How was Laura? The question spurred her out of bed. She located a Coast Guard uniform in the locker and put it on. Luckily, she also found the toiletry articles she needed, and quickly combed her tangled hair into some semblance of respectability and brushed her teeth. Pepper didn’t look too closely at herself in the mirror. But what she saw, she didn’t like. Her skin looked pasty, and dark circles lay under her eyes. Well, didn’t she always look like this coming off a five-or ten-day fire?
Her heart moved back to Jim, and the pain nearly overwhelmed her. She had to find out how Laura was. Her stomach growled ominously. Looking around, she found a clock on the desk that was bolted to the deck. Six p.m. Impossible! They had landed on the ship at 0500. Had she slept that long?
Getting directions from a crew member outside her quarters, Pepper headed directly to sick bay. Looking out the round hatch windows, she noted it was dusk. The sky was clear, the ocean smooth as glass. She ignored the dramatic red sunset as she moved stiffly down the stairs that would take her to the lower deck. She prayed Laura wasn’t dead.
Pepper entered sick bay, a large room in comparison to her quarters, and a corpsman on duty greeted her.
“Mrs. Trayhern? Is she alive?” she blurted.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Relief flooded through her. “Thank God,” she whispered, touching her heart. “May I see her?”
“Colonel Woodward is with her right now, ma’am. It’s a pretty small area, so it gets a little crowded in there.”
Pepper hesitated. Her heart bled at the information. Jim was with Laura. What else had she expected? “Oh, okay…” She felt a sense of anguish, mingled with an odd relief. Why? Was she glad that Jim loved Laura? It was just as well he did love her, she told herself sternly. She must have been crazy, allowing herself to get so emotionally caught up with him in the first place. It had to have been the heat of the mission that had allowed her carefully constructed walls to fall into such shambles—that had allowed her to actually consider the possibility of her relationship with Jim going beyond the professional experience they’d shared. Now it was time to get back to reality, before she lost her heart for good. Pepper frowned, hoping it wasn’t too late already…. John’s unexpected death had taught her the hard way that her heart could never withstand such pain again. Never again would she surrender to such overwhelming emotion without the balance of rationality.
But why had it been so easy to say no and not get involved romantically with men until now? Pepper had no answers. The corpsman was looking at her strangely, so she tried to appear more alert.
“Dr. Parsons doesn’t want Mrs. Trayhern to have too many visitors right now,” the corpsman continued placatingly. “Perhaps if you went to the galley for dinner and came back after that?”
“Sure.” Pepper’s hunger was gone. Tears flooded her eyes and she swallowed. Jim was with Laura. As she quietly shut the sick-bay door, she wanted to sob, but didn’t. Why was there so much pain in that realization? After all, John had been her life. Her soul. Her only experience with love.
“How’re you feeling, Tiger?” Jim smiled and reached out to grip Laura’s hand, which lay across her blanketed body. She looked very weak, her skin still translucent, her eyes cloudy.
“Jim…it’s so good to see you.” Laura cleared her throat, her voice raspy. She tried to squeeze his hand but couldn’t muster the strength.
He leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on her brow. “I gotta tell you, you look a little better now than when we found you at the plantation.”
“Plantation?”
“Yeah. You remember, don’t you? Garcia kidnapped you?”
“Wait…”
Mentally, Jim kicked himself. Dr. Parsons had warned him about hitting Laura with too much information too soon. Sometimes cocaine—which they had verified through lab tests was in her bloodstream—could wipe out certain events in a person’s memory. He squeezed her hand. “Let me begin at the beginning,” he told her quietly. “Stop me if I give you too much information too fast, okay?”
Laura felt chilled. Desperately, she looked up into Jim’s face. “I haven’t seen you for such a long time. The last time I remember was when we had lunch in Fairfax, at the Bicycle Club.”
Relief raced through him. “Yes, that’s right, Tiger, we did.” He sat down on a chair and faced her. “Do you recall anything of the last couple days, Laura?”
“I…” She touched her head. The IV in her arm made it difficult to move. She looked around the room and then back at him. “Something terrible happened, didn’t it?” Her voice was tremulous.
Jim stroked her hand in an effort to soothe her. He heard a noise behind him and looked around. Commander Noah Trayhern stood there. He was tired, his face lined with worry and his gray eyes burning with concern. Nodding to him, Jim turned and watched Laura carefully. Would she remember Morgan’s brother?
“Laura, how are you?” Noah came around to the other side of the bed. He touched her shoulder and looked at her closely.
“Noah.” Laura managed a weak smile. “What are you doing here?”
Noah traded a glance of alarm with Jim.
“Her memory will come back,” Jim assured him. “As the drug wears off, everything will come back, from what Dr. Parsons said.”
“I see.” Noah looked down at Laura. “How are you feeling?”
“Awful. I’m cold.”
Jim released her hand. “Let me go ask the corpsman where I can get another blanket for you.”
“Thanks,” Noah said, his voice filled with raw emotion.
Jim returned a few minutes later with two more blankets. The corpsman had assured him that the chills Laura was experiencing would eventually go away. Together, Jim and Noah tucked the warming covers around her. He was relieved to see some of the cloudiness leaving her eyes. How terrible it would be if the drug erased her memory completely. Laura still hadn’t remembered that Morgan and Jason had been kidnapped.
Jim felt he should leave. Laura had an established rapport with Noah; he was much more present in her life than Jim was. Besides, it was obvious Noah was upset over the events. Jim moved to the side of the bed.
“Listen, I’m going to grab some chow, Laura. You’re in good hands here with Noah. I’ll come back later, and we’ll talk, okay?”
Sleepily, she nodded. “Sure. Thanks…”
Jim smiled. “See you later, Tiger.” As he left sick bay, he wondered if Pepper had slept off the worst of the mission. He’d gotten some solid sleep, but his worry over Laura’s condition had forced him up after six hours.
Going down to the galley, he was surprised to spot Pepper there. She was sitting alone at one of the bolted-down tables, a tray before her with a little food on it. She didn’t see him. She seemed immersed in looking down at the coffee cup she held between her thin hands. Jim’s heart thumped hard to underscore the vibrant feelings she brought out in him. Her hair was combed, softly framing her face. Color was back in her cheeks, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He went through the chow line, loading his tray with food.
“How are you?”
Pepper’s head snapped up. Jim’s voice was low, intimate. Her eyes widened as she saw him sit down opposite her. His smile was warm, and his eyes burned with that same caring light.
“Jim…”
“Didn’t expect to see me?” he teased, cutting up a pork chop.
“Well—I…”
“How are you feeling?” He saw Pepper’s cheeks flush red. She couldn’t quite hold his gaze, and he wondered why. Her hands fluttered nervously over the coffee cup.
“Like something the cat dragged in,” she muttered under her breath.
He pointed toward her tray with his knife. “Have you eaten anything?”
“No…not much.”
Between bites of food, he asked, “is this the way you are after coming off a forest fire?”
Touched by his insight, Pepper dabbled with her meat disinterestedly. She should eat, she knew, but her stom
ach was tied in a terrible knot of grief. Jim looked unscathed by the mission. His hair was clean and combed, his face freshly shaven. His eyes glinted with their usual intelligence.
“Oh…I’m usually worthless for about two days when we come in from a fire,” she admitted finally.
“I never realized the demands on you,” he murmured. Why was Pepper so nervous? Her fingers trembled when she picked up her spoon and ate a bit of the canned peaches on her tray. Growing serious, he said in a low tone, “You’re an incredible woman. I want you to know that, Pepper.” They had shared so much in such a short amount of time. Those kisses that had nearly led him into making love to her still burned brightly in his memory, and his body responded to the thought. Now that he’d freed himself of confusion about his feelings for Laura, his uncertainty about Pepper had cleared up. A desperation to let her know how much she meant to him made him hope for an opportunity to talk with her honestly about so many things.
Pepper shrugged, not daring to meet his eyes. His voice, low and gritty, shone through her like blazing sunlight. “We both pulled our share of the load.” She glanced up. “How’s your arm?”
“Fine. Once Dr. Parsons got Laura stabilized, she checked it out and gave your work her seal of approval.”
“How is Laura?” Pepper picked up her coffee, sipping it, and met his eyes for the first time.
“She’s going to make it, thank God.” Jim frowned. “The only problem is she doesn’t remember anything about the kidnapping. Nothing.” With a shake of his head, he muttered, “Noah’s down there with her now. I think he’ll probably break the news to her about Morgan and Jason.”
“At least she’s going to live. That’s everything. I don’t know Noah that well, but he seems so gentle. He’s probably the right person to break it to her.” Sighing, Pepper looked around the room. It was beginning to fill up with off-duty crew. The noise level rose, the laughter in direct opposition to how she felt.
“No disagreement there.” Jim saw the shadows in Pepper’s eyes but wrote them off as being due to the mission. “You still haven’t said how you are.”
With a shrug, she took a bite of the chicken on her tray. “Okay.”
“I’m discovering that you tend to use that word as a cover-up.”
Pepper stared at him. His voice was low with concern. When she looked into his eyes, she was instantly wrapped in that incredible warmth he exuded. Her heart squeezed with such pain that she felt the sting of tears in her eyes. Instantly, she forced them back.
“Well?” Jim prodded.
“I’m just a little sore, that’s all,” she hedged, her voice huskier than usual. “And tired. I’ll be glad to get home.”
Jim scowled. “Home meaning Montana?” He wanted time with her, dammit.
“Yes. It’s snowing there now. It’s a beautiful time of year up in the mountains.”
“I see….”
“I imagine Laura’s going to need a lot of emotional support and help from friends and family to get through all of this,” Pepper said. “I’m glad she has you.”
“Yes, she’s going to need help.” Dammit! Jim dawdled over his dessert of baked apple with vanilla sauce. So much had happened that he hadn’t thought much beyond Laura’s unexpected health problem. Pepper was right; she would need friends and family now more than ever, and he had every intention of being there in that capacity for her. Worse, Pepper would be leaving.
“What are your plans for returning to Montana?” he demanded.
Pepper heard the slight edge of anger in Jim’s voice. Why? “When we get to D.C., Marie will put me on the next plane out.”
With her simple words, Jim lost his considerable appetite. The last thing he wanted was for Pepper to leave, but even if she stayed, he’d be too busy to spend much time with her, between his job at the Pentagon and remaining in Laura’s life until her husband and son were found. If they could be found, he reminded himself grimly. There was no telling what Laura’s freedom would mean to Morgan’s situation. The drug lords could kill him outright. There were so many unknowns. And no answers.
Looking up, he met and held Pepper’s luminous gaze. She looked as if she were going to cry. Frustration ate at him. Those tears again. And again, this wasn’t the time or place to ask about them. Damn. “So what does a smoke jumper do during winter? There can’t be many fires.”
“As a Hotshot team, we’re always on standby. Sometimes we get calls from the Southwest—California and Arizona in particular—and we go fight a fire for them.” Pepper set her tray aside and grabbed the heavy white mug that contained the last of her coffee.
“What else do you do?”
“We repair our equipment, I put my team through training seminars and, in general, we rest up. There’s a lot to do in other ways, believe me. We aren’t sitting in Montana twiddling our thumbs.”
He grinned a little. “I know you ski.”
“Yes, mostly cross-country, anymore.” She stopped for a long moment, recalling that it had been a good two years after John’s death before she’d put on a pair of downhill skis.
Sliding his own tray aside, Jim sipped at his coffee, deep in thought. “Do you realize we missed Thanksgiving?”
“I know…it’s one of my favorite holidays.”
“Oh?”
“Yes.” She gazed down at her cup. “I always go home for it—to Anaconda.”
“Family means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”
Pepper lifted her head. “Sure. Doesn’t it to everyone?”
He shrugged. “Nowadays, I think a lot of people have lost their sense of family togetherness. Not that it’s anyone’s fault. It just happened.”
“I’ll probably make up for my absence by taking a few days off when I get back and going home to see my parents.”
“They can’t know anything about this mission. What will you tell them?”
“A white lie. I’ll tell them a friend of mine got into trouble on the East Coast and I flew back to help her.”
“That’s painless,” Jim conceded. He ached to have long, exploring conversations with Pepper. “So what are your other favorite holidays?”
She roused herself, trying to fight her inner pain. “Christmas. I love it. I go home then, too. My grandparents live in Billings, and as old as they are, they drive over for the week if there’s no blizzard in progress. Cam and Molly and their kids come home, too. We have a great time. I just love seeing the kids, playing with them, building snowmen and stuff like that.”
The warmth in Pepper’s eyes made Jim want to rail against life in general. Her voice had such a velvet quality to it, and her love for her family touched his heart as few things ever did. He saw new life in her eyes, and he longed to share that with her. If only he could. If only…
“Well, we’re due in Miami in two days,” he said in a low voice. “I hope we get to share more times like this, Pepper.”
Startled, she sat up. “Like what?”
“Talking with you.” He frowned. Why did she look incredulous, as if she didn’t really believe him? Was the ghost of John Freedman still standing between them? Probably. Jim no longer cared. One way or another, he was going to replace that ghost from her past.
Nervously, Pepper stood up. “If you’ll excuse me, I want to go see Laura, if I can.”
He nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”
Laura was sleeping when Pepper stopped to see her. Too restless to go back to her cabin, Pepper went up to the bridge, where she found Noah Trayhern. Though Noah wore the same dark blue uniform as everyone else, it was obvious he was in charge. His carriage, his low, commanding voice and the way the crew members on the bridge responded showed that. Pepper liked the officer. He was easygoing yet firm. She liked to think she was that way with her team, too. It was obvious Noah’s crew not only respected him, but liked him—a rare combination.
When he spotted her, Noah stood up and offered her his captain’s chair, with the best view on the ship. Huge windows framed the enti
re area, giving everyone good visibility. “Have a seat.”
“Thanks.” Pepper slid into the chair. From here, she could see the dark expanse of the Caribbean. Above, thousands of stars seemed quilted into the velvety sky.
“How about a cup of fresh coffee?” Noah suggested, gesturing to one of the crew to get it for them.
Pepper nodded. “Thanks, I could use it. I came up here to find out how Laura is doing. Colonel Woodward said you were just with her.”
Rubbing his jaw, the officer leaned against the console and faced her. “She’s making good progress physically. Her memory is spotty, though. I just had a talk with Dr. Parsons, and she said that gradually Laura should remember everything.”
Pepper took the white mug offered to her, with thanks. Noah took the other proffered mug and sipped the coffee thoughtfully. “I’m just glad the worst is over for her,” she said.
“In one way it is, and in another way it isn’t,” Noah murmured. “Dr. Parsons examined her thoroughly and told me Laura had been raped.”
Stunned, Pepper sat very still, the mug resting in her hands. “Oh, God, no…”
Grimly, Noah rasped, “If I ever get my hands on Garcia, he’s a dead man.”
Shaken, she whispered, “That’s terrible. She’s already got her own private hell she’s going to have to deal with.”
“Yes, and I just talked to Perseus. They still don’t have a line on where Morgan or Jason are.” Frustration was evident in his voice. “I’m having a tough time with this whole situation. I knew Morgan going into a security business like this would make him enemies, but I never envisioned it turning into such a can of worms.”
“At least,” Pepper said hesitantly, “Laura has her family—and Jim.”
“Yes, she’s got that,” he admitted. “I’d like to stay behind and be with her, but I can’t. I have a Coast Guard ship to run. I wish I could….”
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