Logan sat back in her chair, her surprise at his words obviously apparent to the others in the room. Brooke put a hand on her knee and squeezed gently. Logan looked at Jack, who appeared as surprised as she was at the statement. Logan had always thought her father accepted her from the beginning. He’d never given any outward signs of struggling with it.
“He loved you, don’t get me wrong, but he simply didn’t understand how a fifteen-year-old kid could make that kind of declaration with such certainty,” Ray said quietly. A wistful smile tugged at his lips. “Your mother never faltered though. You were her child, and she would have stood by your side no matter what. When all was said and done, all they ever wanted was for you to be happy, Logan.”
“Think about what you just said, Ray,” Logan said. “Apply it to your situation now. I never pictured you being one of those fathers who would disown their kid because he wasn’t what you wanted him to be. All a parent should ever want is for their children to be safe, happy, and healthy. Nothing else should matter.”
Logan looked down at her knee, where Brooke’s hand was still resting. She took a chance and covered it with her own. Brooke didn’t pull away as Logan had expected, but rather turned her hand over and allowed their fingers to intertwine. Logan tried to swallow the lump in her throat as emotions foreign to her welled up inside.
*
“You were incredible tonight, Logan,” Brooke said after the Bests had gone home—all three of them—and Jack had gone upstairs to bed. They were standing in the foyer by the front door. “One minute you’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met, and the next you show a soft and vulnerable side I’d never expect from you.”
“I like to keep you guessing. If I showed you all of my good qualities up front, then there’d be no reason for you to stick around. There’d be no surprises down the road.”
“Then you want me to stick around?”
“I definitely do,” Logan whispered.
Brooke stared at Logan’s lips, trying to keep her breathing even. God, she wanted to taste those lips again, but that would be bad, wouldn’t it? She was having a hard time believing it would be anything but good.
She didn’t pull away when Logan touched her cheek with just her fingertips. Logan tucked a strand of Brooke’s hair behind her ear before dropping her hand back to her side. Brooke somehow managed to keep from begging her to touch her again.
“You’re beautiful, Brooke.” Logan’s eyes turned a shade darker, causing Brooke’s knees to go weak. “You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now.”
“Then why haven’t you done it?” Brooke didn’t recognize her own voice.
“Because I know I wouldn’t be able to stop with just a kiss.” Logan touched her face again, her thumb gently rubbing across her bottom lip. Brooke closed her eyes and sighed. “You have the most kissable lips I’ve ever seen.”
“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?” This was not good. So much for not wanting to let Logan know she was attracted to her.
“Hopefully the same thing you’re doing to me.”
Brooke met Logan’s eyes as Logan leaned closer. The rush of excitement was palpable, and Brooke wanted to back away from her. Unfortunately, her body wasn’t taking orders from her brain any longer. Her gaze dropped to Logan’s mouth and she knew Logan was about to kiss her. Instead of protesting, she closed her eyes and waited for the first contact of those beautiful full lips. She waited, but it didn’t come, and she felt an enormous amount of regret.
Logan was smiling at her, her green eyes almost black in the dim light of the foyer. Logan grabbed Brooke’s hand, raised it to her lips, and placed a lingering kiss on her palm.
“Have dinner with me again.”
“What?” Brooke asked, certain her confusion was obvious. “A date? You’re seriously asking me on a date?”
“You sound surprised.” Logan put a hand to her heart as though Brooke’s words had truly wounded her.
“I’m sorry, but don’t you remember our first date? It did not go well.” Brooke pulled her hand away and finally took a step back. The distance seemed to bring some clarity to her fuzzy mind. “And you’re certainly not the type I would date anyway.”
“What just happened? We were about to kiss, weren’t we?”
“But we didn’t, did we?” Brooke knew her answer was evasive, but she didn’t want to admit she’d had a moment of weakness. The uncertainty in Logan’s eyes was almost enough to break through her resolve, but she reached for the doorknob before she could get sucked back in. “Good night, Logan.”
“What about dinner?”
Brooke left without answering and didn’t give in to the nagging thoughts in the back of her mind until she was in her own bedroom, the door shut firmly behind her. What had happened to the determination to never get involved again? Whether Brooke wanted to admit it or not, she was involved with Logan Swift. That was evident by how much Brooke wanted her—and by the amount of time Logan spent in her head. As she got under the covers knowing sleep wouldn’t come easily, Brooke promised herself she would try to stay away from her.
Chapter Seventeen
Logan waited for Brooke to get in touch with her, but when a few days had passed with no contact, she couldn’t stand it any longer. She knew the attraction between them was mutual—if it wasn’t, Brooke never would have let them come so close to kissing the other night. Logan didn’t like knowing she wanted more from Brooke than she ever had with any other woman, but she’d spent the days since their almost kiss coming to terms with what she was feeling.
She took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell and then quickly ran her fingers through her hair to try to make herself more presentable. When the door opened, she let out the breath she’d been holding.
“Hello, Logan,” Henry said in his usual gruff tone. He backed the wheelchair up to allow Logan entry into the house. “What can I do for you?”
“I was actually looking for Brooke, Henry. Is she around?”
“Brooke!” he called as he wheeled himself back to the television and settled in again. “You have a visitor.”
Logan tried to hold back the smile at the realization she was lucky she’d timed her visit with a commercial break. Logan took a moment to acknowledge the fact Henry didn’t look well. He was pale, and she was about to ask him if he was all right when Brooke entered the room from the kitchen.
“What is it, Grandpa?” Brooke stopped short when she saw Logan, and her eyes flashed her irritation. “Hello, Logan.”
“Can we talk for a moment? In private?”
“I don’t think we have anything to talk about.”
“On the contrary, we have plenty to talk about,” Logan said with a nervous glance at Henry. She smiled politely and nodded once in Peggy’s direction when she walked in behind Brooke.
“You can say whatever you have to say right here.” It was obvious Brooke wasn’t going to budge, so Logan sighed.
“Fine. I want you to go out to dinner with me. I’m sorry if I said or did anything the other night to make you angry, but I’ve been miserable the past couple of days. I feel like you’re avoiding me.” Logan said it all in a rush, afraid if she didn’t then she would never get it out. She thought she saw something in Brooke’s eyes to indicate a softening in her attitude toward dating her, but then crossed her arms over her chest.
“I said no the other night.”
“Actually, you didn’t come right out and say no,” Logan said. “You said I’m not the type you would date. I’d like to change your mind about that assumption if you’d just give me the opportunity.”
“I can’t, Logan.” Brooke took a look around the room and apparently decided the conversation would be better in private after all. Even her grandfather had focused his attention on them instead of the television. She motioned for Logan to follow her into the kitchen. “I told you how badly my breakup with Wendy hurt me. I don’t want to date. Not you or anyone else. I’m sorry, but I j
ust don’t have it in me to try again.”
Logan nodded as if she understood completely, but she didn’t. It’d been close to a year since Brooke’s relationship had ended. Logan would never do anything to hurt her, but there was no way she could convince her of it if Brooke wasn’t even willing to try. Logan moved closer to her, placed a hand on Brooke’s cheek, and leaned down to give her a chaste kiss on the lips.
“Honestly, I didn’t think I had it in me either,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “But then you walked into my life and turned everything upside down.”
Brooke held her breath when Logan brushed her thumb across her lower lip before walking out of the kitchen. When she heard the front door close, Brooke angrily wiped the tear from her cheek. She couldn’t get the heartrending look Logan had in her eyes before she left out of her head.
“Fuck,” she muttered under her breath. If Logan was willing to try, why couldn’t she? Then again, Logan could just be telling her what she wanted to hear in order to add another conquest to her list. Somehow the thought didn’t quite jibe with the Logan she’d come to know. “Double fuck.”
“Did you say something, dear?” her grandmother asked as she reentered the kitchen.
Brooke whirled around to face her, frantically going through her mind to figure out if she’d said it loud enough for her grandmother to hear. She relaxed when she remembered she’d been almost whispering.
“No, Gram, nothing,” she said with a forced smile.
They went about finishing their cookie-baking marathon. It was less than two weeks until Christmas, and Marlene and Shane were due to arrive over the weekend. Brooke was just getting into what she was doing again when her grandmother reached over and pulled the rolling pin gently out of her hands.
“But—”
“The cookies can wait. Come sit with me a minute.” She took Brooke’s hand and led her to the table. Brooke sat and her grandmother went about getting them both a cup of hot apple cider before joining her. “Why did you turn down her request to join her for dinner?”
“Gram, I don’t have it in me to date.”
“Yes, I know what you told her, and maybe you even believe it yourself, but I see the way she looks at you, and the way you look at her.” Her grandmother smiled in a way that could only be described as wistful, and Brooke chose not to be angry she’d just confessed to eavesdropping. “So what if you went out to dinner with her? It doesn’t have to mean anything, does it? Spend some time getting to know her. If it’s right, well, then you can deal with whatever feelings you might have. If it’s not, then no harm done, right? But I’d think it would be better to know than to always wonder what if?”
“You make it sound so simple, Gram.” She put a hand over her grandmother’s and squeezed gently.
“Because it is. Young people today have no sense of romance. You go next door right now and tell her you’ll go out with her while I finish up these cookies.” Her grandmother walked over to the counter without waiting for a response, and Brooke simply smiled.
She was surprised when no one answered the door at Logan’s, and a quick glance at the street confirmed Logan’s car was gone. She shrugged and walked back to her grandparents’ house. She’d just have to talk to her later.
*
Logan walked into the club at close to eleven that night intent on getting drunk and forgetting about her problems. Billy was on call, so if a body needed to be picked up, he could do it on his own. She really needed to find a distraction for the night. Brooke’s rejection earlier had stung more than Logan wanted to admit. She’d gone back to the funeral home and caught up on some paperwork before deciding to make the drive to Buffalo. She didn’t need to chase after a woman who didn’t want her. There were plenty who would gladly spend a bit of time with her. She nodded to the bartender to indicate she wanted her usual before taking a look around to see what her prospects were for the night.
The blonde playing pool looked like a possibility, but the woman she was playing against saw Logan watching her. The kiss they shared served to let Logan know the blonde wasn’t available. She sighed and turned back around as the bartender, Stacy, set her shot of tequila in front of her.
“Keep them coming, Stacy,” Logan said before running her tongue along the salt coating the rim of the glass. She downed the shot and winced at the burn that followed, but declined the offered slice of lime. After the first one, they always went down easier.
“Bad day?” Stacy asked with a laugh as she refilled the glass.
“Bad few weeks,” Logan said with a nod. “My dad died a week before Thanksgiving. I haven’t really been in the mood to go out since then.”
“I’m sorry to hear it, Swift. Let me know if I can do anything.”
“You can leave the bottle.” Logan watched her walk away. Stacy was always nice to her, but she’d never given a thought to whether she might be interested in spending a little time getting to know each other better. She laughed when she noticed there was only enough left in the bottle for a couple more shots at best. Stacy turned and winked at her, and Logan felt it between her legs. “Shit.”
She’d been coming to the bar long enough to know every bartender at least by name, and she knew a couple far better than that. She downed the second drink and turned to survey the dance floor. There were only three couples out there, and they all looked like they were madly in love. Logan sighed. She didn’t get it. What was so great about love, anyway? Waking up next to the same woman day after day sounded pretty damn boring to her. And she sure as hell wouldn’t be able to go out drinking and blowing off steam. No, love was overrated as far as she was concerned. You spend your lives together, and then one day it’s gone. Better she remembered now than later. Death had a way of totally ruining everything. She’d seen it time and time again—the hopelessness and devastation of the people left behind. Jack might have thought he knew her reasons for avoiding love, but he could never truly get it.
But if she really still believed all of the things she’d been holding onto for so many years, then why was she experiencing feelings for Brooke? Because when all was said and done, she knew that much was true. Brooke had managed to get past her defenses as if they’d never existed at all. But Brooke made it perfectly clear she wasn’t interested in Logan, and Logan wasn’t about to beg for anything.
Shit. Her life was a bigger mess now than it had ever been when Julie broke up with her. It was Brooke she wanted, but here she was sitting in a bar two hours away from home—and for what? To pick up a faceless, nameless woman who could help put Brooke out of her mind? Logan wasn’t completely sure forgetting her was even possible.
“Hey, Swift,” Stacy said. Logan turned toward the voice when she felt a gentle hand on her forearm. “You aren’t driving home tonight, are you?”
“You know I live almost two hours from here.” She looked at her watch and was surprised to see it was after midnight. She was a little buzzed from her three shots, but nowhere near drunk. The bar usually stayed open until three, but on weeknights when there were no customers, the bartenders could close the place at their discretion. She’d finished the bottle Stacy left for her and was working on her second cup of coffee. As much as she wanted to drown her sorrows, those days were long gone for her. The mornings after weren’t worth it as far as Logan was concerned.
“You have a place to stay?”
Logan shook her head and felt her pulse quicken. This was the dance she was used to. Maybe this was all she needed. A quick romp with someone to take the edge off, because maybe all she was feeling for Brooke was lust and not really…something else.
Fat chance.
“I was going to get a room at the motel on the edge of town.”
“You could do that,” she said as Logan watched her fingers move slowly up her arm until they stopped at her elbow. Stacy leaned in so her mouth was close enough to Logan’s ear for her to feel the warm breath. “Or you could come home with me for the night. If you’re feeling up t
o it.”
“You’re sure you wouldn’t mind?” Logan’s mouth was dry.
“I’ll be ready to leave in about ten minutes. Help yourself to some more coffee.” Stacy disappeared into the office off the end of the bar.
Logan pulled her phone out of her pocket and thought briefly about calling Jack but decided it might do him some good to wonder where she was all night. She chuckled and admitted to herself he probably wouldn’t even notice she wasn’t there. She shoved the phone back into her pocket before heading to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face.
*
Logan was taken aback by Stacy’s aggressiveness. The second the door to her apartment closed, she had Logan pinned against it. Logan turned her head when Stacy moved in to kiss her, and in one smooth move, reversed their positions. Logan wasn’t comfortable not being in control. Stacy threaded her arms around Logan’s neck, pulling her closer as their mouths collided. Stacy moaned when Logan’s hand moved under her shirt and up her side to cup her breast. She pulled Stacy’s shirt up and over her head, then held her hands there with one of her own while she reached behind and unclasped Stacy’s bra with the other.
She had the fleeting thought she shouldn’t be doing this if she ever hoped to have a chance with Brooke, but then again, Brooke had made it clear she wasn’t interested in her. She forced herself to focus on the body in front of her and not the body she couldn’t have.
Logan took a nipple in her mouth and was a little surprised by the intensity of Stacy’s reaction. She began writhing beneath her until Logan placed a thigh firmly between her legs. Logan’s teeth scraped across the nipple and she moaned when she felt the heat through both of their jeans. Logan let go of her arms and moved up to kiss her neck. Stacy’s arms went around her and she held on tight as she moved quicker and quicker against Logan’s leg, her breath coming in short gasps. Logan couldn’t do anything but hold on when Stacy’s orgasm started. She bucked against Logan violently and screamed out her pleasure.
Trusting Tomorrow Page 12
