Just give me a clear mirror
So that I can take a good long look
And see just who the hell I am
Addressee Unknown
Moving on, burning bridges and turning your back on old familiar haunts. Consciously saying goodbye and refusing to return. Walking with back straight, never once turning around lest the fear take hold and somehow you find yourself back where you started. Running now, before that little voice gains momentum and insists that your actions are unreasonable. Leaping and hurtling towards a future uncertain, without forwarding address, without knowledge of a safe haven nearby. Knowing only that in your heart, this is the right thing to do. Trusting that your feet will guide you to a place of peace.
Still, those around you do not understand. You wish to move away from the place they are still comfortable in. Voices of concern, of advice, of insistence fill your mind as you head towards distant shores. Perhaps you lie. Lie to everyone, including yourself. Perhaps you say that you will indeed send back a letter, a card, a greeting. Perhaps you say that you will indeed pass on a forwarding address when you know where you will be. Perhaps you will, for a select few. For those who love you enough to let you go. For those who understand your journey, your need to move past your past, your desire to find a sanctuary.
The honest truth is, you don’t know where you will be, or whether you will ever reach your destination. Perhaps you never will find what you seek. Perhaps you will always be moving on, moving away, moving forward. In your wake you leave a memory that fades, disappears into the forever changing landscape until it is unrecognisable. Those left behind will hastily inscribed ‘Addressee Unknown’, and continue with their busy lives.
When you look back at the person who was, they will be unrecognisable to you also. That person no longer exists. Not here, not there, not anywhere. You too will hastily inscribe ‘Addressee Unknown’ and you too will go about your busy life, without more than passing thought of what once was.
Dedication
Born as Romany Rivers
Now I am,
And I feel there is no light in my life
But that which was there in the beginning
And will be there at the end
The Goddess guides us all
To walk her path
And this day I felt that I have long ago
Placed my feet upon her path
And yet have only walked it in my dreams
I have pledged myself to thee
Mother of all, and to you the Hunter,
The consort of love and laughter
And safe in this knowledge of re-awakening –
I am born all over again.
Universal Self
I have so much to achieve
For you, for them, for me
I feel old, young and ageless
But time keeps me running out
I move faster than the speed of light
So that I can be there and here
All at the same time
I think there must be more than one of me
I catch myself all the time
Looking the same but different somehow
And I surprise myself
Maybe that is why you all look so surprised
When occasionally
I am not to be found anywhere
Dear John
There was a man once
Who held me in his arms
Who touched me deep inside
Who smothered me in his insecurities
I held him in my heart
I felt him in my mind
I took him into me
Without him knowing
Who I was
Who I am
Who I will be
He made me feel at home
He made me want to run away
I stayed bound to his smile
Tied into his unnecessary jealousies
He felt without reason
Pulled me close without seeing
Touched without believing
I felt with intention
Pulled him close with understanding
Touched him with analysis
Knowing that
Every minute I embraced
His strangeness
His freshness
His anger
His laughter
I was creating a memory
That would ease my loneliness
In times to come
Fat Happy Pre-packaged Dreams
The paper bag danced with the breeze
Teasing taunting titillating
I heard someone say a curse for the mess of today
I left it to dance for minutes
Before I put it away
To rot within our mothers belly
A waste product of a mentality
Born when we stopped feeling hungry
I Pray
I walk the woodland paths
And know
I’ll never be alone
I hear the whispering leaves
The subtle way they call me home
I feel the touch of earth
The ways its roots, they pull me in
Connects the universe
Forever in eternal spin
I pray that Mother Earth will turn each day
I hear the storm arrive
The whistling wind, it whips on by
It makes me feel alive
It gives me wings
It makes me fly
I hear the whispered words
Rushing past upon the breeze
A sense of wisdom heard
That lifts me up and sets me free
I pray the winds, they will forever change
And I will not take for granted
That which is there for me
No, I will not take for granted….
Scrying
Look into the blackened glass
See the images of time gone past
Watch the sorrow, feel the pain
Hear the laughter amidst the rain
From this past we must learn
For it relives now as the wheel turns
What was once will be again
Time gone the time has come
We must accept all our fears
What was done will not be undone
Our future is held loosely
By the hands of our young
They cannot see beyond our words
Tales of life woven and spun
I can see images of the future
Within the darkness before me
But they appear older than the lives
Of those that spawned me
What have we done?
What will we do?
The images fade without answers
It is up to me and you.
Destiny
The cards slip through my hands
I drift into the world of unreality
Of possibilities
Probabilities
But never inevitabilities
Sleep Deep
We welcome you and say farewell little one,
All within the same breath
We hold you in our hearts dear one,
Sense the presence you have left
For your journey with us was swift and brief
But your influence as long as memories
We hold each other within our grief
But understand it was not to be
No sounds of footsteps upon the floor
No sticky finger marks upon the walls
No toys embedded within sofa cushions
No gleeful giggles or worried calls
These childhood things are not the gifts you bring,
But you impart a gift like no other
From your very soul you have given a blessing
The chance to become a Father and a Mother
Your life on Earth been and gone
Now sleep deep little one
Lake of Unshed
You kissed
away my tears and I was
Refreshed
I try to smile with you
But I think I always look confused
Bemused
Our lives are strange
Together in a separate fashion
Or are we separate but still together?
We talk about children of today and tomorrow
Our children
Or just hers and his and theirs and they will be soons?
I wonder if we can stay in this business partnership
Talking
Voting
Agreeing
Negotiating
When will we argue?
Purge?
Scream?
And run away?
Is that not how things are done today?
Are we Saints to be raised unto the heavens?
A light of inspiration for others?
Or are we just belying the truth?
Look at everyone around us
See in their eyes the ice blue of reflection
And yet I cannot see where we are
I see us in the middle ground of a painting
The mountains loom
Will we ever surpass them?
Or are we too tired from teamwork
Swimming
Across a lake of green
The lake of hard work
A good relationship
Time off together
Time away with friends
Shared interests and differing hobbies
A deep satisfying beautiful azure-green lake of time well spent
But I wonder
Truly
Is this not a lake of stored
Unshed
Tears?
Passing Through
Too many faces
Not enough names
Too many places
So many the same
Too much freedom
Not enough focus
Too many dreams
So many so hopeless
My life on my back
I carry my past with me
Feeling overexposed
But no one takes the time to see
Take me down
Take me in
All you see is my sore feet
Musings
Every time I see her
She makes me smile before I see her eyes
I cannot watch her dance without thinking of a thousand poetical words
They run through my mind
They pass too fast for my typing fingers
But remain linger and last
In ways I cannot explain
Her grace astounds me
Defying gravity
Silver fish in a rainbow river
She likes the
Spaces
Between
The
Words
As much as the language itself
And this teaches me something new always
Lessons gentle, salty and severe
She speaks with an Elvish tongue
That only the trees can hear
I catch the whispering amongst the branches
As they all talk about her in ages past
They will continue to discuss her
In lives yet realised
I think she reflects a part of me
Not yet discovered
Like a sandcastle in the mind
Fragile and grainy
Not yet created
Until the summer months
But I like autumn
I like the way she looks
Like the leaves changing
Red gold green honey
She looks like the cold snappy refreshing days that brighten your cheeks
Warm your heart and bring blood
Rushing in response
To the morning breeze
I feel my blood sluggish now
Speeding up
Rushing
Weaving
Knitting together in my veins to re-create my soul
I am always surprised how one person
Can make such a difference without action, words or conscious inspiration
This is just one of the ways she appears to me
A muse
Undine
Hold my hand
Please walk along beside me
I am a cardinal water spirit
Fast flowing free
Let me take you underground
Into the caverns of the soul
If you can stop the tide I will give you back
Old opportunities you let go
I am kiss-of-life giving
I will second chance restore
Just hold my hand
And take a walk along my river
Uncertain
I was shocked and disbelieving
When you spoke to me
It was not like you whispered
Not like you crept into my bedroom at dawn and slowly roused me from sleep
You laughed and danced and shouted and skipped
Into my vision
You found me amusing
I challenged your very existence
Your right to reality
Well, can you blame me?
I was happy tucked up in abstract philosophy
Am happy with the concept of never, forever and always still
But you told me to doubt my own reality
You used my abstract against me
And should I find myself in existence
I should accept the possibilities
Being offered to me
I guess we should always accept the possibility of being wrong
Or right
Or unsure anymore
Well if you keep talking
I will have to keep listening
Hope
(For Mark)
I wanted to wake up in your arms
But I stole away under the soft moon
I wanted to lay and just hold you while you slept
But I was pulled away too soon
I wanted to listen to you breathing
I wanted to hear you speak
Of dreams yet unfulfilled
Of a life that could be better
Of a world that could be peaceful
Of me, and that I could be happy
If I could
I would
Go back
And kiss you before you kissed me
And although I know it can’t be
It was simple reality that made me
Happy
Unconscious Creativity
There is a divine comedy within creation
That encourages us to let go
Not to take ourselves too seriously
To simply go with the flow
For every time I raise my pen
And battle with the page
I demand my own creativity
Only to find I have nothing to say
But in the wee hours of darkness
When I am too tired to fight
Inspiration sneaks upon me
Fills my eyes with light
Blindly I stumble forth
All physical form left behind
And I see all the methods of
Painting between the lies
I hide a message of remembrance
Within every stroke of fate
To remind myself of divine
When hungry and paint covered, I awake…
Late
I heard my name
When you called me again today
But I am forever the rabbit late
And I merely ran away
It wasn’t until I stopped
And heard no sound upon the breeze
That I realised if I stopped listening
You would stop calling to me
Listening
She smiles at me
And in her eye I see
All the things she would say to me
If she but onl
y had the words
Then again I am aware
Whenever I feel her near
That it is I who needs to hear
The stories I never heard
I raise my eyes
And seek her sight
And bathe within her soft light
To ease my troubled soul
I wax and wane
She does the same
And together we play the game
Of phases to become whole
Beyond Tomorrow
Within the fire we all become
Ancient man mesmerised
The simple tasks tire the hands
The good life, a hard life
There is no more bartering
Haggling, begging and coaxing
We are beyond the desire for more
No more hoping
Within the water we all become
The reason for living and loving
The fetch water carry wood
A philosophy of having
There is no more waterfall
Overspill, cascade of emotion
We are beyond the stagnant
Carried away in tidal motion
Within the earth we all become
A nurtured plant with face
Lifted towards the sun
Moving in place
There is no more receiving
Merely sowing and reaping
We are beyond the taking
Storing and heaping
Within the wind we all become
The cry of voices unleashed and free
The wind removes the wool from our eyes
And finally we can see
There is no more forgiving
No more ifs, buts, I wish, I need
We are beyond the arguments
It simply is, and we simply be
With
With the fire we burn to survive
With water we respect our lives
With earth we learn a new way
With the wind we sing a new day
This Light
I sit within the spotlight
The stage in darkness lies
Preparing to perform
The arts of times gone by
The light washes down
Upon my upturned face
My tools about me shine
Blessed by unearthly grace
Within the shadows I hear
Soft anticipating sighs
Waiting for my hands to move
Poison Pen Letters to Myself Page 3
