by Riley Knight
He’d never, not in his whole life, seen a man that was as beautiful as that guy had been. He was almost pretty, though not in an effeminate way at all. Not that Julian would have been opposed to taking a closer look.
Well, it wouldn’t be the first time that Julian had let himself be too cautious. That he’d refused to take a chance when it presented itself. He should really have learned by now, but it seemed, when it came to risk taking, he was a bit of a slow learner.
It was sad, no doubt about it. So sad that the song lyrics seemed to stick in his throat, though no one else, at least, seemed to notice anything wrong. That was a mercy, and it amused him, sadly, that there was actually something good about the fact that, when he sang, no one in the bar was paying much attention to him.
Not anymore, anyway. Not since the handsome stranger who had been in the corner of the bar for so many nights had stopped showing up. Though he hadn’t stopped, obviously, haunting Julian’s thoughts and especially not his dreams.
Haunting, yes. That was the correct word, because Julian, when he closed his eyes, could still make out the man’s face. Stupid, so stupid, of him to get obsessed with someone like this, someone out of his league. He really should have known better …
The door to the bar opened, and Julian wondered if he might give himself whiplash or something with how fast he turned to look. Which was stupid, since the lights were on him and, at that moment, at least, he couldn’t see the door at all. He’d arranged himself so that he could see that corner table, but the brightness shone right into his eyes when he tried to see who had just come in the door.
It was a testament to his willpower that he kept singing the whole time, that he didn’t just jump off of the stage so that he could see better. Or maybe it was a testament to his fear because he didn’t quite dare to. Instead, he just watched, his eyes fixated on the table.
It turned out, though, that staring right into the light hadn’t been the best idea ever. Little black spots danced in front of his eyes, and even when he blinked firmly, they didn’t clear out. So when someone did, in fact, settle down at the table, Julian couldn’t be sure about who it was.
Except that he knew.
How could he trust his intuition, though? It wasn’t a skill that he’d developed. He preferred things that he worked out through logic, and logically, it could be anyone sitting at that table. With the dark spots in front of his eyes, he couldn’t see properly.
Somehow, he got through the rest of his set, and once he was in the back, he pushed through everyone, blinking furiously, trying to restore his sight. He barreled right past Ella, who was trying to say something to him, and through the door, pushing into the main room of the club, almost knocking right into a nearby table but stopping himself at the last minute.
The worst of the spots had faded, and it was fairly dark in the nightclub, but he could see once more. His heart fluttered in his chest as he saw. Wavy dark hair, the sexiest pair of dark pink lips that he’d ever seen, broad shoulders, big eyes … it was him.
The mystery man was, by some miracle, back. Not only that, but Julian’s abrupt entrance had caused him, as well as the other people in the club, to glance up. Everyone else looked away, but not the man.
As Ella walked out onto the stage and started to sing an old Gershwin favorite in her rich, sultry voice, Julian’s eyes locked with the stranger’s, the man that he’d been watching as he watched him. Now, they were watching each other, without any pretense at all, and Julian felt like he couldn’t breathe.
Maybe it was a sign of how sad his life was, but this was the single most romantic moment that he’d ever experienced. His mouth was dry, and he had to remind himself to blink. His heart pulsed in his chest as his stomach clenched, and he was terrified and exhilarated all at once.
The first step forward was the hardest one to take. He felt like there was no way that he was brave enough to do it, and then, it was somehow miraculously done, and he was one step closer to the man that he still hadn’t managed to look away from.
The next step was easier, and the one after that, even more so. He crossed the tiny bar, and when he was about ten steps in, he was briefly distracted by a trivial, inconsequential thought that somehow didn’t feel all that unimportant.
Green. His eyes are green.
He’d been wondering about that. At the distance that they’d been, he had never been able to tell. Not brown, he was pretty sure. Now he saw that they were a dark, vibrant green, the color of jade, rich and beautiful. Of course they were. Everything else about this man was stunning, why not his eyes, too?
The man stood up, and Julian went over to him. There was another man with him, a man that was quite handsome in his own right, but he didn’t hold the same fascination, somehow. Not for Julian, anyway. He could barely take his eyes off of the man that he’d seen looking at him.
And then, through some minor miracle, the guy was right there in front of him. They were – well, not face to face because one of the things that Julian noticed pretty quickly was that this man was tall, taller than he had originally thought. Over six feet, he would guess, and Julian couldn’t help but think that his head would fit perfectly on the other man’s shoulder. The inches of height difference intrigued Julian, as it seemed everything about him did.
Of course, the first thing that he said when he opened his mouth was something that could have made him look like a complete idiot. He didn’t greet him at all, he didn’t even manage to put a smile on his lips. He was a representative of this club but damned if he could act professionally at this moment.
“What’s your name?” Julian asked, his voice pitched low so as to not interrupt Ella, who was, he was dimly aware, giving a beautiful performance. He didn’t want to get in her way, but he also was not willing to let this moment pass. Not when this man could be gone again anytime.
“Luca Lagana,” the man said, and his voice was, no surprise, just as gorgeous as the rest of him. Soft and almost tentative, quieter than one might expect from someone so big. “Who are you?”
Julian did smile then, and once he started, once his lips started to stretch upward, the corners tilting, he found that he couldn’t stop. He was talking to this man. He was actually literally having a conversation with him. That was enough to make him feel giddy. Yes, that meant he was sheltered, inexperienced, but he somehow had the feeling that it would be the same thing no matter how many boyfriends he’d had.
“Julian.”
His smile seemed to evoke one in Luca. Luca, what a perfect name for this man. It seemed to suit him, or maybe it was just that this man was so completely blessed with beauty that he would make any name he wore beautiful.
“Well, Julian, can I buy you a drink?” Luca asked, and, of course, for an offer like that, there was no way that Julian was ever going to even consider refusing.
* * *
They were both a little bit shy, at least at first. Julian knew that he, at least, had never felt anything like this before. An instant connection, one that had sparked, if he thought about it, weeks and weeks ago. One that had planted in him before they’d even shared a word.
So the physical attraction was there, there could be no doubt about that. But physical wasn’t everything. What if they had nothing in common? What if they sat there, and the slight awkwardness between them never melted away?
Which just showed his tendency to worry. In this case, though, couldn’t it become a self-fulfilling prophecy? Of course it could, Julian could drive the man away with his reserve. It wouldn’t be the first time. It was hard for a lot of people to break through his reserve.
After a few moments of silence, during which they both looked at the stage and sipped their drinks and listened to Ella’s divine voice as it filled the shabby little bar, Julian cleared his throat. He didn’t look at Luca, but he did lean a little bit closer to him, very aware of the solid heat of him beside him.
The man even smelled good. Not in a flashy, cologne sort of way. The scent
that he had was very masculine but also very subtle, it didn’t come out of a bottle. It was just Luca, Julian was willing to bet on it, just part of his loveliness.
Just one more way in which Julian could simply get lost in Luca if he let himself. And God, for once in his life, he was so tempted to do just that.
“What do you do?” he asked, sure that the question was so inane that Luca might just laugh at him. It seemed like such a silly question. When what he wanted to do was demand that Luca tell him if this draw between them went both ways.
How assumptive would that be? Julian would never dare.
“You mean for work?” As Luca spoke, Julian swore that he could feel the weight of Luca’s gaze as it turned to him. And yet, those eyes were not demanding. There was a gentleness to them, something that Julian found fascinating.
Julian nodded, letting his eyes be drawn back toward Luca. To be so close to him. To be able to see the flecks of gold and amber in the green of his eyes. To feel like he could shift in, just a few inches, and he would be able to actually kiss those soft, full lips.
“I’m a journalist,” Luca said, sipping at his drink. “I write for … well, pretty much anyone who will take me, actually. I travel a lot.”
It felt like a confession, and it wasn’t one that Julian misunderstood. Luca traveled, which was, or could be, at least, why he hadn’t been in the club for two whole weeks.
There was this weight that had settled on Julian with Luca’s absence, and he hadn’t really fully been aware of it, not until it was gone. It wasn’t just his shoulders that were relieved, either. This particular burden had settled down around his heart, into the pit of his stomach, and with a few words, Luca took it away.
It could terrify him, if he thought about it too much. That one man, almost a stranger, could have so much of an effect on him.
“Luca?” The man’s friend spoke, and Julian actually jumped a little bit with surprise. He saw, much to his gratification, that Luca did the same thing. They’d been so lost in each other that they hadn’t even noticed when Luca’s friend approached.
“What is it?” Luca asked, and then shook his head. “Wait, sorry. Julian, this is Kiran. What’s up, Kiran?”
Again, Kiran was lovely in his own right, but for Julian, as long as Luca was around, no one else would be able to compare. There was this power that Luca had over him, almost hypnotic in nature. Or so he assumed since he could barely force his eyes away for long enough to nod his acceptance of the introduction.
“Hello,” he murmured, and Kiran nodded back. On the stage, Ella exited quietly, but there were only a few people left in the bar, and Julian wasn’t sure that anyone else noticed other than him.
Ella was the last live performer, and the bartender put on some recorded music, which would stay on for the rest of the night. There wasn’t much time left, Julian realized. The bar would close soon.
“I’m going to take off. It’s late …”
Kiran’s voice suddenly trailed off, and his dark eyes were fixated on something behind Julian. When he turned to look, he had to give a little bit of a smile. It was Ella, who had clearly followed him out to see if he was okay. Damned if he wasn’t lucky to have a friend like her.
From the look on Kiran’s face, he was instantly smitten, and Julian shook his head, amused. First him and Luca, and now Ella and Kiran.
“Maybe it’s because it’s the spring time,” Julian said quietly to Luca, who was watching with amusement as Kiran watched Ella. Honestly, Kiran wouldn’t be the first person who was blown away by Ella, with her combination of beauty and talent. Even as a gay man, Julian could tell that Ella was gorgeous. Not his thing, of course, but objectively beautiful.
“They say that romance does tend to run rampant around this time of year,” Luca agreed, with a shy little smile that seemed to be an arrow aimed right at Julian’s heart. There was a hint of humility to it that made Julian fall for him more every second.
He had to remember that he didn’t really know this man. He had to. It would be far too easy to get hurt by him otherwise.
“Julian, are you okay?” Ella asked, and her large, dark eyes flickered over to Luca for a moment. She was worried about him, yes, but she was also dying of curiosity, that much was easy for him to tell.
He was lucky to have a friend like her.
“Yeah, I’m great,” Julian said, with a smile that he managed to keep small but which still, he was pretty sure, announced that he was more than okay. Deliriously happy, actually, was a better way of putting it. So full of excitement and contentment all at once that he felt like he might just float away, like a hot air balloon.
“Ella, this is Luca,” Julian continued, when Ella just raised her immaculately groomed eyebrow at him and stood there, watching him curiously. Kiran cleared his throat beside him, and Julian kept himself from snickering through sheer effort of will. He didn’t know Kiran very well, but it wouldn’t do to antagonize Luca’s friends. “And Kiran.”
“Hi,” Luca said, and Julian smirked a little bit to himself. Most men found it at least a little bit difficult to resist Ella’s charms, he’d noticed. Luca looked, but only for a second or so. The man wasn’t uninterested in women, Julian would bet, but he also wasn’t going to make an idiot of himself over her.
Bisexual, maybe? Or was that just wishful thinking? Julian was great in seeing romantic connections between other people, but when it came to himself, he just wasn’t sure. Surely it wasn’t possible that Luca was just friendly, was it? That he felt a draw that wasn’t romantic in nature?
And this, he concluded, watching Luca’s smooth, classic profile, was why he’d never actually had a relationship that lasted for very long. He overthought everything.
“Hi,” Ella said, smiling at both men. Her eyes lingered for just a second on Kiran, and Julian smirked a little. It wasn’t impossible for something to happen there. But then Ella turned back to him. “Are you heading out soon?”
In her eyes, Julian saw nothing but concern. Yes, she wanted him to have fun, that much was clear, but she also wanted to make sure that he was safe. And Julian was glad to have her because when he was around Luca, his head went all funny and he wasn’t at all sure that he’d make the best choices.
It wasn’t like him to be reckless, and it was good to know that someone, at least, would keep her head about her.
“Yeah. They’re closing soon,” Julian realized, almost sad about that. He’d wanted to stay here talking to Luca for much longer, but the last few people had already left. It was just the four of them, and the bartender/owner, left.
Ella was turning to leave, and Kiran was following. In a second, it seemed inevitable that Luca would go, too, and Julian felt something cold grip inside him, at the pit of his stomach. What if Luca had to go away tomorrow again? What if this was the last chance he got?
Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed Luca by the wrist, momentarily distracted by how warm his skin was, how smooth. Once more, thrilled by how much bigger this man was.
It was the very first time that they had touched, and it had been Julian who had initiated it. Anyone who knew him knew that that would be a minor miracle just in and of itself.
“I’d like to talk to you more,” Julian admitted. “My place isn’t far. Would you like to … to continue this there?”
Inviting someone into his home. He rarely entertained, since he didn’t really know too many people. He’d moved into this neighborhood to be close to work, and other than Ella and a few others at work, he didn’t have many friends. Not in California, anyway.
Julian shut his lips firmly, trying not to babble. He’d made the offer, and it was up to Luca now. He wanted to say that he had beer, or wine if Luca preferred. That he really just wanted to talk to him, to get to know this man that he’d been fascinated by, to learn what made him tick.
If he said all that, if he said a fraction of what he wanted to, Luca would end up thinking he was crazy.
“Sure,” Luc
a said, and his casual tone was belied by the look in his eyes. Relief, wasn’t it? Relief and excitement, that was it. Julian was almost positive about that. “I’ll come over.”
Together, side by side, almost touching, they left the bar without a backward glance.
Kiran was out there, chatting with Ella in a casual, easy way that Julian envied. If he was flirting, it was in a low key way that Ella seemed to appreciate, at least by the light in her eyes and her laughter, in the way she inclined her body just a little bit toward Kiran.
Damn, if Julian had a half of the moxie that either of those two had, maybe he wouldn’t have been alone for so long. But maybe that was for the best, anyway. Glancing shyly over at Luca, he smiled a little bit and nodded. Yes, he’d been alone, but at least he was free to let whatever this thing between him and Luca happen.
“Text me,” Ella said, her voice casual, but her eyes warning him to be cautious. It was a little annoying, how protective she was, but honestly, with how Julian’s head swam every time he looked at Luca, maybe it was for the best that someone kept their head together.
“Okay. You too,” Julian said, letting his eyes shoot over toward Kiran. The truth was, neither of them knew anything about the two men, and they should probably both be careful.
It was so strange, to have to worry about being careful. Not the sort of thing that he would normally think about at all. Being cautious, that was something that was usually quite inherent to him. It was like someone warning a turtle not to fly.
Only somehow, being around Luca made Julian want to try. To see if maybe even he could fly if he were properly motivated. What would it be like to not overthink everything? To just do what he wanted to do, not recklessly, but bravely?
“Come on,” Julian said, the decision firmly made. He was going to do this. He even got brave enough to reach out and take Luca by the wrist once more, to wrap his fingers around smooth, warm skin, to tug him down the street. His apartment wasn’t far.
