The New Beginnings (Books #1-3)

by Michelle MacQueen

  “If her dad hadn’t found us…” Ethan’s shoulders shook as he held in a sob.

  Josh had never seen his brother lose it before. He was always in control - to the point of cold calculation.

  “You can’t make excuses for what happened,” Josh said lowly.

  “I’m not,” Ethan yelled defensively, jumping to his feet before bringing himself under control again. He swiped a hand through his hair violently. “There is no excuse. I did it. It was horrible. And then the accident… when I saw her in that hospital bed, that was rock bottom for me.”

  Not long after that, the booze and the pills caught up with him as his studies took a hit. He’d been a medical student at Harvard. His grades slipped until he finally lost his place.

  Josh sat in stunned silence, waiting for the end of the story.

  “Dad found out and forced me into rehab. That’s why the mini-bar is empty. He cleared it out. I’ve been sober for three months and counting. That’s why I’ve been trying to reach you. I need to make things right.” A sob escaped his lips, and he cleared his throat to cover it up. “I don’t have many people left, but you’re my brother.”

  Josh collapsed back into the chair under the weight of his brother’s stare. He opened his mouth to say something, anything. He knew he needed to. This was the time to have the perfect, meaningful words. But none came. Ethan waited anxiously for his reaction.

  A number of emotions tumbled through Josh’s brain. An incredible sadness overwhelmed him, but also an intense guilt. This was his brother; he should have known what was going on. He’d been away, following his own dreams, while his brother had been falling into this hole. For the last two years, Josh had been doing everything in his power to avoid him.

  Then there was anger. His brother could have asked for help. He could have stopped it before putting Michaela through hell. The drugs and the booze may have been clouding his mind, but it was still his hands that had done the damage.

  Ethan held out a hand to Josh, willing him to take it and be his brother again. Josh stared at the open palm and then his eyes followed the line of his arm, across his narrow shoulders, and up into his uncertain face. Josh ignored the hand, and it dropped.

  Ethan heaved a sigh, his posture stiffening as Josh stood to face him.

  “I’m sorry,” Josh finally said, his voice catching in his throat. “I should have helped you.” He looked away. “I should have known.”

  “No one knew.”

  “I’m your brother!” Josh’s voice rose and then fell in a single instant. “I’m your brother,” he said quietly this time. “I should have known.”

  Ethan put a hand on Josh’s shoulder, but Josh shrugged him off, instead angling his body so he could look his brother in the eye.

  “You should have trusted me,” he growled. “For so long, you became a different person. This isn’t only about what you did to Michaela. She actually wants me to forgive you. With or without the drugs, that person is inside of you. The anger. The selfishness. All of it. I love you, Ethan. I even forgive you. But, this…” he wagged his finger from him to his brother. “This, I can’t do. I’m always here if you need me, but we aren’t those kind of brothers. We aren’t friends.”

  Josh walked by him, and Ethan didn’t say a word. He didn’t try to stop him as he stepped into the hall and shut the door behind him.

  Putting a hand on the wall to steady himself, Josh bent over to force out the breaths clogging in his throat. Tears slid down his cheeks, but he didn’t bother wiping them away. At the end of the hall he slipped into the ice machine’s room, its steady thrum providing a sense of comfort as he leaned against the wall and slid to the ground beside it.

  He pressed the side of his face to the cold metal and pulled out his phone.

  He wanted nothing more than to rush back out to the car. To hear Taylor’s voice. To see her look at him with her wide, sincere eyes. To let her soothe him. But there was someone else he needed to call. Someone who deserved this story more than anyone.

  “Hey, Joshy!” Michaela answered.

  He responded with a deep sob.

  “Sweetie, what’s wrong?” she asked. “It’s Ethan, isn’t it? I know he’s in Columbus right now. If he did something to you, I’m going to kill him.”

  The story came spilling out. When he was finished, a stunned silence filled the line.

  “Michaela, how could I not see it?”

  “You forget,” her voice wavered. “I spent a lot more time with him over that year than you did. I can’t believe this. Was I just too into myself? Did I just want the fantasy of being with him? He changed so suddenly, and I didn’t even consider that something was wrong. What kind of person does that make me?” Her rambling trailed off.

  “I didn’t want to dump this on you,” Josh said quietly, thumping his head back against the wall. “I just needed to hear your voice.”

  “No, it’s good you told me. When he’s back home, I’m going to talk to him.”

  “Fine. Just promise you’ll be careful.”

  “I will,” she sighed.

  “I have to go.” He suddenly remembered that Taylor was waiting for him. Glancing at his phone, he cursed himself for taking so long.

  “Alright. Love you, Joshy. Try not to beat yourself up for something that was out of your control.”

  “Back at you.”

  He hung up and got to his feet. By the time he reached the car, Taylor had been sitting there for close to forty-five minutes.

  Her kindle cast a glow across her face as she looked up and smiled. Her lips dropped immediately when she took in his splotchy face and hair that had been pulled every which way.

  “You okay?” she asked softly.

  It was as if the last hour he’d been held underwater, gasping for air. Then there she was. The light at the surface. All he had to do was reach for her and he could breathe.

  “I’m okay now.” He took her hand and smiled. “Sorry I took so long.”

  “It’s totally okay,” she said, her face brightening as she talked. “I was in this really big battle scene in my book and may have had to hurt you if you interrupted me before it was over.”

  “Well,” he said, trying to smile. “We couldn’t have that.”

  “What’s wrong?” she asked. “What happened in there?”

  The story poured out, and she listened intently as she started to understand Josh’s family. When he finished, she didn’t say anything at first. Reaching out, she pulled him into a tight hug, not letting go.

  He rested his chin on her shoulder and breathed in deep, even breaths.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “This must be hard.”

  “It’s a little easier now.”

  She leaned back and looked at him before pressing her lips to his cheek. “You once said you’d be good for me. Maybe I can be good for you too.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Taylor didn’t hear from Josh all week. The team was on a road trip out west and wouldn’t be back for a few days. He usually didn’t talk to her on game days, but she was worried about him. He’d been playing fine since his dad and brother left. Technically, he wasn’t making mistakes, but as Taylor watched him on TV, she could tell something was off. He didn’t fight, even when the other player was asking for it. She watched him shake his head and skate away. Fighting was a part of the game. It always had been and always would be. It might be used less and less, but Josh had grown to love it.

  He told Taylor how he loved the energy rolling off the crowd as they all stood to get a better look. He loved the way it amped up the team. How one player, especially one who didn’t score much, could change the flow of the game.

  Why wasn’t he fighting?

  She didn’t know when she’d get the chance to ask him. The team was flying home late tonight, but she had to spend tomorrow studying if she was going to the ball on Saturday.

  A ball. Just the term made her laugh. It was a charity event for the foundation run by the Jac
kets. Their schedule got too hectic to have it after Thanksgiving, so it was going to be the weekend before. She wasn’t planning on going, but her mom got her tickets and made her promise to come. Abigail and Colin, in their tension filled state, were coming with her.

  The next evening, she was studying when Abigail jumped on her bed, scattering papers onto the floor.

  “What the hell?” Taylor yelled.

  “Sorry, but seriously we need some girl talk.”

  “I have an exam on Monday.” She got off her bed and crouched down to pick up the papers.

  “I know, but tomorrow we’re going to a ball.” She spread her arms wide and threw her head back. Taylor couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Ha! I knew I could make you smile, oh serious one.”

  “Ever think I’m laughing at you, not with you?” Taylor quirked an eyebrow.

  “Does it matter?” she asked. “The point is you’re laughing.”

  “Touché.” Taylor sat across from her on the bed and pulled in her legs.

  “Have you talked to Josh today?”

  “No,” she sighed. “I don’t know, Abi.”

  Abigail leveled her with a glare. “Never call me that again.” Then all the tension in her face disappeared, and she nodded. “Go on.”

  Taylor was used to Abigail’s quirks by now, so she didn’t stop to ask questions. “I didn’t tell you this, but we kissed. Again.”

  “Oooo yay.” Abigail leaned closer. “I’m listening.”

  “It was like the kiss of all kisses. Serious earth-shattering stuff.”

  “I’m liking what I’m hearing.”

  “But that’s the problem. That’s it. I haven’t talked to him since that night.”

  “Well, that’s no good.” Abigail leaned back on her elbows, her eyes searching for something in Taylor’s face. “I don’t know if it’s okay to ask you this or not.”

  “Just do it.” Taylor sighed, somehow knowing the question was the same one she’d been asking herself.

  “Are you ready for anything more to happen?”

  Taylor didn’t speak at first. The question flipped over in her mind, an answer eluding her.

  “I still think about Danny every day, if that’s what you mean. Everything reminds me of him. It used to make me sad, like I would mourn him forever. Lately, he’s been making me smile, like his memories are a good thing, rather than something that just haunt me.”

  Taylor reached for her sketchbook and flipped it open. “I’ve been drawing him.”

  Abigail looked through the drawings with wide eyes. “Tay, these are amazing.”

  “I don’t want to forget him.”

  “Moving on doesn’t mean you have to forget him.” Abigail ran her fingers over a picture of Danny with his goofy grin. “I think he’ll always be a part of you, but Tay, he isn’t coming back.”

  “I know that.”

  “Do you?” She looked up, locking her eyes on Taylor’s. “Because it’s been a year and a half, and it seems to me like you’re just waiting. It’s a long life, and he’d want you to live it.”

  Taylor looked back down at the book as Abigail flipped to the next page. This one wasn’t Danny. She’d drawn Josh standing by the river, his hair blowing into his face. His lips were turned up in a smirk as he stared at something. She imagined that something was her. Abigail stopped turning pages and held out the open book for Taylor to take.

  “Are you in love with Josh?”

  “How am I supposed to know that? I like him. A lot. I don’t even know if I’m ready for that.”

  “You are.” She shrugged.

  “How do you know?”

  “It’s in your eyes. I’ve seen you change over the last two months. Girl, when I met you, you were a mess. I didn’t think we’d ever be friends. You aren’t that girl anymore.” She paused, tilting her head to the side. “You need to tell him.”

  “I can’t do that!” Taylor’s face blanched as she shrank away.

  “Yes you can. He’s never going to make a move because he thinks you’re this little grieving girl. We’ll show him different. Tomorrow - at the charity ball.”

  Taylor shook her head vigorously while Abigail nodded with a satisfied grin on her face.

  After a while, Taylor slumped back against her pillows with an exaggerated sigh. “Fine. Tomorrow.”

  Google could be an evil thing, but Taylor couldn’t seem to resist it. She was surprised it had taken her this long to type in those two words - Josh Walker.

  She was just curious. Knowing him, there wouldn’t be much. He wasn’t as much the public figure as someone like Mack. The first few pages were from various hockey sites, showing his stats along with a picture that was taken of him right after he was drafted. Taylor laughed at the cuteness of the eighteen-year-old kid version of him. He was only a year younger than she was now, but he’d changed.

  The boyishness was still in his face, but he’d grown taller and much broader. He now had the muscles of a seasoned athlete, not a kid playing at being one.

  Taylor knew she should stop there. It would’ve been better if she had. Instead, she moved her finger across the touch pad to bring the cursor over the images button and tapped twice.

  Pictures covered the screen. Most were of Josh at various stages of his hockey career, but then there were others. His family was a prominent one in Connecticut, and the images chronicled their charity events and galas. Josh was in many of these, a date always by his side, even in the younger pictures.

  One girl was in a lot of these, but she looked older than him. Her long auburn hair shone as it draped across her slender shoulders. Then there was a blond. A leggy, gorgeous blond. And the list went on. Each girl wore a dress that looked more expensive than the last.

  Taylor crossed her arms over her chest as Abigail came in.

  “You haven’t even started getting ready, darlin’?” she asked.

  “I don’t know if I can do this.” Taylor sighed.

  “Of course you can.” She glanced at the computer in front of her roommate. “What have you been in here doing?”

  Taylor turned the screen for her to see.

  “Oh, Hon.” Sitting down next to her, she wrapped an arm around Taylor’s shoulders. “This isn’t really what you’re upset about, is it?”

  “Kind of.”

  “You know what?” Abigail clapped her hands together. “I’m going to do your hair. Then we’re going to put on our fabulous dresses. Tonight we get to be the princesses.”

  “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Taylor laughed.

  “I know. I’m awesome.”

  Taylor’s phone chimed with a text message from Josh.

  Will I see you at the ball?

  She smiled as she ran her fingers over the keys.

  You bet.

  His reply came within seconds.

  I want to dance with you all night.

  She didn’t know how to respond to that, and before she got the chance, he’d sent another message.

  I would have invited you to go with me, but the first part of the night is team stuff and I thought you’d have more fun if you went with your friends.

  That explained what had been bugging her.

  At least we’ll both be there. She sent back.

  I’ll find you.

  Cross the wide end over the small. Up into the loop. Down to the left. Around the back of the small end. Up to the center.

  Josh could tie a tie in his sleep. He’d learned when he was five, a family rite of passage. A tie was a sign of a man. That’s what his father always told him. He’d grown up attending events where appearance was everything.

  In his adult life, he wore a suit even more. To and from every game. The day he learned how to put on a tie was also the day he’d been measured for his first tailor-made suit.

  He wasn’t an extravagant man. Even with his NHL salary, he didn’t drive an expensive sports car. He didn’t spend thousands of dollars at restaurants or on vacations. Jo
sh preferred the simple - except when it came to his suits. Those were his big-ticket items. A preference his family ingrained in him at a young age.

  For the ball, he’d chosen his Emporio Armani - black jacket, black shirt, and deep red tie. The fabric flexed comfortably as he crossed his arms over his chest, looking in the mirror. His hair was held in place by a stiff gel.

  Hearing giggling from the living room, he walked out to find Mack sitting on the couch in his bold white suit, with a girl on either side of him.

  “Josher!” Mack said upon seeing him. “Come meet your date.”

  Josh choked on that. “My what?”

  “You didn’t think we were going to this thing sans the company of some of God’s loveliest creatures, did you?”

  Irritation welled in Josh, but he pushed it down. He didn’t want to hurt the feelings of either of these girls. One of the girls walked closer, her floor length silver gown swishing with the sway of her hips. “I’ve been really excited to meet you,” she said.

  Josh let his anger go as he looked her in the eyes. Her voice was sweet and full of star struck awe. He didn’t consider himself a star, but he had some fans. “What’s your name?” he asked, taking in the rest of her appearance. Long dark hair was tied up into a high, sleek pony that grazed the bare skin of her back when it swayed.

  Slightly angular eyes regarded him and a slow smile spread across her dark red lips.

  “I’m Melinda. You can call me Mel.”

  “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Mel.” He tried to return her smile, but there was only one girl he wanted on his arm. He just hadn’t asked, and he suddenly wished he had. Part of him hadn’t wanted to pressure her into a date, because that’s what it would have been.

  It’d been almost a week since they’d seen each other, but she’d been on his mind constantly. Text messages just weren’t enough when it came to her. The team played four games out west, but now that he was back, he wished everything could take a back seat to the sweet, slightly broken girl he’d never meant to fall for.

  He was meant to be a friend. Help her in her move to Columbus. Sarah asked it of him and he’d do anything for her - even babysit her grieving best friend.