“They are cute kids,” Olivia said. “How are they doing? This has to be rough.”
Lydia blew out a breath and took a sip of iced tea. “It has been so hard. They still cry some at night and ask for their mommy and daddy, but it’s getting a little better. It’s going to take time, I know that.” She paused for a minute. “There are nights when I am so mad at Meredith and Jim for dying. Horrible, huh?”
“You know, that’s normal,” Caroline said.
“Yeah, but still, I feel terrible when I do. I wish we were a year down the road already. I think they will be adjusted better then.”
“Are you kidding?” Olivia asked. “You’re doing an incredible job. Look at them, Lydia. Just look. They are laughing right now. Their faces are bright and they are having fun. Sure, nights might be a little rough right now, but they are so tired at night. That allows all that sorrow to push through. But don’t marginalize what a great job you’ve done stepping into your sister’s shoes. There aren’t many women who could jump in like you did.”
“Sure there are. I mean, I didn’t have a choice.”
“Yeah, you did,” Caroline said. “You could have sent them to your parents.”
“No. That would never have worked. My folks are too old to start raising kids again.”
“Doesn’t matter. Grandparents get stuck raising their grandkids all the time, whether they want to or not. Like Olivia said, you’re doing great. I’m impressed with my partner.” Caroline held up her iced-tea glass, condensation dripping down the side from the day’s warmth. “To the best new mom I know.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Olivia said and clinked her wine glass to Caroline’s iced tea.
“And thank God, I’ll have my practice partner back on Tuesday,” Caroline said with a laugh.
Lydia lifted her glass slowly. It made her feel good to hear two women she respected say such nice things about her. She might have blushed a little as her cheeks heated under their compliments.
“Thank you,” she said, and meant it from the bottom of her heart.
Chapter Ten
Lydia got the girls through dinner with only a few barbeque stains on their white T-shirts, not to mention the strawberry ice cream drips. She left them in their dirty clothes to play since all the other children were sporting similar stains. She had to admit that having Jason help Ellery with dinner and leaving her free to deal with Annie had been heavenly. Levi had played in his portable playpen nearby and it had seemed easy to help one child eat while keeping an eye on another.
After dinner, the girls played with Britney and Eliza Grace and some kittens Lane brought up from the barn while the adults sat at picnic tables nearby.
Beside her, Jason’s thigh was pressed tightly against hers. He’d rested his hand on the bench, letting his wrist rest casually on her ass. How, after all the years they’d been together, could the simple brush of his leg against hers or the heat from his hand on her butt bump her heart rate into overdrive and constrict her lungs?
She knew that right now, he was enjoying playing the role of pretend father, but he only got the good stuff. He didn’t have to get up in the middle of the night to feed Levi, or stroke a crying child’s back. He didn’t know what it was like to be so exhausted in the morning that you couldn’t remember whether you’d brushed your teeth or the girls’.
Jason came by after work, played, helped get them ready for bed and then sat with Lydia while she folded clothes or finally ate dinner at nine o’clock. Letting him stay the night was out of the question. She slept in the same room with a baby…a baby who farted, sniffed, shuffled around on his mattress, pooped, and did a lot of other activities that produced smells and sounds all night long.
From across the table, Jason’s cousin-in-law, Porchia asked, “So, when are you two going to get your wedding going again? I froze your cake, but I figure you deserve a fresh one. I’d like to get you back on my baking calendar.”
Porchia owned the local bakery and had recently started a small baking academy for students.
Beside her, Jason stopped talking to Cash. Lydia swallowed, although that was tough when all the moisture was gone from her mouth. She coughed, choking a little.
“Um, I don’t know,” Lydia replied. “Things are a little discombobulated in my life.”
Porchia nodded, obviously not realizing how stressed the question made Lydia. “I get it. Well, give me at least a couple of weeks’ notice, if you can. Otherwise, I’ll have to defrost the original cake.”
Lydia pushed a smile on her face. “You got it.”
When Porchia had asked her question, Jason’s gaze had fallen to Lydia’s hand. The engagement ring still hadn’t been put back on. Sure, he believed her when she said it got in the way during bath time with Levi, but he was beginning to wonder if there was more to it than that. He frowned. Were they even still engaged? He hadn’t a clue. He could ask her, but one of the tenets of cross-examination was to never ask a question that you didn’t know the answer to. Lawyers did not like surprises. Surprises meant you hadn’t done your homework.
Not that he would admit it to anyone, but he was afraid of her answer should he ask the question. If she said no, they were no longer engaged, then what were they? And if she said yes, they were still engaged, then why wasn’t she wearing her ring and why wouldn’t she set a date?
Had he done such a good job selling the idea that he didn’t want children, rather than that he couldn’t father children, that she believed him incapable of loving her nieces and nephew? Was it possible that she was choosing motherhood over marriage to him, and if so, did she think he’d make her choose?
“Want to take a walk? Exercise some of these calories off?” he whispered in Lydia’s ear. The Montgomery brothers had a history of using the babysitting support to sneak off with their dates––or wives now for Travis and Cash––for a little reconnecting, as his mother liked to call it. Over the years, Lydia and he had found some interesting places to reconnect.
She shook her head. “I don’t feel right leaving the children.”
“My parents are right here. So are all my siblings and their spouses. They’ll keep an eye on them.”
She shifted on the bench until their gazes met. “Those children are my responsibility. I am not going to ask other people to watch while we run off somewhere for some touch and tickle.” Crossing her arms over her chest in a defensive poise, she added, “I’m a little astonished that you would even suggest it.”
The repulsion in her eyes was like a slap. His head jerked back as though she’d struck him physically.
“Sorry,” he said. “Excuse me. I’ll be back.”
He stood and stalked away. Damn. Maybe it was over with Lydia and he was too clueless to see it. Now that he thought about it, they’d had sex exactly one time since the night of her sister’s accident.
He wasn’t a total idiot. Of course he realized how hard she’d been hit by her sister’s death and how different her life was now with the three children. But it wasn’t as if they hadn’t had opportunities to get naked and reconnect. They had. But she’d either been too tired or too stressed. Maybe she just wasn’t interested.
The barn doors were open, so he paced down the aisle, stopping to stroke and talk with various horses who greeted him. He came to the ladder leading to the hayloft and chuckled. Growing up, he and Travis each had complicated signals involving a shovel, a bucket and a pitchfork to show when the hayloft was in use. They’d had to develop the signals or risk climbing in on something the other didn’t want to see.
Tonight, the wooden rungs were unobstructed. The hayloft was available for trysts…not that Lydia appeared the least bit interested.
“Whatcha doing out here?”
Jason turned toward the voice. “Oh, hi, Lisa. Where’s Joe Ray?”
Lisa Billings was the town librarian. Rumor had it, or rath
er his receptionist had told him, that Lisa had taken up with Joe Ray Arnold, the local bad boy who ran the best damn automotive repair shop in a four county region. At twenty-nine, Lisa was a little younger than him, but they certainly ran in the same circles.
Lisa was the furthest thing from the stereotype people pictured when librarian was mentioned. She was tall with long blond hair and a rockin’ body that had every teenage boy in town taking up reading.
Lisa frown at his question. “I don’t know where he is and I don’t care.”
“Oops. Did I put my foot in my mouth?”
“No.” She sauntered to where he stood. “Not at all.” Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she leaned against the loft ladder. “I saw you walk in here and you looked pissed.”
“Did I?” He arched a brow. “I’m surprised you noticed.”
“I’ve noticed you for a long time, Jason.”
That took him aback. It had been a while, years even, since a woman had flirted so openly with him. He wasn’t sure whether to be flattered and flirt back, or be cool and reserved since he was engaged.
Hell, he didn’t even know if he was still engaged.
“Well, hell, Lisa. That’s flattering.”
She moved a little closer, very much into his personal space. “Sorry to hear your wedding got canceled.”
He smiled. “Postponed.”
Arching an eyebrow, she said, “Really? I heard that Lydia wasn’t wearing an engagement ring any longer.”
Jason loved living in a small, tight community. Liked knowing his neighbors. Liked them knowing him. But sometimes, Whispering Springs should be named Whispering Rumors.
“Just temporary,” he assured her.
“Hmm.” She leaned in a little more. If she moved much closer, her lips would brush his when she spoke. As it was, her breath brushed his mouth with each word. “Well, if that change becomes more, let’s say, permanent, I hope you’ll let me know. I love ranches, horses, living in Whispering Springs and—” her lips were millimeters from his, “—no children.”
Her breath was minty and warm. As much as he didn’t want to notice, his cock did. But it was damn near impossible for a guy not to notice an attractive woman, especially one who was expressing her interest so, um, interestingly.
“There you are, Jason,” Lydia said.
Lisa jumped back, but she still gave him a sexy, whatever-you’d-like smile. “Nice talking to you. I’ll be waiting to hear your suggestions on that permanent loan situation.” She whirled around toward Lydia. “Hi, Lydia. I sent a card when you lost your sister, but I wanted to tell you in person how tragic the whole thing was. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it. I don’t mean to interrupt you and my guy’s cozy little chat.”
“Oh, no,” Lisa said with a flip of her hand. “We’re done. Better scoot.” She waved over her head as she sauntered back down the barn aisle. “Later.”
Lydia was carrying Levi on her hip and she adjusted her hold. “You left so abruptly.”
“I was done. I told you I wanted to walk off dinner with a little exercise. As I remember, you turned me down flat.” He held out his arms. “Here. Give him to me. You’ve been hauling him around for hours. Your back has to be getting tired.”
Levi moved from her arms to his, the ever-present baby bottle conking the side of Jason’s head as he got the baby settled. Levi rested his head on Jason’s shoulder and something deep inside his soul mourned his inability to father children.
“You’re upset,” Lydia said, stating the obvious.
The muscles in his jaw tightened.
“Hell, yes, I’m pissed,” he snapped.
“You’re mad about the children. I know, I know,” she hurried to say before he could correct her. “You don’t want kids and here is your fiancée with three of them. Well, I’m sorry, but this situation isn’t going to change for at least the next eighteen years. If you want to wait eighteen more years, I’m pretty sure we’d be safe from the childrearing dilemma.”
He stared at her, so spitting mad he couldn’t speak.
“Well, say something,” she said.
“Fine. I’ll say something. You’re not wearing your ring.”
She looked at her hands and then back at him. “I told you why I took it off.”
“Yeah, it scratched Levi during his bath, but you never put it back on.”
“So?”
“So I have to wonder why.”
“What are you trying to say, Jason? Spit it out.”
“It’s quite simple. I’m trying to figure out if we are still engaged or not. There. Is that plain enough for you?”
Levi began to cry, probably because of their angry voices and the swirling tension in the air.
“Are you happy? Now you’ve gone and made him cry?” Lydia said, reaching for the baby.
He twisted so she couldn’t take Levi. “Me?” he said in a whisper. He rubbed Levi’s back as he pressed the baby more snuggly against him. He began to rock his body to soothe the child.
“It’s okay, little guy,” he said in a cooing voice. “Don’t be upset. Everything’s fine.” He might have changed to a soft, calming voice, but he shot glares at Lydia. “Maybe we can discuss this later, like after little ears go to sleep.”
“I’ll look forward to it,” she said, a sneer wrinkling her upper lip.
Lord knew he wasn’t.
The drive back to Lydia’s house was mighty quiet. All three children were asleep. Jason wasn’t speaking. She, personally, didn’t know what to say. Well, actually she did, but it might be cutting off her nose to spite her face, as her mother used to say.
“You and the new librarian sure were getting friendly.”
Jason looked at her. “Innocent party here.”
“Honey, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have slipped my business card between your two mouths if I’d tried.”
“Again, innocent party. Minding my own business when Lisa followed me to the barn.”
“Hmm.”
“Don’t give me that, Lydia. I am totally in the right here.
She sighed. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not being fair to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I appreciate all you do for us, the kids and me. I know this isn’t really what you bargained for when you asked me to marry you.”
“Maybe not, but marriage means taking whatever life throws at you.”
“But we’re not married.”
“We would be by now,” he said. He reached over and stroked her cheek. “I love you, Lydia. I’ve loved you for a long time. Hell, maybe since I first laid eyes on you.”
She smiled. “You were determined that night, weren’t you?”
“All I knew was that I had to get to know you.”
Glancing toward him, she said, “That was a long time ago.”
“Seems like yesterday.”
“How did the years pass so fast?”
He sighed. “I don’t know. I should not have let you talk me into waiting to get married. I should have driven you straight to Vegas.”
She laughed. “You mean instead of taking me to breakfast after we met, you should have hustled me straight to the Elvis Presley wedding chapel?”
“Would you have gone?”
Smiling, she shook her head. “Who knows? I was coming off a thirty-six-hour shift. You probably could have talked me into anything.”
“So I’m forgiven that I’m such a hunk that a beautiful woman followed me into the barn and tried to have her way with me?”
Chuckling, she said, “You are, but I might have to have a talk with the town librarian.”
* * * * *
During her last four days off work, Lydia spent time with Mrs. Henry, making sure she and the children were comfortabl
e with each other. The plan, if it worked, was for Mrs. Henry to keep the children at home on Monday through Thursday. On Fridays, she had a standing appointment to get her hair fixed and nails painted for church on Sunday. That worked great for Lydia. She could ease back into the office at four days a week. There was a mothers’-day-out program at the Whispering Springs United Methodist Church on Fridays. She booked Ellery and Annie into the morning sessions, deciding they needed the socialization with other children.
She was ready to head back to the office. She only hoped she didn’t use the words pee-pee or poo-poo with any of her patients. After two months with the girls and Levi and Disney theme songs, her brain was turning to mush. She was looking forward to some adult conversation…if she could remember how.
The morning of her first day back at work arrived and, of course, fate thought it a great idea to throw a monkey wrench into her plans. She had the girls up and having breakfast when Mrs. Henry called to say she wasn’t feeling well. Taking the children to the office with her was a horrible plan, but she didn’t have a backup at the moment and she really needed to get back to work.
Cash was parking his truck at the curb as she was trying to herd everyone into the SUV.
“Morning,” he called.
“Morning. When am I going to have my own bath?”
He laughed. “Soon. I promise.” He smiled at the twins. “Good morning, ladies.”
Now that he’d been around a lot, Ellery and Annie had become quite attached to Cash and his smile, which Lydia could understand. She’d become quite fond of Jason’s little brother too. Without him, she and the three kids would still be trying to survive in a two bedroom, one bath house. The girls ran over to him.
“Guess what?” Ellery said.
He squatted. “What?”
“Our babysitter is sick and we get to go to the office today.”
He rolled his gaze up to Lydia. “Well, that’s going to be quite the adventure.”
“I know,” Lydia said. “But we’ll have to do the best we can. Come on, girls. Climb in your seats.”
“What’s wrong with Mrs. Henry?”
Texas Lullaby (Texas Montgomery Mavericks Book 7) Page 14
