“I know full well what’s at stake,” I tell him, my entire body vibrating with anger, “I saw those pictures long before they arrived on your phone.”
A moment of silence falls heavily upon the hospital room.
“You...knew that someone had those photos? Since when?” Dad asks quietly.
“Since Budapest,” I tell him, “An unknown number sent them to me after Harrison won there. I—”
“You didn’t say anything. Even then?” Dad asks.
“No,” I tell him, “Because at that point, I was honestly considering calling it off with Harrison to protect us. All of us.”
“But instead, you’ve put all our reputations, all of our careers in jeopardy,” Enzo says, “You think anyone will be able to take you seriously if this comes out? You’ll just be another one of Harrison Davies' girls.”
“I don’t see it that way,” I say crisply.
“Bullshit,” Enzo says, “I call bullshit, Siena. You know that everyone will think of you as just another F1 slut if they find out you’ve been sleeping with—”
An agonized cry rips out of Enzo’s throat as the back of my hand collides with his bruised cheek. I stare down at him where he sits on the hospital bed, clutching the side of his face and looking up at me in surprise.
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that,” I say, my voice full of fire, “I’m not your employee, Enzo. I’m not some sniveling, know-nothing little girl. I’m your sister. I don’t need you to look out for me, I don’t need you to tell me how to live my life. I don’t even need your approval. I wanted to tell you about this so that we could figure out how to get past it as a family. Clearly, you’re not capable of thinking about this like an adult. Your little stunt—”
“There is no getting past this,” Enzo tells me, standing to tower over me, “You kept this from us. From your own flesh and blood. You knew that your fling with Harrison Davies would hurt us, and you kept it up behind our backs. With everything that’s going on with the tour, everything Dad’s going through? How could you be so selfish?”
“I kept trying to tell you, wanting to tell you” I insist, “But how could I bring this up, after we found out that Dad...That Dad’s...”
“Dying,” my father finishes my sentence, “You can say it out loud, Siena. You’re going to have to learn how to soon enough.”
His frank words cause Enzo and I to fall silent, retreat to our own corners of the argument once again. For a moment, the three of us sit without speaking, struggling to find light in this dark hour. Suddenly, our close knit family seems so far apart. This is the first time in my entire life that I fear I’ve isolated them forever. No spat or disagreement has ever been too huge for us to overcome together, but this...?
“You and Davies have both been suspended from the next race,” my dad finally says to Enzo, “Word came while you were still coming to. That kind of behavior has never been permitted on the track. And you know that full well.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Enzo says, shaking his head, “It was Davies who instigated—”
“Don’t you dare,” I mutter.
“Might as well hunt down a silver lining if we can. This will give us some time to come up with a statement about my condition. That has to come out eventually, after all,” Dad goes on, “We can say that you were upset about the news, Enzo, and that’s why you lost your cool today. Distract from the real issue at hand. No need to go public about Siena’s indiscretions.”
“Indiscretions?” I say, incredulously, “Dad, is that really what you think?”
“It is, Siena,” he tells me sadly, “I don’t know a better word for your actions. You’re not some naive little waif. You knew that this could ruin us.”
“But why does it have to be like that?” I plead, “We’re just people, at the end of the day, all of us. Don’t you think it’s ridiculous to let this sport control our lives like this? Why do you two have to hold onto some insane grudge against Harrison? He’s really a good person, and he cares about me. That should be enough for you.
“Unless you’re in love with this person,” Dad interrupts, “I don’t see how you could even think of...” but he trails off, seeing the look on my face that I’m trying so desperately to hide. “Siena...No,” he says.
“You can’t possibly have fallen in love with Harrison Davies,” Enzo says, his anger giving way to bafflement, “That’s absolutely impossible. He’s the furthest thing from your type in the world.”
“I don’t know what else to say,” I tell them, “I just wish I could make you understand. I’m not trying to hurt you, or betray your trust, or double cross the team. Ferrelli has been my family my entire life, and I love you both and Mom more than anything in the world. But I...I love Harrison too. Completely. I don’t think that I can bear to say goodbye to him. That is the truth I’ve been keeping from you. That’s what I need you to know, above all. And ultimately, that’s what I need you to accept. Because if you can’t understand that, and be happy for me...Well. I just don’t know what I’d do.”
My dad crosses the room and takes my hands in his. His eyes soften, and he suddenly looks about ten years older. There’s a stirring of hope in my heart, an almost imperceptible flutter. Is he about to give me his blessing, and end this nightmare once and for all?
“Thank you for being honest with us,” he says, “I do appreciate it, Siena. Even if it’s far too late.”
“What do you mean, too late?” I ask softly.
“I know you think you love this person,” Dad goes on, “But he almost got your brother killed today. He’s not a good man, Siena. I could never condone your being with him. That’s my truth. If you insist on carrying on with him, against my clear wishes...I don’t know how I could accept that. Forgive you for that. I’m not sure how we could even go on working for the same team, if you were to betray us like this. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but—”
I don’t stick around to hear anything else. Before either of them can stop me, I tear out of the hospital room, back into the maze of the floor. I will my tears to retreat back into my eyes, refusing to cry over my family’s stubborn unwillingness to respect me—to respect that love that I’ve managed to find in this world. It’s not worth it. I should have known better than to think that they’d suddenly think enough of me to let me make my own choices. To them, I’ve never been anything but a little girl. A helpless little girl. But that’s not me, anymore. And they just have to accept that.
Instead of turning back toward the room I woke up in, where Bex is probably still waiting for me, I set off deeper into the mess of rooms and hallways that make up the hospital. Despite my family’s warnings and criticisms, there’s only one person I want to see right now. One person who can remind me of who I really am.
“Excuse me?” I say to a passing hospital employee, “Can you tell me where Harrison Davies’ room is?”
The orderly jabs his thumb to the right, and I take off down the nearest hallway. A door at the end of the linoleum stretch is open just a hair, letting out a thin sliver of bright light. I all but sprint down the corridor, stopping to peer through the crack in the door. Sure enough, Harrison is lying in his bed, attended only by his best friend, Andy. The sight of Harrison lying there catches me like a blow right below the ribs, knocking the wind out of me. A deep gash runs across his eyebrow, just barely missing his eye. He looks to be sleeping, more or less in one piece. But seeing that dynamic, powerful body so still and spent is almost too difficult to bear.
Slowly, I push open the door. Andy looks up and smiles, just a little sadly. He rises to his feet and crosses the room, laying a comforting hand on my arm.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he tells me. “I’ve been sitting with him since they got him stabilized after the wreck. He was asking for you, before he fell asleep. Don’t worry, nobody heard but me.”
“How is he?” I ask Andy, sidling into the room and closing the door behind me.
“Well. He’s been be
tter,” Andy says, managing a small laugh, “Smacked his head pretty good, but the safety equipment held up, for the most part. He’s sitting the next race out with your brother. I guess they really don’t take kindly to horseplay on the track. That should be enough time to heal, at least anyway. Any sprains or bruises will take care of themselves.”
“But no permanent damage?” I ask.
“Not unless you’re including the blow his ego,” Andy says.
“Could I maybe...have a minute with him?” I ask.
Andy’s face clouds with indecision. “Someone could see you,” he tells me, “It doesn’t seem like the best idea, Siena.”
“I know,” I say, “But I have to talk to him. If someone happens upon us, I’ll say I’m here to apologize from Team Ferrelli for Enzo’s behavior.”
“Not sure if anyone would believe that Enzo Lazio was apologizing,” Andy scoffs. “After that stunt he pulled today, I’m not sure why anyone would give him the benefit of the—”
“Be careful. That’s my brother,” I say, “He may be a hotheaded asshole sometimes, and he might be the most stubborn man to have ever walked the earth, but he’s still family.”
“Don’t worry, I know a little something about that kind of loyalty,” Andy says, eyeing Harrison pointedly. “I’ll leave you two alone. Make it somewhat quick, though. I’ll stand guard at the end of the hallway, make sure no media types wander in here. Only doctors and nurses, I promise. OK?”
I nod as Andy makes his way out of the room. Stepping lightly, I cross the space and settle into the chair beside Harrison. For a moment, I simply let my eyes rest on his gorgeous face. By now, I know the sight of him sleeping so very well. He usually looks so peaceful when he’s at rest, like a greek statue in repose. But now, even as he lies still, I can sense that he’s in pain. Unbidden, so many memories starring this beautiful face come to mind: the first time I laid eyes on him, the first time we fell asleep beside each other, the first time he told me that he loved me. We’ve been through so much already—I refuse to let this be our last memory together. With a deep breath, I lay my hand on his muscular, tattooed bicep and give a gentle little squeeze.
“Harrison?” I whisper, “Baby, can you wake up for me?”
His eyelids flutter just a bit, and I can’t help but smile.
“Harrison, it’s Siena,” I go on, “Please wake up.”
With much effort, he manages to crack open his eyes, peering up at me in the bright fluorescent light.
“Siena...Am I dreaming?” he asks groggily, “No...You’re not wearing a rubber nurse’s uniform and carrying a whip. This must be real life, after all.”
“Always with the jokes, this one,” I say, brushing the blonde hair off his forehead and planting a kiss there. He winces a little as my lips brush the skin beside his cut.
“Got a little banged up, I guess,” he says.
“No kidding,” I reply, “Are you in a lot of pain?”
“Not too much, actually. They’ve got me on pretty good painkillers. Hope I didn’t scare you too badly back there.”
“I may have passed out for a minute,” I tell him, “It wasn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world to watch. But right now, I’m far more worried about you.”
“You kidding?” he laughs, “I’ve been in bar fights that’ve messed me up more than this.”
“Remind me never to frequent bars with you again,” I say dryly.
“I hope that’s not a serious suggestion,” Harrison replies, “You know how much I enjoy taking you out on the town.”
“I don’t know if it’s a real suggestion,” I tell him, taking his hand in mine, “Harrison, what happened this afternoon...it was my fault. It was all my fault.”
“What do you mean, Siena?” he asks, “That’s crazy. How could it—?”
“Enzo found out about us,” I say softly, “Someone sent him those pictures. He got them just before the race started. I found out too late to stop him. Honestly, baby, I tried to talk him out of racing. I knew he wouldn’t be able to control himself if you got too close. You have to know I did everything I could.”
“Shit,” Harrison growls.
“That’s why he went after you,” I tell him, “That’s why you both almost got killed. And he told my dad before I could stop him. I just came from talking to them both in his room.”
“Your father knows too?” Harrison asks.
I nod silently, letting the dire nature of our situation sink in.
“They told you not to see me again,” Harrison says, “That’s it, isn’t it?”
“That’s exactly it, yes,” I tell him.
“And yet...here you are,” he continues, “So, what does that mean, Siena? What’s our next move here?”
“It means that I’m...I’m at a loss,” I tell him, “I have no idea what I’m doing, Harrison. All I know is that today, the two people I care about most in the world were put in grave danger because I don’t know how to make a goddamn decision. And I’m not OK with that. This can’t go on, whatever feud there is between you and Enzo. But whatever I do next, I’m going to end up hurting someone I love. Hell, I’ve already done that. I’ve hurt all of you, everyone I care about. I just don’t understand why I keep fucking everything up. ”
“Don’t say that,” Harrison says, resting his hand on my cheek, “You’re not some inconsiderate fuck up, Siena. You’re the most brilliant, compassionate, responsible person I’ve ever met. You live for the people you love, everyone can see that. Whatever you decide you want going forward, just remember—only you can decide what to do next. Not me. Not your brother or your father. It’s your life to lead.”
“But Harrison,” I tell him, “The life I want to lead...is ours. Not just mine. I need you to help me, here. I need us to come to a decision together.”
“Is that really what you want, Siena?”
“Yes,” I tell him, “Like it or not, you’re on my team now. I need someone else to be on this crazy ride with me. And I need it to be you.”
“I...I’m so glad...” Harrison trails off.
“Is that how you feel too?” I ask, taking his big hand in mine, “Do you want to come at this together Harrison, as a team?”
“It could ruin you, a scandal like this,” he says.
“It could ruin you too,” I remind him, “But it could also be the one thing worth dashing our careers for. Don’t you think so?”
“Oh, I certainly do think so,” Harrison grins, “I don’t quite know if I’m the get married and settle down type—”
“I’m not asking you to be,” I tell him, “I’m not asking you to throw in the towel, resign, any of that. All I’m asking is that you stand beside me. Can you do that, Harrison?”
“It’s all I’ve wanted to do from the start,” he says, “I’d be proud to be yours, Siena. Proud for the world to know.”
“Well, that makes two of us,” I smile.
“It’s going to hurt like a bitch when the rest of the world finds out,” Harrison tells me, stroking my hand with his thumb.
“Not if we do it on our own terms,” I say hopefully.
“Even then,” he insists, “The media can be ruthless. You know that. When my dad started to lose control of his life, they were merciless. I’m sure they’d give me the same treatment, should this get out of hand.”
“Then we’ll make sure it doesn’t,” I tell him, leaning in close to his bedside. My curls fall down over my shoulders, brushing against the crisp white sheets.
“And your family?” Harrison asks.
“They have to learn to respect me as a person,” I insist, “It doesn’t surprise me that they’ve never learned, to be honest. I’ve never demanded it of them. I’ve always done what they’ve asked and required of me. I’ve never opposed them, never told them that they’re wrong. Of course they don’t know what to do with me, now that I’m standing up for what I really want. But they’ll learn. They have to learn. I just hope...I just hope it doesn’t come too late.
”
“For your father, you mean?” Harrison asks.
“Yes,” I say softly, feeling the hot prick of salty tears once more, “If he passed away furious with me...I don’t know what I’d...”
“Hey, hey—” Harrison says, reaching up to brush away my sudden tears, “That’s not going to happen, baby. Come here,” he says, patting the hospital bed beside him.
“Really?” I laugh through crying.
“Sure,” he says, “No better medicine than being in each others’ arms, right?”
I kick off my race day boots and gingerly lower myself onto the bed beside Harrison. I settle into the crook of his arm, curling up against that hard chest of his. Even here, in this sterile and harsh setting, I can’t help but let my hands run over his firm pecs, his sculpted biceps. The power his body has over mine, that mine has over his, can’t be muted by even the most extreme circumstances. I rest my cheek against the tattooed skin of his breastplate, listening to his steady, even heartbeat.
“It’s on me now,” he says, his chest vibrating with every word.
“What do you mean?” I ask, throwing an arm across his defined abs.
“You’ve done your part, trying to convince your family that I’m not a scumbag,” he goes on, “But from me, all they have is evidence to the contrary. I need to step up and be your partner in this. I’ve never let anyone fight my battles for me. Why should I start now?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say.
“If we want this to work, if we want your family to accept your being with me, then I need to show them who I really am. All your family knows of me is that I’m the son of an alcoholic asshole, a hot shot racer who came out of nowhere, and the guy who’s trying to take the championship from your brother and steal Ferrelli’s crown princess from under their noses.”
“Watch who you’re calling princess,” I say.
“You know what I mean,” he replies, “What I’m saying is that I need to...God, I hate to even say this out loud...I need to play nice with your brother, be the bigger man, no offense.”
Faster Deeper (Take Me...#2) (New Adult Bad Boy Racer Novel) Page 12
