by King, Deja
How Life Changes
“I can’t believe he’s dead! No he can’t be, he can’t be dead…he can’t be dead!” I listened to Darnell’s baby mother scream that out for about fifteen minutes. I was trying to be patient because I understood that she was mourning the loss of a man she loved who was also the father of her child. But I knew the nigga didn’t deserve not one of her tears which made the task of me seeming to care about his death a difficult one.
“Lala, calm down, it’ll be okay.” I held her closely trying to console her as much as possible.
“Mommy, mommy, why are you crying? Who is dead?” I looked up and saw Tania running down the stairs. She was such a beautiful little girl and luckily it all came from her mother and she didn’t resemble her father at all. I might not have been able to stand the child if she had. “Uncle Lorenzo, why is my mommy crying?”
“Your mother is going through a hard time right now but she’ll pull through,” I said, trying to reassure her the best I could.
“Tania, go back upstairs with grandma,” Lala managed to say through uncontrollable sobs.
“But I want to stay with you.” Tania was now holding on to her mother’s leg and I had flashbacks to when I was a little boy and I begged my mother not to leave my father and me. She had one piece of luggage as she stood at the front door. I held her leg so tightly and tears wouldn’t stop pouring from my eyes. But as hard as I cried and as much as I begged my mother still walked out the door. After that I promised myself I would never cry over another woman again.
“Tania, listen to your mother and go back upstairs.” I bent down so I was eye level with her. “I’ll take care of your mother and when we’re done she’ll come upstairs to get you.”
“Did something happen to my daddy because he said he would always take care of us?”
“You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll always take care of you. Now go upstairs. I’ll be up there in a minute.” Tania let go of her mother’s leg and slowly walked toward the stairs, looking back every couple of steps. I gave her a reassuring smile knowing that as content as I was with her father being dead, she was innocent and didn’t deserve to feel the pain she would no doubt endure.
“Lala, you have to pull it together, if not for your own sanity then for your daughter.”
“I just don’t understand how this could’ve happened. I saw him last night, Lorenzo and he was fine. How can you hold somebody in your arms one day and the very next day they dead. That shit don’t make no sense.”
“Lala, you know how this game work. Every time you walk out the door you risking your life.”
“You have to find whoever robbed and killed him and make them pay for taking his life, Lorenzo. Darnell held it down for you for years and was always loyal. He deserves for you to seek retribution against the muthafucker that took him from his family.”
“I will but let me handle that. I don’t want you worrying about what goes on in the streets. All I want you to do is take care of Tania and help her through this. I want you to take this,” I said handing Lala a bag of money. “There will be more of this to come.”
“Lorenzo, this is too much.”
“No it isn’t. Tania is my Goddaughter and she’ll never want for anything. That, I promise you.”
“Thank you. You were always good to us and I know how much Darnell loved you.”
“I’ma go upstairs and say bye to Tania. I have to go out of town but when I get back I’ll come check
on you.”
“Lorenzo, thank you again.”
“Stop thanking me. This is what family do, take care of each other.” I watched as the tears continued to flow down Lala’s face and was disgusted. I felt no regret for killing Darnell but I hated that even in death he had to make me feel something. I wanted to never have to see Lala or Tania’s face again so I wouldn’t be reminded of Darnell’s punk ass but I believed in taking care of my people. And whether I liked it or not the day I accepted being Tania’s God father we became family.
I kissed Lala on her forehead and went upstairs to say goodbye to Tania. When I reached the hallway I could see Tania sitting on her canopy bed with her grandmother holding her. She was brushing the doll’s hair that I gave her last year for her 5th birthday. I remember not even wanting to get the doll. But a chick I was dealing with at the time, told me that kids want more than money thrown at them on their birthday, they like to get a gift. That shit sounded crazy to me because growing up all I wanted was money, it didn’t matter the occasion. But when I saw the way Tania’s eyes lit up when she ripped up the wrapping paper and saw the doll, I knew shorty was right.
Instead of going into Tania’s bedroom I turned around. I went back downstairs and left. Watching her in that moment, I made up my mind that I would never be a God father again and if possible never have children of my own. In the treacherous business I was in, being responsible for an innocent child’s emotions was a burden I had no desire to carry.
“How did Lala take it?” Alexus asked me when I got in the car. I was quiet for a second before starting up the Range. I kept my head down because I wasn’t in the mood to talk and instantly regretted bringing Alexus with me, even if I left her in the car.
“How the fuck do you think she took it? You ask the dumbest fuckin’ questions sometimes.”
“Don’t bark at me, you the one who fuckin’ killed him!” Without a second thought I reached over and wrapped my hands around Alexus’s throat.
“Like I said, sometimes you say the dumbest shit. That’s twice in less than a minute, you know what happens the third time.” I locked eyes with Alexus, holding a steady glare. The fear her face encompassed let me know that she understood I was not playing. “I didn’t kill nobody and I better not ever hear that you said that to a soul, living or dead.”
Alexus was trying to let me know she wouldn’t but my hands were gripping her neck so fucking tight her shit was frozen. Dealing with Lala and seeing Tania had me so on edge I was ready to snap Alexus’s neck but knew that was the wrong move.
I slowly eased up the pressure from her throat and she immediately started gasping for air like death had been one breath away. While Alexus tried to pull it together, I drove off pissed that in a few hours I had to be on a plane.
“Lorenzo, you could’ve killed me,” Alexus finally managed to say.
“That was the point I wanted to make.”
“As far back as we go you could really do that?”
“Yo, you caught me at a bad time. I got a lot of shit on my mind. And I wasn’t in the mood for your reckless talk.”
“I get it.”
“Good, now where am I dropping you off at ‘cause I gotta catch this flight.”
“Where you going?”
“Miami.”
“You can have me do all your dirty work and choke me up but you never take me to the fun shit.”
“There ain’t nothing fun about this trip, it’s business. Honestly, I wish I could send you or somebody else in my place but I have to show my face at this party.”
“Yeah, whatever,” she said in a low voice. I turned to look in Alexus’s direction and she was rubbing her throat as if she was still in disbelief that less than a few minutes ago I had my hands wrapped around it.
Alexus and I shared what most would describe as an intimate relationship but yet we weren’t fucking. She had been the closest thing I ever had to a wife without consummating the marriage. But what I had with her was more valuable than pussy—we had trust. I trusted Alexus to carry out shit for me that I wouldn’t let anybody else do but I always kept her on the low. Only a handful of people in my circle knew about our relationship, that’s why I was able to use her to bring down Darnell. She was my ride or die chick without ever tasting the dick. But like all wives, sometimes she would step out of line and I had to put her back in her place. But then like a good husband I would also have to slow my roll and make her feel appreciated.
“Next time I have to go to Miami, I’ll make sure yo
u go to.”
“You mean that?”
“You know damn well I don’t say shit unless I mean it.”
“That ain’t nothing but the truth.”
“When I go back again for some business, I’ll bring you and we can stay a few extra days. You can do a little shopping. Hit the beach and a few parties. You’ve been working hard, you deserve it.”
“Thank you. I didn’t think you noticed but it’s good to know you do.”
“Of course I notice. But you still need to watch that mouth,” I said, before turning the music up. I wasn’t in the mood for any further conversation and Alexus knew when I turned the music up that meant no more talking.
* * *
When I arrived at Dream Nightclub, I immediately wanted to go back to my poolside bungalow at the W. Both were located in the heart of South Beach except in my bungalow I could get some fucking privacy and peace, something that would be impossible to obtain on a Saturday night at a popular club. It was typical for the place to be packed but tonight it was painfully congested. Not only were all the local groupies out in full force, many flew in from different states because tonight they were celebrating Phenomenon’s birthday. So of course every thirsty broad from the east to west coast wanted to make sure their presence was felt. They knew the industry heavyweights and other celebrities would be coming through to show the new rap wiz on the block some love. But unlike the other people coming to pop bottles and all that other bullshit, my only intent was handling business. I had invested heavily in Phenomenon’s career so my stake in his success was huge. I was what you’d call a silent partner. The millions I was making in my lucrative drug dealings was the key to funding Phenomenon’s leap to stardom. Although his people would continuously ask me to play a bigger part in his business dealings, my role was low key, just the way I liked it. But for certain special occasions, like a massive blowout birthday party, I would show my respect to Phenomenon and his team that were doing the hands on work that I wanted no part of.
“You good?” I heard one of Phenomenon’s handlers ask as I sat quietly watching everything going on around me.
“I’m straight.”
“P wanted you to come over to sit at his booth.”
“I’m good for now, but let him know I’ll be over there shortly.” He nodded his head and headed back over to Phenomenon’s table. I glanced around the 2 level club which had three main spots, the Main Room, The Nugget Room and the Candle Room. The club was around 8,500 square feet and had about a 600 person capacity but tonight it felt like it was at least a thousand motherfuckers in the spot. As I continued to size up the area, I noticed complete mayhem breaking out towards the front of the club. My two security dudes that I had with me the majority of the time moved forward to see what the hell was going on. Then it seemed like every bird in the entire club stopped what they were doing and began flocking in the same direction.
“Who the fuck is these broads breaking their neck to see?” I asked Brice who was closest to me.
“It’s too many of them. I can’t see through the crowd.”
I leaned forward and a few seconds later I watched as some nigga with a fucking ridiculous entourage came strolling through the crowd like they owned the spot. I zeroed in on who looked to be the leader of the pack and quickly recognized him as Sway Stone. He and his entire crew had on all black except for the young lady, whose hand he was holding tightly. There was no doubt everybody knew who Sway was but the lady walked with so much confidence and swagger you would’ve thought she was the international star. She was wearing one of the shortest red dresses I had ever seen with some thigh high black boots. On most women the outfit would’ve looked whorish but with her body shape and size she was able to pull it off and make it seem sophisticated sexy. I found myself staring at her until she sat down with Sway in a private booth next to Phenomenon. She then pulled out a cigarette, lit it up and began smoking. I absolutely detested a woman who smoked but the way her long slender fingers held on to the cancer stick made it appealing.
I decided to take Phenomenon up on his offer and sit at his booth. As I made my way, I had a security guard in front and one in back of me. As I got closer to the table I turned in the woman’s direction and watched as she blew smoke from her glossy full lips. I briefly caught her eye or at least I thought I did but she quickly pushed back a loose curl from over her eye and took a sip of her champagne as if she hadn’t noticed me.
“Yo Zo, I’m glad you finally decided to come over and show a brotha some love,” Phenomenon said as I sat down.
“I was letting you get settled in before I came crashing your party. There’s been women coming at you nonstop and I didn’t want to interrupt,” I laughed.
“You know I ain’t checkin’ for none of these chicks like that. One of these hoes will have a nigga fucked up behind some bullshit. I got too much shit poppin’ off to let that happen.”
“That’s true but it’s only right you have a little fun too.”
“No doubt! You know I’m gettin’ it in but I’m careful. What I need is to get me a main shorty that rock wit’ me all the time. Like look at that nigga Sway,” Phenomenon pointed his chin in their direction. “Did you see the bad bitch he came up in here wit?”
“Nah, I didn’t notice,” I lied and said.
“Shiiit, I need one of those. I can dress her up, take her everywhere wit’ me and not even worry about these other broads. And every now and then when I feel like switching it up, I can.”
“You already sounding like a veteran in the game. So all I can say is be careful ‘cause you still a rookie.”
“Hey Phenomenon…” a teenage lookinggroupie smiled, cutting off our conversation. I welcomed the interruption because I wanted to focus my attention back on the person who motivated me to come over to sit down with him in the first place. I was trying to size her up without it being obvious. As I caught myself trying to sneak a peek, I couldn’t believe this woman had me acting like a nigga with a school boy crush. I didn’t have those even when I was a teenager. But I wanted her and I rarely ever wanted anything besides money so I had to have her.
I sat patiently and watched as they were drinking, smoking, dancing and continued this same routine over and over again. I was waiting for a small window of opportunity to make my move and finally it came. Sway and a bunch of others went upstairs and the woman I was checking for stayed in the booth with one other female. They weren’t engaging in any conversation so I figured it was the perfect moment to see where her head was at.
“Would you like another bottle of champagne?” I offered noticing her glass was low and there wasn’t another bottle on the table.
“Excuse me?” she questioned with a slight northern accent.
“I said would you like another bottle? I noticed your glass was empty.”
“Sure,” she said nonchalantly. She lifted her glass up and as I poured the champagne she looked off as if trying not to acknowledge me.
“So what’s your name?”
“Oh, since you gave me some champagne I’m supposed to tell you my name?”
“You don’t have to but I would like if you did.” She paused for a few seconds and I could tell she was quickly trying to size me up, something I had been doing to her all night.
“Dior, my name is Dior.”
“That name fits you.”
“Why is that?”
“It just does. Why don’t you let me take you out to dinner, Dior?”
“You must didn’t see who I came in here with.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because if you had you would know that I don’t do dinner with just anybody.”
“I wouldn’t expect any less because I’m not just anybody.”
“Well you sure ain’t Sway Stone and that’s who I’m with.”
“There ain’t nothing Sway Stone can do for you that I can’t do.”
“Oh really?”
“I didn’t stutter.”
&nb
sp; “Can you have me walking down red carpets? No. Can you have the paparazzi breaking their necks trying to take our pictures? No. Can you have me all up in the blogs and magazines with everybody checking for me because I’m on the arm of a superstar? No. Can you have me in the front row of the hottest designers during fashion week? No. So as cute as you are, you can’t do for me everything that Sway can.”
“So all you’re interested in is being in the limelight?”
“I call it fame, baby. That’s what being with Sway is going to get me because I need a lot more than free champagne to make me happy.”
I laughed to myself at the lack of shame this woman had in her game. Running the streets I had dealt with all sorts of women but this one right here was a piece of work. She was so blatantly shallow that it made me find her even more intriguing.
“Dior, just go out to dinner with me. I promise you, after doing so you won’t want anybody else but me. And trust, Sway has nothing on my pockets.”
“I don’t care about your money because it can’t buy me what I want, which is fame. So thanks for the champagne but I need to go find my man before one of these scavengers in here tries to take my place.”
With those parting words, just like that she was gone. In all my years of dealing with women I had never met one that didn’t bite and never did I have to play the money card to get them to do so. But here I was justifying my pockets and she still didn’t want any part of me. I didn’t even know how to classify her. It couldn’t be a gold-digger because she didn’t want my bread. It couldn’t be a ho ‘cause she wasn’t giving up no pussy. The only thing I could come up with was a fame chaser. But could I really fault her for that? I chased money all day long so we both chased but she was chasing something else. I couldn’t help but think that maybe I needed to consider doing the same thing.
Dior
Shut It Down
I struggled to open my eyes as the sun glared through the massive floor to ceiling length windows. With the tip of my fingers I gently massaged my closed eyelids and slowly worked my way outwards trying to center and calm my mind. Waking up groggy and sluggish was typical so by now I knew what worked and what didn’t. Within a few minutes I was able to gain some focus and the first thing I noticed was Sway spread out in the middle of the bed and some chick that was a mutt curled up on the other side of him. I couldn’t tell what she was mixed with but with Miami girls most of the time you didn’t. I lifted the silk sheet off of me exposing my naked body. The crazy part was, I didn’t even remember taking off my clothes. I headed straight to the kitchen and opened the drawer to get my bottle of Adderral. I didn’t even bother getting a glass instead I grabbed the bottle of champagne to wash down my pill.
