by M. Mabie
“I guess. If that’s what it’s gonna take,” he said and laughed.
I decided then and there, I wasn’t doing any more shots. Furthermore, Mike could do as many as he liked and fuck himself. I was single, but I wasn’t cheap or desperate.
Rolling my eyes, I made my way to the stage. Joey, the lead singer, was an older guy and a pretty good friend of my grandfather’s, so I stood next to his wife and proceeded to get my country on.
By the time the band was on break again, Mike and his friends were out back in the beer garden. I saw Sam standing just outside the door with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
A few times I’d turned around while dancing, noticing that Rhett had taken a seat at the end of the bar close to the dance floor.
When Mike would catch my eye, he’d make like he was taking another shot and point at me.
No, thanks, buddy.
If he wanted in these pants he sure as hell wasn’t going to get there by getting me drunk. The longer the night went on, the more resolute I was that being with Mike was off the table. I could do better—even back at square one.
Was it a mistake to expect someone who wanted to have sex with me to actually give me some attention? Maybe dance with me? Maybe try to have a conversation or see what I was doing when there wasn’t alcohol involved? Someone who appreciated me or acted like they even liked me or found me interesting? Someone who I found interesting, for that matter?
It got to the time of night where the bar was hopping and people had wandered outside, the crowd spread wide from the front sidewalk under the awning all the way out to the covered beer garden in back. Sally and a handful of couples still danced, but it was about that time where I needed to decide if I was going to stay and drink more or go home.
The problem was, I liked the view so much.
Rhett was younger than me, and that still felt a little weird, but he didn’t look like a kid anymore. So, maybe I wasn’t a panther. Maybe I was just a girl who appreciated a handsome man when I saw one.
I’d seen people walk over to him and shake his hand, and then they’d look my way. A few girls around his age sat next to him, but he turned his stool to watch the band, away from their attention.
My beer was empty, as luck would have it, so I went to get another, hoping if I ventured over to him he’d finally talk to me. I took a shot.
“How did the sand bagging go?” I asked as I approached him. Surprisingly, he didn’t look away; instead, he smiled. Damn, he had a nice one.
“Pretty good. Got a lot done.” His big hand rubbed over his mouth and he added, “Thanks for the beer the other night.”
You could have called and thanked me.
He wore a light gray t-shirt that was tight across his chest and around his biceps. He had a ball cap on and dark jeans. Plus, he smelled so fine.
I probably looked like a shit show, sweaty and melted from dancing, but I didn’t care. He was chatting with me.
“You’re welcome. I appreciated you guys helping me out,” I answered and moved around him to set my empty bottle on the bar. When Faith noticed me, she held up a finger to ask if I just wanted one. I noticed he was a little low so I held up two fingers, ordering one for him, too.
It was weird. Rhett Caraway was old enough to drink, which only reminded me that I was bordering ancient. I took a deep breath with that thought and let it out slowly, feeling a little disappointed.
If only he was older, then maybe it wouldn’t have been so damn awkward.
Fuck it. If I was wishing, I would’ve chosen to be younger.
Lost in my thoughts, I heard his voice, but missed what he’d said and reflexively leaned in and asked, “Huh?”
“I said the band sounds great.” He spoke quietly, which I didn’t mind because it gave me a reason to watch his mouth and stay near him to hear.
“Yeah, those guys don’t play that often anymore, but they should. Plus, Sally’s having a good time.” I threw the money down and leaned over to grab the pair of beers from behind him, again noticing how mouthwatering he smelled. There’s just something about the smell of a fine man that caused me to tingle all the way to my toes.
“Did you get finished at the levee?” I asked and handed him my extra beer.
He frowned first, but took my offering. “You didn’t have to buy me beer.”
“You can get the next one,” I acquiesced and shrugged my shoulder. It was just a beer.
He leaned in and said, “Thank you. We got a few of the worst spots in better shape. We’ll be heading to the north end and working there next, then follow the levee down.” He took another drink and finished what was left in his last bottle.
All of a sudden, I felt a hand wrap around my waist and I stepped out of the way, spinning out of its hold.
“Sunny, we’re heading out to a party. Ride out with us?” said get-me-drunk-and-fuck-me Mike. There he was, probably thirty and totally within my appropriate age range, but I wasn’t even slightly interested in going anywhere with him.
“No, I think I’m gonna stay here a little longer. You guys go and have a good time. I’ll see you around.” I pressed my hand on his chest to get some room.
“Your car here? I can just ride out with you.” He wiggled his eyebrows and added, “Let’s get more shots.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want any more shots, and I think you should go with your friends.”
He cocked his head to the side, looking at Rhett and back at me then pulled my hand to follow him, which I allowed, but only a few steps away.
“Mike.”
I could smell the liquor on his breath, and it put me off even more. He lowered his voice to talk to me. “Sunny, I thought you liked me. I thought we might have something going on here.”
He was still holding onto my hand, which I shook off.
That night had been eye opening. In the past, I’d thought he’d been a pretty all right guy, but he seemed a lot more interested in spending time with me after the bar, after the drinks, than he did otherwise. Add that to the things I heard him and his friends saying about getting me drunk, and I wasn’t able to come up with a single reason I had to stoop to that level for company.
“I’m not really looking for anything serious right now.” A familiar line I’d used many times. Which wasn’t really true anymore, but I wasn’t looking for someone like him. I was positive of that.
Mike didn’t take it hard; in fact, I don’t really think he grasped what I was saying or actually paid attention. He held up a finger to his friends to wait for him and said, “Well, I’ll see you at the party later then.”
Whatever.
“You guys have fun.” I didn’t bother standing there anymore, and I sat my bottle on the edge of the bar top next to Rhett before I asked him, “Can you watch this? I’m going to the bathroom.”
He nodded and turned in his seat so that he faced the bar-back again.
I made a beeline for the ladies’ room, hoping that by the time I made my way out, Mike and his two friends would be long gone.
While I stood in line for one of the two stalls, I looked at my face in the mirror. Mascara smudged under my lashes, I pulled a paper towel from the dispenser and cleaned up my raccoon eyes, slapped on a new coat of lip-gloss, and appeared somewhat refreshed.
I read the most current small-town headline news in the stall, indicating that Hannah and I were correct. Rhett Caraway was hot as fuck. There was a lot of truth scratched into the paint in that bathroom.
Luckily, when I came out a few more people had left, probably heading out to the party at Smiths’ farm. People milled around in the beer garden and a few sat at the tables waiting for the last set of music.
I had a good buzz, but it was getting clear that I needed to slow down. The beer I was drinking was probably my last. I leaned against the stool next to Rhett and grabbed my drink as the guys took the stage one last time.
“I think I’m going to go dance a little more. Thanks for watching my beer,”
I said. As cute as he was, and as fun as it would be to chase him, I felt more like finishing up the night and going to bed.
Alone.
I wasn’t going to throw myself at Rhett Caraway, especially if he wasn’t interested anymore.
I watched her across the bar, dancing like a maniac, and tipped my cold bottle back.
As a kid, I thought she was pretty—and she was. But as a man, seeing the woman she’d become, I realized I’d been wrong all along.
She was gorgeous.
Swaying her hips, completely off time. For a girl who listened to as much music as she did, she sure as hell didn’t have any visible rhythm, but it also didn’t appear like she cared. Arms raised above her head, she held her hair up to cool her neck from the heat coming off the dance floor. Blithe like a fawn through a field, she was clumsy but kept my attention.
She might have been acting coy, but I noticed how often she looked my way.
My. Way.
I should have known better—I’d been lured into that smile my whole life. There was something different, something new behind it, though. It wasn’t only kindness, the kind she’d always shown me. Not anymore.
There was chemistry. Curiosity. Attraction. And it was coming from her.
Everything in my body screamed to go out there and wrap her in my arms and dance her around the hardwood. Yet, I wasn’t that kid anymore. The boy who dropped everything for a girl years older than me, only to get shot down. If she wanted me to dance with her, she’d have to ask. Even then I’d need to give it a good think.
One thing was for sure, I wanted to, but I had a literal lifetime of embarrassing myself trying to catch her attention. It was her move to make.
Before I knew it, I was smiling back at her and shaking my head at how funny she was. Her zeal was contagious. Perfectly wild, she whirled around the bar carefree of anyone’s opinion. I’m sure she knew how silly she looked, but she did it anyway which was something I could relate to—at least in my younger years.
Looking like a fool, yet not giving a shit.
Her glassy blue eyes held mine and silently asked, “Aren’t you going to come over here?” That would be too novel. Too predictable. And, in my experience, a waste of time.
I lifted my beer in the air, wordlessly asking her if she needed another drink.
She puckered her lips to hide her smile, but nodded that she’d take one. She called, “One more.”
I turned on my stool and found Faith right behind me watching the show, too. “Faith, can I please get two more Bud Lights?”
“Think she’s just playing with you, Rhett?” she asked, which caught my attention. There wasn’t a single person in town who didn’t remember my trivial, boyish history.
I leaned over to pull my wallet out of my back pocket and grabbed another twenty. “Hell, I don’t know. She might be.” My answer was short and sweet.
“Well, it wouldn’t make her a bad girl. Sometimes it just takes the good ones a little while to come around.” She patted the bar in front of me before heading to the cooler.
Was that what this was? Sunny Wilbanks finally coming around? I doubted it.
She’d always be just out of my reach, regardless of how I’d always thought I had a chance as a kid. I wasn’t naïve like back then. And, to her, I’d always be the kid with the crush.
I looked above Faith’s head at the bar clock that read twelve fifteen. “You know what? How about one for her and a twelve pack to go? I’m gonna head out.”
She cocked her hip, placed her hand on it, and leered at me disapprovingly as she held the cooler door. I didn’t owe anyone an explanation, but beer has a way of opening your mouth for you.
“Faith, I’m not chasing her anymore. She’s told me no enough to last a lifetime.” I scratched the back of my neck feeling stupid for having said what I did, but it was true. Then added, “My lifetime for sure.”
She walked back without the drinks, seeming pretty hell-bent. “So what? Things change, Rhett. They always do. You’re both adults these days, and if you’re going to be a coward now, you sure as hell picked the wrong time to start.”
I wasn’t a coward, but I wasn’t a fool either.
“It’s late,” I argued, knowing it was time to call it a night.
“But maybe not too late,” she said as I looked over my shoulder and saw Sunny walking our way.
Wasn’t it too late? She’d told me herself that it wasn’t ever going to happen. Sure, it was ten years ago, but rejection is rejection. I wasn’t about to head down a dead-end road with the girl of my dreams, only to figure out I was still in it alone. I’d already survived it once, and I doubted I’d be able to do it again.
Faith slid Sunny’s drink across the wooden bar top. She packed up the dozen beers I’d asked for in two six-pack carriers and handed them over the bar to me. “Twenty-six dollars.”
I opened my wallet again, pulled out another ten, and set the bills on the counter.
“Hey, where are you going?” Sunny asked. Her shoulder bumped into mine, and I turned in the stool.
“Heading out,” I said. I could sit there and watch her for another hour, but it was nothing more than torturing myself.
“Are you going out to Smiths’?” She looked down at the floor and bit her bottom lip. That shy thing she did was almost powerful enough to crush my defenses. It was completely opposite from the way she’d behaved around me my whole life.
I hadn’t planned on going out there, but … did she want to go? Did she want me to ask her to go? She’d turned that other guy down and I’d heard her say in very plain English she wasn’t looking for anything serious right now.
I wasn’t sure what to say. “I don’t know.”
“Well, if you are …” she started, then laughed. “God, this is weird.” She looked up at me and swore. “Shit, Rhett.”
I still wasn’t going to ask her. I knew better.
“Spit it out,” I told her.
She looked like a deer in headlights. There were a thousand times in my memory where I asked her to go somewhere, or do something, and there she was waiting for me to do it again. Things had changed.
“I mean, I left you my phone number, and I bought you some beer. I mean, it’s weird as hell, but I just thought that maybe you’d want to …” She was struggling.
I loved it. Every second of it. The part where she was nervous to say what she wanted, but mostly because she was actually paying attention to me for a change.
“To…?” I prompted, desperate to hear her say it.
“I don’t know. To hang out? Do something. Talk. Ride around.” She shrugged and her brow rose hopefully. Her eyes looked past me behind the bar at something that made her smile again, then added, “We could do anything.”
I tried to keep that dude inside of me who was bursting to jump and shout out in victory, at bay. Sure, I was older now and she wasn’t in any danger of jail time anymore, which I didn’t actually realize until she’d already been gone a few years. It wasn’t her fault I’d been so much younger than she was. She didn’t really have a choice back then.
But, she did now.
“You want to go with me?” I asked, praying I hadn’t read her wrong. Praying I wouldn’t hear her say no once again.
“Yeah,” she said. “I’ll go with you.” Embarrassment mixed with excitement on her face and she held her lips shut tightly around a smile causing two sexy dimples to appear on her cheeks.
“All right then,” I said. I needed to hold onto my cool with both hands.
“Faith, can you grab my purse from back there?” she asked.
In the reflection of the Miller Lite mirror hanging on the wall across the room, I saw Faith hand Sunny her purse and give her a thumbs up. Sunny flipped her off, and then said, “Let’s go, Rhett.”
In all my life, I never thought I’d ever be leaving a bar with that girl, but I wasn’t about to complain. For what it was worth, just hearing her admit she wanted to go with me was enough.
I hadn’t noticed earlier, but I’d parked right next to her. As we walked across the street, she walked toward her car. Not my pickup.
I stopped at my truck bed and flipped up my cooler’s lid.
“Do you care if I take my car home and let Andy out?” she asked.
Two at a time, I plunged the bottles into the ice water in my cooler. That was fine with me. I could get a grip on the way.
“That’s fine. I’ll pick you up,” I agreed.
“Oh, shoot. You left your passenger window down.”
I looked through the back glass to see. I had, but maybe it wasn’t too bad.
“Oh well. See you in a few minutes,” she said, and hopped into her car.
After she backed up and pulled away and my cooler was restocked, I folded the cardboard six packs and opened the passenger side door to check the seat. It wasn’t too damp, just wet on the door where rain had gotten through the few inches where the window was cracked.
Unfortunately, the seat was dry for the most part. Dammit.
That would have been a great excuse to slide her over to the middle of the bench seat next to me. Ironically, it was the one time that summer when I was disappointed by the rain not fucking something up.
There was no time to dwell on it. I was going to Sunny’s to pick her up because she’d asked me to. I didn’t think that was really sinking in yet.
I’d fantasized about her in a lot of places. My truck. The tractor. The barn. The meadow by the creek. My bed.
As I drove to her place, just outside of town, I reminded myself a few key things. Not to get my hopes up and not to get ahead of myself.
It had stopped raining by the time I pulled in her drive, but I noticed again that it was badly rutted. When I got around to smoothing out our roads, I’d be over there working on hers, too.
Because I was neighborly.
Because I didn’t want her hitting one and jacking something up under her car. It was a safety thing.
She was standing on the small concrete porch steps watching her dog run around the yard. I could have been wrong, but, in my memory, Andy used to be a lot smaller. A lot different. In fact, I thought Andy was a Jack Russell something, and this dog was some kind of hound. Part beagle and part something shaggy.
