I wished screaming out loud would make it go away, but it wouldn't. And though I’ve never believed in ghosts, I don’t know what to believe at this point in my life, her voice ringing loud and true. I pressed my hands hard against my ears, but it was like the blood curdling scream was coming from within. I cried, as I struggled with the deathly squeal ringing in my head.
Then it stopped.
I eased my eyes open. Total darkness. I fell to my knees and cried in my hands. It had been years since my last episode and I thought I was in the clear. I had managed to avoid the mental institute this long, but not by much. This unwelcome setback will not be well accepted by my psychiatrist or Edwin for that matter. The hope that I would become detached from Jenny over time was but a distant dream.
I knew it was true: There is no disconnecting yourself from your identical twin. Dead or alive. Jenny would haunt me with her death for the rest of my life.
A motorized vehicle ripped me from my thoughts, buzzing up the trail in a flurry of speed and dust. A new terror settled in as the large intruder slowed its’ steady approach. I leapt to my feet and edged to the side of the trail, examining the new threat. Though I lifted my arm to block my eyes, the light of the menacing machine blinded me, as the vehicle crept forward and finally came to a full stop only a few feet away.
My heart pounded from my chest as I stood frozen on the side of the path. When I finally caught a glimpse of the man, his helmet disguised any notable features. The man cut the engine. If he wanted to kill me, he could. As for any reserves, I had none. My panic caused me to choke on my last breath, as I prepared to kick the man in the balls and run for help, but the man just stared at me, unmoving.
"You getting on or are you just going to stand there all night?" he finally called out to me, removing his helmet.
"Edwin? What are you doing?" I screeched with relief.
"I told you I would come. Just go with it."
Overcome with relief I sprang at him and threw my arms around his strong shoulders. I squeezed my eyes shut and wiped the tears from my burning cheeks with the neck his soft t-shirt.
"I don't know what's gotten into you, but I think I like it," Edwin said. His lips found mine and softly kissed my worries away. He had no idea. But I was safe now.
"You okay," he asked, realizing there was more to it than a fear of the dark.
"I am now," I said, sobbing.
"You wanna talk about it?"
I shook my head no and, once I caught my breath, I straddled the machine behind him. He handed me a spare helmet and I put it on over my tousled hair. My arms tightened around his waist and I pressed close to his back. It was such a comfort to be in his fearless presence and soak up his body heat.
He turned back to face me. "You're sure you're good?”
I was still shaken up, but I wasn't about to tell him that. "I am."
He cupped his hand over mine and gave it a squeeze, then gripped the handle bar and kick started the ATV. "Here we go then," he said.
There was no time to second guess my decision, or evaluate my overactive imagination, since Edwin sped off in a hurry. Adrenaline coursed through my veins again. The well-manicured path made for a smooth ride through the pristine, dark forest. We shot through the darkness for miles, passing rushing rivers, and small lakes, that I’m sure would have been lovely during the day. In the darkness though, all I could do was watch the moon glistening on the water, listen to the constant revving engine and absorb the thrill of Edwin speeding through it all.
I closed my eyes and pressed the helmet firmly against Edwin's back, as the trail grew steadily rougher. Eventually, after crisscrossing through the extensive network of trails, I couldn't see any trail ahead of us at all. A feeling of unease snuck up on me as we winded through the unknown wilderness, bumping and crawling slowly through the grooves and obstacles of the rough, rocky terrain. And Edwin loved every minute of it. He was a total adventure seeker, even if his adventurous side had been known to get him into trouble.
Edwin slowed our pace to a crawl, waterways winding around our heels. I feared for my life, as the vehicle rocked beneath us. If we lost the machine now, we would be left in total darkness only miles from the middle of nowhere. I squeezed Edwin tighter and the bright beam of light that shone from the front of the four-wheeler flickered as we bumped along. Things seemed to creep in the shadows and slink out of the black depths of the wilderness.
When we met a large rock, we were going so slow that the tires refused to take us any further. Edwin cut the engine, leaving us in pitch blackness. My heart rammed into my throat.
"What are you doing? Are you crazy?" I squealed. My eyes darted around us, but I couldn’t see a thing.
"Listen," Edwin whispered, as he pulled off his helmet.
I listened, but all I could hear was heavy breathing and a racing heartbeat. "What?"
"You hear that?" he asked again.
"No. I don't know what you're talking about and this is really starting to freak me out."
"Calm down. It's white water. We must be near some falls. The path ends here so we need to decide what we’re gonna do next. I'd really hate to turn back now. We've come so far," Edwin said, pleading with me to stay and explore.
A whirlwind of emotions flowed through me, as Edwin got off the machine and took a few steps away. He climbed up onto a nearby rock, enjoying nature in its purest of forms. I certainly didn't want to stay, but I would do anything if it meant I didn't have to be alone. I pulled off my helmet and shook out my hair before lifting my leg over the seat. I stayed seated, my feet dangling over the side of the ATV as my eyes scattered over the forest.
When I glanced back toward the rocks, Edwin had disappeared into the darkness, striking me with full blown terror. All survival tactics went away with the cool summer breeze as logic left me and I began to suffer from a fear of abandonment. My eyes darted through the darkness, trying to make sense of what was real and what was bogus, but my mind was quickly succumbing to its worst fears.
My quick shallow breaths didn't help to calm my nerves and the chill that ran down my spine was nothing compared to the shock spiking through my body when I heard sudden motion behind me. The noises were distinctly that of the forest floor. The sounds crept closer, but I could barely see my own hand extended before me let alone whatever or whoever it was.
An unwelcome icy hot intuition warned me with one word. Danger. There was nowhere to run, so I sat there paralysed with fear. Every muscle in my body was clenched when the sounds subsided. Perhaps the monster didn't see me there and headed off in another direction. I tempted fate by slowly turning my head to glance in the direction of the noises. I squinted my eyes, but struggled to focus on the creature that was positioned only 10 feet away from me.
Suddenly she locked onto my gaze, her eyes glowing blood red, holding my stare against my wishes. I gasped for air, my voice failing me, as the red-eyed monster started to slink toward me. My hands were motionless, heavy like ice, cold as stone in the winter. I could feel the colour had drained out of my face and, despite my terror, my lips wouldn't move no matter how hard I tried to scream.
I had an eerie lack of control over my limbs, my eyes frantically scanning the dark woods in search of Edwin. Nothing. I squeezed my eyes shut, ready to succumb to my shattered nerves.
This creature doesn't exist. It couldn't possibly, could it? Edwin. I need him to protect me and tell me that monsters don't exist; to tell me that I’m safe in his arms. But Edwin’s gone.
Fighting for control, my head slammed heavily to the right in search of Edwin. He was just not there. The monster started to move closer, now only steps away. I shuddered, as I forced myself to look back. There, in the darkness, stood a small, non-threatening silhouette of a child. I was fine, until the glaring eyes burned red and locked onto mine, the monster inching closer. With a snap of a branch, I blinked my eyes shut hard and silently begged for a miracle while waiting for my demise. My breath failed me. It wouldn't be long n
ow.
Eyes squeezed shut, I could still see the red globes burning through my eyelids. I could feel her hot breath on my neck. I was living a nightmare, listening to her steady breaths in my ears. Gagged of sound, there was nothing I could do.
Suddenly a shrill scream rang through my ears as fresh as the day I first heard it eighteen years earlier. The force blistered my ear drums and knocked me from my seat. Laying on the hard forest floor, I covered my head and sobbed hysterically.
"Edwin!" I finally shrieked, but it sounded more like a whisper in the night compared to the blood curdling scream ringing in my ears. It was like it was happening all over again. Jenny was screaming, burning in the fire. The man tried to help her, but it was too late. “No,” I screamed. There was nothing we could do but sit there and watch the car engulfed in flames. I could smell death in the air, the singed hair and burning flesh of my identical twin sister. “It should have been me. It should have been me,” I cried.
Edwin scuffled to my side and fell to his knees. "Whoa. Abs. What’s going on here?" he breathed, stuffing me into his arms.
The screaming dwindled off and when I opened my tear-filled eyes, Edwin scooped me up and pressed me against his chest. He took a seat on the four-wheeler and rocked me in comfort. I wished I could shake the icy feeling that had fallen over me, but the danger was still there. I shivered with grief and he squeezed me even tighter.
"It's okay baby, I'm here. It's okay," Edwin said.
"Did you see her?" I cried.
"Did I see who? There's no one out here babe. It's just me and you."
Jenny had vanished and now I was alone with Edwin in the eerie, unquiet darkness. I shook my head hysterically. "Edwin she was here. Please... I'm scared," I cried.
He loosened his grip on me, pulled us both to our feet, and stood at my side assessing our surroundings.
"Please don't leave me again.” My fear far outweighed the guilt and grief that had settled on my shoulders.
Edwin sighed, his concern apparent, as he lifted me back onto the seat. "I'm not going anywhere."
Exhaustion overwhelmed my body, an anxious trembling controlled my limbs, and each breath revealed a shriek of fear. "I just thought…" I said, snuffling.
Edwin nudged my legs apart with his and rested between my thighs, pinning me to the machine. He took both of my hands in his and took a deep breath. "Babe, you have to know I would never leave you. And there's nothing out there. It must have been your imagination." He wrapped my arms around his hips and I locked my hands together in response. He ran his fingers through my hair and pulled my head up against his hard middle.
A warm tear fell from my eye and ran down my cheek as I listened to his heartbeat, strong and steady, like him. I took a deep breath. It felt like the first breath I had taken in hours. Edwin was my rock.
"I'm here Abby. You're okay. Everything's going to be okay," he said, reassuring me while he stroked my hair.
My senses were slowly returning to me, but the alcohol didn't help to speed up the process. Recognizing that I must have been hallucinating, caused tears to spring from my eyes. "I'm so sorry. I overreacted. I don't know what's come over me," I cried softly.
Edwin chuckled, a little amused now. "It could have something to do with those shots you did."
"That's the only reasonable explanation. I was hallucinating. But I really thought there was a monster coming to kill me." And that monster was my dead sister.
Edwin chuckled again. "It happens."
"Not to me!"
Edwin squeezed me hard against him. "Well if you're going to have delusions, why not concentrate real hard on making it a raunchy fantasy about me? You can tell me all about it in the morning."
"Edwin, I'm serious. I've never been so scared in my life. Well... maybe once before," I said, being struck again with my dreadful memories of the accident that claimed my sister’s life.
Edwin didn't want to dredge up my devastation. "There's nothing to be scared of. Listen. There's nothing out there. It's so peaceful... just nature. It couldn't be more perfect out here to me." He gazed down into my eyes, lifted my chin and planted a soft kiss on my mouth. "Best of all, I know it's just you and me. I've been working on that all night."
I smiled for the first time since we left the resort and it felt good. I was feeling more like myself by the minute.
"Are you smiling?" Edwin teased.
"Yes," I said, then tucked my head into his arm to stifle a giggle.
He pulled away from me and straddled over the seat behind me. "Come here," he ordered, patting the seat in front of him.
I turned to face him and swung my leg over to reflect his position. He grasped my hips to slide me closer to him and pulled my thighs over the top of his, until my feet rested on the seat behind him. His mouth kicked up a sweet smile, his face only inches from mine. His aqua eyes sparkled in the moonlight as he leaned down to kiss me. When his lips brushed across mine, every worry and fear seemed to evaporate, all bad thoughts being driven from my mind.
"I won't ever leave you again," he whispered, his forehead pressed against mine.
Tears instantly streamed from my eyes and he kissed them as they fell down my cheeks. Embarrassed, I turned away and tried to make them disappear, but they just kept coming.
Edwin dried my eyes with the sleeve of his jacket. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Can we blame that on the liquor too?" I asked, still crying.
"You have nothing to be ashamed of Abs. I know I kind of threw you for a loop the other night. Telling you I love you. The sex. I half expected your emotions to follow suit.” He swept the back of his fingers under my eye. “As long as those are happy tears, cry away."
Drying my eyes on Edwin's chest, I pressed out a smile. Everything was going great up until my delusional outburst. Edwin looked very concerned, but in a sweet sense, and not at all concerned about our predicament. The last thing I wanted to do is ruin his whole night.
I snuffed unattractively and took a deep breath. "So what were you saying before I dragged you out of your sanctuary?"
He chuckled, as he stood up and stepped past me, then put his foot on the front tire and gave it a good shake. "We can’t go any farther on this thing. But you know me, I want to check things out. I saw a sandy path at the bottom of the rocks there and I think it leads to a lake. I was gonna go have a look, but I'm glad I never went that far. Who knows what would have happened if I had?"
I nodded my head. "I would've passed out for sure. Probably would've conked my head off a rock too."
Edwin scowled at me, unimpressed with my attitude. "Well I can't leave you hear with your optimism and that wild imagination of yours. So are we going down there or what?"
I took a deep breath to muster up some courage. "Okay, I guess. As long as you promise not to leave my side for the rest of the night."
"I wouldn't dream of it," he said, smiling. He reached a hand out for me and I slipped my fingers between his.
Hand in hand we scaled the boulders. When we met a large rock face, Edwin hopped up first and pulled me up behind him like I was a dependent child. He watched me as the faint moonlight shined on my glossy brown hair, the wind picking up speed and whipping it away from my face. I tried to act like my nerves hadn't returned, but the spaces between the rocks grew wider and I couldn't see the ground beneath them. Tilting my chin up, I held Edwin's hand tight, guided by blind trust, until I climbed down to where the rocks met the ground.
Just as Edwin had suggested, there was a narrow row of sand right at the base of the rocks. It was a rough, winding path, but it seemed to lead us toward the sound of crashing waves. The closer we got to the lake the sound of the waves drowned out those of the nearby rapids. Relief rushed me like a football player when we were met with a clearing. It felt like the monster couldn't get me anymore.
On the narrow beach we were met with twinkling stars that glimmered off the water in the clear night. The silhouette of trees in the distance, the same
canopy that had engulfed me earlier, was now a serene picture of absolute tranquility. I took a deep exaggerated breath.
Edwin sighed. "See what I mean?"
I had to admit it. "It's beautiful."
Still holding my hand, Edwin gazed into my eyes. "Yeah, it is."
We stood there together on the remote deserted beach, just staring into each other's eyes. Eddie could be so romantic sometimes. It's hard to believe this is the same man who was just delivering my pizza the other night. I smiled and blushed.
"Isn't it kind of funny how quickly things can take a turn for the good?" he said, stealing my very thoughts.
"I know what you mean. It's like we've been living in the same house all this time and yet we couldn't have been farther apart."
Edwin's lips brushed mine softly. "I had to take you to this place to finally get you alone."
I nodded in agreement and a chilly breeze swept past us. I shivered and rubbed my arms briskly, to settle the goose bumps creeping up on me. Edwin’s big, warm hands smoothed over my arms, soothing the chill and warming my heart.
“Come on,” he said softly.
Relinking our hands, Edwin led me farther down the narrow beach. I hugged his incredibly big arm and rested my head against his broad shoulder. An extended yawn escaped my mouth and I covered it with my hand.
"Tired?"
"I am. And my feet are ouchy too. So much for those cute sandals I brought for tomorrow."
"You can blame me if you have ouchy feet when you wake up in the morning," he said, smiling.
"Oh, I will," I teased.
"Oh yeah, you think it's all on me?" Edwin said raising his voice. He picked me up and flipped me over his shoulder, clasping my legs with one arm. He ran us out to the water, playfully threatening to drop me in.
I squealed, pleaded, slapped his back, but he wouldn't listen. "Put me down!"
"If you insist!" He flung me off of his shoulder and swept me close to the water.
"Edwin! No!" I was convinced he was going to dunk me, but to my surprise he swooped me back up and maneuvered me into his arms, like he was carrying me over the threshold. I hooked my arms around his neck and gazed into his aqua eyes glimmering in the moonlight.
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