So basically God wanted her to give up anything she’d ever wanted out of her life. Her desire to be a mother, to marry a good man, to have many years with her father—instead she’d witness piece after excruciating piece of him float away—any independence or safety she imagined she had and her hope of one day publishing something that mattered. As if she were an apple being ground in the press until all the cider was crushed out of her, she felt like she had nothing left to cling to...just pulp.
How was that for God’s supposed fair and impartial treatment?
She straightened a couple items in the baked-goods area, her boots clipping across the floor. “If You don’t want me to have any of those things—” she stocked the pie area with a little more force than required “—what do You want with me?”
The automated door on the side of the store attached to the accessibility ramp whined as it opened. Dad entered in his wheelchair, smiling like Christmas morning. “Can you believe this place?” He whistled long and low, clearly impressed. “What you and Toby have done with the whole orchard... I should have handed it over to the both of you years ago.”
Dad spoke as if she and Toby were one entity. While Jenna and Toby had worked out a comfortable peace over the past two weeks, they were hardly together. Although, after she’d overheard him turn down Leah, the two of them had started to spend more time together—going on strolls through the orchard, checking the trees together, taking Kasey to watch him coach the team at football practice. Evenings were spent on the porch swing, sipping hot cider and discussing the game plan for the next day.
Hearing that Toby had zero interest in anything romantic had allowed Jenna to put her guard down. A tiny part of her was beginning to believe that they might be able to revive a semblance of their old friendship.
Maybe Dad meant “both of you” as though they were a team. A “Go Crest Orchard staff!” kind of meaning.
However, she had to dispel any thoughts he was clinging to about making mistakes with how he’d managed the orchard. Believing something like that would hurt him.
“Except Toby wouldn’t have been here, and as much as I wanted to believe I could, I couldn’t handle everything on my own. Not with the same results, at least. Most of this, okay, all of this, is thanks to Toby.” She unlocked the front entry and flipped the sign to Open. “But don’t kick yourself about the timing—remember, he’s only here for Kasey, so years ago he wouldn’t have been available to help us.”
Dad leaned on the armrest. “If you truly believe he’s only here for Kasey, then you’re not as quick as I’ve always given you credit for.”
“Dad, please,” she whispered.
He fisted his hand where it rested and sat up a little straighter. “Honeybee, I think I’ve done you a disservice. After we lost your mom, I was afraid to lose you, too. In any sense of the word. Because of that, I never pushed or challenged you. I rarely questioned your choices. I let you hide—from me, from yourself—because I rationalized that helping you avoid discomfort was a way to show love. Which was wrong. I failed you in that way.”
Her stomach bunched into a giant knot that threatened to climb into her throat. He had no idea what he was talking about. “Trust me when I say I had plenty of my share of discomfort with or without your protection.”
Fact was, she cherished how he sheltered her. She needed it. Didn’t she? On the flip side, he had enabled her to live as a hermit for the past seven years. He’d paid for her apartment in Grand Rapids while she was still studying. If he hadn’t done that, she would have drowned in all her fear and anxiety. Then again, perhaps she would have been forced to face it all head-on.
Drown or fight? Yeah, she’d done neither. Jenna had existed like a mole. Underground. Eyes closed.
She wasn’t half as independent as she’d tricked herself into believing.
He moved his chair closer and dropped his voice. “I assume that you’ve seen bad times on your own, but my failure came from never walking you through the challenging things. Now the second you feel insecure, you turn inward. You block out everyone to protect yourself.”
And that was a problem because...?
Jenna tried to swallow a couple of times, but the lump in her throat was far too large. Instead of trying to speak, she crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows.
“That’s a sad and scary way to live, darling,” Dad said.
Great. Even he thought her life was pathetic.
“Don’t hold back, Daddy.”
He slowly shook his head, his eyes closed, as if the conversation pained him. “Any longer, I don’t intend to. I won’t, because I love you, and love—true love—does the hard things. God doesn’t want you living like this either. He has better things planned for you, if only you’d believe that.”
“Better? Ha. Like what?” Jenna tossed up her hands. “Besides, what’s so bad about being here and taking care of this orchard for the rest of my life? Maybe that’s what I’m meant to do.”
“Running this place can be a very God-honoring mission. Anything can be if your heart is following God. At least, I like to think so. I hope that I’ve lived my life in a way that showed His love every day.”
“You always have, Dad,” she said, her voice soft. “Every day. I’ve always admired that about you. You’ve shown love to every person who walked onto our property. You had a huge ministry by letting widows and young, struggling moms live in the bunkhouse over the years. You...you’ve always been so good.” Her voice broke. “It’s one of the reasons I don’t understand why you don’t struggle more with your diagnosis. You don’t deserve to suffer.”
He closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and took in a breath that made his shoulders rise. “Listen. I can choose to dwell on the bad, but where would that get me? My illness is progressive—this is only going to get worse. So I can ruin today, when it might be the best day healthwise I’m going to have for the rest of my life, or I can cherish it. I’m trying to do the latter—not always successfully, mind you, but that’s my focus. I choose to soak in the sights of you and Toby and Kasey, my home, my Bible and my orchard because I might lose the ability to see all that tomorrow.” He shifted in his seat. “I refuse to live with the regret of what I didn’t do today.”
Her chest tightened. Had Dad been having trouble with his eyes? Now wasn’t the time to ask, not in the midst of this conversation, but she tucked that away to question him about later. “If only I’d been blessed with half as much strength as you.”
“Strength isn’t a character trait. It’s a choice. Strength happens in the moments when you don’t think you possess the ability to go on but you keep going anyway. Speaking of which.” He jutted his thumb to indicate the direction of the orchard. “It’s high time for you to confront whatever happened between you and Toby.”
Jenna forced out a laugh and turned away, in search of the apron she wore while working in the shop. “That’s so far in the past it doesn’t even matter anymore.”
“If it doesn’t matter, then why are you allowing it to stop you from loving that man?”
She hooked her fingers on the edge of the counter, afraid to let go. “Dad, I don’t—”
“Come on, now. Give your old man some credit.” His voice was gentle but persistent. “You’ve been in love with that man since he was a boy. You love him so much it terrifies you. The question is, are you my brave little Jenna—the one who used to shimmy up the tallest trees in the orchard, sit on the highest branch and throw her head back, arms out toward the sunshine? Or are you the Jenna who’s spent the last six months creeping around this house, petrified of her own shadow?”
She stalked around the countertop and turned on the computer they used as a register. “A person is liable to get hurt perched out on the highest limb.”
“True. But they’ll also soak in the best sunshine.”
“Dad, can
we just stop with the—”
“I never said it was without risk. Everything is risk. Don’t you see that? If you put your heart out there, you risk being rejected. If you keep your heart to yourself, you risk being overlooked, missing out, never knowing love. Risk is always present, honeybee. Especially when we think we’re protecting ourselves, because that means risking friendship, memories and love. So who are you really protecting? Because living like that doesn’t sound to me like taking good care of your heart or the life God’s given you.”
The tiny buzzer over the doorway sounded, interrupting their conversation. Jenna leaned around a flower display to see and recognized Jason Moss’s moppy brown hair right away. Jason was a Goose Harbor lifer, but more important, he was the editor of the town’s only newspaper. In his untucked button-down and khakis, he always looked the part of small-town reporter.
“You win the grand prize.” She moved around the table and brushed past Dad to greet him. “The first person to the store this season.”
Jason latched on to the strap of his ever-present messenger bag. “Wow. Is that so? And what do I win?”
“My esteem.”
He laughed. “That’ll do.” He glanced around the store. “I’m meeting up with my cousin and her son after this, so I’m going to take some of your famous cider donuts and at least one of these pies.” He picked up an apple pie drenched in caramel sauce. “But I also have a proposition for you.”
Jenna gathered his things and made for the register. “A proposition? This sounds intriguing.”
Dad cleared his throat. “I’m heading out to the orchard to see how Toby and the crew are doing.”
“Okay, see you later.” She waved and then turned her attention back to Jason.
“Want me to give Toby any messages from you?”
Oh, Dad was a rat.
He must have thought Jason was about to make a move on her, and this was Dad’s way of saying which man got his vote. Little did he know that over the past few months, Jenna had submitted writing samples to Jason. As an editor, he was a man with a lot of connections in the newspaper business. She’d figured it was worth a try.
“Sure.” Jenna rang up Jason’s items. “Tell the whole crew to be safe out there today. No crazy climbing to the highest limbs.”
Dad harrumphed but finally left the store.
* * *
With her hands on her hips, Jenna surveyed the store. Only four hours into opening day, and the shelves already looked like a scene out of a dystopian movie—bare. She’d misjudged their popularity. Then again, she hadn’t been aware until Jason stopped by that he was going to run a front-page article about the orchard in today’s paper. Free marketing.
The handful of ladies who helped bake and run the shop every season hadn’t been able to work during opening weekend because of an event going on downtown. The Crests’ little store was open only Saturdays and for a few hours on Sundays, and the first days of the season were usually slow. But after the business she’d juggled today, it looked like it would be a very late night working in the kitchen to ensure that they’d have enough stock for tomorrow. It was all right though—during orchard season the Crests had always taken Monday as their day off. As much as she disliked working on Sundays, many people—police officers, nurses, pilots, gas attendants, pastors—had to work on the typical day of rest in order for the world to function.
With the lack of goods left, perhaps they should close early.
The buzzer sounded, and a gasping Kasey burst through the door. “Quick! Toby’s hurt! You have to come. He needs you.” She latched on to Jenna’s arm, dissolving into tears.
A tingle of nausea rocked through Jenna’s body while shivers raced over her skin.
What happened? How bad is he hurt?
But she wouldn’t waste time on questions. She needed to take action and make a choice now to be strong. She focused on her breathing while she locked each door and flipped the sign to Closed. She extended her hand to Kasey. “Take me to him.”
The little girl’s body was trembling worse than Jenna’s. “He fell from a ladder. Your dad told him not to use that one, but the other guys were using the apple ladders, and you know Toby.”
“I do. He’s pretty stubborn.” Jenna leaned down and folded the little girl into a hug.
Toby knew better than to use any old ladder for harvesting apples. Root systems guaranteed that nothing in an orchard was flat. Normal household ladders were prone to tipping over on the unstable ground. They trained all the hands on their first day on the importance of using only the orchard ladders with adjustable legs that allowed for a stable platform no matter what angle they were set at.
But that knowledge wouldn’t help a scared little girl. “We’ll make sure he’s okay.”
“What if he dies?” The girl sobbed, her words breaking. “What would happen to me? Would I be homeless?”
Jenna pulled Kasey into another fierce hug. “This is your home. Always. No matter what. Understand?” She ran her hand down her long hair. “And Toby will be fine. My dad would have called an ambulance if he was seriously injured.”
“You’ll take care of him?” Kasey clung to Jenna’s waist.
“I will. I promise.”
Dad was waiting outside. He snagged Kasey before they made it into the house. “He’s resting on the couch in the front room. Kasey and I will open the store back up.” He motioned Jenna to lean in so he could whisper. “I don’t want her going back in there until she calms down.”
Jenna agreed and went in alone. Dad hadn’t mentioned if Toby was bleeding or whether he would require medical attention, probably due to Kasey’s presence.
She found Toby on the edge of the couch, ramrod straight with his arms crossed, wearing a full pout. “I’m fine. Whatever they said, don’t believe it. I’m fine.” He looked like an angry little boy who’d been told he had to sit out during kickball. It was ridiculously adorable.
She attempted to school her face but felt the tick of her lips trying to grin. “So did you or did you not fall off a ladder?”
He relaxed his arms and grumbled, “Well, that part’s true.”
She crossed to the couch and stopped right in front of him, scanning him for bumps and bruises. No blood. That was a good sign. “Where did you land?”
“On the ground.” Now he fought a smile.
“Oh, you’re hilarious. Let’s sign you up for the circus.” She laughed. “You know, I could just go get Dad and Kasey and have them freak out all over again.” She pivoted, as if she was about to leave.
“Please, seriously, anything but that.” He grabbed her wrist. “They were treating me like I wasn’t going to make it.” He tugged her back toward him. “I may or may not have landed on my shoulders. And possibly my head.”
“Toby!” She dropped a knee onto the couch beside him and her fingers flew into his hair, working over his head, feeling for the—yup, there it was—huge bump.
“Ouch.” Toby shrank away from her probing hand. “Don’t press on that part, but if you want to keep running your fingers through my hair, I won’t stop you.”
She laid her hand on his shoulder and used him for balance as she stood. “You’re impossible.”
“You love it.” He winked.
His goofy grin caused her heart to somersault away from her and land somewhere near him. Then again, Dad was right. Her heart had always belonged to Toby.
But he never needed to learn that. She wouldn’t be that foolish girl again, forever waiting for him to notice her. No matter what Dad said, romance was a closed book in her life. It was better that way.
Jenna fetched an ice pack from the freezer and then pressed it against the lump on his head. “Lean back so I can wedge this between you and the back of the couch.” She got Toby situated and then stayed beside him, angling
her body so she could watch him. Everything was catching up as her adrenaline rush faded. Toby seemed like he was okay, but this could have been a very different scenario. What if he’d been badly hurt? Tightness crept across her chest.
His gaze moved over her face, too, tracing from her eyes to her lips and back again. “Jenna, I’m okay. It’s nothing.”
She nodded and let out a shaky breath. “You could have been really hurt though. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
A soft smile highlighted the handsome planes of his face. “I shouldn’t like hearing that as much as I do.”
Dad’s words about living each day without regrets came back to her. Fear had stolen so many years from her. Was it possible to be that girl soaking in the sunshine again? Sitting at the treetop, arms stretched out at her sides and her head tipped toward the clouds. An image of total trust. It struck her that her spiritual posture should be the same as that, too. Reaching out in faith, climbing any obstacle in her life so she could get as close to Jesus as possible. Knowing that she could get hurt—being exposed and open—but trusting and having faith anyway. Living.
It could all start by forgiving Toby.
She clasped her hands in her lap. “I want you to know that I’m not mad at you anymore.”
He frowned. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot, actually. Was it because I wasn’t there for you when your mom died?”
She nodded. “That was the start. You didn’t even stay by me at the funeral.”
He sat up a little and grabbed the ice pack from behind him to prevent it from sliding down his back. “I know it’s not an excuse, but I loved her a lot, and losing her really bowled me over. I didn’t know how to be there for you, like you were there for me with Ben.” He focused all his attention on the ice pack in his hands. “I was upset and angry and thought that wouldn’t help you.”
Men. Were they all so dense? “I needed you. Your presence. Just you breathing beside me. How did you not see that? You were my best friend.”
He squeezed the ice pack, making it melt quicker. “I couldn’t have said anything to make it better though. I thought me talking would make it worse.”
Apple Orchard Bride Page 10
