by Anna Samuels
‘I’m back!’
I looked up to see Alex coming through the door. She locked the door behind her and closed the curtains against the blackness of the sky outside. ‘Hi,’ I replied softly.
‘You look cosy,’ she commented, coming to sit on the same sofa as I was on, at the other end.
‘I’d gotten a bit cold.’
‘I can imagine! You were running around the park in your bathrobe!’
‘I’m sorry…you must think I’m an absolute fool,’ I replied, red-faced.
‘Cassie,’ Alex said, reaching out to place her hand on mine.
I glanced at her hand on mine, feeling a reaction of chemistry rush through me as the electricity passed through me. ‘Yes?’
‘You’re very hard on yourself, you know.’
‘I am?’ I questioned, dangerously close to tears again.
‘Yes, you are. You seem to have an extremely low opinion of yourself right now. I wonder where that comes from, as all I can see is a the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen sat in front of me. It’s being marred by the sadness in your eyes. Someone’s beat you with the downtrodden stick and I want to hear more about it.’
I looked at her, feeling my eyes well with tears. ‘Why on earth would you want to hear all about what’s got me down, Alex?’ I asked her, completely confused by her clear interest in my story.
‘You intrigue me, Cassie.’
‘I do? Why?’
She shrugged, but smiled at me. ‘I find you interesting…’
‘But don’t you have to go home this evening? A family to return to?’ I questioned.
‘I live alone,’ she told me, clearly. ‘No-one’s waiting for me, Cassie.’
‘Oh,’ I replied, stumped. Why did she live alone? I thought to myself, but didn’t ask. It didn’t seem appropriate to question her on that so early into our conversation.
‘All I do is work, Cassie. I don’t have time for anything else, let alone a family.’
‘I see,’ I replied, although I didn’t. I thought everyone should make time for a family. It was the most important thing in my life.
‘So; start at the beginning.’
‘What?’ I asked.
‘Go back to the beginning of what’s caused this ‘breakdown’ today,’ she said, lifting her fingers to quote the word.
I sighed and sat back on the sofa, tucking my feet up underneath me. ‘Blimey; where do I start?’
‘You start at the beginning,’ she said simply.
‘You make it sound so easy,’ I replied.
‘I’m sure it is if you allow it to be,’ she smiled.
I considered this for a moment. ‘Okay…well, I guess this starts some time ago.’
‘How long?’
‘Uh, about twenty years.’
She sat back on the sofa too, ready to hear my story.
‘It all began when I fell pregnant with my son,’ I told her, looking off into the distance thoughtfully. As I cast my mind back over the years, memories came flooding back. I knew how far it went back, and I was only now acknowledging that fact. I took a deep breath and started to talk.
Chapter 3
‘I fell pregnant by accident,’ I told Alex, looking up at her from under my eyelashes. ‘I had known this guy-Paul-for a few years but we were just friends. I was actually more interested in someone else at the time…’
‘So, Paul was the father?’ she questioned.
‘Yes,’ I nodded. ‘I ended up with him one night when I was upset after a rejection from someone else and I fell pregnant.’
‘That must have been quite a shock…’
‘It was. It wasn’t in my plan, at all. I had just finished my training to become a teacher and no-one expected me to fall pregnant. It just wasn’t on the agenda for me.’
‘So what did you do? Obviously, you had your son?’
‘I did, yes. I did what I was expected to do,’ I said slowly.
‘Which was what?’
‘I married Paul and I stayed at home to have Ben.’
‘Oh…’ was all she said.
‘I then had Ava two years later and once she was a year old, I went back to the original plan-teaching.’
‘Oh yes. You said you’re a teacher.’
‘Possibly ‘was’ a teacher would be more accurate,’ I informed her.
‘You’re jumping ahead,’ she scolded. ‘Go back, bit by bit.’
‘Okay,’ I sighed. ‘Well, my marriage wasn’t happy. Paul and I quickly realised it wasn’t right for us. That being said, we had two children together and so we made it work for them. We lived separate lives within our life together. He had numerous affairs and I was glad. I didn’t want him around me and it suited me that he was off with other women.’
Alex frowned at that, looking troubled.
‘I focused on the children, and carried on-waiting till the point when they would fly the nest.’
‘To do what?’ she questioned.
‘Finally focus on me,’ I replied.
‘In what way?’
‘Well, to have a life, Alex.’
‘I don’t understand…’
‘Everything since falling pregnant with Ben, everything in my life has been about someone else. It’s either been Paul, or the children or my job. I haven’t had time for me in years. I’m finally ready to make some changes.’
‘Is that why you said you weren’t teaching this year?’ she asked.
‘That’s one of the things,’ I nodded. ‘I don’t like teaching and if I’m honest, I never have. When I thought about going back for yet another year…well, I just crumpled. I can’t do it anymore.’
‘And what about your children? Why aren’t they as much of an issue now?’
‘Because Ava has just started University. That’s why I was down here-to drop her at Plymouth. Ben has been at Uni for three years now so they’re on their way to being independent adults.’
‘And the husband?’
‘Long gone now…but then it’s not as if he was really there before anyway,’ I said wistfully. ‘It wasn’t what I…’ I trailed off, unsure of how to finish that sentence.
Alex stared at me, waiting for more.
‘I just…I’ve been waiting for this day for years…the day I could make my own choices, do my own thing,’ I said softly. ‘Now it’s here I just feel so…sad,’ I decided, looking up at her with wide eyes.
She cocked her head, eyeing me intently. ‘Do you know what I think, Cassie? I mean I don’t want to jump in and tell you what to feel or not feel…I just…’ she hesitated.
‘Go on,’ I encouraged. ‘Any advice would be much appreciated.’
‘Well, I just think you’re thinking about this in completely the wrong way…’
‘You do?’
‘Yes. I absolutely do.’
‘So, how should I be feeling?’ I asked her curiously.
‘Free!’ she exclaimed passionately.
I gaped at her, watching the excitement on her face.
‘You’re finally free, Cassie. You can make choices for you! You can do things you’ve always be constrained to do! You can live your life as you want to and make decisions based on you-not someone else.’
‘But…’
‘But nothing! You have an opportunity now for change, Cassie. Embrace it with both hands and enjoy the ride! You’re about to enter the best phase of your adult life.’
I watched her, enjoying the enthusiasm with which she spoke. She was animated and positive. It made me feel good. ‘I just…don’t know where to start,’ I revealed.
‘Oh don’t be silly, Cassie! You already have!’
‘I have?’
‘Of course you have! You haven’t returned to the job you hate right?’ she questioned.
‘Right,’ I nodded.
‘You’re making time for you-by giving yourself this break away-right?’
‘Sort of,’ I nodded. ‘I wanted some kind of distraction after dropping Ava at University. I kne
w if I returned home that I would just be miserable and depressed.’
‘I still think you’re looking at it in a very negative way,’ she told me, bluntly.
I stared at her. No-one had been that forward speaking to me in a long time. ‘I am?’
‘Yes!’ she exclaimed, with passion.
‘How so?’
‘Well, in my opinion, you should be buzzing with excitement right now.’
‘Why?’ I questioned, completely baffled by her take on my life.
‘Because you’re finally free, Cassie.’
I frowned. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘As far as I understand it, you’ve spent your life to date being a wife, a mother and a teacher. Now it’s time for you to make choices for you alone. You don’t have to just be those things anymore. You could create a new, different life-one where you’re happier.’
I stared at her, surprised.
‘You’re in a bad place right now-I understand that, I do. Your daughter has moved on; she’s growing up…I can understand not wanting to be alone too. The thing is, you should be thinking about this as an opportunity…not the opposite.’
‘I guess I have been pretty negative about everything,’ I murmured, looking up at her from under my lashes.
‘You have.’
‘I know you’re right. Everything you said is completely correct and it’s not like I haven’t been thinking the same thing in the lead up to all this…I just…’ I trailed off.
‘It’s hard…I know.’
‘Do you have children, Alex?’ I asked.
She shook her head, and smiled at me kindly. ‘I don’t, no. I’ve dedicated myself to this place,’ she told me. ‘It’s all I have time for and in many ways I couldn’t have done this if I had had a family.’
‘I see,’ I said quietly, even though I didn’t. I couldn’t imagine life without my children. They were everything to me.
‘This place has been my life since as long as I can remember,’ she revealed.
‘Really? And do you enjoy what you do? Is this your choice?’
‘It is, yes. I really enjoy running Hunter’s Moon. It’s where I grew up; it’s history to me. That coupled with the fact that I love everything I do here, I am quite happy…well, almost,’ she said with a mirthless laugh.
‘Why do you say almost?’ I wondered.
Alex sat back against the sofa and sighed, running a weary hand over her face. ‘You don’t want to hear of my troubles, Cassie. You’ve got enough going on for that.’
I looked at her for a minute, considering her words. ‘I actually would love to hear more about you,’ I told her.
She smiled at me, happily. ‘You would?’
‘Yes,’ I said, feeling my cheeks reddening slightly. ‘I would.’
‘Okay,’ she said, shifting in her seat to get more comfortable. ‘My parents are about to retire…’
‘Oh right.’
‘And the plan was always that my brother and I would take over Hunter’s Moon.’
I nodded, waiting for her to continue.
‘It’s our inheritance…our future,’ she told me, the passion for her business and home clear to see.
‘And this is causing you to frown because...?’ I questioned.
‘Because my brother doesn’t want it,’ she said, looking glum.
‘Oh I see. Can’t you take it on yourself?’ I asked, not understanding why her brother was so pivotal in this.
‘It’s too much,’ she said, shaking her head sadly. ‘I understand where he’s coming from,’ she continued. ‘He has a wife-a young family. He wants us to sell and use the inheritance for a new home. Unless I take over everything myself, I will have to go ahead with a sale with him…’
‘What do your parents want?’ I wondered.
‘They’re past caring. They’re too old and tired to keep doing this and although ideally they’d have us continuing the family business, they ultimately just want to be free of the responsibility. They’ve left us to sort it out between the two of us.’
‘Oh dear…I take it that’s not going well.’
‘It’s not, no,’ she sighed. ‘He won’t budge and we need to both agree on what we’re going to do.’
‘Doesn’t he feel sentimental towards the park?’
‘He does…but he doesn’t want to be part of the running of it anymore. It’s been hard work for us both and he just wants it to stop. I don’t want to give up this place but I can’t do it alone.’
‘You’re not married or anything then?’ I asked, trying to sound neutral about the subject.
‘Not even close,’ she laughed. ‘I don’t have anyone, Cassie. If I did, this venture may be possible. Alone; it’s a step too far.’
I gazed at her for a long moment, noting the disappointment in her face. ‘I’m sorry, Alex.’
She shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. ‘There’s nothing I can really do now.’
I gave her a small smile. ‘Perhaps listen to the same advice you gave me a little while ago…’
‘What do you mean?’ she questioned.
‘Your negativity. Don’t give up if that’s not what you really want.’
‘I don’t know what I want at the moment, Cassie. Sometimes I’m just so tired that I think giving up would be the best option.’
‘It would be the easiest option,’ I replied, correcting her. ‘I don’t get the impression you’re the type to give up easily.’
‘I’m not usually,’ she told me. Sighing, she rubbed her face. ‘Sorry, Cassie…you don’t need to be hearing all this. Especially not tonight.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ I said, smiling at her. ‘You’re a great distraction.’
She smiled back at me, her eyes holding mine captive.
‘I mean…’ I cleared my throat, feeling heat fill my cheeks for what seemed the hundredth time since I had met her.
‘I know what you mean,’ she said, her eyes a deep, dark blue and full of interest.
I looked down, fiddling with my fingers awkwardly. A few long moments passed of quiet between us and when I looked back up, I could see that Alex was feeling the same sense of discomfort that I was. There was something passing between us, and I wasn’t sure what the feeling was. I felt my cheeks heating even more and I shifted in my seat feeling strange.
‘I should leave you to enjoy your holiday,’ Alex said then, moving to the edge of the sofa.
‘I…yeah,’ I replied, more unsure of myself than ever.
‘Will you be okay this evening?’ she asked, standing up before me.
‘I…of course. Yes,’ I nodded, standing too. ‘Thank you so much for this evening-coming to my aide, Alex.’
‘No worries. It’s been nice to chat to you this evening.’
‘It really has been. A new friend is always welcome,’ I said, smiling nervously.
‘Friend?’ she replied.
I nodded. ‘It would be good to have a friend right now.’
She glanced downwards and then lifted her gaze to mine yet again. ‘Well, I’ll let you get on with enjoying your holiday in peace,’ she said, moving towards the door. ‘Let me know if there’s anything else you need. Okay?’
I smiled at her. ‘Thanks,’ I replied, wanting to ask her to stay. Wanting…more, somehow. ‘Have a good evening.’
‘And you,’ she responded. ‘Bye Cassie.’
‘Bye, Alex.’ I watched her go and she waved as she reached the path. I waved back and then turned back inside. Going back to the sofa, I sat down and relaxed back with a smile.
Chapter 4
How long I sat in the position, I wasn’t sure. What I did know was that I was well and truly distracted from my woes. I felt surprisingly cheerful all of a sudden and it was as if suddenly there was hope for the future. I lay back against the soft fabric of the sofa, daydreaming. I didn’t shift until the peeling sound of my phone woke me from my reverie.
Scrambling off the sofa, I reached for my bag and pulled out my mobile pho
ne.
‘Hello?’ I said hastily, pressing the answer button.
‘Hey Mum, it’s me!’
‘Ava!’ I exclaimed with happiness to hear her voice. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine! It’s great here,’ she told me enthusiastically. ‘We’re all heading out soon for a drink down at the student bar. I just wanted to check in on you before I go.’
‘Oh sweetheart, thank you but I’m fine. I’m glad it sounds like you’re enjoying yourself so much already.’
‘I am, Mum. There’s one girl who is in the next room to me-her name’s Maddie. She’s really nice, Mum…my type of person. I think we’re going to be good friends,’ she said cheerfully.
‘Oh that’s great, honey. I’m so pleased for you.’
‘I’m surprised that you’re sounding so good to be honest though, Mum. I thought you’d be finding this hard.’
‘Well, I was a little bit wobbly on the drive down to my holiday but now I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying this lovely cabin I’m in and I also made a friend,’ I told her, unable to prevent my smile from stretching across my face.
‘A new friend? Oh brilliant, Mum! Is she there on holiday too?’ she questioned.
‘Actually, no. She’s the owner of this holiday park. Her name’s Alex and she’s really interesting. She runs this place single-handedly and is completely fearless. She came to get rid of the biggest spider you’ve ever seen in the bath here and then stayed for a long chat. It was lovely,’ I gushed.
‘Wow…Mum, you’re making progress,’ Ava told me, sounding stunned.
‘Progress? What do you mean?’ I questioned.
‘You’re entering the land of the living-making friends and taking time to do things for yourself. I’m so pleased you’ve decided to take time out from work to sort out what you want to do next.’
‘So am I, honey. I really needed a break away. Even if I go back at some point, I don’t think now is the time.’
‘Neither do I, Mum. You haven’t been right for a long time. If having a break doesn’t help, promise me you’ll go back to the doctor?’
‘I will, Ava. Thanks for your concern but I’ll be fine. I just need some time away from everything that was stressing me out. I think in time that I’ll be my old self.’
