Tears had gathered in Evie’s eyes. “God, I don’t know what I would have done without the two of you.” She tried to smile. “You both look so beautiful today.”
Kim laughed. “We do?” She took a closer look at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a beautifully draped peach silk dress with a matching flowered hat her grandmother had bought in Paris in the thirties. As Grandma had always said, Lilly Daché certainly knew how to make a hat.
Next to her, Leslie appraised herself critically. Hyacinth blue was certainly her color. She looked more sophisticated than her two friends in her crepe sheath with a flapper-style ribbon around her head.
Smiling at each other, the three girls knew their love and friendship would last a lifetime.
In the space of a few short weeks, Evie had regained her bloom. As Ann stood drinking in her daughter’s beauty she could not help remembering her own wedding back in the 1940s.
Ann had longed to be a bride in white, walking down the aisle to the chuppa, with yards and yards of floating train. And here Evie had chosen a wedding as simple as Ann’s own had been. What irony.
The ceremony was in the rabbi’s study. Vows were timeless but, as was common in the sixties, Evie and Peter read from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran as part of the ceremony.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
Adam was deeply, deeply touched by the beauty of those words. They were much more spiritual than any sermon could have been. Taking Ann’s hand in his, he looked at her, his eyes filled with love. It was a moment so poignant, so full of hopes for their own future, that it was as though, standing here in this sacred place, their own union had already been blessed.
At the luncheon Ann and Ruthie smiled tearfully across the table, remembering Ruthie’s wedding that long-ago spring.
“Who would ever have dreamed,” Ruthie said, “that someday our children would marry?”
Looking past her to Phillip, Ann said a little sadly, “We never know what will happen in our lives, Ruthie.”
After Evie and Peter cut the cake, Phillip got up to make a toast. “To my son-in-law. I have already given you my most precious possession. Now I wish you all the happiness in the world.”
Later, when the newlyweds left for the airport to spend a few days in New York before flying to Oslo, Phillip watched Ann and Adam drive off. He wondered what had happened to all his dreams. His hopes of a brilliant legal career had faded years ago, and now he couldn’t even look forward to a future that included Linda. He was happy Evie seemed so well, but as he drove home, he kept thinking of his own wedding day and all his bright expectations.
At the Fairmont, Ann and Adam were celebrating the fact that Ann was finally free. For the first time Adam pressed her to rush through her divorce.
“I’ve already spoken to Max Friedman about it. He doesn’t think there will be any problem dividing our property, and Phillip won’t obstruct proceedings in any way.”
“The only one you’re going to have problems with is me. Because six months from now, I expect you to be a free woman.”
The next day, Phillip insisted on driving them to the airport. While Adam checked in, Ann and Phillip had a few minutes alone.
“Phillip, what are you going to do? Don’t you think that you should call Linda?”
“Well, it’s been a long time. I don’t know if she’ll want to see me.”
“I think you should try anyway. Women don’t fall out of love that quickly. Besides, things have changed, haven’t they?”
“Yes, that’s true,” he said. “I wonder …”
“Don’t wonder. Just call.”
He looked at her with admiration. “That’s always been the difference between us, Ann, hasn’t it? You’re always willing to take a chance, and I always hesitate. Maybe this time I will take a leaf out of your book and phone her.”
“Phillip … do it,” Ann urged gently. “I hope it works out for you.” Impulsively, she reached up and kissed his cheek. “Goodbye, Phillip. I wish you all the luck in the world.”
Back in Ann’s lovely house, which he knew would soon be going up for sale, Phillip decided to take her advice. He picked up the phone and dialed.
“Linda …?” There was a long silence when she recognized his voice. “I know you weren’t expecting to hear from me, but I had to call. I know you must still be angry, and you have every right to be. I’m not going to try to defend myself except to say that Evie was so ill. But the situation has changed. She’s better now. In fact, yesterday she married her childhood sweetheart.”
“Phillip—I’m so happy for you.”
He took a deep breath and said in a rush, “Linda, I still love you. Do you think there’s a chance for us?”
“I’m not sure, Phillip. It was so hard leaving you. I’ve been numb for so long that I don’t know what I feel anymore.”
“Is there someone else?”
“No, Phillip. There’s no one. I just need time….”
“I understand. But could I fly out and see you in a couple of weeks?”
“I don’t know.” She paused. “Don’t you see, Phillip? I couldn’t bear to be hurt a second time.”
“But I can call you?”
“Yes—of course.”
“Tomorrow,” he promised.
That same evening Ann and Adam were dining at Lutèce. As they lingered contentedly over coffee and Cognac, Adam said, “Darling, there’s something I want you to have.”
And he took a small, velvet case from his pocket. Inside was a Cartier diamond. He slipped the ring on her fourth finger. “For my wife,” he said huskily.
That night was supreme.
It was six the next morning when Consuela’s call wakened them. Oh God—something’s happened to Evie, was Ann’s first thought.
Her housekeeper’s voice was shrill with fear. “It’s Mr. Coulter—he’s had a stroke. A very bad one.”
Ann was shaking so hard that she almost dropped the phone. She suddenly knew that she was being punished for some terrible sin. She had been so incredibly happy these last weeks—and now this.
“Where is he, Consuela?” she said, finally recovering her voice.
“Mount Zion Hospital.”
“Have you reached Evie?”
“Yes. I called Peter. He said he’d tell her, and if you want, they’ll fly home.”
“Listen, Consuela. You go stay with Mr. Coulter. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” When she hung up, she was beyond tears.
Adam had already guessed the situation from hearing Ann’s end of the conversation, but still he asked, dreading the answer. “What is it, Ann?”
She didn’t know how to tell him. Adam had stood by her so faithfully, but how much more would he be willing to take?
For the first time, she had a moment of doubt. Was she wrong for Adam? Here she was bringing him so much unhappiness….
“Phillip had a stroke.”
Adam didn’t answer. For the moment, all he felt was murderous rage.
“Adam—what should I do?”
“What should you do? Well, I’ll tell you. Just pack your bags, call the airport, and fly home to your Phillip so you can play Florence Nightingale.”
“Adam … please.”
“So why are you waiting? You’ve already made up your mind, right?”
In misery, barely able to speak, Ann begged, “Adam, please. Don’t be angry. He doesn’t have anyone else.”
In spite of his fury and disgust, Adam’s heart went out to her. There was something about Ann that never failed to evoke his compassion—and his admiration. He knew that she was torn between her love for him and her sense of duty.
He sighed. “All right, darling. Let’s go. I’ll take you to the airport.”
Chapter Forty-Five
WHEN ANN SAW PHILLIP AT the hospital, she was horrified by his conditio
n. He couldn’t speak, and his left side was paralyzed. She sat by his bed and took his hand.
“Phillip, darling … I’m so sorry. It’s all so unfair. I love you, Phillip, and I’m going to see to it that you’re taken care of. You’re not alone now.”
She remained by him until visiting hours had ended. Kenny and Ruth insisted that she stay at their place, and Ann was grateful for the invitation. To have been alone through all this would have been intolerable.
“I feel so bad for Evie,” Ann told Ruth the next morning. “Even if Phillip’s condition improves, I don’t want her to come home. Her place is with Peter.”
Evie called later in the day, and Ann was heartened that she took the terrible news so calmly, saying that she would wait a day or two before deciding whether or not to fly to the West Coast.
But Ann had forgotten to notify one important person. In Washington, Linda was worried that Phillip hadn’t called her. She knew him to be dependable and sensitive, not the sort to forget such things, and she guessed that something was wrong.
She waited one more day, then called his office. The call was transferred to Kenny.
“I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you, Linda, but Phillip’s had a stroke. The doctors hope that with the right therapy, he’ll eventually recover some of his speech and perhaps a little of his movement. But at the moment he’s completely incapacitated.”
Linda sat numbly, clutching the receiver. “I’ll come back. I’ve got to see him,” she finally managed to say. “He needs me.”
There was a pause as Kenny searched for the right words. “I know Phillip would appreciate it, Linda, but I must tell you: Ann is already here. She flew back right away from New York. Evie’s in Norway but she may come back. We’ll know her plans soon.”
Linda understood only too well what Kenny was trying to tell her: Phillip may have loved her, and he still might love her. But these people were his family. If only he hadn’t called me that day….
In a composed voice, as calmly as she could manage, she said, “In that case I would only be in the way. Phillip doesn’t need three women in his life.”
And Kenny had no answer for that.
Between the therapy and his fierce determination to get well, Phillip was able to go home after a week. The library was turned into a hospital room of sorts, and Ann arranged for nurses ’round the clock. Two days after he came home, Evie flew to be with him, though her mother still felt it unnecessary that she return.
“I’m coming, Mom,” Evie had announced over the phone from Oslo. “Peter understands.”
“No, Evie,” Ann said firmly. “Your place is with your husband now.”
“And where is your place, Mom?”
Evie’s question echoed in Ann’s ears. Where was her place, indeed? Legally, she was still Phillip’s wife, but beyond that, she felt responsible for him. Who was going to care for him if she didn’t? He had no one else. It was unthinkable that Evie stay. The only solution Ann could see was to persuade Adam once again to accept a compromise.
It was with that thought in mind that she headed back to New York for the weekend. She prayed that she could make Adam understand, but her hopes were rudely shattered five minutes after they were in his apartment.
“Let’s hear that once again—I want to get it straight,” he shouted. “You’re proposing that we just sit around and wait for Phillip to recover before we get married? I love you, Ann—more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life. But this time I’ve had it up to here.” He paused, then said more quietly, “You’re going to have to choose, Ann—me or your family.” His voice rose. “And let me warn you. If you say it’s your family, then by Christ, we’re through!”
“Adam … you can’t mean that.”
“If you really loved me, you wouldn’t even consider leaving again.”
“But I’m not leaving you, Adam.”
“Really? Not leaving me? How odd. You said you’re going back to your husband, didn’t you? And how long is a ‘short time’? Look—the discussion just ended. I put up with it when Evie was sick—she’s your only child, and I could understand—but I am not sharing you with your husband. I’d be better off getting you out of my life once and for all.”
“Adam … how would your life be better with me cut out of it?”
“You want to know? I’d be free! I wouldn’t sit by the phone, hoping you could spare a moment from your family to talk to me. Once again: if you walk out of this apartment tonight, we’re through.”
“Adam … don’t do this to me. Just give me some time.”
“Ann, you’ve got your time. I’m going for a walk. If you decide you want to go back to California, be so good as to be out of here by the time I get back in thirty minutes.” He glared at her, put on his coat, and left the apartment.
Adam, no … her heart cried out. She ran to the door, ready to follow him, to tell him she would stay. Then she stopped. Phillip was weak and ill; Adam was strong. Phillip needed her more than Adam did. If she abandoned her husband, he would probably die. Wouldn’t her guilt then destroy her love for Adam?
Fifteen minutes passed. Ann picked up the phone and dialed airline reservations. When she hung up, she knew that her life with Adam was over—he was not the man to make idle threats. He had been wonderfully understanding during Evie’s illness, whereas Linda hadn’t been able to deal with the strain. He had stood fast. And this time, when he had told Ann to choose between him and her family, the issue was equally clear.
Weeping softly, Ann picked up her bag and walked to the door.
Chapter Forty-Six
DURING THE MONTHS THAT followed, Ann willed herself to think of nothing but the present. If she let herself wonder about the future or dwell on the past, she knew she would soon find herself standing on the Golden Gate Bridge, ready to jump. Concentrating instead on each of Phillip’s small gains, she could keep her sanity.
When she was planning to move east, she had sold her office to another realtor who had promised to make May a partner. Now, without her business, she had little to do to occupy the long days. A solitary outing to Muir Woods or a lunch in Chinatown was an event; a letter from Evie, who had finally returned to Peter in Norway, was an occasion.
In time, Phillip recovered his speech, though it remained slurred and hard to understand. And he began to walk again, first leaning on Ann’s arm, then later with a heavy cane. Despite these improvements, he began spending his days looking up at the sky, strangely withdrawn. Ann realized that he needed more than just physical therapy. She began to give him small errands—to the post office or the grocery store—anything to keep him busy and out of the house.
Her new plan triggered another problem.
She would send him for one thing and he would come home with something different, often wholly inappropriate. Or he would come home empty-handed. And he would be devastated, knowing that he had gotten it wrong. He would beg Ann to forgive him, tears of frustration welling up in his eyes.
After this happened several days in a row, Ann became alarmed. She called the doctor, who said to wait a little longer and see if Phillip improved. Unhappily, he did not. He began to answer questions out of context, and he repeated himself often. He could remember exactly what had happened on the day of the Great Crash, but not where he had laid his trousers. Sometimes he would even forget what he was saying in the middle of a sentence. And one horrible morning, he hadn’t seemed to recognize Ann.
At that point, Dr. Cohn took him into the hospital for a battery of tests. Afterward, he asked Ann to come in for an appointment.
“He has Alzheimer’s disease, Ann,” Dr. Cohn said. “I thought I noticed a change the last time I examined him. It’s what most people call senility.”
“Oh, my God! But Phillip’s only fifty-four!”
“It isn’t a natural part of aging. We don’t know yet know if it’s genetic or if it’s caused by a virus.”
“Isn’t there any cure?”
“Unfortuna
tely, Ann,” he replied gently, “there isn’t even any treatment, at least not yet.”
She stared at him, horrified. “Will he get worse?”
“It’s usually progressive. Frankly, from what you’ve told me, he’s deteriorating rapidly. I don’t know if you’ll be able to care for him at home much longer.”
Shaking her head resolutely, she said, “There’s no reason he should have to be institutionalized. I know how to care for invalids; my mother-in-law had a severe stroke and I cared for her at home until the day she died.”
Dr. Cohn eyed her somberly. “A stroke is one thing. Alzheimer’s is another. Phillip may become very difficult to handle. And it’s best that you be prepared. It’s not a question of being willing to care for him. Eventually you won’t be able to, and I don’t want you to feel guilty.”
Ann looked away, her eyes brimming with tears.
Finally she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. “How long do you think I’ll be able to handle him?”
“That’s hard to say. Maybe a few months, maybe a few years.”
Ann left in a daze and spent several hours driving aimlessly around San Francisco, trying to gather the courage to return home. How could she face Phillip with this terrible new knowledge? Desperate for someone to talk with, she pulled into a service station and found a pay phone. But whom could she call? She thought a moment, looked at her watch, then dialed Adam’s office.
The receptionist answered.
“This is Ann Coulter. May I speak with Mr. Gayne?”
“I’ll see if he’s in. One moment, please.”
Please be in, she wanted to scream into the phone. Please be in. Please.
Adam was surprised by how unnerved he felt when his receptionist announced the call. He had achieved some degree of inner peace by banishing Ann from his thoughts, and by God he wasn’t going to lose it. He had longed for her and had lost her enough times already, and he wasn’t strong enough to go through it all again. Despising his weakness, he told his receptionist, “Marie … please tell Mrs. Coulter that I’m not available.”
Seasons of the Heart Page 35
