by Olivia Besse
“Ugh, the worst kind of all,” Audrey grumbled.
“Seriously,” Liz agreed with a grimace. “Fuck him.”
“And Max,” Riley slowly began, her stomach tightening at the mere thought of him. “He’s... Ugh, I don’t even know how to describe it.”
“God, now you have to describe it,” Audrey breathily replied. “And be sure to use lots and lots of adjectives!”
“I can’t!” Riley blurted out, her cheeks reddening in embarrassment. “But, with him, everything’s so slow and caring and, well, perfect. I can tell that he’s actually thinking about me, if you get what I’m trying to say. And then I just get lost in the moment and everything makes sense and doesn’t at the exact same time. It’s like he makes me forget how words are supposed to work.”
“Now I feel like I’m going to vomit,” Liz muttered under her breath.
“He was perfect,” Riley mumbled under her breath. “Like literally perfect.”
Audrey let out a pathetic whimper as she clung onto every last one of Riley’s words, frowning ever so slightly as she observed the pained look on her friend’s miserable face.
“But I fucked it up,” Riley groaned out. “When I told him about Noah, the look on his face was just... I know it’s too late now.”
“Ugh, you should’ve just listened to us!” Audrey blurted out.
“Audrey!” Liz hissed in warning.
“Shit, I know!” Riley wailed in response. “Seriously, FUCK me!”
“Do you children not understand what a bridal shower entails?” Taylor barked out at the three of them in annoyance as she marched over to where they sat. “Smiles, giggles and lighthearted banter,” she added, authoritatively crossing her arms across her chest as she stopped in front of them. “So why is it that all I’m hearing from this end of the table is groaning, yelling and the words, ‘fuck’ and ‘shit’, being used in every other sentence? You’re wearing pink tea dresses for crying out loud!”
“Riley’s heartbroken,” Audrey told her with a heavy sigh.
“Still?” Taylor flatly replied. “News flash—Noah’s a dick. Get over it!”
“Talk about a bridezilla,” Audrey muttered under her breath.
“This isn’t about Noah,” Liz explained as Riley let out another miserable groan. “This is all about Max.”
“Wait, what?” Taylor blurted out, her eyes widening in interest. “Max Max? Run-away-from-home-to-hide-in-our-pantry-and-eat-all-of-my-cereal Max?” she excitedly asked. “Peed-in-his-pants-because-he-didn’t-want-to-stop-playing-hide-and-go-seek-with-Riley Max?”
“I sincerely hope that that second one happened at a forgivable age,” Liz said with a frown.
“AMANDA!” Taylor yelled out, beckoning for her best friend to come over before turning back to Liz. “So it’s true? Oh my God, you have to tell me everything,”
“There’s nothing to tell!” Riley yelled out. “Abso-fucking-lutely nothing!”
“So I’m guessing that you two are still in the honeymoon phase?” Taylor sarcastically replied.
“Who?” Amanda curiously asked as she approached them. “Why’d you call me over?”
“Guess what finally happened?” Taylor sang out, her eyes glittering with mischief.
“Um, you finally figured out where to seat Lauren so she doesn’t cause a scene?” Amanda asked in a hushed whisper, sneaking a furtive glance in their histrionic friend’s direction. “You really should make sure that it’s a good distance away from the open bar so that—”
“Riley got together with Max,” Taylor announced with a triumphant smile, motioning for Amanda to hand her something. “Pay up.”
Amanda let out an annoyed scoff. “What did we say—fifty bucks?”
“You guys bet on me?” Riley cried out in disbelief. “Are you really my sister?”
“Weddings are expensive,” Taylor said with a shrug. “What happened, anyway?”
“Well, after she broke up with Noah,” Audrey piped up with a bright smile on her face. “Max finally swooped in and told her how he felt.”
“What do you mean by ‘finally’?” Riley asked in annoyance. “You’re acting as if—”
“Oh, shutup,” Taylor moaned, shooting Riley a tired stare. “Not everyone is as dense as you are, dumbass. Anyone with at least one working eyeball could see that he’s been obsessed with you since, well, forever.”
“What?” Riley cried out in protest. “No! He totally—”
“Agreed,” Audrey said with a shrug.
“Same,” Amanda concurred, nodding in agreement.
“What?” Liz blurted out, frowning in confusion. “How come I never noticed?”
“You’re a pessimist,” Audrey slowly replied, patting her on the hand in reassurance. “It’s okay. We need more of you in the world.”
“Anyway, keep going!” Taylor yelled out. “What happened then?”
“Oh, so then they got together, and it was seriously the cutest thing,” Audrey gushed, letting out a giddy squeal. “He would come over and have the biggest smile on his face, and she would always freak out and act like a total spaz! It was the cutest thing ever.”
Riley let out a disgruntled groan, though Taylor and Amanda chose to ignore her as they gestured for Audrey to continue.
“But then Riley found out about how Max had basically told Noah that he should cheat on her! Like, Noah had told Max that he had been having seconds thoughts. So he asked Max if Max thought that Noah should act on his itch to cheat, and then Max told Noah that he did think that Noah should just go for it. So then that happened, and after Noah and Riley broke up, she and Max got together and it was so, so cute. But then Noah saw them at the library and told her everything!”
“Wait,” Taylor murmured, a puzzled look on her face. “I have no idea what you just said.”
“Try living with her,” Liz said with a smirk.
Audrey took a deep breath before continuing on with her convoluted storytelling. “So then Riley acted like a crazy person and got back together with Noah. We kept telling her not to, but she wouldn’t even listen!”
“Twenty bucks,” Amanda announced with a pleased smirk, holding her palm out to Taylor, who scowled in response.
“And then she told Max!” Audrey squealed, to which Taylor and Amanda shook their heads in disapproval. “Liz and I were watching them through the window, and he looked totally devastated when she told him. Or, at least, when we think she told him. Like, we couldn’t really hear what they were talking about since the window was closed, but he looked really sad about it either way.”
“Poor guy.”
“Never even stood a chance.”
“But then she finally realized that Noah’s a total bastard! I mean, like, hello? What took you so long, am I right? So she dumped him once and for all,” Audrey excitedly added. “And now she’s all alone.”
“Thanks,” Riley petulantly grumbled.
“So now what?” Taylor asked. “That’s it? You’re not even going to bother to try and fix things?”
“What is there to fix?” Riley dramatically replied. “I bet he’s so sick of my shit by now!”
“I don’t know,” Amanda slowly began. “I think you should just talk to him.”
“No,” Riley said with a firm shake of her head. “I’ve already caused enough trouble and there’s no way that our friendship can be saved. It’s over. I mean, what I did was so selfish and fucked up. I just don’t want to be his Noah, you know?”
“I guess,” Taylor replied, frowning slightly in agreement.
“So let’s stop talking about it,” Riley sighed out. “It’s pointless and exhausting. I just need to get over this. Get over it and move on. Cut my losses, you know? Besides, this is your bridal shower and you should be enjoying it, not listening to me whine about all of my drama,” she added, lifting her chin resolutely. “So let’s focus on you and forget about me. I’m going to invest all of my energy into being the best maid of honor that I can possibly be fro
m this point onward. I promise.”
Thirty-five
“So even though I really hate my sister sometimes,” Riley slurred out into the microphone, the champagne sloshing over the rim of her glass as she drunkenly swung it around in the air. “I’m so glad that she convinced someone to promise to put up with her shit for eternity. Kudos to you, Johnny,” she added with a grin, pointing her glass in the embarrassed groom’s direction as Taylor fumed beside him. “You’re a good man.”
“This is awesome,” Riley’s ten-year-old cousin, Austin, gushed, gazing up at her from across the table as his mother sat frozen with a horrified look on her face.
“Seeing how much Taylor and Johnny love each other is almost inspirational,” Riley stated, her lips pursing into a sad smile. “Like, it makes me feel super shitty sometimes when I’m near them because, like, it’s kind of sickening? I don’t know if all of you know this, but Taylor will start talking in this baby voice and it’s just like, ‘Holy shit, woman! You’re 28 years old!’ I see you laughing over there, Megan,” she sang out, nodding in the snickering bridesmaid’s direction. “Totally gross, right? But, still, really great to see.”
“Oh my God,” Amanda quietly muttered under her breath to a grimacing Liz as Riley took another gulp from her glass.
“And I’m sure that many of you can agree with me that Taylor can be a total monster sometimes,” Riley drawled out, shooting her infuriated sister a pointed look. “No, really. You can be a real bitch.”
“She said the ‘b’ word!” Austin quietly gasped out as more than a few of the guests in attendance looked around in confusion. This was the most uncomfortable rehearsal dinner that they had ever attended! What kind of maid of honor speech was this?
“But that’s how I know that she’s really, truly, honestly, without a doubt in love,” Riley continued, lowering her now empty glass and gesturing for Austin to refill it. “Because, whenever she’s around Johnny, she somehow manages to become a little bit nicer. Like, she’ll hold her tongue during arguments. Or she’ll apologize first after fights. She’ll even swallow her pride and give in during power struggles,” she said with a sigh. “And isn’t that what love’s all about? Compromise? About realizing that there exists someone else whose happiness you treasure more than your own? That you don’t care how much it hurts as long as that other person is smiling?”
All of the distraught faces in the audience seemed to soften as she said this, many of the guests murmuring in agreement as Riley took another generous sip of liquid courage.
“Love is tricky. Like, it can really fuck with you, you know that?” Riley quietly sighed out. “It can convince you to act stupid or make terrible decisions that you’ll regret, or it can help you realize what’s important and make you deliriously happy. It can make you act like you belong in a straightjacket or on a movie screen, and it can bring you to feel like dancing in the rain or hiding under your blanket. There’ll be times when you think that it just totally sucks, and there’ll be times when you think it’s the greatest thing in the world. It’s a crazy, complicated, amazing thing that’ll be around to confuse us for the rest of our lives,” she said with a frown. “I mean, it totally sucks that some of us might never figure it out, but I’m proud to see that Taylor and Johnny have done just that.”
And you’ll be one of those losers who never does, she glumly thought to herself as she plastered a tiny smile to her face.
“So here’s to my sister and the love of her life,” Riley concluded, lifting her glass in the couple’s direction, both of whom were now smiling and shaking their heads in appreciation. “I fucking love you guys. And I hope to someday find the kind of love that you two share. No, like, seriously. I’m really hoping I do. Because, like, cats, you know?” she muttered under her breath, bringing her glass to her lips as everyone followed suit. “Oh shit, I drank it all...”
“Thank you, Riley, for your, uh, lovely words,” Johnny’s best man, a sweaty guy named Paul, called out as he pried the microphone from her fingers. “The maid of honor, everyone!” he nervously added as Riley took a little bow before plopping into her seat.
“Did you just curtsy?” Audrey asked with a puzzled frown on her face.
“Oh, who the fuck cares?” Riley grumbled out before reaching for the nearest bottle of alcohol.
“Maybe you should stop drinking,” Amanda cautiously suggested. “You don’t want to be hungover for the actual wedding, you know.”
“And why not?” Riley retorted defiantly. “It’ll just numb the pain while I smile and pretend to be happy.”
“Or maybe... maybe you can just stop pretending,” a voice said from behind her.
Riley froze in her seat, gripping a half-empty champagne bottle in mid-air as she stared at Amanda’s grinning face with a dumbfounded expression on her own. Were her ears playing tricks on her, or had she actually just heard—
“Max!” Amanda brightly called out. “You’re right on time!”
Max is here? Why is Max here? Riley wondered, frantically gazing around as she kept her back turned to him. Is he here to talk to me? What would he want to talk about? When did he get here? Does he know that—
“Riley?” he slowly called out again. “Are you going to turn around...?”
Letting out an awkward laugh, Riley slowly maneuvered her body around in her seat to find that he and Evan were slowly approaching their table, the both of them looking like overgrown boys dressed in their Sunday best. Oh God, he’s standing right there, she groaned to herself as her eyes met his. And he looks so cute. Has he always been this cute? And what is that he’s holding? Wait a minute, is that...
“Petunia?” Riley whispered out, staring at the tiny kitten held in his arms with widened eyes.
“Shut up, he bought her a kitty?” Audrey cried out in a hushed voice from across the table. “That is, like, the most amazing thing ever. How’d he come up with that idea?”
“He didn’t,” Evan stated as he took the seat between her and Liz. “I did.”
“How did you even think of that?” Audrey gushed, her eyes filled with awe.
“I read a lot of magazines,” Evan told her, a proud smile on his face.
“Oh my God, I love magazines,” Audrey breathily replied, shooting Evan a dazzling grin as Liz rolled her eyes in disgust and pulled the two lovebirds out of their seats. “Do you use Pinterest too?”
“So...” Max trailed off, smiling at Riley apprehensively once they were alone. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“What... what are you doing here?”
Max gave her a crooked smile as he took the seat next to her. “I... I have no idea. I mean, Amanda told me about what happened and I just... Yea, I don’t know. I thought I should come and talk with you. If that’s okay with you, I mean. Because if you want me to leave, I can just—”
“It’s okay,” Riley said, gingerly pulling the baby kitten into her own lap. “I... I’m glad you’re here.”
“Really?”
“Really,” Riley confirmed with a tiny nod. “Is this... did you really buy me a cat?”
“Actually, no,” Max admitted before letting out a small laugh. “It’s Evan’s sister’s cat, so I have to return it in a couple of hours. He thought it’d be a nice touch, but I’m only now realizing how kind of weird it is... I really need to stop listening to him...”
“No, it was a nice touch,” Riley joked as she held the kitten up to her face. “At least I get to be a bona fide cat lady for at least a few hours. Test out the waters, you know?”
“But do those waters need testing?” Max asked, a tiny smirk on his face.
“What do you mean?”
“I liked your speech,” he blurted out in response, an amused look on his face. “Was it... about me?”
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
“That?” Riley asked, letting out a nervous laugh. “I honestly don’t even remember what I said.”
“Yea,” he slowly replied, a hint of disappointment in his eyes. �
��Maybe it’s a good thing if you don’t remember...”
Stop overthinking it and tell him how you feel, you moron! she silently screamed as she smoothed down the cat’s soft fur. He’s not a fucking mind reader! How will he ever know what you’re thinking if you don’t tell him? Rule #3, remember? she reminded herself. Follow it.
“I... I actually do remember all of the crap I said,” she began, looking up at him with a shy smile. “And I meant it. All of it.”
“Really?”
“I fucked up, Max,” Riley admitted, staring down at the slumbering kitten in her lap. “I totally fucked up, and I’m sorry. And I know you must hate me, but—”
“Would I be sitting here with you right now if I hated you?” Max asked in a soft voice. “I don’t think I could ever hate you. Be really, really pissed at you, yea, but hate?” he added, a quizzical look on his face. “Never.”
“Why are you so good to me?” she blurted out. “I mean, I acted like such an asshole. I just... I don’t get it.”
“We’re best friends,” Max said with a shrug. “I guess I’m just physically and mentally incapable of hating you.”
“But are we really?” Riley cautiously asked. “I think it’s safe to say that our friendship is effectively over, no?”
“Well, congratulations to us then, I guess,” Max said, a sheepish grin spreading across his face. “We’ve somehow managed to destroy almost two decades’ worth of friendship. Pretty impressive, don’t you think?”
“Don’t look at me,” Riley replied, a wide-eyed, innocent expression on her face. “You started the whole thing when you decided to like me all of a sudden.”
“All of a sudden?” Max asked, raising an eyebrow at her in surprise. “You really thought all of that happened out of nowhere?”
“Huh?”
“I’ve loved you since we were kids,” Max told her matter-of-factly. “Since forever ago.”
“No, you didn’t,” Riley said with a tiny smirk.
“Yea, I did,” Max insisted, turning his seat towards her.
“You said I was gross!”
“You were!” Max said with a laugh. “You’re a girl. Back then, all girls were gross by default. But I still went out of my way to hang out with you all of the time, didn’t I?”
