by Karen Ferry
“I don’t give a flying fuck,” I whisper at the reflection.
When the taxi honks outside, I spin on my feet, wrench open the front door and rush outside. When I see Kristian get out from the backseat, smiling back at me, I break into a sprint.
“Kristian!” Ailith’s voice grabs my attention just before I throw myself into his arms. He buries his face in my neck, breathing me in, and I cling to him, holding him as close as I can.
“Fuck, sweetheart,” he grunts, kissing me softly underneath my ear and making me break out in a full-blown body tremble.
“You came back,” I cry into his warm skin.
“Told you I would.”
I nod against his chest, not caring in the least about the freezing temperature. I open my eyes as a small body slams against my leg and look down at my daughter.
“Hey, girlie.” Kristian leans away from me and bends in his knees. Immediately, Ailith throws her arms around him, making him almost fall to the ground, but when he merely laughs and picks her up, I laugh with him.
“You’re home!” Ailith shouts, beaming smile in place and stars shining in her eyes as he spins her around in a circle.
“And I’m staying,” he grins at her before he glances at me.
My heart calls out to him when he mouths I love you and what else am I to do but tell him I love him right back?
“I love you, baby,” I grin at him.
When his eyes soften and he sets Ailith on her feet, walking slowly back to me, I feel a little tingle in my lady bits at the intense way he holds my eyes captive.
“Ailith,” I call out, barely able to look at her. “Go find Gan-Gan, please? Tell her the good news?”
“Okay, Mummy,” she grins at me only to turn around and run in the direction of the stables and the office.
“We’ve got a lot to talk about,” Kristian murmurs when he comes to a stop in front of me.
I nod.
“Yes, we do.”
“Think it can wait for about seventy years or so?” he asks me.
My mouth pops open and I blink at him, confused.
“But, Kristian,” I start, only to stop when he places his hands on my hips, inching me closer towards him. His grip tightens around me. I wrap my arms around his neck when he pulls me up against the hard planes of his body.
“I meant what I said, sweetheart. We do have a lot to talk about. But your past, what you went through, and what you had to do?”
I nod when he stops, giving him my full attention, all the while holding my breath.
“You told me everything in your letter, wildcat,” he smiles gently at me. “It’s in the past. It’s over. I understand what you did—fuck, do I get it—but there’s no need to rehash it.”
He kisses the tip of my nose, the gesture so tender that my eyes begin to prickle.
“Now,” he sighs and bends his head. “Give me a kiss, sweetheart.”
“Who am I to refuse?” I grin at him, threading my fingers through his hair. I brush my lips against his mouth, feeling the zing through my blood at the warmth and familiarity of them. His hands on my back move down to my arse, and I open my mouth on a gasp as I feel his erection against my tummy.
Then he takes my lips, his tongue traces my mouth, and I shiver when he sweeps inside. His kiss tastes like home, and I relax into his arms, feeling safe again now that he’s back.
He’s my future.
My home.
My safe haven.
He’s everything.
Epilogue
Laura
Four months later
“This is crazy, Trish.”
“No, babe, it’s not.”
I glance at my friend as we walk side by side up the path to St. Machan’s Church.
“Please tell me why?”
She laughs as she tucks some wayward strands of my hair back into the classic chignon that seems to be fitting for these kinds of occasions.
“Because Kristian adores you, and you’re madly in love with him. That’s why.”
I swallow the thickness in my throat and clutch my bouquet a bit tighter.
“True.” I nod slowly. “But…”
“No buts,” Trish starts and puts her index finger over my lips. “You love him, yes?”
“Of course I do,” I whisper.
“Then what’s the problem?”
Her small frown and confused look make me realise that I’m probably not making much sense. I take a deep breath and voice my fears as quickly as I can, before I lose my courage.
“I promised myself I’d never marry again.”
Her eyes shoot up to her hairline and she gapes at me.
“That’s a crazy-arse promise to make, babe!” she splutters. “Just look at the life you have now.”
I shush her and look over my shoulder.
“Don’t curse,” I grumble. “Not here. It’s not fitting”
She huffs and shakes her head in wonder.
“Look, I understand you’re nervous, and if you really don’t want to go through with it, then at least tell Kristian why. Don’t do a mad Runaway Bride thing—it’s over the top and not fair to him at all.”
I flinch as I imagine doing a bad imitation of Julia Roberts, escaping my own wedding, and with a hurt and bewildered Kristian following close behind, begging me to stop.
I take a deep breath and wet my lips.
“I do love him, Trish, and I want to spend forever with him.” I look down at my cream-coloured wedding dress. The 1920’s design is simple, elegant, and not flashy at all—just like me—and yet I’d feel more comfortable in my usual riding gear than I do right now. “I just don’t think this whole malarkey is necessary, that’s all. I…” I sigh, frustrated with myself. “I don’t know what’s going on with me, Trish,” I finish.
She places her hands on my shoulders and stares deeply into my eyes.
“He’s a wonderful man,” she whispers, instantly causing my eyes to fill with tears. “He worships you and Ailith. You know he’ll always do everything he can to protect you, right?”
“Of course.”
“Then I think you’re merely experiencing a case of cold feet, babe,” she smiles gently at me. “It’s normal.” She grins at me as she shakes my shoulders firmly. “In fact, I think you’d be completely bonkers if you didn’t freak out a little. So, there you have it—it’s far from crazy. This is what people do when they want to show the whole world how lucky they feel to have found each other. It’s a celebration of life, really.”
I smile softly when I look down and take in her rounded, heavily pregnant belly. Soon, we’ll have another celebration of life to rejoice in.
A gust of wind blows against my back, and I shiver at the way it almost seems like it’s nudging me closer to the church. The ball of tension that’s been like a heavy stone in my tummy all day suddenly vanishes, and a strange calm settles in my heart.
“There she is,” Trish murmurs softly, and I frown at the wobbly smile gracing her lips.
“What?”
“My old friend is back. See? I told you she wasn’t dead, and I was right.”
A laugh bubbles up my throat and I shake my head at her.
“Nutter.”
“Maybe so, but that’s not important right now.”
Trish removes her hands from my shoulders, linking her arm back through mine. I smile at her, grateful to have her by my side, especially today, and she winks at me.
“Off we go,” she tuts at me, pulling me along, but a shadow out of the corner of my eye makes me hesitate and I turn my head towards the trees far away. But the shadow’s not there anymore, and I shake my head at my own silliness.
“Yes,” I beam back at Trish, “off we go.”
“That’s my girl.”
On a low laugh, I walk closer to the open doors. There’s a lightness in my steps that wasn’t there mere moments ago, and all of a sudden, I feel the strong urge to run. The adrenaline races through my blood, urging me to move, t
o go faster, but at the same time, I want to savour these last few minutes I have with my best friend, before I lay eyes on my future husband.
“Trish?” I whisper as we come closer to the doors.
“Yes?”
“I never believed I’d find such happiness. How did I get so lucky?”
“Oh, babe, don’t make me cry,” she sniffles.
I stare straight ahead, afraid she’ll set me off and I’ll cry all over the place if I look at her.
I feel her gentle nudge as she bumps shoulders with me.
“Honestly, I don’t think that luck has anything to do with it,” she answers on a shaky breath. “I think that taking a chance on love is an act of courage, Laura. Setting aside all your past hurts, and allowing another man to grab hold of your heart, means that you’re a brave woman.” I feel her light shrug as I listen closely to her words. “Maybe the fates did push Kristian into your path, but they didn’t choose him—you did.”
I stop abruptly, my heart hammering against my ribcage and I stare intently at her.
“Yes,” she nods. “You could’ve walked away from him, Laura, but you didn’t. And even though I know you don’t believe me when I tell you that you’re the strongest person I know, please—please—try to do it this time. Try to see yourself through my eyes.”
I blink as the enormity of her words sinks into my heart.
“Crap, now I’m crying.” I dab at the tears on my cheek.
“Well, you asked,” she answers breezily, “and you’ll always get the truth from me.”
I sigh and chance a quick glance at her. The love and happiness in her eyes shining back at me make the tears dry on my cheeks, and I nod.
“Right. I promise I’ll try to believe you,” I whisper and lean over to give her a quick kiss on her cheek.
“Good. Now can we go inside and put the poor bloke out of his misery?”
I grin as I nod and take the first step inside the church.
When my eyes adjust to the dim light, I smile at the guests, but when Kristian comes into my line of sight, Ailith by his side, everyone but them disappear.
The need to run returns, and I pick up the pace. The dove-grey suit he’s wearing makes him look so formal—beyond handsome—but it’s his eyes and the proud smile he shoots my way that hold me captive.
His eyes heat up, leaving a burning trail all over my body as the distance closes between us, and when they spring up to mine, it feels like I can hear his voice inside my head, imploring me to run headfirst into his waiting arms.
I’m no longer trying to run away.
I have nothing to fear, least of all Kristian and the future.
When I stop in front of him, our eyes locked in place, he takes my hand at once.
“There you are,” he murmurs. “For a minute there, I thought I’d lost you.”
Slowly, I shake my head and squeeze his hand before linking our fingers together.
“You’ll never lose me, Kristian.”
His smile softens, sending my heart into the most delightful tailspin, but I turn to look at Ailith when her low giggle reaches my ears.
“I knew you’d turn up, Mummy. I told Kristian, but he was still very nervous.”
My smile widens but then freezes at her next words.
“Papa said you just needed some time to find your courage.”
“P-papa?” I squeak. “Who’s that?”
She tilts her head a little and smiles softly at me.
“Grandaddy, of course. He was only just here but then said he couldn’t stay.” She shrugs and points to the doorway from where we came. “But he told me he’ll never be far away from us.”
I turn my head and look back at the door, my heart lodged in my throat as I wish with everything that I am that, somehow, the silhouette of my dad’s small frame will be there, and that his gentle, brown eyes will stare back at me.
But he’s not there. The door is wide open, letting in a long ray of sunlight, but that’s all there is.
Not my dad.
Besides, it’s impossible.
“Sweetheart?” Kristian runs his thumb in soft circles across my knuckles, and I take a deep breath when I remember where we are.
“I’m okay,” I whisper when I gaze back at him.
“You sure?”
I nod and take another step towards him.
“Positive. Let’s get married.”
He grins down at me and tucks me closer to his side as we turn towards the minister at the same time. The older man smiles happily at us, and when he starts to speak, I close my eyes briefly, basking in the happiness that courses through my veins.
My heart and soul are whole.
I’m marrying the best man I’ve ever met today.
Ailith will have a real father, forever.
And maybe—just maybe—souls long gone from this earth still walk amongst their loved ones, nudging them on their right path from time to time.
The thought has barely settled in my head when I feel a soft touch against my cheek, and a shiver runs down my back.
I open my eyes and smile at Kristian standing next to me.
Time may be fickle—moving too fast as well as too slowly at times—but I now know that I was given the exact time that I needed in order to heal before he entered my life.
Maybe fate—or Dad—played their part in it, but Trish is right.
It is my choice to trust my heart again.
I know it will not betray me this time.
How can it, when it brought me a man like the one standing next to me right now?
Kristian
Five years later
“Ailith, I’m not sure about this,” I grumble as she drags me behind her and towards the stables.
“Oh, don’t be daft, Daddy,” she grins. “It’s been five years, and you still refuse to get up on Thunder and go for a ride. That’s so silly.”
I shake my head, letting her take the lead.
When it comes to my girls, I can’t say no. I never have been able to, and I doubt that’ll ever change.
“Fine, fine,” I sigh as we stop in front of his stall. His ears perk up at the sight of us and when Ailith comes closer to wrap her arms around his neck, cooing and cuddling the beast like she’s always done, I can’t stop the wry smile from stretching my lips at the sight of them.
“But why today?” I run a hand through my hair, feeling a sliver of panic trail down my spine.
She turns around and puts her small fists on her hips, looking so much like her mother that I can’t help but grin at her.
“Because,” she starts, leaning slightly towards me, “it’s about time you learnt how to ride, Daddy. You can’t live on a horse farm and not know that.”
Sighing, I crinkle my nose at her and nod.
She does have a point. But that doesn’t mean I should admit defeat without a fight. I’ll never hear the end of it if I do.
“Okay, but why this grouchy guy?”
Ailith giggles when Thunder stretches out his long neck and tries to take a chunk out of my shirt. I yelp and jump back, scowling at him.
“Careful what you say,” Ailith tuts. “You know he understands everything you say, don’t you?”
I raise my hands and nod, trying to placate her.
“Yeah, I do.”
The truth is that I don’t, but I’ve never had the heart to contradict her adamant convictions. Animals don’t speak—though I have to admit that Thunder does seem rather intelligent.
“Right,” I sigh. “I can tell I’m not going to get out of this, so lead the way, girlie.”
“Yay!” She claps her hands. “Okay, wait here. I’ll just fetch his things, and then we’ll get started.”
I shake my head at her eagerness and watch her retreating back as she runs to the tack room, all the while I try not to think about what I’m about to do.
When Thunder pushes hard at my shoulder, though, my scowl returns and I point a warning at him.
“Now, l
isten, boy,” I mutter, “you better not make me look bad in front of my girls. You hear me?”
He snorts, and if I didn’t know better, I’d swear laughter is dancing in his brown eyes.
“Why the fuck am I even talking to you?”
I let my hand fall down as he stomps his hooves.
“This is going to be a long afternoon, isn’t it?” I grumble before I take a step away from him and slump back on the stall. Careful to keep a safe distance between myself and the beast, I cross my ankles while I take a moment to get the churning in my gut under control.
Trying to ride a horse isn’t something I’d ever see myself doing, but Ailith was right.
It’s time I learn, especially now that Laura’s dream is coming true.
Half an hour later, I’m rethinking the whole idea. I have no idea what I’m doing, except making every attempt to hang on and not make a complete arse of myself.
“Daddy, you’re not listening to me,” Ailith yells from the centre of the ring.
I grit my teeth and try to remember what she told me to do, but my mind’s blank.
“Come on, Thunder,” I whisper and run my knuckles against the stock-still horse. “You’re meant to help me out here, damn it.”
He snorts but miraculously seems to listen for once and starts to walk. I blow out a soft breath and sit up straighter in the saddle. My fists ache from the tight grip on the reins, but I’m not about to relax any time soon.
I only listen to Ailith’s instructions with half an ear, because when Laura steps into the paddock, my concentration is shut down and all my senses zero in on her.
Damn it, she’s just as beautiful now as she was when I first saw her almost six years ago. Maybe even more.
But as she walks towards me, I tense at how pale she looks, and I pull harder on the reins than I should because Thunder starts to toss his head, snorting.
“Whoa, settle down,” I murmur at him before I jump down from his back and pull off my riding helmet. I dry the sweat off my forehead and wrap my arms around Laura when she stumbles into my chest, burrowing deep into me.
“Sweetheart?” I lower my head, trying to catch her eyes, and a hint of panic grabs hold of my heart, squeezing it as if a string is pulled around it.
