she heard the intro music for Star Wars.
“Go, must I,” he said.
“May the force be with you.”
She laughed as he walked out to his truck.
Her father was gone when she returned to the backyard.
She debated tracking him down, but she wouldn’t let her anger destroy Audrey’s night.
Kacey found her and flopped down next to her on the sofa, curling her arm around her. To her shock, Audrey leaned into her embrace.
Princess Leia was running from Stormtroopers on the screen, and the speakers were pumping out the sound of lasers.
“Do you like him, Mom?”
Kacey glanced down at her. “Who?”
“Benjamin King. Because I think he likes you.”
Kacey let her breath trickle out slowly. “I don’t know.”
Audrey looked up at her. “I know I’ve never said, but sometimes I think it would be cool to have a dad, you know?”
Kacey bit her lip. Nodded. “I know.”
“Do you think he thinks about me, sometimes? My real dad?”
Oh. She kept her voice soft, easy. “I’m positive he does, honey. How could he not?”
Audrey sighed. “Well, he missed an awesome party tonight.”
Kacey gave her a squeeze.
R2-D2 landed on Tatooine.
“Mom.” Audrey leaned up. “I hope you know I didn’t mean it. About you going back to Florida. I’m really glad you’re here.” She put her arms around Kacey, gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Best birthday ever.”
12
“I feel silly.” Kacey stood in front of the standing mirror in Sierra’s bedroom, smoothing the mini dress that showed way too much of her legs, if anyone cared about her opinion. Which, apparently, they didn’t.
“If that’s what the military can do to my body, sign me up!” Willow sat cross-legged on the bed behind Audrey, braiding her hair into French braids.
“You do have amazing legs, Mom,” Audrey said. “You should show them off.”
Kacey glanced at her in the mirror. “Enough from you.”
She turned to check out where the shimmery purple and orange sleeveless dress landed on her thighs, noticing of course the scar high across her shoulder. But her hair mostly covered that up.
“I’ll need a jacket,” she said. “In case it gets cold.”
“Right. In an auditorium full of screaming fans. You’ll probably spend the entire night on your feet, jumping up and down. I promise, you won’t get cold.” Audrey grinned at her, eyes shining. “I just can’t believe you’re actually going on a date with Benjamin King!”
Sierra looked up at Kacey from across the room, where she was rifling through her jewelry box. Raised an eyebrow.
Kacey gave a quick shake of her head.
“It’s not a date,” Kacey said, turning back around. “Actually, Hollie gave me the ticket. And Ben and I are just friends.”
“I wish she’d invited me too.”
Willow finished the second braid, secured it. “You have band practice. But frankly, I’m with your mother. I heard Hollie’s new release, and I think maybe sh
e’s courting an older audience.”
Audrey shook her head, climbed off the bed. “I’m fourteen.”
“And I’d like to keep it that way,” Kacey said.
“We need to get going. Nate and the others are probably already at the church.” Willow reached out for her hand, but Audrey clasped her mother around the waist.
“Have fun tonight, Mom.”
Kacey kissed the top of her head, seeing Sierra’s smile.
She came over, holding a gold necklace. Downstairs, the door shut.
Kacey took the necklace, tested it. Gave it back. “I don’t need any bling. Or these crazy high heels.” Three-inch platforms, and they only posed a health hazard. “I’ll wear my boots.”
“For the record, I agree with Audrey. You have great legs.”
“The last thing I need is Ben noticing my great legs. That’s probably how we got into this mess.” She leaned forward, checked out her makeup. Too much, probably, but—
“Hardly. Ben and you were—are—soul mates. Yes, you made mistakes in high school, but Ben never had anything but long-term intentions with you.”
Kacey stared out the window, watching as Audrey climbed into Willow’s Jeep parked on the road. The driveway still glistened with mud, and Sierra’s poor deck lay in pieces across the side and back yard.
“I know. I’ve always known that. It’s just that he said something last night about being ashamed he’d gotten me pregnant.”
“Of course he was. He was a preacher’s kid, and here he was not only sleeping with his girlfriend, but he got her pregnant, proof of his sins in front of the entire town.”
No wonder he’d proposed. Kacey had never felt like she’d trapped him, not really, but somewhere in the back of her mind, the thought lingered.
“He wasn’t the only one. After everything my parents did for me—taking me in when my mother went to jail, raising me. They gave me everything, taught me right from wrong. Yet when I found out about my mother, I felt so betrayed. Ben was the only one I would listen to. He was my best friend before he became my boyfriend. I can still remember how devastated I felt, giving birth to Audrey without him there.”
“I’m sure he felt the same way.”
She hadn’t thought about that before, but knowing him now—yes, he had to have been bereft at his decisions, that he’d let his anger, his pride keep him from the most important moment of his life.
“You know he got in a fight with Cash that night—that’s why he didn’t show up. He was in jail.”
“That fight was a long time coming, Kacey,” Sierra said. “I’m not sure he was in the wrong—seems to me he was defending your honor.”
“And his.”
Sierra conceded with a nod.
“And, in his defense, I did consider giving Audrey up for adoption. My dad wasn’t lying about that.”
“You did?” Sierra approached with a container of perfume, misted it in the air.
Kacey walked into the mist. “I just kept thinking—what if I turned out like my mother? In a crazy fit of anger, I’d destroy someone’s life, and then Audrey would grow up with the same horrible fear, that deep down she comes from bad stock.”
More silence, and finally Kacey turned.
Sierra wore concern on her face. “You don’t think that, do you? That you’re somehow innately flawed?”
“I know I am. Ben might have felt shame over breaking his Christian vows, but I didn’t. I just wanted him to love me. For me to belong to someone. He was ready to bring me home that night. I’m the one who . . . I said yes before he even asked. I got us here, just as much as he did. I probably deserved that word written on my car. And Ben paid the price.
“The fact is, I am flawed—I’m selfish and afraid, and right now, not a little messed up. I still can’t sleep through the night without sleeping pills. And while Audrey and I are better, I’m not a good mom. I’m a part-time, Fun Mom. And maybe that’s all I’ll ever be.”
Kacey turned, surveyed herself in the mirror. “I’m not this girl. I’m really good at one thing—flying choppers. And maybe I need to accept that.”
Sierra had sunk down onto the bed. “And Ben?”
Kacey wrapped her hands around her waist. “I want it so much it scares me. When he kisses me, I’m suddenly not the daughter of a murderer, or a mom who leaves the hard jobs to others, but someone whole and clean. I’m again that girl who sat in the audience, believing he was singing only to me.”
“Maybe he was. Maybe he is.”
“No. He’s singing to his fans—his songs aren’t his own anymore. Frankly, he’s as lost as I am. Maybe our mistakes are unfixable. It’s not like we can pick up the pieces, make everything brand new.”
Sierra slid off the bed, came over, and put her chin on Kacey’s shoulder. “Listen. You’re just scared. You’ve gotten a taste of what you want, and you’re tempted to run. Instead of telling yourself you can’t have the happy ending, why don’t you let go of all your dreams—and your fears—and let God show you how it ends. He’s the master of happy endings—let him figure it out.”
She leaned back, turned Kacey around. “When you found out about your bio mom, it blew your world apart. I was there, I remember. And Ben was there too . . . and he helped put you back together. And then he left and you had Audrey and you were still sort of in pieces. And I know the military gave you glue for your life. You’re an amazing chopper pilot. But then that world blew apart. And now here you are, still holding the pieces, right back asking the question, who am I and where am I going? And I have one answer for you, the one that’s been there the entire time. The only one who can give you the answer to all your questions is God. He is the object of your searching. We find ourselves and our happy ending by finding him and realizing the grace, the love he has for us.”
Sierra caught her hands. “You thought you were coming back to save your daughter from making your mistakes. But what if God brought you back here to save you, to redeem your mistakes? To put that heart of yours back together, delight you and reunite you with the one man you’ve always loved, only this time in wholeness?”
Sierra pulled her close, hugging her. “Don’t be afraid of letting go and walking into all God has for you.”
Kacey longed to believe Sierra’s words, to lean into them.
To believe that God might forgive her for her mistakes, her gut-wrenching decisions, and somehow make something beautiful out of the pieces.
Sierra let her go, and Kacey found her cowboy boots. These, she could dance in.
“Thanks for taking Audrey for the night. I’ll probably come back here after the show and crash too.”
“Okay. I’m going over to Ian’s to see if we can track down any more information on Esme.”
“You’re going to Ian’s?”
“Please don’t look at me like that. I’m not working for him—I’m just helping him contact guests who might have stayed at Saint Mary Lodge when Esme arrived, maybe given her a ride somewhere.”
“So you’re giving him your time for free.”
“We’re friends—and again, stop looking at me like that. Can’t friends help friends?”
Kacey finger quoted. “Friends?”
“Yes.” But a blush pressed Sierra’s face. “He’s alone right now, and he needs someone who cares about him. He can’t move on until he finds out what happened to her.”
“That, or he can’t let you go.”
“Trust me, he can let me go. After all he’s been through, I should have never thought there was anything between us. Ian has no room for anything in his life but finding Esme.”
Kacey raised an eyebrow. “Please don’t let him hurt you.”
Sierra shook her head. “He won’t. But I do need to pick up a pizza on my way.” She picked up her cell. “Have fun at the concert.”
The parking lot at the Great Northern Auditorium was already full when Kacey arrived, a warm-up band stirring the crowd with their country ballads, a little rock and roll throw
n in. She found her seat on the front row, a little dazed by the giant Hollie Montgomery banners hanging from the ceiling of the venue. She hoped Ben hadn’t seen them—until she saw his own banner, a giant square right over the stage, a magnificent picture of him sitting on a stool, playing his black Gibson, wearing his brown Stetson, his dusty curls dragging out behind the brim. He wore a white T-shirt, something that outlined his superstar physique, a tantalizing smatter of beard, a hint of a smile as he leaned into the mic.
Oh boy.
“Don’t be afraid of letting go and walking into all God has for you.”
She raised her hands, clapping along with the band, swaying into the song.
You’ve got a wild side
Something like mine
But when we’re alone
Gonna take my time . . .
When she heard the lyrics, she knew she’d made the right decision keeping Audrey at home. The band stayed for an encore, then relinquished the stage to Montgomery-King.
Apparently Ben’s people had a chat with Hollie’s new manager, because the MK graphics flashed on the Jumbotron.
And then the fireworks began.
Hollie and Ben came out from the wings, singing their signature song, the one she’d deleted off Audrey’s playlist.
Ben looked like his album cover photo, except in a black T-shirt outlining his poster-boy physique.
Hollie picked up the second verse, looking at Ben like he might be her true love.
Kacey tried to let the words of the song bounce off her, but she hated the way he gazed into Hollie’s eyes as they dove into the chorus.
Let’s start a fire
Let it burn brighter
I’ll show you how to light up the night
So maybe this wasn’t the right concert for her. She clapped her way through the song and found herself cheering when Ben turned to the audience and treated them to a guitar solo.
But Hollie’s gaze on him had Kacey’s chest burning.
Worse, to her eyes, Ben seemed to be enjoying himself. And why not—cheering fans, a cute girl singing to him like he alone could, well, light up the night.
Kacey held on to the rail. Audrey was right. She’d probably stand the entire concert.
Unless she left.
She was looking for the exit when she heard Ben step up to the mic.
Wild Montana Skies Page 23
