by Guy Bass
“Hmm…” the King said thoughtfully. He peered at Frog for a long moment. “But I’ve seen your dreams, Frog. Your inner conqueror, dying to get out…”
“Pfff – my inner conqueror gets beaten up every day by my inner champion,” Frog replied. “My inner champion is extra skilled-up, heroic, good, quite handsome … and he always makes the right choice.”
“Inner champion, eh?” mused King Kroak. “I don’t think I have one…”
“You do,” Frog replied with a smile. “He’s me.”
The King took a step back and rubbed his eyes. Frog looked up at Princess Rainbow, huddled together with Sheriff Explosion. He gave her a hopeful wink.
“But I can’t just stop – I’m sort of in the middle of something,” said King Kroak. “My army … this giant spaceship … the cannon that blows up worlds … only merciless conquerors have that stuff.”
“You don’t need that gubbins!” replied Frog. “You’re the King. No one can make you be anything you don’t want to be.”
“But what if I want to be a merciless world-ending conqueror?” asked King Kroak.
Frog looked up at the super sunder-cannon. Then he got to his feet and rolled his neck until it cracked.
“Then I’ll just have to defeat you,” he said.
The King let out a booming laugh, which echoed through the vast chamber. He shook his head and looked down at Basil Rathbone. After a moment, he held it out to Frog.
“Take it,” he began. “Before I change my mind and defeat you into next week.”
“Pfff – I’d like to see you try,” Frog tutted, taking the sword. He placed the Green Button carefully on the floor of the walkway. Then he gripped his sword in both hands.
“Not the Green Button,” the King sighed. “It’s my favourite…”
“No one should have the power to blow up an entire world,” said Frog, and lifted his sword aloft.
“By the Void! Look out, O King!” came a cry. Frog and King Kroak glanced up. There, at the entrance to the chamber, sunder-gun in hand, was…
“General Kurg?” Frog blurted. “What the bumbles is he doing here?”
“I’ll save you, Your Majesty!” the general cried, and took aim.
“Baa!” bleated Sheriff Explosion.
“Wait!” bellowed King Kroak. He whirled around to face General Kurg – but the general had already fired.
A green sunder-beam streaked across the chamber. Princess Rainbow ducked as it flashed over her head. By the time Sheriff Explosion had let out a panicked “Baa!” the sunder-beam had found a target.
“Yoiks…” grunted King Kroak, his back to Frog. Frog saw a look of horror on Princess Rainbow’s face.
“By the Twist of Fate!” howled the general, dropping his gun. “What have I done?”
“King Kroak…?” said Frog.
Slowly the King turned to face him. His eyes were wide and unblinking, his mouth half-open, and in the middle of his chest was a burning hole.
“Destiny…” he uttered – and fell on to the cold metal.
The Fallen King
“Somebody, help!” said Frog, kneeling over the fallen King.
“I was supposed to know … what the future held,” coughed King Kroak, looking at the smoking wound in his chest. “How did I not see this coming?”
“You’ll be all right,” said Frog. “You’re me … and I’m full-on mighty.”
“Ugh,” the King groaned, screwing up his face. “Would you at least get some of the dust off me?”
Frog gently brushed the dust off King Kroak’s armour.
“Clean as whistles,” Frog said.
“Your standards of cleanliness … are disturbingly low,” the King tutted. “But maybe you’re right … maybe I could have been more like you. Maybe when I’m better … I’ll try doing that thing you were talking about. What did you … call it again?”
“Um, being good?” replied Frog.
“Yep…” the King said with a cough. “That.”
Frog heard King Kroak’s final breath escape from his mouth. A moment later, he was gone.
Frog slumped to the floor. He wasn’t sure what to feel. Until a minute ago, King Kroak had been his arch-enemy – but now it felt as if part of him was lost. Tears welled up in his eyes and he wiped them away with his arm.
“Frog!”
At Princess Rainbow’s cry, Frog looked up to see Major Krung, General Kurg and a dozen Kroakan troopers leap down towards them. Frog plucked the Green Button from the floor just as Major Krung and General Kurg landed either side of him.
“Get away!” Frog cried. He struggled to his feet, brandishing his sword.
“My King! By the Turmoil, I’m sorry!” howled General Kurg, pushing Frog out of the way and collapsing to his knees in front of King Kroak. “I was just trying to complete my mission, Your Majesty! I stowed aboard that blue house-ship, in the hope that Frog would return… In the hope that I could deliver him to you as you commanded! Then I got locked in the toilet, but that’s not important. Then I ended up here on the Farthership! I was just trying to complete my mission…”
The general’s expression hardened. He stood up and turned to face Frog, his sunder-gun drawn.
“Frog!” he growled. “Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly be more annoying, you make me shoot my own King! I’m going to finish you once and for all…”
“Bring it on!” Frog cried. “I’ll defeat you to shreds!”
“I think not,” said a voice. Major Krung drew her sunder-gun … and pointed it at General Kurg. “General, you are under arrest for the murder of King Kroak. Drop your weapon.”
“What? But I was trying to… Prince Frog was… I’m a good and loyal…” he began, as troopers surrounded him. “By the Void, I’m going to be turned into protein bars, aren’t I?”
As General Kurg dropped his gun and held his hands high, Frog tried to think of the best way to defeat the Kroakans, rescue the princess and save the world all over again. Major Krung took a step towards him. Then she replaced her sunder-gun in its holster, took a deep breath … and knelt before Frog.
“Prince Frog, by Royal Amendment Three Thousand and Forty-Nine of the Big Book of Kroakan Law, I hereby declare you the new King of Kroakas,” she said. “Welcome to your destiny – Royal Majesty, Lord of All Planets, Rightful Ruler of the Universe … King Frog.”
“What the … what?” said Frog.
The King Rises
On the island in the Inbetween, the surviving bragons had been tending to their wounded. They occasionally peered fearfully into the sky at the Farthership looming over them.
“Do you think they’re still alive, by gosh?” said a bandaged Nigel, as he dressed the singed wings of Old ’n’ Graham.
“Man-Lor is usually optimistic,” said Man-Lor, refusing to take his eyes off the sleeping Kryl. “But Man-Lor thinks we’re doomed.”
“Nigel, look!” cried Susan, pointing up into the sky. “The Farthership is moving!”
“Bragons, to arms! Everyone on your feet, by gosh!” cried Nigel, grabbing his sunder-gun. “No more boasting … we take our last stand here on this island!”
The Farthership descended slowly towards them, until its shadow plunged them into darkness. Just as it seemed the Farthership would squash them, it stopped dead. Suddenly a section of the hull slid open. Smoke poured out and a long, oil-black tongue snaked out from inside, forming a stairwell as it touched the ground.
“Here they come! Don’t shoot ’til you see the yellows of their eyes!” Nigel cried, as the bragons’ weapons trembled in their hands.
“Don’t shoot at all!” cried a familiar voice. A moment later Frog emerged from the fog and limped down the steps, closely followed by Princess Rainbow and a bleating Sheriff Explosion.
“Frog! Princess! You’re… How… Look out!” cried Nigel, as a dozen white-clad Kroakan troopers began descending the steps.
“It’s OK,” Frog assured them. “I ordered the Kroakans to make y
ou all better with their super-science doctor gubbins. I get to order them around, you see, ’cause it turns out—”
“Frog is the King’s clone?” came a cry.
General Kurg emerged from the Farthership in sunder-cuffs, led down the steps by Major Krung. “Why did no one tell me? I spent this entire invasion trying to destroy the heir to the Kroakan empire! I was doomed from the start! I was doomed to fail! I… I’m doomed.”
As it turned out, Kroakan “super-science doctor gubbins” was far in advance of bragon medicine. The troopers bathed the bragons’ injuries with strange green lights, which healed their wounds so quickly that anyone would think it was magic.
“So, you’re King now, by gosh?” Nigel said, as Frog treated his singed wings. “But you were only gone an hour…”
“Being an ay’lun invader space King still isn’t as good as being Princess of Kingdomland,” insisted Princess Rainbow.
“Baa,” said Sheriff Explosion, possibly in agreement.
“What are you complaining about, Princess?” Frog tutted. “They took the brain-slavery off your mum and dad and everything! Show Nigel!”
Princess Rainbow emptied her dress pocket, spilling her parents on to the ground.
“What’s all this? Invaders everywhere! Sound the alarm!” squeaked the tiny Queen.
“Pop me back in your pocket, would you, Rainbow?” pleaded the King. “I was rather enjoying the peas and quiet…”
“They’re the cutestest!” declared Princess Rainbow. “I’m going to make sure they stay teeny-weeny forever.”
The UnSlumber Loop
Before long, Frog’s army of bragons were healed. But one patient did not recover.
“Why isn’t she better?” said Frog, as he, Major Krung and the Defeat All Foes Team gathered around Kryl. She lay on the scorched earth, still and unmoving. Frog knelt down before her. “Why haven’t you made her better?”
“I’m sorry, Your Majesty,” Major Krung explained. “It is her mind that is broken. We have no remedy for that. Only the Keepers possess the power to enter the UnSlumber. Keepers and, of course, those of royal blood.”
The major peered at Frog.
“Why are you staring at me?” Frog asked. “Do I have something on my face? It’s probably dust, I need to— Wait, you mean me? No way! I can’t do all that UnSlumbering gubbins! I’ve never gone into anyone’s dream business – not on purpose anyway. I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“Time is running out, Your Majesty,” insisted Major Krung. “Your Keeper is fading fast.”
“You can do it, Frog,” said Princess Rainbow. “I b’lieve in you.”
“Pfff – last time you said that, a lot of things got blown up,” tutted Frog. He took Kryl’s hand, closed his eyes, and tried to think UnSlumbering thoughts…
“Bumdrops! It’s not working!” he snapped, opening his eyes. “I don’t even know where to— Wuuhh?”
Frog found himself sitting cross-legged in a large white room.
“What the … what?” he blurted, leaping to his feet. “Yoiks… I’m doing it! I’m inside Kryl’s dream! I’m actually UnSlumbering! Is there anything I can’t do?”
Frog did a little dance to celebrate his success, before deciding it might be a good idea to look for Kryl.
He gazed around. The room was empty but for a lone figure standing at its far end, staring at a wide wall of shimmering gold.
“Kryl…” cried Frog, walking towards the figure. “Is that you?”
Kryl did not answer – it was as if she wasn’t even aware of Frog’s presence. Frog peered up at the wall and saw that it was not the wall itself that was gold; rather that it was pitted with a honeycomb of tubular holes. And filling each one was a shimmering golden egg.
“No way…” he said. “The golden eggs! These are my brothers, before they were born!”
Frog followed Kryl’s gaze. She was staring at one of the eggs. Frog peered closer. There was something stamped upon its shell in Kroakan:
SPAWN 5.1.3
(HANDLE WITH CARE).
“Is that… That’s me! That’s my egg!” he said. “This is where it all be— Yoiks!”
Suddenly Frog and Kryl were somewhere else entirely. The egg chamber had been replaced with the green-lit interior of a Kroakan spaceship. Frog glanced around to see Kryl watching General Kurg (and a host of other Kroakan troopers) clambering into large oval pods.
“Kroak’s teeth! I hate farsleep – it always gives me nightmares,” said General Kurg. “We’ll see you on the other side of the universe, Keeper. Make sure Spawn Five One Three is trained and ready to conquer by the time he reawakens us.”
“This is the farship that brought me to Kingdomland, isn’t it?” asked Frog. He waved a hand in front of Kryl’s face. “Kryl, wake up! This isn’t real. This isn’t—”
The impact of a mighty explosion rocked the farship. Frog glanced around and saw that Kryl’s dream had changed again. General Kurg and the other Kroakans were already deep in farsleep, and Kryl was alone at the controls. Outside the view-screen Frog saw lightning bolts batter the ship. Frog quickly realized what was happening – Kryl was dreaming of the moment the rarewolf attacked the farship with lightning … the moment the farship crashed.
“We’re going down!” Kryl cried in terror.
“It’s just a dream, Kryl! Wake up!” cried Frog again, as the farship plummeted towards the gardens of the royal palace. “This is UnSlumber! It’s not real! It’s not—”
SPLOOOSH!
“BwUUuh!” cried Frog, as he burst out of ice-cold water. The dream had shifted again – he was now bobbing about in the royal lake, moments after the farship had crashed. Kryl emerged beside him, her eyes frantically searching around.
“Kryl, listen to me! You have to wake up!” said Frog, blowing water out of his earholes. He caught sight of Princess Rainbow on the shores of the lake, plucking his golden egg out of the water. “King Kroak stunk your brain up! You need to—”
Frog’s cries were drowned out by the sound of the rarewolf’s savage roar. Everything had changed once more – he now found himself running down a corridor in the royal palace. Running not with Kryl, but Buttercup.
“Yoiks! This dream’s moving pretty fast!” cried Frog, as he raced after Buttercup, the golden egg under her arm. “We’re already at the bit where you run away from the palace! When the rarewolf attacked!”
Frog looked back to see the rarewolf doing battle with the Queen’s Royal Guard. He tried to slow down – to slow the dream down – but he found himself running despite himself, as if caught up in its momentum…
“Kryl! Wait for me! Wait for me— AAAH!”
Frog felt his feet lift off the ground! Again, the dream had shifted – he was no longer in the palace, but rather being flung helplessly into the air, up and up in the middle of a tornado. Buttercup spun around him, clinging desperately to the golden egg.
Frog looked down to see Kingdomland, far below and quickly disappearing. After a moment he realized where – or rather when – they were.
“The rarewolf’s sending us to the Inbetween!” he cried. “Kryl! Listen to me! This isn’t real! Wake up!”
But still they flew higher and higher, until Frog saw the waters of the Inbetween, suspended in the air above him. They would hit it at any moment.
“Wake up!” Frog cried again. “Please—”
Frog found himself on the island on the Inbetween, and the dream began to move at a dizzying pace. He watched himself hatch from his own egg. Then he saw himself take his first steps … heard himself speak his first words … dizzying fragments of moments appeared and disappeared in an instant…
“Stop!” cried Frog, his head spinning. “Wake up, or I’m going to throw up all over your UnSlumber!”
But it didn’t stop. Kryl’s memories came ever faster… Frog saw the rarewolf plucking her from the island … the first traceship attack … fighting to escape the Kroakans at the royal palace … faster and faster until
Frog could no longer make sense of anything… Until suddenly he saw King Kroak holding Kryl by the neck – and thrusting her own arrow into her heart.
“Wuuh?” Frog sat up. He found himself sitting cross-legged in a large white room. There stood Kryl, motionless, staring at a shimmering gold wall.
He was back in the egg chamber.
“We’re here again? What the bumbles…?” Frog grunted. “Is this what King Kroak did? Sent Kryl’s brain on a loopy-doopy loop? Some kind of rinse and repeat memory round and round? Well, bumdrops to that!”
Frog strode over to Kryl, who once again peered at Frog’s egg.
“You always managed to wake me up with a shock,” Frog said, waving his hand in front of Kryl’s face again. “But you don’t even know I’m here. How do I wake you up?”
Frog followed Kryl’s gaze to the egg. His egg.
“That’s it!” he cried. “Kryl, if you give as many hoots about me as you say you do, you’re going to find it all sorts of shocking when I do this…”
Frog grabbed the egg. Then he hoisted it high above his head, and sent it crashing to the floor.
As the egg shattered, Kryl screamed.
“NoOOoooo—!”
The Decision
Frog sat up and opened his eyes to see Kryl, sitting up and staring back at him.
“Kryl! You’re all right!” he cried. “You are all right, right?”
“Frog…” she gasped. “You saved me…”
Frog shrugged.
“Pfff – I saved you, I saved the princess – and just now I sort of saved everybody else,” he said. “You should see all the saving I’ve got planned for next week.”
Kryl flung her arms around Frog and squeezed him so tightly he thought his head might pop. Princess Rainbow, Nigel and Sheriff Explosion were quick to join in, and soon the entire Defeat All Foes Team were embroiled in one enormous hug. Except Man-Lor, who joined in from a distance, wrapping his own arms around himself.
