It takes us about fifteen minutes before we find Jack, who is laughing with Logan.
“Hey, babe!” Jack smiles lovingly at Cammie, and her face glows. They really are adorable together.
“Hey, Maddy! I don’t think you got to meet Logan last time you were here.” He introduces us, and Logan reaches out to shake my hand, but turns it over and brushes a soft kiss all courtly-like on the back of my hand.
My face heats, and he smirks at me. He’s very good-looking in that typical all-American football star way. He’s got short brown hair and warm brown eyes. Where Reid is all hard and masculine, Logan is pretty. Without sounding too snarky about it, he is a pretty boy. Very easy on the eyes, but so very different from Reid.
Not that I compare every guy I see to Reid. No, I don’t do that at all!
“It’s very nice to meet you, Maddy. Can I get you another drink?”
As I look down into my cup, I realize I hadn’t even noticed that I finished the first one. Logan grabs my hand and walks me back toward the kitchen to the girly punch.
As he fills my cup, he asks, “So how do you like it here? How are your classes getting on?”
“It’s great. I really love it. Cammie and Lia are fantastic. Classes? Ehhh — they’re okay. Not so hot at psychology, but I’m in love with my poetry class,” I reply.
I take a big sip and start to feel the effects of the alcohol. I definitely need to slow down. I do not want to be a sloppy mess. Logan and I continue our conversation, and he’s really nice. Cammie is right; he pretty much eats, breathes, and lives football. It turns out that he’s an athletic training major. He says if he can’t spend his life on the field playing, the next best place to be is on the sideline helping others play better.
The night carries on, and we make our way out into the living room. Logan spins me around and we start dancing — jumping up and down to some crazy frantic hip-hop beat. I feel the stress of my schoolwork and all of the crap with Reid melt away, and I give into the dance.
Eventually the pace changes, and it’s a slow R&B rhythm flowing through the room. Logan pulls me closer and aligns our bodies. He starts moving and swaying, and I willingly go with him. The alcohol has made me looser, and I place my hands on his chest. He wraps his arms around my waist and leans his head down to my face.
Just as he moves to brush his lips against mine, someone bumps into me. Hard. So hard, in fact, that I almost lose my footing. I have to grab onto Logan’s shoulders in order to regain my balance. When I turn around to see who the freak that was, all I catch is Reid’s back as he stalks up the stairs. He turns around at the top and glares at me. If I thought he was cold and harsh last week at the gym, then this look can only be described as arctic.
“I’ll be right back,” Logan yells above the music, and takes the stairs two at a time to catch up to Reid. They scuffle at the top of the stairs, and I catch bits of the conversation.
“What the fuck, dude? That was not cool,” Logan grumbles at Reid.
Reid just offers a shrug of his shoulders and says, “What did I do? I didn’t do anything.”
He’s trying to play it off like nothing, but I see the edge in his eyes. He’s looking at me in his peripheral vision, and he’s seething anger.
Logan scoffs out a “whatever” and comes back down to me.
“I’m going to get another drink. Do you want one?” Logan asks.
I know I said I would take it easy, but after Reid almost knocking me over I’m pissed, and a third drink seems like an excellent idea. By the time Logan and I re-enter the living room, Reid has made his way back downstairs, too, and is grinding away on the dance floor with a girl I can only describe as supermodel beautiful. They are practically having sex out there. His hands are roaming all over her body, just barely skimming past parts that should not be touched in public — unless you’re into that sort of thing, of course.
I gulp back the rest of my drink and lose my balance. Logan is right there to grab me, and he pulls me farther into the living room to go sit on the couch. I follow him and sink down next to him. He puts his arm behind me and around my shoulder as his fingertips make lazy circles on my upper arm. It feels nice, and goosebumps start to break out across my arms. I close my eyes and try to enjoy his touch — even though it’s Reid I want touching me. What I’m really trying to do is move all thoughts of Reid and the chick he’s dry-humping out of my mind.
Logan leans down to kiss me, and I don’t fight it. He’s been sweet all night, and I’ve resolved myself to the fact that I’m not who Reid wants, even if I do look fan-fucking-tastic in my black mini skirt and hot pink top. As Logan moves his lips across mine, I feel the atmosphere in the room shift.
Reid is in front of us in seconds. He grabs Logan by the collar and lifts him off the couch. Before Logan can even get a word out, Reid cocks his arm and lands a nasty right hook across Logan’s jaw. I scuffle off the couch and move to the edge of the room, where everyone else has retreated to give them space.
It takes Jack and few other guys a minute or two to break Reid and Logan up, and when they do, I can see that Logan’s cheek right under his eye is split and his jaw is already swollen from Reid’s first punch. Reid mutters out a “fuck you” to Logan before he storms out the front door.
I grab some ice for Logan’s face and sit back down on the couch with him. At this point, most of the partygoers start to leave. The crowd has definitely thinned out, and within half an hour of the fight, it’s just me, Logan, Cammie, and Jack sitting in the living room.
“I’m beat,” Jack says and then starts laughing. “But I guess not as beat as you, huh, Logan?” He’s beside himself with laughter now.
“Oh, you’re just so fucking hilarious, Jack!” Logan’s words are dripping sarcasm as he reaches up and touches his bruised cheek.
“Aww, baby, leave him alone. Come on, let’s go up to bed.”
Cammie leans into Jack’s neck and whispers something that makes Jack’s breath hitch and his pupils dilate. Jack stands and pulls Cammie up with him. He’s got her up and over his shoulder in a nanosecond. She shrieks in shock, and he playfully slaps her ass as her carries her up to his room.
Jack turns around so that Cammie can wave goodbye to us. She looks at me questioningly; there’s concern on her face. “You sure you’re okay to spend the night, Maddy? I could call you a cab if you want.”
“No, it’s okay, really, Cammie. I’ll be fine.” I smile back at her and return my attention to Logan.
“Sorry for the drama tonight, Maddy. I have no fucking clue what came over Reid. He can be such a tool sometimes. I’d offer to drive you home, but I am most definitely not in any shape to drive.”
He leans in and seductively offers to let me sleep in his bed. I feel pretty strongly that if I go up there with him, he’ll want to do anything but sleep.
“No, it’s okay, Logan, really. I can’t drive home, either — especially since my ride just got carried caveman-style up to a bedroom. If it’s okay with you, I’m just going to make myself comfortable here on the couch.”
“No, Maddy, I don’t want you to have to sleep on the couch. Come on up to my room. I’ll sleep on the floor. Really, it’ll be okay. I’ll keep my hands to myself.” He holds his hand up in a “Scouts honor,” gesture and I recall my initial thought that the couch looked like it could transmit an STD. I quickly fire off a text to Melanie that I’m with Cammie and that we’re staying at Jack’s for the night. She says that she hopes I had fun, and I laugh at the inaccuracy of her assessment.
“ Okay, fine. But you are definitely sleeping on the floor.” I relent and just hope that he can keep his promise.
***
A true scout, Logan kept his promise and slept on the floor. He lent me a T-shirt and a pair of shorts to sleep in, and it is this outfit that Reid sees me wearing in the morning when we run into each other in the hallway.
“Nice shirt,” he mumbles as he walks past me to the bathroom.
I murmur “douche,” and that se
ems to catch his attention. He turns back around and gets in my face.
“What did you say?” His voice radiates anger.
“I said ‘douche.’ You’re being a douche. Or maybe you prefer ‘dick.’ Pick one. You’re doing a great job of being both, actually.”
“What the fuck is your problem?”
Is he serious? Does he not see how childishly he’s behaving? Does he think what he did last night was acceptable?
“My problem? Really, Reid!? What the fuck is your problem? You dance with me and flirt with me and there is definitely something there, and then you drop me like I’m disease-infested. You ignore me every morning at the gym, but I catch you staring at me, too. You almost knock me on my ass last night, and then you punch Logan because he’s actually being nice to me. And you have the audacity to ask me what my problem is.” I take this break in my berating to poke him in the chest. “You’re the one with the fucking problem, and I have no clue what it is because in the time we’ve known each other, you haven’t said more than two words to me. So, yeah, you’re being a douche!”
I turn around to head back to Logan’s room, but before I make it all that far, Reid grabs me by the wrist and pulls me back to him. His mouth crashes into mine before I even realize what he’s doing. I open to him immediately, and it’s not just because he’s caught me off guard. I’ve wanted this kiss since the moment I saw him, and it is everything I hoped it would be. It’s a heated and hard kiss full of all the angst we’ve been carrying around.
Our tongues lap at each other furiously, tasting, exploring. He gently nips at my lower lip and then soothes his bite with a tender lick. He grabs the back of my neck and pulls me closer, and I reach my hands around his waist up the back of his shirt. His skin feels hot under my fingertips — silky smooth and muscled. He tastes….so indescribable that words fail me. It is, hands down, the best kiss ever.
When he pulls away, my lips are swollen from his passion, and I want to ask him why he stopped, but he starts talking before I can get any words out.
“Douchey enough for you?” His voice is laced with venom, and I am beside myself with anger and humiliation.
I stand there, completely immobilized by his anger and utterly confused by the change in his demeanor. I choke on my tongue and can’t manage to get anything out in response to his question.
He leans down to my ear and says, “Why don’t you hurry back into Logan’s bed now? I’m sure he’ll be wondering where you are.”
I understand what it looks like, me walking out of Logan’s room in his clothes this early in the morning, but thanks to Reid’s antics earlier in the evening, Logan didn’t even have the chance to kiss me. Reid’s words hit me like a fist to the stomach, and I can almost feel the bile rising in my throat. He scoffs a “whatever” at me as he continues on his earlier path to the bathroom.
I can’t stop the tear that breaks free, and once that first one is out, the floodgates open. I stand there crying at his hurtful words, harsh tone, and slutty implication. In that moment, I hope I never see Reid Connely again.
Chapter 5
After Reid leaves me crying in the hallway, I return to Logan’s room and gather my things. He’s still pretty out of it; he’s definitely not a morning person, so he doesn’t even realize that I’m upset when I wake him up to take me home. I think about knocking on Jack’s door to get Cammie, but I don’t want to interrupt them.
Honestly, I don’t even care if Logan sees me upset. I just want to get home.
Melanie is in our room when I get back to the suite. She knows that I’ve been crying and opens her arms to me as soon as she sees me. After she’s done squeezing all of the air out my lungs, she holds me at arm’s length, almost as if she’s checking me for injuries.
“What happened, Mad? When I got the text from you last night, I figured things had finally panned out for you and Reid. Why are you crying? You’re scaring me a little here, Maddy.”
I tell her all the gory details. Me dancing with Logan, Reid almost knocking me over, Reid punching Logan, Logan being a gentleman, Reid kissing me like I’ve never been kissed before, Reid being a complete asshole. She listens, gasping here and there at Reid’s behavior. It’s clear that he is not one of her favorite people right now.
“He is a huge asshole, Maddy. I don’t get why he treated you like that. It makes no sense. And then to kiss you like that. What the freak?!”
I flop down on the bed and harrumph. What a shit show! Cammie’s plan to push his buttons sure as hell backfired.
“So what do you want to do today?” Melanie asks, and there’s a hopeful airiness to her voice. I know she’s trying to bring me out of this funk, but a large part of me just wants to curl up and sulk. I feel sad all over again. I mean, I didn’t really put myself out there with Reid. I’m not even sure how I really feel about him, but he treated me like dirt, and it hurts.
“Come on, let’s not sit around and waste a perfectly nice fall day. How does shopping and lunch sound?” She’s persistent; I’ll give her that much.
“I could actually use some outdoor running shoes. I’ve been meaning to check out this trail that someone at the gym recommended. Want to hit Sports Authority, grab some sandwiches, and head out on the trail for a picnic?”
I can tell by her giddy smile that Melanie is in love with my plan. She’s almost out the door before I get out of the bed.
Shopping is a success, and the trail is gorgeous. It’s right behind the dorms and there are tons of other people taking advantage of it, which is great because now I don’t have to use the treadmill at the gym and chance running into Reid. We follow the trail for about two miles, and it stops at a clearing that overlooks the lake. It’s the perfect place to enjoy our lunch and catch up. I feel like I haven’t had any time with Melanie since we’ve been here.
She tells me all about her job at the computer lab. For the most part it’s deathly boring, but the one saving grace is the hot computer geek who works with her. I wasn’t aware that computer geeks came in the “hot” variety, but apparently they do. His name is Bryan, and according to Melanie, who I’m sensing might be a little biased, he is not only gorgeous but funny, too. I am over-the-moon happy for her when she tells me that she has a date with him this Saturday night. They’re going to this cute little mom-and-pop Italian restaurant in town.
I’d be lying if I said there isn’t the tiniest twinge of jealousy. I know I could still be with Jay if I wanted, but I don’t. There’s Logan, who is apparently very interested. He is really sweet and a total gentleman, but I’d be lying if I said I wanted him. I have a feeling that if I get together with Logan, it would play out the same way things did with Jay. Both Jay and Logan are great guys, but there is just something missing. Some kind of understanding, some passion, some fire — I can’t really put my finger on it, but I know in my heart that as sweet and kind as they might be, they are just not the men for me.
I hate that while Melanie is waxing poetic about Bryan, all I can think about is Reid. He’s been nothing but a total jerk to me since the moment I met him, but I can’t deny that I want him. There’s some pull, some draw between us, and I just know that he feels it. He has to, or that kiss wouldn’t have been what it was. I want to dig deeper; I want to know him better. I want to learn what put the pain in his eyes. I want to soothe it. I want to share my pain with him in the hopes that he can help me wash it away, because despite his anger, I’ve seen compassion in his eyes, too. I’ve heard the hope in his voice. I’ve seen him laughing with his friends, and I know there is a good guy in there somewhere.
Melanie and I finish our hike as the sun is setting on the horizon. When we get back to the dorm, we huddle up on the couch and watch some girly chick flick and give each other manicures. I’ve missed time with my best friend. It’s light and airy and easy — everything that Reid and what I’m feeling for him are not. In short, it is the perfect cure for my shitty Friday night.
***
I spend the entire a
fternoon and most of the evening on Sunday in the library studying for a major psych exam on Monday. The class is by far my most difficult, but I’m starting to figure out how to survive it. Hopefully at some point in the semester, I’ll actually come to enjoy it, but that’s highly doubtful.
I rarely oversleep, but since I was up so late studying last night, I barely have time to brush my teeth and make myself presentable before the big test. I make it to class just as the T.A. is handing out the exam booklets. I take a deep breath and give it my best effort.
When the exam ends an hour and a half later, I feel good about it. It might not be my best grade ever, but I studied my ass off. My next class passes in a blur. By lunch time, I am famished and completely exhausted. I grab a sandwich from the to-go bar in the cafeteria and head back to my room for a nap.
It’s four in the afternoon when I wake up, and I feel rested and energized. Since I missed the gym this morning, I get my new kicks on to go for a run outside today. Maybe my oversleeping was an attempt by my subconscious to avoid Reid at the gym. Yeah, I definitely spent too much time with my psych textbook this weekend.
Running on the trail is so much more exhilarating than the gym. The fresh air is cool and crisp against my skin. Rather than beating down on my back oppressively, the sun is gently kissing my shoulders and warming my muscles. I make it to the clearing where Melanie and I had lunch the other day and take a break to breathe in the beauty all around me. The lake is pristine and so unbelievably calming. It’s surrounded by evergreens, and the contrast between the deep emerald color of the trees and the aqua blue of the water is so stark that it looks almost unnatural. I hear some birds chirping in the tree above me and look up and see a pair of sparrows perched side-by-side like two love birds.. I laugh a little at the cheesiness of the scene, but it really is beautiful.
In honor of my promise to myself to see the beauty in the world, I lie down and look up into the sky. Jay’s words about not being able to get over the death of my parents until I let myself play back in my mind. Usually I push down the memories I have of my parents; they’re just too painful to let get to the surface. But on this occasion, I decide to just let go and feel them for once.
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