She kept writing as if God was professing through her…
The Day of Judgment is not far off. Stop what you’re doing… turn from your wicked ways, because it would be better for you to be thrown into a river with a stone around your neck, than to face the judgment of God after having harmed one of his children.
After writing those words, Margie got up from her desk, grabbed her purse and went to the county jail. She doubted that Diane would want to see her, but even though Diane didn’t realize it, she had been harmed by sin in the church and was now acting out because of the guilt she still felt. Margie prayed that one day Diane would repent and accept God’s free gift of forgiveness and salvation.
“I can’t believe that you took time out of your day to come visit me,” Diane said as she sat across from Margie during visitation hours at the Cuyahoga County Jail.
“I just wanted to check on you and to let you know that I’ve been praying for you.”
“Ha! That’s rich.” Diane laughed in Margie’s face.
Continuing on as if Diane hadn’t just laughed at her, Margie said, “I feel awful about diving on you at the church last week. All I can tell you is that I had become terrified that you were about to hurt Benson or Joy and I panicked.”
“I wasn’t going to do anything to Joe. I just wanted to stop him from marrying that woman.”
“But you seemed so angry, I just honestly didn’t know what you were about to do.” Margie doubted that she would ever get over the trauma that she experienced the day she watched Linda gun down Pastor Randolph Lewis. The incident would forever color her reactions. From now on anyone making a sudden move inside of a church function would be suspect in her book. “I just want to apologize to you, because I shouldn’t have even thought that you would try to hurt Deacon Benson.”
“Great.” Diane waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Now that you’ve cleared your conscience, I guess you’ll be leaving now.”
“Why do you find it so hard to believe that I actually care about you and want to help you?”
“If you cared so much about me, then why didn’t you help me when I needed you the most?” Diane was still angry about Margie bailing on the lawsuit against JT, so she wasn’t in a forgive–and-forget kind of mood.
Margie shook her head. “All that happened so long ago, Diane. For the most part, I have moved past all of that. I don’t want to live my life being bitter. The way I see it, since God forgave me for all my dirt, then I ought to at least try to forgive people who brought dirt into my life.”
Diane rolled her eyes. “That’s an awesome speech and I wouldn’t expect to hear anything else from a sell-out like you.”
Margie had known that Diane would be in a sour mood and she had decided that she would not let Diane’s bitterness stop her from being there for her. “Look Diane, I know that you feel as if I let you down, but I’m here for you now. I really do want to help you. I know from experience the pain you’re feeling. But I just don’t think you know how to get rid of the pain… that’s what I want to help you with.”
“Are you sure you won’t punk out this time?”
With a look of confusion on her face, Margie asked, “Punk out? What are you talking about?”
Diane pounded on the table and then gave Margie the look of a hardened criminal. All that was missing was the cornrows and she could have been in that Set It Off movie. “I mean that I’ve got an idea about how I can get rid of some of this pain I’m feeling. All I need you to do is get me JT’s schedule so that I’ll know where he’s going to be at on certain days. You’re working on that multi-church revival with his secretary, aren’t you?”
“You haven’t even been attending church, so how did you know about that?”
“I have my sources, don’t you worry about that.” Diane leaned in closer, emphasizing her next words. “You just help me get rid of some of this pain I’m feeling.”
“How will my spying on JT help you heal from the pain you’re feeling?”
“It’ll help me to get my daughter back and that will go a long way towards healing all of my wounds. You bet your bottom dollar it will.”
Trying to change the subject, Margie said, “I want you to know that I’m praying for you. I’ve also started an online group for people like you and me… people who have been wounded in the church. When you get out of here, I’d like you to join—”
Diane held up a hand, silencing Margie. “I didn’t ask for your prayers and I don’t need them. I didn’t ask to join your little pathetic group either. All I asked you for was one little favor. So, are you going to get the information that I need or not?”
Diane was looking like she was ready to set it off again, and as a chill ran through Margie’s body, she realized that she’d had it all wrong. Diane had not planned to harm Joe Benson. The person Diane wanted to harm was JT Thomas. And although Margie had hoped that JT would one day get what was coming to him, she couldn’t be sure that what Diane had planned would be in line with what God had planned for him. So she said, “I can’t help with what you have planned.”
Diane turned and waved to the guard. “I’m ready to go.”
As the guard escorted Diane out of the visitation room, Margie’s heart bled for her and for the church of Jesus Christ. How many women like Diane and Margie had walked through the church doors, looking for the love of God, but finding sinful men who aided in turning them into twice the sinful beings they had been before they ever joined a church? How many men were like Marcus… little boys, thinking that the house of God was a safe place to run, play and explore… until they were molested by an adult who professed to love God?
Margie knew that the God she served was not pleased at all with the mockery His son’s church had become. She just wasn’t sure how many more people had to be victimized before God began getting His house in order. Margie bowed her head and silently prayed, “Oh Lord, please come quickly.”
***
Ten minutes before lights out, Diane was sitting in her cell whispering with her cell mate about the hit man she wanted to hire. “Now you’re sure that he has no qualms about killing a preacher?”
“If the money is right, Tony would put a bullet in his own brother’s back. The only person he wouldn’t hurt is his own mama… yours, he wouldn’t have a problem with.” Freda said.
“Well, I don’t want my mama murdered, just some no-good preacher,” Diane said with anticipation in her eyes.
“How much can you pay?”
“All I have is my tax return money that won’t be deposited into my account until next week.”
“How much is it?”
“Three thousand.”
Freda looked worried.
“What’s wrong? Diane asked.
“I don’t know... To kill a preacher, Tony might want a little more than that.”
“Well this one is a jack leg, so I should be able to get a discount, because trust me when I tell you that God won’t mind the killing of JT Thomas.”
Ten
Lamont was in his car racing to the hospital once again. Margie had called to inform him that Stephanie Cooper had tried to commit suicide and was now having her stomach pumped to try to get as many of the sleeping pills as possible out of her system.
He pulled into a parking spot, jumped out of the car and ran into the hospital, praying with everything in him that he was not about to have to give last rites or pray for the family because Stephanie was already gone. "Please Lord, help your children."
When he reached the emergency room, Lamont spotted Marcus sitting in a corner with tears in his eyes. He walked over to the man and nudged his shoulder. "How is she?" Please, Lord, please be with us, Lamont silently prayed.
Marcus's face was the picture of grief as he looked up. "She’s holding on. They were able to get enough of the pills out of her system to keep her from drifting away."
"I'm glad to hear it," Lamont said.
But Marcus was not comforted by any of it. His shou
lders slumped as a new wave of tears drifted down his face. "It's all my fault."
Lamont sat down next to Marcus and put his hand on the man's shoulder. "You can't think like that, Brother Marcus."
"How can you still call me brother? I am no more your brother than I am the brother of the next man who walks through these hospital doors."
"You're my brother in Christ," Lamont assured him with his hand still on Marcus's shoulder.
Marcus removed Lamont's hand. "Please don't pretend that things aren't different between us now that you know who I truly am."
"Who are you, Marcus? Do you even know for sure who you are meant to be in Christ?"
Marcus exploded. "I'm not meant to be nothing in Christ. Didn't I already explain that to you? I'm a homosexual, that's it and that's all."
Lamont shook his head. "No, that's not it. I believe that we all have choices. You can choose to live for God or you can choose to live for yourself. But make no mistake about it, it's a choice."
Marcus stared at Lamont for a long moment. Finally he opened his mouth, preparing to say something, but that's when a nurse in a lavender smock approached him.
"Excuse me, are you here for Stephanie Cooper?"
Marcus stood up. "Yes, she's my wife."
"Can you come with me?" the nurse asked.
Marcus turned back to Lamont and said, "Despite what you may think of me, I love my wife and would have never wanted this to happen to her."
"I believe that, Marcus." Lamont stood up and asked, "Can I go in there with you? I'd like to pray for Stephanie if she will let me."
Marcus nodded and the three left the waiting room and went to Stephanie's small room. The nurse showed them to the room and then left. Marcus pulled back the curtain and walked in with Lamont right behind him. "Hey baby," he said with a nervous half grin as he beheld his wife lying in a hospital bed.
"Hey yourself," she said weakly.
“How are you doing, Stephanie?” Lamont asked as he stood next to Marcus.
Stephanie looked up at Lamont and started crying. She tried to speak, but tears kept getting in the way.
“I’m so sorry, honey,” Marcus said, grabbing his wife’s hand.
She pulled her hand away from him and turned her back to Marcus and Lamont.
Lord, help me, I’ve never had to counsel anyone who tried to commit suicide. Lamont put his hand on the bed rails and asked, “Stephanie, do you mind if I pray for you?”
She waved a hand at him and said, “Not now, pastor… just, not now, okay?” And then she started crying again.
***
When Lamont arrived at the church, he went straight to his office, sat down behind his desk and laid his head down on it.
Margie had followed him inside his office. She stood at the door watching him, knowing that he was in a battle that she couldn’t help him with. Even knowing that, she felt compelled to go to Lamont and put her hand on his shoulder to comfort him. But
since she was not his wife, but simply an employee, she didn’t think that action would be appropriate. So, she kept her seat and silently prayed for her pastor/employer. Margie sensed that God was trying to show Pastor Lamont something with all the confusion that had been going on in, not just his church, but in so many other churches across America. She prayed that it would be revealed.
To alert him of her presence, she knocked on the door jam. When he looked up and she saw that his eyes were full of sorrow, she said, “That bad, huh?”
“Worse,” he said and then laid his head back on his desk.
“Is there anything I can do?” Margie asked as she stepped into his office.
As Lamont lifted his head again, confusion flashed through his eyes. Then he said, “I’m not trying to get in your business and if you don’t want to answer my question, I’ll be okay with that.”
Margie nodded, wondering what type of question Lamont could have for her that would need to be prefaced like that.
“So many people quit on God so quickly. It seems like they expect life to be perfect for them after coming to Christ, but if they have the least little struggle they give up and turn their back on God.
“But you didn’t give up after what happened between you and JT. So, can you tell me what kept you from falling away from God?”
“I wish I could say that I didn’t fall away from God while committing those vile acts of sin. But that is not the truth,” she admitted. “My affair with JT ended after I called Cassandra and informed her that he was not just cheating on her with me, but with another woman also. I didn’t take the break-up well. I didn’t just leave JT’s church, but I left church and God all together. I then met a man who was just as depraved as I was. I fell head over heels within a month of having sex with him without the benefit of marriage. I got pregnant and then moved in with this man.”
Shaking her head at the shame she had brought onto herself and her daughter, Margie continued her story, “My life then became a nightmare as I struggled to take care of my daughter with a man who refused to get a job and help us out. When things got really bad between us, I finally asked my mother for help. She was the one who directed me back to God. She helped me believe that God wasn’t through with me and that I could be renewed in Christ.
“My favorite scripture is in the first chapter of Jude: Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.”
“That’s a powerful scripture, Sister Margie,” Lamont said. “That scripture also proves my point. God is able to present us faultless, but not enough people are relying on God to keep them from falling.”
“Some people have been beaten down for so long that they just don’t know how to allow God to help them.”
“Again,” Lamont said, “I don’t understand that. Are you saying that Christians aren’t reading their Bibles?” Lamont lifted his thick Bible off of the desk. “Because this book has all the answers any Christian would ever need to live right. These are not just words on paper… it is the living Word.”
“I agree, but, Pastor, I also think the problem runs deeper than Christians not reading the Bible.” Margie moved from her spot on the couch, to the chair in front of Lamont’s desk. “Earlier today Marcus left your office after telling you that he’s going to go live with a man. Stephanie stormed out of here disillusioned by the thought of Christian principles, because all it got her was a down-low husband. Diane came to church all beat up and tried to accuse Deacon Benson of doing it. So, my question to you is, what are you going to do about it?”
Lamont shrugged his shoulders. “What can I do? My job as pastor is to plant and water, but God gives the increase. So, if these people don’t want to live by the principles set forth in the Bible, then I have to let them go.”
Shaking her head, Margie said, “And I think that very thought is what’s wrong with the church today. Nobody wants to go out and get the lost anymore. We’re all too concerned about looking blessed in our big homes and luxury cars, to take time out of our day to wonder why sister so-and-so or brother who-knows, doesn’t come to church anymore.”
“I have tried to reach out to saints that leave the church at least once after they’ve left,” Lamont defended himself.
But Margie wasn’t letting him off the hook so easily. “I don’t mean any disrespect, Pastor, but I’ve noticed that we don’t have an outreach program. No one from this church goes door to door in this neighborhood to talk to the people about their salvation or lack thereof. No one checks the membership logs to see who no longer attends the church and then attempts to find out why.”
The look on Lamont’s face said it all. He hadn’t even contemplated doing those things. “This is a new church, Sister Margie. I only have three hundred members, so I doubt that I would even have enough mature Christians able and willing to handle the things you suggest.”
“I understand how busy you are, Pastor Lamont. I only brought those things up because you asked me how I managed to stay with God even after the things I have been through. I’m just grateful that my mother was able to pray for me and help me to see that God still loves me, because if she hadn’t been there, no one else would have come looking for me.”
“My hope is that people will come to church so they can hear from God, instead of running from it.”
Margie shifted in her seat as she asked, “Is it okay if I say what I really think?”
Lamont laughed. “You mean you’ve been holding back?”
Margie smiled, but said nothing.
“Go ahead, Sister Margie. What do you really think about this situation?”
“The problem with people coming to church to hear from God is that so many preachers are out there doing wrong that the people are getting confused. They don’t know what is permissible for them to do, versus what they should and shouldn’t be doing.
“I mean, look at that preacher who just got caught carrying on with teenage boys, and had to settle out of court with them to keep their mouths shut… and what about that handsome preacher who used to broadcast his program on The Word Network who was going out of the country meeting up with some stripper that he was dating. I can go on and on about the sin in the church that seems to start right in the pulpit.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that. Some of these preachers think they can do anything they want and still get behind a pulpit, but that doesn’t give the members of the congregation a license to sin or to just give up on God.”
Margie understood where Lamont was coming from. Before she fell into sin, she would have said the same thing. But now she knew the truth… sin begets more sin. “I don’t agree with you,” she stood up and walked to the door, but before she left she turned around and said, “Whether you or other pastors want to deal with the issue or not, I truly believe that people who would have otherwise come to God and then lived according to his commandments, can’t do it because there is just too much sin in the pulpit.”
Forgotten (Book 3--Forsaken Series) Page 7
