A soft snore greeted my question. With a forefinger, I swept the hair from her face. Dark lashes fanned over her cheeks. I traced the slope of her pert nose. Her lips curved into a smile. I pressed a light kiss there, not wanting to wake her.
Once I’d extinguished the fire, I carried her to my bed and tucked her in. I wanted to wake her, tell her how much I loved her then show her with my lips and hands. Instead, I sat in the chair across from her and watched her sleep, realizing I’d missed my opportunity to make things work between us. The truth twisted inside me. We were over, but I wasn’t ready to call it quits.
“Sam?” Her soft voice floated through the night air. “Come to bed.”
It was an invitation I only needed to hear once. I pulled my shirt over my head before lying on the bed beside her. Stretched out on our sides, my front to her back, I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her tight to me. She sighed and nestled her bottom into the curve of my pelvis. We weren’t together. I had no idea if we ever would be. But at this moment, holding her in my arms was the closest to heaven I’d ever been.
Chapter 29
Dakota
THE NEXT morning, I awoke in Sam’s bed, but he was nowhere in sight. Hazy snippets of the previous evening teased my memories. The effort to think sent white-hot pokers of pain shooting through my temples. I gripped my forehead and eased from the bed before padding barefoot down the hallway. I found Sam in the kitchen, reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee in his hand. He was wearing boxers and a white cotton T-shirt, blond hair rumpled, bare feet resting on the rungs of the barstool. The scene was heartbreakingly familiar. My throat tightened with longing and regret at the sight of him. When he saw me, a wary expression guarded his eyes.
“Coffee?” I croaked through a dry throat.
“Espresso.” He cocked an eyebrow, knowing how that one word would affect me, and gestured toward the steaming cup on the breakfast bar across from him.
I gripped the mug with both hands and took a sip before humming approval. “Oh, God, I love you,” I murmured then froze in panic. Did I really just go there? “I mean, thanks.”
He laughed, but his eyes remained somber. “No problem.”
“Please tell me I didn’t humiliate myself.” As I slid onto a stool, I caught sight of my reflection in the stainless steel toaster. My hair stood on end in a rat’s nest of curls. Mascara smudged beneath my eyes. I covered my face with a hand, mortified. “Shit,” I mumbled, unable to meet his gaze.
“It’s okay,” he said and ever so gently pulled my hand away from my face. His eyes brimmed with amusement. “You look beautiful to me, Kota.”
Heat rushed from my toes to the tips of my ears. I lowered my gaze to the countertop. “I’m so embarrassed.”
“Maybe it wasn’t your proudest moment,” he replied, “but you did fine.”
We sat across from each other, avoiding eye contact. Minutes ticked by with painful slowness. I swallowed the two aspirin he’d left beside my coffee cup and tried to regain my composure.
“Well, this is awkward,” I said when the silence became unbearable. I had no idea what to say or how to make sense of the situation.
“Pretty much.” He set his cup on the saucer and slowly lifted his eyes to mine. With his hair mussed, fresh from sleep, he looked like my Sam, young and breathtaking. One corner of his mouth curled up in a reluctant grin. I couldn’t help smiling back. And then we were laughing, shyly at first, then full-bellied guffaws.
When I was able to catch my breath, I wiped tears of amusement from my eyes. “I fell in a bush.”
“You did,” he said, green eyes twinkling.
“And we got wet.” I snorted.
“We did.” He pushed a lock of hair from my face. My pulse pounded in my temples. A little flutter started low in my belly. “Because you never listen.”
“No.” I wasn’t sure whether to laugh more or cry. All of my cells cried out for him. A biological response completely outside of my control.
“I miss you,” we said in unison.
“What are we going to do?” I asked, overcome by the bittersweet sensations of lust, longing, and love. “You said we weren’t friends, but you’re my best friend, Sam. I can’t be around you and not want to be with you.”
“Then be with me,” he said. In one smooth motion, he slid from his stool onto his bended knee. His fingers found mine. I stared into his eyes, soft with sincerity. Familiar warmth started from my chest and suffused my body. There was nothing more tantalizing than a big guy on one knee in front of a girl.
“Nothing has changed,” I said. “You don’t trust me.”
He stared at our clasped hands. His thumb brushed over my knuckles, back and forth. After a lengthy exhale, he said, “I trust you. You’ve more than proven yourself to me.” His brow furrowed. “You with that guy made me crazy.” The timbre of his voice lowered. “I didn’t like it.”
“You’re having a knee-jerk reaction to seeing me with someone else,” I said. “It’s normal.”
“You’re my wife,” he said, his grip tightening on my hand. “Seeing you with someone else will never be normal for me.”
I wanted to believe him with every fiber in my being, I found it hard to believe he’d worked through his trust issues overnight. We’d been at odds for the better part of the last two months. As much as I loved him, I wasn’t going to leap into his arms and pretend everything was okay. Not until I was sure. Not until I knew this wasn’t going to end badly.
“We’ve really fucked this up, haven’t we?” Tears of regret pricked my eyes. I blinked them back, focusing on our clasped hands.
“Don’t say that.” He lifted our hands and pressed a kiss to my fingertips.
“Where do we go from here? We can’t be together and we can’t stay apart.” I blew out a tremulous breath to lessen the painful squeezing of my heart.
“Would it make a difference if I said I love you?”
His words jerked my attention to his face. There he was. My Sam. The guy who loved me. The depth of emotion in his gaze rocked me to the core. For the first time in weeks, I had hope for us. For more.
“It does.” I placed a finger on his lips to stop him from speaking. “But not yet. Not like this.”
He nodded and nipped my finger with his teeth. “I get it. We’ll take our time, baby girl.” He rose to his feet and stared down at me, long and lean and muscular. The cocky grin on his mouth revitalized my hopes. “But just so you know, I’m in it to win it.”
Chapter 30
Sam
THE NEXT week passed, the same as the one before it. There were meetings and conference calls and a trip to Chicago sandwiched into the middle. I put my home office up for sale and made arrangements to liquidate as many assets as I could manage. The cars, the houses, the boat—none of those things held meaning for me. They were merely markers of wealth, status symbols in a game I no longer cared to play. In a few days, I’d call a meeting of the board members to discuss the state of the corporation. They needed to hear the news from me and not someone else.
When the weekend came, we celebrated Mrs. Atwell’s birthday at Rockwell’s house. It was just me, Dakota, her mother, and Rockwell lounging by his pool on a hot July afternoon. I sat on Rockwell’s deck, watching Dakota from behind my mirrored aviator shades as she floated on a raft, admiring the fit of her blue-and-white bikini and wondering how long until I could get her alone and take it off.
Rockwell sat beside me, shirtless, beer in hand, tanned and toned. We did this often when the weather permitted, just the two of us, sitting in deck chairs next to the pool, sometimes talking and often times not. He had a nice place. I paid him well and from the looks of things, he’d invested his money wisely. I was relieved to know he’d be fine in spite of my mistake. Over the years, he’d been more of a father to me than Maxwell Seaforth ever was. Rockwell was the one who’d taught me how to throw a baseball; he’d attended every game and school event I’d entered, had stood by my side thr
ough the black days after my divorce, and never doubted me even at my worst.
“You ever been married, Rockwell?” I asked after a long silence.
“No,” he said. With his sunglasses on, I couldn’t see where he was looking, but I suspected his gaze was locked on Mrs. Atwell. She sat on the edge of the pool, legs dangling in the water, chatting with her daughter. She was still a good-looking woman. The women seemed comfortable. In fact, the whole scenario seemed too good to be true.
I had to wonder if this is how things would’ve been with us if we’d stayed married. Would we have had a house in the suburbs, a pool, her mother visiting on the weekends and Rockwell hanging out after work? A sweet pang of longing sliced through me. I didn’t need the fancy cars or the big houses. I just needed this. Her. Us.
“Why not?” I picked up the thread of conversation after a few minutes.
He lifted a shoulder and dropped it. “I don’t know. There was someone once, but she was married and way out of my league.” He took a drink of his beer, swallowed, and tapped a finger on the bottle before continuing. “I guess time got away from me and next thing you know, I’m old and she’s dead.”
“It was my mom, wasn’t it?” I already knew the answer. Even as a kid, I’d seen the way he’d looked at my mom. I felt a pang of regret for him, knowing he’d never had what I had with Dakota. I watched her paddle around the perimeter of the deep end, splash water on her mother, and laugh. I could never get enough of that sound, her laughter. It filled all the cracks and spaces inside me, and made me whole again.
“Yeah.” He leaned forward, elbows on his thighs, clasping his beer bottle in both hands. “She was a lot different when she was young. Pretty thing. Your father didn’t treat her very well. She was going to leave him, but then you came along. Then your sister. Your dad threatened to take you both away, declare her unfit if she left. He’s a powerful man, your dad, and he could do it. She was too scared to go.”
“Did she know?” I couldn’t face him, so I kept watching Dakota, pleased by her smile when she glanced my way. The scent of chlorine hung in the air tempered by the heavy sweetness of the honeysuckle vines entwining the privacy fence.
“I never told her. Hell, I had nothing to offer someone like her. I just stood on the sidelines and watched her die inside, one day at a time.” The deck chair creaked as he leaned back. “She’d be proud of you, son. Her kids were always the light in her life.”
“Thanks.” I coughed to cover up the emotion welling inside me and looked away.
“So what’s going on with you two?” He pointed his beer at Dakota. “You back together or what?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” I’d been asking myself the same question for days. “For now, I guess.”
“She loves you something fierce,” he said. “And if you ask me, she always did.”
“Well, I didn’t ask you,” I replied.
“Never stopped me from giving you my opinion before.” His deep chuckle brought a reluctant grin to my face. “Won’t stop me from giving it now either.”
Dakota rolled off the raft and dog paddled to the shallow end where we were sitting. She bobbed in the water, droplets of water shining like diamonds on her tan, creamy skin. Her long, brown curls looked black when they were wet. “Are you coming in or not?” she asked. When I shook my head, she splashed water on me. “Afraid you’ll mess up your hair, pretty boy?”
“Do that again and I’ll take you across my knee,” I said, hoping she’d take the bait. Another splash of cold water rewarded me, soaking my board shorts. I set my beer on the deck, tossed my shades into the grass, and dove into the pool after her. She squealed and tried to swim away, but I caught her by the ankle and dragged her back to me. No matter how hard she tried to get away, I couldn’t let her go, would never let her go.
Chapter 31
Sam
ON THURSDAY of the following week, I called a meeting of the private shareholders and board members of Infinity Enterprises. Tucker, Beckett, Rockwell and my sister Venetia, who’d flown in reluctantly from Las Vegas, were all in attendance. I invited Dakota as well. If we were going to make a go of things, she needed to know where I stood financially—which was, frankly, in the toilet.
“What’s she doing here?” Venetia asked when Dakota entered the room.
Venetia was a smaller, feminine version of me. Tucker had dated her once but had said every time he’d gone to kiss her, he’d seen me, and it was just too weird. Thank God for small favors, because I would’ve beaten his ass the first time he’d stepped out on her.
“I agree,” Beckett said. “She shouldn’t be a part of this.”
Dakota’s cheeks turned bright red. I shook my head when she tried to stand up. “They’re right,” she said. “I’m not a part of this. I’ll go.”
“Stay.” I rested my hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back into the chair. “You need to hear what I’ve got to say.”
Her gaze flicked from Tucker to Venetia and back to me, a crease between her brows.
“I don’t want her here,” Venetia said. “I don’t trust her.”
Dakota twisted in her chair, discomfort obvious. I stroked the back of my hand over her cheek, and she smiled at me. Always brave. Always a fighter. My chest swelled with love for this indomitable woman.
“Neither do I,” added Beckett.
“I do,” Rockwell interjected. I shot him a grateful glance for always having my back. “I trust them both.”
“You know I’d trust you with my life, Sammy,” Tucker said. “If you want her here then I’m good with it.”
“How do you know she’s not going to run back to your dad with whatever goes down here today?” Beckett asked.
Dakota’s face fell. Tension clogged the air. I felt her unease as if it were my own. It was a fair question. How did I know? I stared at her, rifling through the bits and pieces of our shared past. Once she knew I was broke, would she leave? I still wasn’t completely certain, but at some point, I had to take a leap of faith. In my heart, I had no doubts. It was my head that couldn’t agree.
“She’ll stay for the first part,” I said, raising a hand to quell their murmured dissent. “And then we’ll conduct the rest in private.”
Chapter 32
Dakota
I LISTENED in shock as Sam began to detail the financial status of the company. Property values had plummeted over the past month due to overseas wars and instability in our country’s government. Basically, he was at a fork in the road. He could continue with the MacGruder acquisition, putting the future of Infinity at financial risk, or he could shelve the entire deal. He’d already taken steps to liquidate his personal assets and offset the debts with cash from his pockets. Either way, Infinity was in trouble, and it would take a miracle to save it.
When he finished, everyone sat in stunned silence. I bit my lower lip, uncertain if I should leave at this point, but wanted to stay and offer comfort to Sam. He stood at the head of the table, tall and strong, ready to bear the blame. I knew without asking what had happened. He’d been playing a very dangerous game of chess with his father, countering Maxwell’s moves with his own, blocking the man into a corner. The burden of responsibility rested squarely on my shoulders. I’d driven him to this, ruined him by loving him, and sealed the deal by returning to his life.
“If you’ll excuse me,” I said, rising from my chair. The room grew smaller with each passing moment until I could barely draw breath. I needed to get out.
The door closed behind me. I sprinted down the hall in search of fresh air. Sam caught up with me at his office door. He opened it and tugged me inside. I stared up at him, palm to my chest, waiting for my blood pressure to level out.
“What are you thinking?” he asked. Green eyes searched mine with equal measure of desperation and resignation, as if he already knew the answer and dreaded to hear it.
I waited a few seconds before speaking, choosing my words carefully. “You did this because of me.
” I clenched my hands into fists at my sides, unable to look at him. “You put your money and your friends’ money in jeopardy over some stupid vendetta.”
“I want him to pay for meddling in our lives, for making us miserable, my mother, Venetia. I thought it would make up for ruining your life.” The remorse in his voice caused me to step back. My heart broke again, hearing his anguish.
“He hasn’t ruined my life yet,” I said. “I’m here in spite of him. We’re together in spite of what he did.”
“Every day without you was hell for me, Dakota,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion.
“It was hell for me, too.” I took his hand and pressed the back of it to my cheek. “But I took the check. Me. I could’ve walked away. I didn’t. I take full responsibility. You were right to hate me, because this whole deal is my fault.”
“He backed you into a corner. You felt like you didn’t have a choice.” With a sudden yank, he pulled me into his arms, squeezing me so tightly I thought my ribs might crack. The beat of his heart thudded beneath my ear. He radiated heat, burning through my clothes and searing my skin.
“I had a choice, Sam.” I felt safe wrapped in his arms, even if it was only temporary. “I made the wrong one, but it was my decision. Just like you’re making the wrong decision now. You need to understand that. Put the blame where it belongs.”
“I’ve lost everything,” he said into my neck. “It’s too late.”
“You haven’t lost me, Sam. I’m still here.” My voice began to grow in loudness, buoyed by my frustration and his hardheadedness. “Screw the money. I don’t give a damn if you’re rich or poor. It was never about the money,” I shouted, not caring who heard me.
He pulled away from me, staring at me like I’d lost my mind. “You’d stay? Even if I lost everything?”
“Don’t do this. If you make the MacGruder deal to ruin your father then you’ll be just like him. And I’m telling you now, I don’t want to be with that kind of person.” The confusion in his eyes got to me, tore me up inside, and made me want to cry for putting it there.
Pretty Filthy Lies: An Unconventional Love Story (Pretty Broken Book 2) Page 14
