He let the tension stretch between them before he couldn’t stop his lip from twitching. “Eat fries without ketchup.”
She let out a relieved sigh and shrugged.
“It’s just weird,” he continued.
Looking down at her plate and then back at him, she picked up a fry and threw it at him. With quick reflexes, he caught it mid-air and stuffed it in his mouth.
“Throwing food now?” Feigning disapproval, he reached over and stole another fry. “I’ll be taking this as an apology.”
When he tried to take another one, she grabbed his hand and pressed it to the table.
“Those are mine,” she challenged, finally giving him a small smile.
Her hand was smooth against his calloused one, and he suddenly didn’t want her to let go.
“If I release you, will you behave?” she asked.
He flipped his hand over so they were palm to palm and threaded his fingers through hers. She froze for a long moment then snatched her hand back.
“Sorry,” she said.
“You don’t have to be sorry.”
She looked at him with clouded eyes while reaching out slowly to squeeze his hand one time before scooting out of the booth.
Before leaving, she turned back. “Can we… do this again?” She studied her feet, waiting for an answer.
“Yeah,” Josh said with a soft laugh. “I’d like that.”
Chapter Five
Taylor met Josh at the diner every night for the rest of the week. Being around him made her realize just how lonely she’d been. It was her own fault. She’d pushed everyone away with her sullenness. Josh didn’t seem to mind.
Abigail constantly had people in their room, so Taylor wanted to be anywhere but there. She knew she should be trying to get to know her roommate and the other people on their floor, but it was too overwhelming. All they seemed to want to do was find the best parties on the weekends. That wasn’t Taylor’s scene.
She called her best friend Sarah on her way to the diner and listened to her squeal into the phone. They hadn’t talked since Taylor moved to Columbus. Sarah tried to call a few times, but Taylor wasn’t much for talking and Sarah was one of those people where a quick conversation wasn’t possible unless you had a good excuse to get off the phone.
“I’m so glad you called!” Sarah said.
Taylor held the phone away from her face to prevent her ear drum from bursting. “Hey.”
“Oh my gosh, you have to tell me everything. How’s OSU? How’s your family? Have you met your dad’s team yet? NHL players - swoon!”
“Sarah,” Taylor said slowly. “Calm down.”
“You’re right. Sorry.”
“I can only talk for a minute. I’m on my way to meet someone.”
“Please tell me it’s a guy.”
“Just a new friend.”
“Okay, I need all the details,” Sarah said. “What’s he look like? What’s he do? Does he like you? How big is his-?”
“Sarah!” Taylor yelled.
“Bank account,” she continued. “I was going to say bank account.”
“Yeah right.”
“Just answer my questions.”
Taylor sighed. “Fine. I’m not telling you. I haven’t asked. How should I know? And I don’t care. There. My answers for you.”
“How am I supposed to live through you if you won’t give me anything?” Sarah asked.
“You aren’t,” Taylor answered.
“Oh, right.”
“Look,” Taylor started. “I just got here and don’t want to keep him waiting.”
“Fine. Fine. I expect a full report.”
“Friends, Sarah. That’s it.” Taylor pulled into the parking lot and shut off the car.
“For now.” Sarah hung up without another word.
Taylor leaned her head back on the headrest and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. Sarah’s words freaked her out. and it took every ounce of willpower not to pull out and drive away.
Josh appeared at the door to the diner and looked straight at her. She didn’t have a choice now. Sliding her seatbelt off her shoulder, Taylor opened her door and stepped out. A grin spread across Josh’s face, instantly putting her at ease.
“Hey there,” he said when she joined him at the door.
“Hi,” she replied, following him inside and to their usual booth in the back.
The place was a little busier than the usual, Friday night traffic. They placed their orders and then Josh leaned back, studying her.
“It’s Friday,” he said. “You’re in college. Shouldn’t you be at a party with your friends?”
“Friends?” She wanted to kick herself as soon as she said it. It sounded so pathetic. The girl with no friends. Josh’s expression didn’t change. He cocked his head to the side and gave one small nod. Taylor suddenly found the table very interesting. “Not my scene,” she muttered.
“Mine either.” He smiled and Taylor lifted her eyes to meet his.
“So, you know I’m a student, but I don’t know what you do.”
He narrowed his eyes slightly, considering something. “I work downtown,” he finally said.
Taylor let it go at that. He obviously didn’t want to talk about it and she wasn’t going to pry. Downtown probably meant he worked in one of those high-rise office buildings.
“I bet you’d look good in a suit,” she blurted, her face immediately going red. “Oh my God.” She covered her mouth with her hands. “I can’t believe I just said that.”
Josh’s smirk spread as he leaned forward with his elbows on the table. “I bet you look good in everything.”
Her face grew even hotter. It’d been a long time since someone looked at her the way Josh did. She squirmed in her seat, and Josh chuckled softly before focusing on paying the bill.
“You ready to go?” he asked.
Taylor drummed her fingers on the table nervously. She wasn’t ready to go back to the dorms yet, not when being around Josh felt so comfortable.
“Sure,” she said quietly.
Josh walked her out to her car and waited as she got in. Sparse raindrops hit the windshield. She put her keys into the ignition and turned. The car sputtered and then went silent. She tried again, pressing lightly on the gas pedal this time. The sputtering lasted a little longer, but ultimately died once again.
“Dammit!” She banged her head against the headrest.
“Dead battery?”
“Can’t be.” She sighed. “The battery’s brand new and it’s not like I left the lights on. It’s probably the alternator. It’s not the first time I’ve had problems like this.”
Josh pulled a card from his wallet, dialed a number into his phone, and then spoke to someone for a few seconds before hanging up. “Tow truck will be here soon.”
They waited for half an hour before the truck arrived. After Josh gave the driver instructions on which garage to bring the car to, he loaded it up and was on his way.
“Come on,” Josh said. “I live nearby. We can grab my car, and I’ll drive you home.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Okay.”
As they walked, his shoulder bumped into hers and she almost froze on the spot, but then forced herself to keep going.
It was getting dark, but the street lamps illuminated their path.
“Shit,” Josh said suddenly.
“What?” Taylor asked.
“You didn’t feel that? I swear there were a few raindrops.”
“You’re delusional.”
Taylor felt a raindrop hit her face. “Shit.” She looked to the sky and they started to come faster. Josh tugged on her arm, trying to get her to move.
“We aren’t far.”
Taylor started to run with him. Her glasses tried to slide from her face, but she pushed them back up her nose, her feet never slowing. She couldn’t remember the last time she ran.
Her clothes were soaked, her lungs burning, but it felt good, free. The realization hit her that she was having fun. Th
at’s what the feeling was.
She knew Josh was holding back beside her, so she sped up and looked sideways at him in challenge. He matched her stride as he turned down another road. She followed him.
By the time he stopped, her legs felt like rubber, but her lips were turned up in a smile, surprising even her.
“If I knew that all it took to get you to smile was a little rain,” Josh started. “I would have planned it sooner.”
He punched a code in to let them into his building. Taylor knew she was right. He must work in one of those high-rises to afford a place like this.
They rode the elevator to the top floor and stepped out into a wide hallway. Leaving a trail of water in their wake, they walked towards a door at the opposite end.
“My roommate is probably out,” Josh said, gesturing her inside.
She walked into a large living room with a massive TV at one end, surrounded by leather couches. Large windows looked out over Columbus, the arena being the prominent feature in the view. Taylor quickly turned away.
The kitchen sat open to the rest of the apartment. It was a little messy. Taylor raised an eyebrow at Josh, and he shrugged.
“Roommate’s a slob,” he explained.
“Got it.” She held her arms across her chest and shivered under the blast of air from a vent overhead.
“Let me get you some dry clothes.” Josh disappeared into one of the bedrooms and returned with a pair of sweats and an over-sized t-shirt. “Bathroom’s over there.” He pointed behind him.
It had never felt so good to be dry. When Taylor returned to the living room, Josh had already changed. He now sported a Columbus Blue Jackets shirt. It’s just a shirt, she told herself. Her breathing quickened, so she took three deep breaths to calm it. That didn’t do the trick. Josh’s stare did. Concern deepened in his eyes at her strange reaction. He reached out and took her hand, instantly soothing her.
“I don’t want to go back to the dorms yet,” she said before she could stop herself. Normally, that would have embarrassed her.
He squeezed her hand. “Then don’t.”
He led her to the couch and then sat next to her as he flipped through TV channels, looking for a movie. She settled in, but jumped every time their thighs touched. They were too close. She shifted away from him slightly. There was something about Josh that drew her to him, but it made her uncomfortable so she wanted to keep her distance.
As they watched the movie, he glanced at her every few minutes. His arm rested on the back of the couch, stretching towards her.
“You’re going to mess up my hair if you keep doing that,” Taylor said after he had been playing with the wet strands for a few minutes.
“Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but it’s already messed up.”
She started combing her fingers through it self-consciously. It had started to dry funny, and there was no helping it.
“Maybe if it was as long and pretty as yours, the rain wouldn’t ruin it. Can I use some of your product? You must have tons of it.”
“Oh,” he said, cupping his hands around his mouth. “She makes a joke, ladies and gentlemen.”
“I make jokes!”
“Nah, you’re always so serious.” He touched her cheek lightly. “I just want to see you smile.”
Taylor’s stomach clenched as she looked into his eyes. “I want to smile,” she admitted, finally looking away. “I just…”
“Can’t,” he finished for her. “We’re going to change that.”
“How do you expect to do that? I barely know you.”
“You know me.” His voice grew quiet, and it was his turn to look embarrassed. He shook it off. “You had fun running through the rain, didn’t you?”
“I guess I did.”
“Then that’s how we do it. I don’t want you to think right now. I just want you to say the first spontaneous thing that pops into your mind. Something you want to do.”
Something I want to do? She thought. Then she remembered she wasn’t supposed to be thinking.
“Come on. Give me a quick answer,” Josh said.
Before she knew what she was doing, Taylor leaned over and pressed her lips to his. His eyes widened in surprise, but he didn’t pull away. His arms snaked around her back as she continued to kiss him. Her brain yelled at her to stop, but she just wanted to feel something. And Josh made her feel everything.
Tears slid down her face, leaving a salty taste on both their lips. It brought Taylor back to reality. She pulled away and scrambled off the couch.
“I’m sorry,” she said, trying to hold in the sobs that were threatening to break free. “I have to go.”
She ran towards the door with Josh calling her back.
“Taylor, are you okay?” he asked, confusion clouding his voice.
“Fine.” A sob broke free as she stepped into the waiting elevator.
“At least let me drive you home,” he pleaded.
“Please, Josh. Just let me go.”
The elevator doors closed, leaving her alone in the silence. It was late now and still raining buckets. She was soaked within seconds of leaving the building behind, but she didn’t care.
The rain washed the tears from her face, but her chest convulsed with painful sobs.
Taylor looked to the sky, letting the rain drops sting her eyes and roll down her face. “I’m so sorry, Danny,” she cried. She dropped to the curb and put her head in her hands. “I love you, so much. I’ll never stop, but I need your help. I want to live my life again. Help me get over you. Please.”
The rain started to let up by the time a car pulled up in front of Taylor. She was huddled under the overhang of a nearby building. She shivered as she slid into the passenger seat.
“You’re soaking wet,” Abigail said.
“It’s raining.” Taylor shrugged and held her arms closer to her body to try for a little warmth.
As if reading her mind, Abigail adjusted the vents so warm air could circulate inside the car. She then looked sideways at her passenger, expecting some kind of explanation. They still barely knew each other, so Taylor wasn’t exactly wanting to bare her soul. She hadn’t known who to call to come get her. Her parents would’ve freaked, and she hadn’t made any friends at school yet. So, she called her roommate, hoping she was still sober.
“I was surprised you weren’t out at some party.” Taylor said, trying to change the subject.
“I was tired,” Abigail answered. “I know what you think of me, but if you gave me a chance, you’d see that you’re wrong.” She looked straight ahead and started to drive.
Taylor couldn’t have felt worse. She used her fingers to brush away the wet hair that clung to her forehead and looked out her window. “I’m sorry,” she said. “There are just some things—“
“Hey.” Abigail reached over and squeezed her hand. “It’s okay. I’m a good listener, you know.”
Taylor sighed and leaned her head against the cool glass of the window. She thought of Sarah back in Portland, and all the things they used to talk about. Their girl chats were epic, but that was before everything changed. She wanted more than anything to be that girl again. Only hours ago she’d run through the rain, laughing and having fun for the first time in a long time. It was a start. But then…
“I kissed someone tonight,” Taylor finally admitted. It was something she wasn’t going to tell Sarah because she’d be so proud of her, thinking it was a step to getting back to normal. No, it was easier to talk to someone who only knew this version of herself.
“That’s awesome.” Abigail grinned. “Please tell me he was cute.”
“The cutest.” She sighed.
“Then why did I have to come find you in the rain?” She dropped her voice. “Are you a virgin?”
“What? No!” How did Taylor explain that the guilt she felt for kissing Josh threatened to consume her? She wasn’t ready to explain Danny to this new friend. Was she a friend yet? How could Taylor explain that at nineteen years
old, she felt like she’d never be able to love someone again, not like she loved Danny? That she thought it’d be a betrayal if she did. Abigail wouldn’t understand.
“It’s just complicated,” Taylor explained.
“Sure it is.” She didn’t try to pry any further, and Taylor appreciated it.
Abigail went off to meet up with Colin when they got back. They were in the early dating stages. This left Taylor on her own, just as she liked it. She took a hot shower to try to wash the entire night away. When she was finished, she put on her warmest pyjamas and crawled into bed. She rested her laptop on her knees and powered it up. There was only one face she wanted to see.
There was a longer video that Taylor’s Dad had pieced together from some of the short ones she had. It played at his funeral. Danny’s face appeared on the screen, a familiar foolish grin on his face.
“My name is Danny,” he said. “And I am an addict.” He was standing outside in a field near Taylor’s house. When the weather was nice, they’d spend a lot of time together out there. The camera panned towards Taylor’s sleeping figure as she sprawled across one of their blankets. She was his addiction.
The image changed to a clip of Danny with a few of his teammates as they sang at the top of their lungs, arms slung over each other’s shoulders. There was highlight reel stuff, some of Danny’s best moves on the ice.
Then it was back to just Danny and Taylor. He had a guitar in his lap. Closing his eyes as he sang, his voice was sweet. Taylor sat next to him and held the camera out to get both of them in the shot. He stopped singing long enough to kiss her.
“Maybe you should be a singer instead of a hockey player,” she told him.
“Babe, why can’t I do it all?” He looked into the camera one last time and winked.
The video ended, and Taylor pushed the computer off her lap so she could pull her knees up to her chest. Tears rolled down her face as she buried it in her arms. She wanted more than anything to stop this feeling. She wanted to be able to move on, but every time she tried it struck her. He was still gone. She was still left behind.
Maybe if he had wanted to be a singer, he’d still be with her.
Taylor wiped her face on her sleeve and grabbed her phone from where she had it drying near her bed. The rain hadn’t spared it, so she was hoping it could be saved. Popping the battery back into place, she powered it up and was relieved when the screen lit up.
The New Beginnings (Books #1-3) Page 37
