by Nikky Kaye
I made a mental note at the time—develop an app that allows you to feel some kind of satisfaction in angrily hanging up on somebody with your smartphone. Jabbing a red dot to end the call just didn’t have the same effect.
He was serious, however, and later on that evening, it was Madeline who had to pour me out of the bar.
Apparently, my flighty sister had knocked the manager’s socks of that winter, essentially working herself into an assistant GM position—after a few months off of maternity leave, that was. Wanting to keep Bobbie, the GM had offered Aaron a job heading up the resort’s marketing and promotions. And they gave them a little chalet-type townhouse on the property, in a cluster where other year-round staff member were also housed.
It was a hard offer for them to turn down. Bobbie was finally happy in a job and doing well, and even with the pay cut, Aaron was excited about being with her and living “on the land.” I reminded him they weren’t pioneers. For god’s sake, the lodge’s restaurant had a foie gras appetizer.
Madeline finally dragged me out there to see the baby when the kid was about three months old. I was less than impressed at having to leave the office for the whole weekend, and more than a little reluctant to even get out of the car.
But while six weeks and four days without a blowjob hurt, I wasn’t about to call her bluff on her threat to cut me off entirely. So I grumbled and shuffled behind her to their door, like a recalcitrant thirteen year-old visiting their grandparents.
Bobbie looked tired but strangely content, and Aaron was like a caffeine-powered zombie. Their little chalet reeked of baby shit, despite all the open windows, and some weird plastic smell that Madeline told me came from the diapers. It made sense, since a baby store apparently threw up in there. Cases of diapers were stacked up like towers, and I was frankly surprised that the baby wasn’t crated up like the Ark of the Covenant.
I crossed my arms over my chest and watched the three of them act like idiots for this little creature that looked like Baby Luma from Super Mario.
“Lily, this is your Uncle Brain. He might use you to take over the world. Again.”
My nose scrunched up. “Really, Pinky?”
“Absolutely.”
“I think you lost some brain cells with the placenta.”
Yes, I knew what a placenta was, thanks to Madeline, who had delighted in grossing me out by feeding me information through my sister’s whole pregnancy. She had considered it some kind of immersion therapy, I think.
Now, out on the back deck with the valley peeking through the tall pine trees, I had to admit that the immersion therapy had worked. Well, I was here anyhow. And I was damp.
“Can I borrow some shorts or something? Your progeny used me as toilet paper.”
Aaron glanced down at the big wet spot on my khakis and gave me a shit-eating grin. I gave him the finger.
“Way ahead of you,” Maddie called as she stepped outside with a pair of what looked like black athletic shorts in her hand. “Bobbie let me go through your drawers.”
Now it was Aaron’s turn to choke on his beer. I took the shorts, grateful to see they had a drawstring at the waist.
I dropped a kiss on her lips. “Marry me.”
“I can’t, I wanna have a steak first.” Madeline stuck her talented tongue out at me before scooping Lily out of Bobbie’s arms.
Foiled again.
“Uh oh, Lily-bean! You’re getting so big; I don’t know if I can hang on. I might drop you!”
Lily squealed at the prospect of her favorite game. My girlfriend held her in her arms, swaying gently and cooing before suddenly dropping into a deep squat. It was like the toddler version of the Drop of Doom.
Bobbie smiled at them while Aaron tried to use X-ray vision on the steaks again. I took the opportunity to go inside and change. I was in my boxer briefs in my sister’s bedroom when Maddie waltzed in and dropped Lily on the bed like a pile of giggling laundry.
I couldn’t fight my own indulgent smile when Maddie flopped on the bed beside Lily and leaned over to let our niece grab her auburn hair. It was a little harder now that she’d cut it to shoulder length, but I loved that it was still enough to pull her head back with when I was driving into her from behind.
Madeline tilted her head up to me then shielded Lily’s eyes, her own wide with alarm. “Gage! Seriously?”
I looked down at the tent in my briefs and shrugged. “I can’t control it.” It was a naturally occurring phenomenon when I was around her. Like the tides.
“You’re kidding, right? Mister No Excuses? You control everything.”
Lily tittered and covered her own eyes, thinking Maddie was playing hide and seek. Oh, to be two years old again and have no object permanence.
The smile on my gorgeous girlfriend’s face was faintly stained with sadness as she cuddled her.
She still didn’t know what to make of her biological mother’s decision to abandon her, and she’d stopped looking for her. Out of sight, out of mind. Her adopted mother was relieved and frankly, so was I. And thankfully, therapy was covered by company’s health insurance.
“I can’t control you,” I pointed out, pulling up the borrowed shorts. At least my t-shirt was free of bodily fluids.
“You’re not kidding,” she mumbled. There was an odd tone in her voice that made me look at her more closely. It wasn’t exactly a hardship.
I never got tired of looking at Madeline, even when she had clothes on—such as the simple and easily removable peasant skirt and tank top that she was currently wearing. She was beautiful, sassy and never failed to tell me when I was being an arrogant asshole. She was also smart and funny and, well, up for anything.
A long time ago, she’d told me that I made her feel safe, and the pride and pleasure that elicited in me was greater than the day our stock went public.
Her gaze was focused on Lily, who had fallen asleep on the bed. It must have been nap time, or close to it. Or maybe we’d just worn her out with all the acrobatics and potty training.
Goddamn, I wished that kid would get on board with my magic potty program! She was making me look bad.
The bed bounced a little as I knelt on it and leaned over Lily’s little body to capture Madeline’s lips in a kiss.
“What was that for?”
“I just love you.”
“Weirdo.” But she kissed me back, with tongue. God, I loved her.
With the collar of my t-shirt clutched in her fist, she led me around the bed. She sat up straight as I stood beside her, her head conveniently close to my crotch.
“Hmmm, these don’t stay up very well on you, do they?” she said, plucking at mesh fabric.
“Well, I have to tight—”
My words and thoughts rocked to a halt when she tugged gently on the waistband and the shorts dropped to my ankles.
“Ooops.” She smirked up at me. Her hand cupped my semi, making me groan. Oh Jesus, I loved the way she touched me.
I checked on Lily, who had her thumb in her mouth and was probably dreaming about puppies or graham crackers, or whatever two year olds dreamt about.
My hands cradled Maddie’s face. “Baby, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but this is not the best time for a blowjob.” I really hated saying it. I felt a genuine crushing feeling in my chest with the words.
The laugh burst out of her chest so hard that she snorted. She slapped her hand over her mouth, probably partly in embarrassment and partly to avoid waking up Lily. But in that quiet room, with smells from the grill coming in through the window and my niece snoring on the bed, I felt absolute peace.
I looked her in the eye, done with her excuses. “Marry me.”
“I can’t, I’m preg—”
I held up my hand to interrupt her, rolling my eyes. “No, this time I won’t accept it. I’ve had enough. ‘I can’t, I have to wash my hair.’ ‘I can’t, I need to finish this book.’ ‘I can’t, you smell like pee.’ That’s it. I’m done with the excuses.”
; Her eyes widened.
“Come on, Madeline.” My hands were propped on my hips and the pitch of my voice rose as I mocked her. “‘I can’t, I’m preg—wait, what did you say?”
“I’m pregnant.”
She was smiling, but also gnawing on her lip nervously. I felt like there was a balloon in my chest, slowly filling up and ready to burst. Part of me wanted to puke, and the other part of me wanted to drag her back to our room at the main lodge and fuck her senseless.
We were completely still, encased in carbonite. Her blink was the only movement in the room; Lily’s snuffles the only sound. My mouth opened but no sound came out.
“Gage, say something. Please.” She rose on her knees, her hands wrapped around my forearms. “I know it wasn’t planned and I’m not quite sure what happened. Maybe that time you suspended me upside down—”
“With a baby?”
“No, with a very small racehorse. That’s why I have to pee like one.”
“Excuse me?”
She put her arms around my waist, her voice low. “Poor Gage.”
My brain was scrambled. Baby. Racehorse. Lily. Diapers. When my brain came back to me—albeit in bits and pieces—I noticed the fear shadowing her eyes. What, did she think I would abandon her? That I’d be angry?
“I’m sorry,” I said. Madeline—the queen of effective communication—took it the wrong way, her eyes filling with tears.
“No no no! I’m happy, sort of.”
She tilted her head back then her breath hitched as I lifted her off the bed to stand her up.
“Sort of?” A sniff escaped her.
“Well, it’s kind of a shock. Give me some time to process it.”
Her gaze fell to my chest. “Yeah, right. Okay.” Her voice sounded as tight and dark as the charcoal briquettes turning to ash outside.
I was fucking this up, royally. I looked over at Lily. She wasn’t so bad. A mini-Madeline…? Hmmm.
I wrapped myself around Madeline like bubble wrap, until you couldn’t fit a coherent thought between us, much less a piece of paper. Squeezed.
“Mmph.”
The balloon in my chest popped, my heartbeat floating up to the sky.
“You’re going to marry me.” I couldn’t wait, and I didn’t care how bossy I sounded.
“Because of the itty bitty racehorse?” she asked quietly.
I tilted her chin up to look her in the eyes. “Because I love you so fucking much that my heart aches with it right now. And we need a doll to put in our dollhouse. And I need to perfect that damn potty.”
“Are those excuses?” Her eyes narrowed, but the corner of her mouth perked up.
“Madeline, I don’t need an excuse to marry you. You are the reason. And a damn good one at that.”
ALMOST….THE END
NO EXCUSES – FUTURELOGUE
CHAPTER ONE
MADDIE
“You hanging in there? Are you worried about him?”
I tilted the popcorn bag toward my sister-in-law. “Sure. No problem. I’m great.”
“Because I remember when I first left Lily—”
“Bobbie, we’re at a movie, not at an all-inclusive resort.” Though, that sounded wonderful. I shifted in my seat, making sure that my phone didn’t slide off my lap.
“Yeah, but—”
I held up my hand, my fingertips greasy from the popcorn. The trailers hadn’t even started, and I was already full. In the past year, I had developed the ability to scarf down food quickly, one-handed.
“I’m sure everything’s okay,” I assured her. “He’s an intelligent adult who runs a billion dollar company. I’m sure he can handle a baby.”
Our baby. Our son, Jack, now nine months old and crawling… everywhere. Only walls, furniture and stairs could stop him.
It was like I’d given birth to a Roomba.
“It’s kind of ridiculous that we’re going to a sexy movie with each other, not our husbands,” I said.
On the plus side, there were definitely no kids in the theater. On the negative side… there were no kids. I missed Jack, and I’d been gone less than an hour.
“I could have babysat if you guys wanted to go together,” Bobbie reminded me.
“Nah. He hates foreign film.” This one had subtitles and full-frontal nudity. Male nudity. Though, Gage and Aaron both might have been on board if it featured a bunch of bouncing European boobs.
My boobs didn’t bounce that way anymore. I didn’t bounce that way anymore. There was a good chance that I’d fall asleep in this movie. But here I was.
Earlier, Gage had pushed me out the door, saying, “Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.”
Of course, “fine” was a word with a vast spectrum of meaning.
When Jack was born, Gage had taken some time off to be at home with us. He’d said that it was important for us to get some systems in place, to make the transition easier. After a couple of weeks, though, I could see him getting antsy. Even through the haze of sleep deprivation, it quickly became clear that Gage was having more trouble adjusting to parenthood than I was. I just had to, there no choice in the matter.
But Gage couldn’t breastfeed, and I was having trouble letting go—of anything.
So, after a month, I sent him back to work. He seemed almost relieved at getting permission. I was almost relieved at not having him underfoot all the time, like a mopey puppy that wasn’t sure what he was being punished for. All that “almost” relief was accompanied by a fair amount of guilt, on both our parts.
And now, I should have been more excited to be out doing something for me. Instead, I felt… can you guess? Ding! Ding! Ding! Guilty!
There’s nothing in the baby manual about guilt going hand-in-hand with becoming a parent. I would have to talk to Gage about that—his tech company was working on a baby app. Naturally.
The lights in the theater went down. Notifications flashed on my phone from Facebook, psyching me out and making me think my husband was texting me with a question or a crisis.
He wasn’t.
“Don’t do it. Don’t check in,” Bobbie urged in a low voice. “I know you want to. Resist the temptation.”
Of course, now that she’d said it, I really wanted to. Forget falling asleep. There was a greater probability that I’d make a trip to the ladies’ room so I could call home. I sucked down more soda, regretting that I didn’t get one the size of my head.
Something pulled in my chest, like an invisible string that ran from the theater to my house.
Bobbie elbowed me over the armrest as a love scene began. “Here we go,” she whispered.
The string in me tugged and twanged.
The first thing Gage said to me when I got in the door was, “He’s sleeping.”
Of course, he was. That was a good thing. I wondered how bad it would be if I woke the baby up, just so I could have the satisfaction of soothing him again.
My handsome, brilliant, successful husband was still wearing a crisp white button-down shirt, which meant there were two possibilities: everything had gone perfectly, or he had changed before I got home.
Was it wrong if I secretly hoped it was the first option?
I stripped off my coat as my husband asked me how the movie was. “Adult.”
He smirked. “Oh, yeah? How big was he?”
I blushed. “No, I mean it was weird being surrounded by grown-ups again. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like.” I looked up the stairs. Maybe I could just…
“He’s fine.” Gage wrapped his hand around mine and pulled me into the living room.
A fire cracked and glowed in the fireplace, displacing the January cold. It said a lot about my state of mind that my first reaction wasn’t “oh, how romantic” but instead “oh god, please don’t tell me you had a curious, crawling baby by an open fire.”
What was wrong with me? I used to fly by the seat of my panties. Now I was obsessed with diapers and couldn’t remember what panties I was wearing.
“Hav
e I changed?” I asked Gage.
“What?” He looked me up and down, his gaze still as hot as the fire a few feet away. “How do you mean?”
Resting my forehead against his hard chest, I sighed. “I don’t know. I just feel so…”
“Tired? Hungry? Horny?”
“Adult.”
His arms tightened around my waist, enveloping me in his warmth. “That’s not such a bad thing, Madeline. Some of the best people I know are adults.”
Silently, I considered it. What a stupid funk I was in. Maybe I was just tired, hungry, and horny.
Gage put his thumbs under my jaw and tilted my head back. The desire in his eyes made my body begin to throb in response. “You’ve had some time for you tonight,” he said in a husky voice. “Now, how about some time for us?”
I blinked, trying to disconnect the Mommy part of me from the Maddie part. Right now I wanted to be just a wife, a saucy sex kitten—or at the very least, consider my breasts to be recreational instead of functional.
With my palms on his chest, I inhaled my husband’s scent. Some men smelled like spice, cologne or dust. My man smelled like a freshly ironed cotton shirt, laced with a hint of baby shampoo from bath time.
If I thought Brian Gage was intoxicating before, when he was just my demanding boss, then Brian Gage the billionaire daddy was downright addictive.
I melted against him, like a candle too close to the fireplace. His hands moved over me, pressing and molding me to him. My eyes closed as I reveled in the feeling of his body against mine.
“What did you have in mind?”
“Madeline, I want to do very… adult things to you.”
His mouth trailed over my face, his lips landing on mine briefly before moving to my forehead, cheeks, and neck. Back to my parted lips again.
Teasing. Taunting. Tormenting me.
“Oh god.” A familiar heat welled up inside me.
“You can call me whatever you want. Just be warned—I intend to make you lose your voice from screaming my name.”
My breath caught in my throat. As long as it didn’t wake the baby, I was totally on board with this plan. Although I often craved alone time, I craved Gage more.
