Maggie stopped breathing. Jake had a daughter - the one thing she could never give him.
“How old?” Maggie croaked.
“She’s three.” Jake smiled down at his daughter and then looked back up at Maggie.
She wasn’t quick enough to hide the stricken look on her face. Jake wasn’t as good at reading her as Elijah was, but he’d been married to her for ten years.
“Look, Mags -”
“Don’t call me that.” She strode past him towards a bench just as her legs felt like they were going to give out.
In the back of her mind, Maggie wondered if not having kids was the world’s way of saying Jake didn’t deserve them. Of not putting a child through the kinds of things she’d gone through. At the time, Jake had been very similar to her own father. Now, all meaning had been stripped from it, and Maggie just saw it as cruel. A tear rolled down her face, but she wiped it away before Jake could see.
“You can go play on the playground,” Jake said to Ruthy. “I’m watching you.”
She ran off, and Jake sat next to Maggie.
“There are so many things I want to say to you, Maggie,” Jake started. “I’ll start with ‘I’m sorry’.”
“For what, Jake?” She wanted to make him say it.
“Everything. Those last few years must have been hell for you. What I put you through is unforgivable.”
“You’ve got that right.”
“I’m not that guy anymore. I’ve been sober since the day Ruthy was born.”
“Good for you.”
“Come on, Mags. I’m trying here.”
She looked sideways at him and met his gaze. It hurt her to see the man she once knew. The boy she married, not the drunk he became. They’d grown up together and seen each other through everything. He’d been there for more of her father’s drunken rants than she could count. That’s why she hated him so much when he went on benders of his own.
But here he was, sitting next to her. Her old friend. He’d given her some great years of marriage before it all fell apart. It was her fault for sticking around after that. She’d thought a baby would fix them and now, seeing Ruthy, she knew it would have. But maybe they weren’t meant to be fixed. Maybe they were broken before they even started.
“We weren’t meant to be, were we?” she finally asked.
“No, probably not. But I miss you. I miss how we were. You, me, and Elijah.”
“I do too, but Jake, that’s gone. You tore us apart. If you’re here for forgiveness, I think I can give you that. But we can’t be friends. That’s over.”
“I know.” He sighed and ran a hand over the top of his head. “I’m actually not here for me and you know that.”
“I do.”
“He died a few months ago. It took me a while to work up the nerve to come here, and even longer to extract your information out of Elijah’s mom. Mrs. Lugo seems to think you’d be better off if you’d never met me.” He smiled slightly as if it were a joke, but his eyes were sad. Mrs. Lugo had been like a mother to him as well.
“How’d you get her to give you Elijah’s number?”
“I finally told her the real reason why I had to come.”
“Which is?” Maggie was not known for her patience and she could tell when someone was stalling.
“I have a letter for you. From your dad.” Jake reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded envelope. He held it out to her, but Maggie just stared at it with wide eyes.
Jake dropped his hand and put the letter on the seat between them.
“Your dad was sober in the end,” he said quietly.
“What?” Maggie snapped her head up.
“I was already in the program when he joined. He got sober a couple of years ago, but he didn’t think he had the right to contact you. That, and Mrs. Lugo would have never given your information to him.”
Maggie couldn’t speak. She kept opening and closing her mouth like a fish before pressing her lips together in a firm line. She took the envelope from the bench and gingerly flipped it over in her hands. Her name was written on it in her dad’s sloppy style.
She thought she’d cut all strings to that man. She’d barely thought about him in years until Elijah told her he’d died. Anger suddenly washed over her. He’d caused her so much pain over the years and here he was, doing it again. His final words weren’t going to hold anything that would make up for the childhood she lost. They weren’t going to make her feel better about never having her parents’ love. They were only going to remind her of what she never had.
She hated him. She hated her father, and now he was dead, so she hated herself as well. Whoever said ‘never speak ill of the dead’ never knew a man that could reach from the grave to cause more pain.
“I don’t want it,” Maggie said after a few moments of silence. She handed the envelope back to Jake.
He looked at her with a mixture of worry and sadness. He’d always been able to make her feel guilty for things she shouldn’t have. It felt like a twisting in her gut.
“You’re going to regret not reading it,” he said.
“The only thing I’ll regret is letting that man back into my head.”
She thrust it at him and let go. The envelope floated through the air before landing on the ground. Maggie looked at it once more and then back at Jake.
“Goodbye, Jake.” She got to her feet. “Don’t contact me again.”
Chapter Eleven
Elijah was getting frustrated. Maggie wouldn’t talk to him. She told him she met with Jake, and he’d gotten angry that she didn’t tell him beforehand. What would he have done? He wanted to go with her, but knowing Maggie, it was something she had to do alone. He understood that. But he wished she would talk to him and let him help her.
She wasn’t saying much to Jason or Michaela either. As they all worked at the house, the three of them kept stealing glances at Maggie. She didn’t have much else to do, so she threw herself into working on Elijah’s house.
Kimberly was with them today, and she was the only person that could get Maggie to smile.
“Are you sad?” Elijah heard Kimberly ask Maggie.
Maggie bent over and looked the kid in the face. “No, sweetheart. I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“Kimmy,” Elijah called, trying to get her and her questions away from Maggie. “Why don’t you go upstairs to help Michaela?”
He heard small footsteps running up the stairs. When he turned to Maggie, she was already back to work. He was about to say something when there was a knock on the back door.
He opened it to find a delivery man with a rather large box.
“The note out front said to bring deliveries around back,” the man said.
“That’s right,” Elijah replied. “Don’t want anyone hurting themselves on the front porch.”
“You are Elijah Lugo?”
Elijah nodded.
“Sign here.” The man thrust his tablet forward and Elijah signed.
“Thanks,” Elijah said as the man walked away.
The box was huge, and Elijah knew exactly what it was. His mother had promised she’d send it and she had.
“Hey, Elijah,” Jason called from inside. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure.”
They walked outside, the box momentarily forgotten. Jason’s face was serious as he stood in silence.
“Spit it out, Jason,” Elijah demanded.
“Jake stopped by the bar a couple days ago, after he met with Maggie.”
“Okay...” Elijah kept his voice slow and even.
“He left this.” Jason pulled out an envelope with Maggie’s name on it and showed it to Elijah. “He said it’s from her father. He tried to give it to her, but she wouldn’t take it.”
“Sounds like her.” It was all falling into place in Elijah’s mind. This is why Maggie was so upset. Her father had thought of her before he died. Elijah knew Maggie’s dad. He knew how cruel
and manipulative that man was. Suddenly, the contents of the letter scared Elijah. What would they do to Maggie? What could that man possibly have to say to her?
“Should I give it to her?” Jason asked.
“No.” Elijah made a split-second decision. “I need you to do something else for her.” He paused and looked away, trying to decide it this was the right decision. Maggie would be pissed, but that would fade. He was not going to let her father do any more damage than he already had. “Read it.”
“What?” Jason was dumbfounded. “I don’t think she’d be okay with that.”
“She’d forgive you for it. Jason, I think you’re the one person she’d forgive for anything. Definitely not me. And we need to know what’s in that letter. You barely knew her father, but I did know him. I need to know if it’s worth giving it to her.”
“Fine,” Jason sighed. “But I don’t like this.”
“Me either, but we have to do this for her.”
“Maggie, please.” Elijah grabbed her arm as she tried to push past him into the apartment. “Talk to me.”
“Let me go, Elijah.” Her voice was in the dangerous zone that Elijah knew all too well.
He had seen her temper explode many times, leaving destruction in its wake. He was the only person that could withstand it. He was the only one that even tried to. When she was in one of these moods, he didn’t want to leave her alone to stew. He was like a boomerang that she kept throwing away. He always came back.
She stomped into the kitchen and opened the fridge. When she pulled out a beer, Elijah raised an eyebrow. Maggie rarely drank. Occasionally she’d have a drink at Jason’s bar, but never at home.
Elijah slipped around her and slid the bottle from her hands before shutting the fridge. She had to act quickly to get her fingers out of the way.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Maggie asked.
“Saving you, babe.” He winked and twisted off the cap of the beer before taking a long drink. He was goading her. It wasn’t like her to keep everything inside. Elijah knew she needed to vent, and it was better him than someone else.
“Saving me?” she growled.
“You don’t want to drink.”
“You don’t know what I want.”
“Actually, Maggie, I do.” He set the bottle on the counter and stepped closer to her. “I know you.”
“You don’t know anything.” Her voice grew quiet.
This is it, he thought. She’s finally going to talk about it.
He did know her. He could read every expression, every movement. When her eyes shifted away, he knew she was trying not to cry. Her arms folded across her chest meant she didn’t want to be touched. The lines appearing on her forehead meant she was over-thinking something. And the way she stood frozen to the spot, not turning away, meant she needed him.
“Try me.” His voice had lost its mocking, goading edge.
“Did you know Jake had a kid?” she asked.
Her voice was so small and vulnerable that all he could do was nod slowly.
“A little girl,” she said. “Ruthy. She’s sweet and beautiful. And he’s a good dad, I think. I mean, I can see how much he loves her.”
It still hurt Elijah to hear Maggie talk about Jake, but not because he was jealous. It was because it made her so sad. He hated seeing her like that.
“I just wonder...” she paused and shifted her eyes away again. “I always wonder... would he have gotten sober for our babies? They would’ve been just as sweet. Just as beautiful.” She wiped a hand at the corner of her eye to staunch the tears.
“They would’ve been perfect,” Elijah said. As much as he wanted to pull her into his arms, her body told him she still wasn’t ready for that. “You’re going to be a mother one day. I truly believe that.”
“Well, then I’ve already let you down.” She breathed deeply, and the look she gave him was broken. “I can’t have kids, Elijah. I went to the doctor after the last one and...”
Her words caught, and she released her hold on her upper arms. Her hands dropped to her sides, and a tear ran down her face. Seeing what she needed now, Elijah stepped towards her and pulled her against him. She shook in his arms and he just held her. He didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t know what to say.
So, he did what he could. He kissed the top of her head and squeezed her tighter.
“I don’t know what to do, Elijah. All this stuff that’s been happening is too much. I can’t handle it.” She pressed her face into his chest and he felt her tears dampen his shirt.
“You can handle anything.”
“My dad wrote me a letter,” she said. “But I couldn’t take it. I feel so guilty. I mean, he’s dead and I won’t read his last words. You knew him. How can I let him back into my head?”
He smoothed her hair back from her face and looked down at her. He didn’t quite know how he felt about what he asked Jason to do with the letter. He hated keeping things from Maggie, but he hoped she’d understand.
“What do you need?” he asked. “I want to help you.”
“Honestly, I just want to sleep. All this is so exhausting.”
“Okay then.” He released her and let her head towards her bedroom.
Elijah shut his door and changed into a pair of cotton pants.
By the time he opened Maggie’s door, she was already in bed with the lights off. He sat on the bed and pulled back the covers.
“What are you doing?” Maggie asked.
“I’m not leaving you alone tonight.” He crawled in beside her. “Come here.”
She hesitated before molding herself to him with a big sigh. He smoothed the hair that clung to the tears on her face and watched her as her eyes slid shut.
“Elijah?” she asked sleepily.
“Mmm hmm,” he responded.
“Thanks for being here.”
Maggie woke up in a much better mood than she’d been in in weeks. She was on her side, with Elijah curled around her, one arm holding her waist. She felt like a stupid emotional girl for needing him so much, but she couldn’t help it. There was no one else in the world who could make her feel any better.
She turned her head to look back at him and his eyes met hers.
“You’re awake,” she said.
“You’re observant.” He laughed.
She smiled and turned in his arms to face him.
“I’m making a habit of this, aren’t I?” She gestured to the two of them in bed.
“Maggie,” he said with mock-seriousness. “I am at your beck and call. I will sleep with you anytime, anywhere.” He winked, and she punched him in the shoulder.
“Elijah! Do you have to be such a guy?”
“Oh, but I am a guy.” He laughed. “Want me to prove it to you?”
“No!”
He laughed at the rosy color that came to her cheeks, and she hit him harder. He pulled her closer, and she tried to wiggle out of his grip.
“Elijah, stop!” she squealed in between bursts of laughter as he found the spot just below her ribs that was the most ticklish. She squirmed and tried to knee him in the groin, but he was too quick. He caught her leg between his own and continued his assault.
He stopped suddenly when her fingers inched around to his sides, and he realized what she was doing. He had only one ticklish spot, but she knew where it was.
“Oh no you don’t,” he laughed, catching her hands in his and pinning them to her sides.
His face was so close to hers that Maggie was sure he was going to kiss her. She should have turned her head. She should have done something. But she couldn’t tear her eyes from his. She couldn’t feel anything, but his arms on hers.
This was Elijah. The boy she’d loved all her life, but never let herself be in love with. The boy who’d always been there for her. The boy she’d always been afraid to lose.
This last thought snapped her out of her trance.
“We should-” she started, breathless.
&nb
sp; “Go.” Elijah’s smiling face from a moment ago closed off and he sighed. “Maggie, I know there’s a lot going on with you right now, but will you meet me tonight? I have a surprise for you.”
“Yes.” As she said it, she realized that suddenly she wanted nothing more. She’d shared her final secret with Elijah the night before, and the comfort he gave her was all she now craved. It took all her willpower to sit up and climb from the bed.
“Are you off to pick Kimberly up?” Elijah asked once they had both showered and were fixing their coffee.
“Yeah, we’ll probably just hang with Jason while Michaela is off saving the world.”
“Alright, I’ll see you later.” Elijah gave her one last look she couldn’t quite read before grabbing his coffee and his keys and heading out the door. Was that nervousness she just saw? No, Elijah doesn’t get nervous, she thought.
“Two root beers coming up!” Jason sang as he put down two glasses that were overflowing with foam.
Her glass had barely touched the counter before Kimberly was gulping it down in impressive fashion. When she finally pulled back the glass, there was a line of foam on her upper lip. Maggie smiled as she took a sip of her own drink.
They were sitting at the bar in Jason’s, waiting for their lunch to be delivered.
“Mags,” Jason said as she looked towards the door again. “I told you I could just heat something up in the microwave in back. Then we’d already have our lunch.”
“I’m not going to have Kimberly eating Hot Pockets and you shouldn’t either.”
“Yes, mother.” He bowed his head in mock respect and grinned.
She laughed, and he narrowed his eyes.
“Someone’s in a good mood today.”
“So?”
“What happened?” he asked. “Did you get some? Please tell me it was Elijah.”
“Jason! Can’t I just be happy?”
“With everything that’s been going on? No.” Jason walked around the back and sat on the stool next to her.
“I just slept well.”
“Sure...” His eyes pierced hers, and she was forced to look away.
The New Beginnings (Books #1-3) Page 24
