“This has nothing to do with you, Emma. I admit those boys he runs with leave a lot to be desired. Those parents, too. He’s hurt about something and feels safe taking it out on you.”
“I’m not his punching bag. I won’t stand for it.”
“Is he abusive?”
“No.”
“Is this a common thing?”
“No.”
“Does he treat you with respect?”
“Always.”
“You aren’t his punching bag. You’re his safe haven, and you’ll be whatever you need to be as long as he loves you like he does. He was angry, and he unleashed on you because he knows you won’t leave. He has abandonment issues. I don’t agree with some of the whisperings I’ve heard about who he spends his time with, but does he ever act like them?”
“No, he gives me some bull saying they play on the same team, and he’s not rocking the boat.”
“He’s wiser than you think. I see your point, but sometimes we can’t make a difference in people if they don’t want to listen, and when you try they have a way of making you stoop to their level, which is what happened tonight, I suppose.”
“I don’t understand.”
“William has a good heart, but none of this is easy. He’s torn between tolerance and ignorance. Sometimes ignorance wins. It’s the way of the world. Just because it wins at that moment doesn’t mean it always will. Those boys are stuck in ignorance, I hate the word tolerance, but maybe one day they will have some. You and William, like most humans, embrace people. This stems from his parents, doesn’t it?”
“Mostly. I hate the names they use.”
“He does too, honey, but he’s smart enough to know that it doesn’t matter at the end of the day. Nothing you say will change them and trying to just stirs up animosity.”
“He tried to tell me that.”
“And you pushed?”
“Yes.” I’m embarrassed.
“Honey, there are some lessons that come with age and experience. I bet he’s dealt with it a lot more than you realize, so this is where his experience trumps your indignation to do the right thing. In this situation, it’s not up to you or William to do the right thing because you aren’t in the wrong. In life you don’t agree with everyone, you don’t even have to like everyone, but you can’t change anyone.”
I let her words sink in. “So in pushing him I ruined something important for him.”
“No. I just said you couldn’t change someone. He chose to do what he did, sometimes you just have enough and you snap. He’s just punishing you because he’s hurt and that’s what we do for those we love. We soften the blow however we can.”
“Thanks, Nana.”
“You’re welcome. Now wash that glass so your parents don’t lock me up for corrupting their baby.”
“Will you be here tomorrow?”
“Yep, staying all weekend. That place gets lonely, I miss my family next door.”
“Why didn’t you move in with us again?”
“I’m wondering that myself.”
“It’s never too late to change your mind.”
“Quit taking my wisdom and using it against me.”
“Whatever you say can and will be used against you.” I hug her as I’m going to bed.
“Last time I heard those words it was a fun night.” She looks lost in thought.
“Nana!” I admonish her.
“Juvenile records are sealed honey. It’s okay.” She laughs at my shock as I walk away.
Chapter Ten
William
As I leave her house, I know it’s a mistake, but I can’t quit replaying the last hour in my head. My dream, my escape from reality was in my grasp, and in one moment of weakness, I let Brian get the best of me.
“Your girl is a piece of work, QB. Is she as tight as the assholes you’re used to?” Brian’s taunts are getting worse. I ignored it, and it took all I had to keep walking. “No response, big guy? I saw your daddies here. Quite a show you gave us.” He’s getting closer to pushing every button I have. Instead I keep going, I need to shower and talk to Coach. “Your secret’s safe with me, William. They adopted you so you can be a faggot just like them. What’s it like?”
“Shut the fuck up, man.”
“Did I touch a nerve? I’m gonna touch more than a nerve when I get a hold of Emma. It’s not like she’s your type.” I don’t respond. “Too good for us. Good thing I’m not a tight end, you’d be more into me. Do you hear your dads having sex?”
I step into his space, “SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP. Not another word about Emma or my parents.”
He leers at me. “Wonder how the college players will like having a queer playing for their team. I’ll make sure to let them know.” I throw the punch before I think about the repercussions. The hit startles him for a minute, but he comes back at me. One blow hits its mark, my chin, and I know I’m bleeding as I bite into my lip. Every taunt, jeer, and crude word comes flying to my brain, and I continue to pound at him. Even as I’m pulled off, I continue swinging.
“Get a hold of yourself, Jacobs.” Coach’s voice breaks through, and I stare at my teammates; some looked relieved, some shocked, and some plain scared. “My office, NOW!”
Brian’s conscious, barely, and I should be thankful, but I’m not. The team begins to help him from the ground as Seth follows me with his eyes, and I know there will be retribution for this. Coach slams the door and nods to a chair; I notice the UGA Coach is sitting in the other chair. FUCK! “Mr. Jacobs, I had expected this to go a bit differently, but after what I just witnessed, I have to say I don’t have room for a hothead, I don’t care how good you are.”
“I understand, sir. This isn’t like me.” The dried blood sticking to my hands doesn’t bode well for his assurance.
“One incident is enough. Thank you, Coach Jenkins, for letting me take up your time. Mr. Jacobs, you’re a talented player, exceptional scholar, and I’m disappointed to not offer you a spot at UGA playing with the best team. You need to keep your head down and your nose clean. Those are your teammates, you should have each other’s backs, not be attacking one another.” I hang my head. If he knew what my teammates were like, he may disagree with his statement, but then again he may have the turn the other cheek policy. I hear the door close, and I feel it through my entire body; my dreams drifted out the door with him.
“William, what happened in that locker room? You just lost a stellar opportunity to play in the SEC.”
“I lost control, Coach. Brian said some things I didn’t like.”
“Bullshit, Jacobs. This isn’t like you. I can’t help you if you don’t talk.” There isn’t anything to help me with. My SEC dream is gone. Word will spread throughout the conference, and no team will want me. “Luckily, the other coaches didn’t bear witness to your explosion. Hit the showers and get out of here. My door is always open if you want to talk.”
“Yes, sir.” The locker room is empty, and I shower as quickly as possible, wanting to get home and wallow.
Taking it out on her was wrong, but her damn Pollyanna attitude is naïve, and I snapped. It was nothing I hadn’t heard. I’ve always been able to deflect the sting, but for some reason today, I couldn’t. When I saw her alone in the lot waiting for me, I panicked. I’ll fix it, but I need some time to contemplate what to do. I’ve gotten no official offers, and I wonder how bad it would be to choose a college with some distance.
I crawl up to my room, leaving all the lights off, and collapse on my bed. My phone chimes with a text. It’s Emma telling me she loves me. I respond letting her know I’m fine, at home, and I love her, too. I need tonight to flounder in my misery. A loud crash startles me, and I hurry downstairs to find the front window smashed, glass all over the hardwood floors, and a brick with red spray paint. The letters spell “WARNING.” I know exactly who it is. I’ve witnessed their threatening behavior for years. Everyone bends to their will, and I’m really no different.
Whether their choice
of intimidation is a brick through the window, or playing chicken with a nemesis on the back road, it’s all about scaring the hell out of their opponent. They don’t play fair, and the tactics are getting bolder with age. I know there is no escaping the retribution, and I’ll handle it as long as Ems isn’t involved. She’s my weakness, and they know it. I take the brick and grab my keys. The fire is blazing, and the two I need to see are here like they were expecting me. Of course they were, they beckoned and I came. I walk up to them, showing no fear, wanting to get this over with. “What’s the meaning of this?” I drop the brick at their feet.
“Do you see what you did to my brother’s face?” Seth takes a step towards me, but Brian halts him.
“We have a dilemma.” Brian looks me up and down. He doesn’t like the challenge I’m issuing.
“What’s that?”
“I hear you lost your spot at UGA.” I clench my fists, wanting another go ‘round. “Seth, Mark, Adam, and I got offers from GSU. Contingent on us bringing you with us.”
“You needed to throw a brick through my window for that?”
“Nope, that was to get your attention. I noticed that house across the street was dark. No parents home, just a feeble old woman, and your girl…all alone.” My blood boils. “I’ll let today go when you commit to GSU.”
No way in hell.
“Pass.”
“I figured you would need some convincing, and I’m willing to give it to you. Don’t forget QB, I know all your weaknesses. Either play for GSU or nowhere.”
“How do you figure?”
“Accidents happen, your career can be blown all to hell with a few broken bones, a blown knee. It’d be a shame if the star’s love interest were in the car when he was run off the road. Of course, I’d have no idea about that.”
“Of course.” He has me, and he knows it.
“So shall I call the coach and let him know he has his man?”
I swallow the bile. “Call him.”
“See you, QB,” he calls as I leave. The immense desire I have to knock the smirk off his face is overridden by the need to protect those I love. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that you don’t doubt those Gary boys.
I go below the speed limit the entire drive back to my house, my stomach clenching with the unknown. I have no idea if my parents are home, how they will react to the broken window, but I’m glad I removed the threat. That would have sent them into overdrive and ruined all the plans I just made to protect them. Blue lights flashing illuminate my street, neighbors wrapped in robes gawking on their lawns, and I make the mistake of looking at her house as I creep closer to mine. Her eyes wide, never leaving me, I can see the tear tracks from here, and I know I made the right decision. This may be hard, having violence sneak into our neighborhood, but what will happen if I don’t do what they want? I shut my truck off, and Dad and Pop rush towards me.
“You okay, William?” Emma has snuck up against me, and I pull her close.
“I’m fine. What’s going on?” I should have majored in drama for the performance I need to give.
“Somebody smashed your window, son.” An officer steps up. “Where were you tonight?”
“The bonfire, celebrating the win, sir.” He nods. Emma pinches my side, and I tug her closer. I need her to keep her mouth shut.
“You have any idea who’d do this?”
“No. The other players are still there, but I wanted to get home.”
“You played a hell of a game. I’m sure you’re tired. Is there any drinking over there?”
I shrug my shoulders, the best I can do without lying outright, and he lets it go. He seems to be studying my mannerisms, watching for a crack, but I won’t give him any. “Mr. Jacobs,” he addresses my parents, “we can’t seem to find what was used to smash the window. We are going to take a few more sweeps through the house, but best I can tell with no threat is that it was petty vandalism. We don’t see much around here as you know, but kids get wild.”
Everyone nods like they believe him, except my Em. I feel her eyes boring holes into the side of me, and I know I’m in for an earful. I just have to tell her enough and hope it convinces her. The adults huddle and talk about boarding the window until we can get it replaced and Emma lets me have it.
“You weren’t at the bonfire. Less than an hour ago, you told me you were home.”
Saying a silent prayer this doesn’t ruin us, I open my mouth, “I lied. I didn’t want to fight.”
“You definitely lied, but you’re doing it now. I saw your truck, William. What aren’t you telling me?”
“Leave it. The guys called me to the bonfire to talk, so I went.”
“Called you how? By smashing your window?” I won’t lie again. “You need to tell them, Will. This isn’t a joke.”
“No, Ems. I won’t say anything, and neither will you. It’s not a joke, but I have it handled.”
Her eyes plead with me to give her more. I can’t. I give her what I can—my arms circling her, holding her tight, my lips against the top of her head in reassurance, my heart beating for her, swelling with love I will drown her in. And a resolve to never let the ugliness touch her. I’ll give her that every day, but tonight she gets my silence along with it.
Chapter Eleven
Emma
The window was replaced easily enough. Getting the truth from him is much harder. He and I both know what happened that night, and just because it’s been fixed and forgotten by most doesn’t mean I can let it go. Although at the moment, we have bigger fish to fry. College choice.
“Explain to me AGAIN why you are leaning towards Georgia Southern?” Trying to keep the exasperation from my tone is a huge undertaking.
“Football, Em. Same reason I gave you yesterday, the day before, and every day you ask me. I can’t play at University because of the fight.” The one he blames me for, he’s just too chicken to say so.
“There were other colleges that offered. It doesn’t have to be there or nowhere.”
“They are offering a full ride. And it’s the closest.”
“Your parents can afford it, Will.”
He rolls his eyes at me, tired of the same conversation. “I don’t want to be dependent on them. It’s important, and that’s why Southern makes the most sense. Plus, I don’t want to be that far from you.”
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes. Distance won’t matter to us. We’ve got a bond that won’t be broken by miles. “It works better if you tell me you just don’t want to share the real reason.”
“I’m giving you the real reasons. You make things so difficult.”
“You do. You’re the one hiding something. The truth.”
His deep sigh doesn’t deter me. There is a reason why he is going to commit to Southern, and he refuses to admit it. I’d rather him be two thousand miles from those assclowns who committed to play at Southern last week. “Emma, I’ve given you the truth. I want to play football. Georgia Southern isn’t my first choice, but I can’t play as a Bulldog. Southern offered me a full ride. It’s closer than the other schools who recruited me.”
“But you’re locked in for four years.”
“That’s what a full ride means.” I narrow my eyes at his unnecessary clarification.
“What happened to the plan? You were going to switch schools when I graduated. That’s off the table if you commit to a four-year scholarship.”
“And I’ve told you visits can be frequent. I have to live in the dorms until I’m second year, and I have a private room. Junior year I’ll look into apartments.”
“And a grueling football schedule, so I can visit and spend no time with you. That sounds like a blast.”
“Football season will be tough, I’ll admit it. But the rest of the time I’ll be yours.”
“Except for half of summer for training camp.”
“Are you trying to be difficult? When did we stop supporting each other’s dreams? I must have missed the memo.”
Way
to make me feel like shit. I resign myself to his choice. “I’m sorry. I support you playing football in college and after if that’s what you want. I just worry.”
“Don’t. That’s my job.”
“Okay, QB. I’ll sit on the sidelines while you revel in your glory. Better?”
“Almost. I need the obligatory kiss to stake your claim. You’ll need to hang on my every word. Gaze at me adoringly.”
“You’re pushing it.”
“Gazing at me pushed you over the top?”
“No, describing all those cheerleaders waiting to get in your pads pushed me over the edge. Let’s leave it at I’ll be your doting girlfriend, as I always am. Both of us win.”
“Deal.” He shoots me a wink as he pulls into the school parking lot. “Don’t forget I want you by my side when I sign today.”
I turn to him, stare into his eyes. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I am proud of you.”
“I love you.” He squeezes my hand and plants a quick kiss to my lips. “Let’s get to class.”
The day drags. I’m waiting for the dismissal of class to get to the signing ceremony. He’s kind of a big deal in small town football news, and with being a starter as a true freshman; he has a lot of curiosity surrounding him. Originally, he was going to be back-up and start as a red shirt freshman, but Georgia Southern’s quarterback went down in the last game with a career-ending knee injury. The coaches have confidence that William can start as a true freshman, and I agree with him. Pressure doesn’t get to him, he treats each game like it’s a championship game, and executes flawlessly. He was born to play. Besides his college choice, another bone of contention was his career aspirations. He had no idea after football. I’m sure he has the talent, the drive, the ambition to play at a professional level, but he needs a back-up plan. I try and point that out but it’s met with resistance. Injuries happen, careers have a timeline, but he has no interests outside of football. I suggested broadcasting major or teacher, so he could coach. I hope once he’s settled and gets a feel for the program, he will ease into a major. Hell, I’d settle for a minor at this point. For someone who doesn’t want to accept his parents help for school, he needs to understand that without a career he may find himself living in his childhood bedroom for a lifetime. I’m not high maintenance, but I do require things like a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes on my back . . . and I will be able to provide those things after college, but I refuse to support an adolescent who refused to have a back-up plan.
Embracing Emma (Companion to Brisé) Page 7
