He goes to unsnap it. I beat him to it and grab for the hooks behind my back, undoing each of them slowly, seductively. My breasts fall free from their cups and I toss my bra on the floor where our other clothes lie. He doesn’t reach for me like he usually does — we’ve gone this far before. No, instead of touching me, he just stares. He stares so long that goosebumps start to pimple my flesh, and my nipples harden even more under his lust-filled gaze.
“Beautiful. You are so damned beautiful, Maddy.”
He wraps his arms around my waist and swiftly changes our position so I’m beneath him. He’s supporting his weight on his arms, and he’s half lying on top of me. He begins kissing my neck, and I groan in appreciation of his sensual assault. His tongue is hot against my skin, and my breasts are begging for his touch. He begins tracing his fingers across my chest, but he doesn’t touch my now painfully aroused tips. Shifting so he is completely on top of me, he lowers his mouth to my left breast, but he doesn’t do more than breathe a hot, steamy breath on it, making it more erect than I thought possible.
He kisses every part of my breast, every part except where I want him the most. Moving across to the other one, he continues his torture, and I’m nearly squirming with need under him.
“Please, Reid. Oh, God, please.”
“What, baby? Tell me what you want. I want to give you everything you want.” His eyes are hooded and sexy as fuck.
“I want you, Reid. I want you now. Please.” My voice is no more than a breathless, lusty whisper.
He obeys my command and pulls a nipple into his mouth, and I feel my insides spasm at the feel of his hot, wet tongue gliding across my chest to the other nipple. He pulls the pink tip deep into his mouth and grazes it gently with his teeth. I arch my back off the bed and moan in ecstasy. He does it again and again and again until I can’t take it anymore. I’m right on the sharp edge of my control; one more flick of his tongue anywhere on my body, and I’ll fall into the abyss of pleasure that his mouth promises.
He must sense how close I am, because he pulls back and searches my eyes, looking for permission to go further. He sees submission in my eyes, so he bends down to kiss a path from between my breasts down to my stomach. When he dips his tongue into my belly button, I call out his name. “Reid…please…more…I need more of you…please.”
He doesn’t respond; he just continues kissing me everywhere. He moves to unbutton my jeans, and I lift my hips to help him as he pulls them off. He adds them to the ever-growing pile on the floor. He stares down again at me, but this time I feel self-conscious. We’ve never gone this far; I’ve never been this exposed.
He must see my inner turmoil, because he says, “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen before, Maddy. I want you more than you know, but if you’re not ready, then that’s fine, too. I just want to let you feel how much I love you. I want you to feel as amazing as you make me feel every single day.” His words soothe my nervousness, and suddenly I no longer feel concerned about my nudity.
He leaves my lacy pink thong on as he kisses a path down each of my legs. When he returns to my center, I am burning with need. He licks over my hot core through the fabric of my panties, and I gush with even more wet heat.
Inhaling deeply, he says, “You smell fucking amazing, Maddy. You are so sweet. I can’t wait to lick every inch of you.”
All ability to say or do anything is gone, and I am at his mercy. He hooks his thumbs into my panties and pulls them slowly down my legs. “Open for me. Let me love you, sweet Maddy.”
I let my knees fall to my sides and eagerly await the pleasure that I know his mouth will bring me.
With simply one broad stroke of the flat of his tongue across my molten core, he brings me right back to that razor edge of pleasure. When he swirls his tongue around my pulsing clit, I can’t hold back the scream on my lips.
“Reid…so…close… please…”
But in that moment I’m not sure what I’m asking for. To stop? To keep going? I’m totally incoherent. He stops with his tongue and slowly slides a finger inside me.
“Oh, my fucking god, Maddy. You’re drenched.” His voice is full of awe, and when he removes his finger, I whimper. My emptiness doesn’t last long, because he swiftly continues by adding a second finger. When he finds the soft patch of flesh in my trembling sex, he moves his fingers over it relentlessly. His tongue returns to my clit in a soft, delicate figure-eight pattern.
That edge is right there within my reach, and he doesn’t stop this time. He laves and flicks my clit with his magical tongue and massages my inner walls with his large callused fingers until I’m coming loudly against his lips. My body is no more than a pool of liquid desire for him. If it’s possible, I want him more now than I did before.
He moves up my body and kisses me. I taste myself on his tongue, and it is by far the most erotic thing I have ever experienced.
“Tell me to stop, Maddy, and I will. Tell me that’s all you want tonight, and it will be fine. We’ll go to sleep now.”
“I know you’re just saying those things to try to ease my fears, and I love you so much for even thinking them, but I’m ready, Reid. I love you, and I want to be with you. It’s just that simple.” I kiss him deeply so he can feel my words to his core.
“God, Maddy, I have wanted to make love to you for so long. You’re making my dreams come true.”
I know we’re being all serious right now, but I can’t help but say, “You’re just glad you won’t need cold showers anymore.”
He chuckles lightly, but immediately resumes his serious tone. “I’d take three cold showers a day, if you weren’t ready. Hell, there were some days I did take three.”
We share a sweet laugh, and then the silence stretches. I’m lying naked in his arms, sated and hungry at the same time. He looks at me with the same ravenous gaze.
I kiss him hard before I say, “I’m yours, Reid. I don’t want to wait any longer. Take me, please.”
Whatever thread of self-control he had remaining is cut in that instant. He crushes me with his weight, and his tongue plunders my mouth. His hands are everywhere, fueling the fire burning in my core.
I fumble for the button on his jeans, but my fingers are jittering with nervousness. He stills them and helps me with the snap.
I trace over his bulging erection and gulp at the feel of him in my palm. “Now it’s my turn. Let me love you, Reid, please. Will you let me do that?”
He cocks his eyebrows and shoots me a “like you even have to ask” look. I take that as my cue and shift so that I’m above him.
I pull his jeans down, and he lifts his hips, as I did mine earlier. One more item joins the others on the floor, but my attention is drawn to the only item of clothing remaining between us — his heather-gray, skintight, signature sexy-as-sin boxer briefs. He is straining against the waistband, almost peeking out of it. I kiss him softly over the fabric.
“Fuck, Maddy,” he hisses at the feel of my tongue gliding up his length. “You’re going to kill me, you know that, right?”
“Not yet. I haven’t even tasted you yet.”
I pull his boxers off and let him spring free. The pile is now complete, and we are fully bared to one another. He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen with clothes on, but naked like this, at the mercy of my desires, he is utterly gorgeous. Every single inch of him is perfect. I trace over his length with my fingertips — some cheesy line about steel encased in velvet from some Harlequin romance dances in my head. Yet he is — both hard and soft at the same time. His skin is aflame under my fingers, and I lean my head down to lick at the tip.
He pulls my hair out of the way. “I want to see you, Maddy. I want to see myself disappear into your mouth.” I take the first few inches in, and he bucks his hips and arches his back. “Oh….God… Maddy…” His words are a long, garbled moan.
I’ve never done this before, so it’s good to know that he’s enjoying it. Encouraged, I take more of him into my mouth, re
laxing my throat as I do so. He wraps my other hand around what I can’t fit in and works it up and down. We keep at that pace for long, heated moments before he pulls out of my mouth. A loud audible pop echoes in the room. Shit, I’ve done something wrong. I hurt him, or it doesn’t feel good anymore. He must see my emotions, because he’s sitting up next to me in an instant.
His hands are in my hair, smoothing it back out of my face. He wipes his thumb across my swollen bottom lip and pulls it out from between my teeth, where I’m worrying the hell out of it. “Before you even think for another minute that you did something wrong, stop it now. That was fucking perfect, Maddy — you’re fucking perfect. In fact, another second of that, and I would have lost it. Okay?” His voice washes over me and reassures me that I did nothing wrong.
“Okay. I believe you.” There’s a part of me that doesn’t believe him, that feels like I might be doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong words, acting the wrong way. It’s all so new to me, and I’m just letting my need for him take over.
“Good, sweet Maddy.” He pulls me down with him so that he’s lying partially on top of me again. I feel him reaching over to his nightstand for what I assume is a condom. I grab his hand and stop his blind, one-handed search.
“It’s okay, Reid.”
His brows knit together tightly in thorough confusion.
“What do you mean, ‘it’s okay,’ Maddy? I don’t understand.” The moment has turned awkward, but I guess that’s to be expected.
“I’m on the pill. I knew it would be you, that it was only just a matter of time. So, what I’m saying is that, if you’re okay with nothing between us, then there’s no need for that.” I indicate the condom with my eyes.
“I…uhh…Maddy…I’ve never ever had sex without a condom before, and I had to have blood work done before I started that MMA class at the gym, so I’m clean.”
Yup — awkward. I’m kicking myself for not having brought all of this up beforehand, but, well, it never really came up.
“You’ve never had sex without a condom? Really?” I don’t mean to sound so shocked, but well, to be honest, he’s had a lot of sex, more than I care to think about. Despite all of that, I trust him; I know he wouldn’t lie to me.
“Never. I promise. I’ll use one if you want, but I swear I’m clean, and if you’re on the pill, there is nothing I’d rather do right now than feel you completely bare as I bury myself inside you.”
Not awkward anymore.
Just hot.
Fucking smoking hot.
“Reid,” I look him in the eyes intently, hoping to convey the seriousness of the words I’m about to say, “I love you, and I want you. Now. With nothing between us. Make love to me, please.”
He’s over me in a heartbeat, and my legs are wrapped around his waist. He leans down and kisses me with all the love I know he has for me. I can feel him prodding at my entrance, and he sinks little by little into me. It’s a full and stretched feeling like I’ve never felt before. My eyes roll back in pleasure, and I thrash my head from side to side at the feel of him entering me.
“My God, Reid. You feel amazing.”
“Fuck, Maddy. So do you. God, you’re so tight.” He pauses for a moment before asking, “Can you take more now?”
“You mean you’re not all the way in?” I didn’t think it could feel better than this, but my insides spasm at the thought of taking more of him, all of him.
“Shit, I can feel you tightening around me. I’m going to move now. Look at me, please. I want to look at you.” His eyes are huge in his face. The blue is only a thin rim at the edge of his irises; his pupils are black pools of lust and love for me.
I look up at him, and he sinks all the way into me. I only feel a brief, sharp pinch, and he stops at the resistance. Once it’s no longer there, he asks, “Are you okay, baby? I’m so sorry if I hurt you. I promise I’ll never hurt you again.”
I can’t form words; there is nothing in my brain except the pleasure he’s giving me right now. I wrap my hands around his neck and pull his luscious mouth to mine to kiss away his concerns. He starts moving — a slow, sensual pace. His tongue mates with mine as our bodies grind against one another. His jaw is clenched, and I see the sinews of his shoulders and biceps strain. He’s holding back; I can feel it.
“Don’t hold back, Reid. I want all of you. Now.”
We’ve been holding back with each other long enough, and right now I just want him to give me everything he’s got. I want his wild passion and heated lust. I would have never pegged myself as this wanton, shameless creature, but he brings it out in me.
At my request, he starts moving at a furious rhythm. When he’s filling me completely, it’s like I can feel him hitting my soul. I cry and shriek his name as my body writhes with the pleasure of a million lightning bolts. He moves a few more times, hard and fast, before he shudders and stills above me.
He is covered in sweat and shaking. I pull him down to me and revel in the feel of his weight on top of me. I wrap my arms around him, and he cradles me in his. We catch our breath eventually. I am boneless and completely satisfied here in his arms, his heart thudding against my chest. My lids are getting heavy, and just as they are about to close, I feel him shift on the bed. He’s up and moving into the bathroom. He’s got a warm wash cloth in one hand and Advil in the other. I move to sit up, but he stills me; he is moving between my legs to clean me. I knew he was sweet, but this, this melts my soul. It also causes me to blush furiously. I know. It’s crazy silly after what we’ve just shared, but it’s just so intimate. I love him for it, though.
When he’s done with his ministrations, he hands me the pills and a glass of water.
“But I don’t have a headache. What are these for?”
“Well…you…umm… you might be a little sore tomorrow, so I thought these might help. Plus, if I’m being totally honest, I can’t wait to do that again, so the less time you’re out of commission, the better.”
His lopsided grin is so freaking adorable; I can’t help but kiss him some more.
He pulls me to him so that my back is to his front and whispers sweet nothings in my ear. He tells me he loves me and pulls the covers up around us. Warmth envelops me, and I can no longer keep my eyes opened.
I drift off to the tingle of Reid playing with my hair, to the huff of his sweet breath against my neck, to the feeling of complete and utter “wholeness” I possess at having let him in.
Chapter 12
Reid
I’m running as fast as my sixteen-year-old legs will carry me. My lungs burn and my eyes tear as the frigid wind whips across my face. Dread overwhelms me and only makes me run faster. The world is closing in around me, drowning me, burying me. There is no light; darkness engulfs me.
I toss and turn in bed, rousing myself from my impending nightmare. Not tonight. Not with Maddy here. Not with everything that’s happened between us. I force the horrors of my past away and breathe deeply, counting backward from one hundred. I drift off somewhere around fifty-five, marginally hopeful that it will be a peaceful sleep.
I barge through the door of my house. No one is home. I call frantically for Mom and Dad, but I know they’re at work. My throat is raw from the futile screams, but I keep yelling. The one person I want to answer me never will. The sound of my voice pierces even my own ears. I take the stairs two at a time. My toe clips the underside of one step, and I fall on my face. My chin is split open where I crashed with a loud, painful thud against the cold, hardwood floor.
My chest is pounding. My ears are rushing with blood. My face is soaked in sweat. Instinctively, I run my thumb across the scar on my chin. It’s nothing more than a thin, white raised vein of flesh. It’s superficial, but the real scars lurk far beneath the surface. Buried. Cold and dead, just like Shane.
I look to my side and see sweet Maddy still sleeping peacefully, curled in a ball. I spoon up behind her, and she wiggles her ass into my groin. I wrap my arms around her tightly, but not
so tight as to wake her. Inhaling the coconut scent of her shampoo, a smell that I’ve come to associate with all things peaceful and beautiful, I try to calm my racing heart and paralytic anxiety. I count back from one hundred again. When I get to zero, sleep still eludes me, so I start again. On the third countdown, a fitful sleep overtakes me.
I finally make it to the top of the stairs, and I hear the water running in the bathroom. Fear freezes me. My feet remained glued to the floor beneath me. I can’t move. I can’t speak. The world tilts off its axis. I call for him. “Shane. You home?” He doesn’t answer. He can’t answer. I call for him more loudly, as if that will rouse him from his eternal slumber. Still no answer. I knock timidly on the bathroom door, where I still hear the water flowing from the tub faucet. “Shane? Dude? You in there?” No answer. There will never be an answer. I try to open the door, but it’s locked. I bang harder. I pound my fists into the white wooden door until the frame starts to splinter and my knuckles start to bleed. I change tactics as the panic crushes me. I drop my shoulder and ram it into the door. Still nothing. It just will not budge. I ram again and again. The pain is blinding. I’m pretty sure I’ve dislocated my shoulder, but I can’t stop. I won’t stop until I get to the other side.
The door cracks; I hit it once more, knowing that it will crumble if I put all my strength behind the next blow. My shoulder crashes into the door one last time and I fall through it, landing on the frigid, blood-covered tile floor. Shakes rack my body, and the scream that escapes my mouth is feral; it’s the sound of a beast. I crawl clumsily; the blood-tinted water causes me to fall on my stomach. There’s blood everywhere. I try to convince myself that it’s my blood — from my chin, from my knuckles, from the splinter of wood that’s stuck in my shoulder. I know it’s not, though. It’s his. It’s Shane’s.
I make it to the edge of the bathtub, where his arm dangles lifelessly. Blood is no longer dripping from the severed vein at his wrist. I grab him by the shoulders and try to shake him, try to pull him out of the water, try to save him. His head just lolls to the side. His eyes are fixed in a dead stare. He’s so cold, gone already. I’m too late.
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