“You don’t understand, Jerard. Nicolai is a unique man. Our relationship is complex. I can’t explain it, but he’s good for me. I feel safe with him. I know he cares about me. He is challenging me so I can become a better artist.”
“And that makes it okay for him to hit you with a stick?” Jerard didn’t even try to hide the fury.
“He would never hurt me.”
“He did hurt you.” He was practically screaming.
“That’s just it, Jerard. It hurt at first, but then something happened. I don’t really understand my reaction, but I learned something from it. Nicolai gave me an experience that confirmed what I already suspected about myself. I know for sure now what I want.”
Jesus Christ, he was going to hyperventilate. His beautiful, innocent Julianne really was a submissive. She really did need a dominant lover. And Nicolai Stavros was seducing her.
“Are you his lover?”
“Of course not. He’s my teacher. For God’s sake, Jerard, he’s at least ten years older than me.”
“Eleven actually, but who’s counting?” He wasn’t about to let her brush him off. “What he did turned you on?”
“Oui, but not necessarily because it was Nicolai. I’ll admit I have a little crush on him, but who wouldn’t? Nicolai can have any woman he wants. I’ve seen the pictures. I can’t compete with that.”
Jerard didn’t like the ambiguity in Julianne’s answer and he despised the fact that she felt somehow inferior to Nicolai’s parade of groupies.
“I’ve told you one thousand times, Julí, you are an extraordinary woman. Do not underestimate your effect on men. All men, even players like Nicolai Stavros.”
He wanted to punch the wall at the thought that Julianne was so vulnerable. The Colonel sheltered her too much for her to be anything but naïve. And now she was locked away in that damn studio.
Except when Mr. Control-Freak-With-A-Stick lets her out.
He didn’t care what she said about age or experience. He understood the situation perfectly. After her reaction to that scene, Nicolai would want Julianne on her back. Or tied to a cross. Or across a padded bench. He couldn’t believe it hadn’t happened already.
He cursed under his breath. Julianne wasn’t prepared to take on a man like Nicolai Stavros. He had to protect her.
“Listen to me, Julí. This guy is not what he seems. He’s playing games with your mind. All of his rules and restrictions, he wants to control you. Punishing you like that is just another way to control you. You're not seeing him clearly. If you take off the rose colored glasses, you would see that you can't trust him. If you do, you could be really hurt. You could lose yourself to a man like that and he would just get off on it.”
“You make him sound like a monster.”
Jerard wanted to scream, “He is a monster,” but held his tongue. Julianne respected Nicolai. Putting him down would only make her resist what he was saying even more.
But she respected him too, didn’t she? After all, who did she turn to when she was confused about her sexuality?
She turned to him.
She trusted him.
Well, well, maybe two can play at Nicolai’s Dom-in-the-closet game.
“Do you trust me, Julianne?” he asked in his most commanding voice.
“Yes, Jerard. I do.”
Amazing how the change in my voice affects the tone of hers. “I think you understand exactly the type of man that Nicolai Stavros is and why you react to him the way you do. I remember what you told me before I left for the United States. Power exchange, dominance and submission, sadomasochism is all very seductive, but it can also be dangerous. Safe play requires open eyes. If you trust me, I can teach you what you want and need to know."
The words were actually Zachary’s, but they were appropriate enough for this conversation and it was easier for Jerard to parrot the more experienced Dom.
“Thank you, Jerard. I would like you to do that.”
He’d expected surprise at his implied admission, but her voice offered admiration instead. Power flowed through him an aphrodisiac.
“Good. Now promise me you will keep your distance from Nicolai.”
Julianne’s voice flared. “How am I supposed to do that? Assuming I’d even want to, which I don’t. I am NOT a little girl anymore.”
Oops. Pushed too fast. She's more attached to Nicolai than she'll admit. What did Zachary say to do when a sub rebels? Repeat expectations. Firm, clear commands. Give her a chance to obey.
“I did not say you were a little girl, Julianne. You are a woman, a smart and very beautiful woman. I apologize for not respecting the work you have to do at Nicolai’s studio, but I still expect you to listen to what I tell you. When you are there, pay attention to what he does and ask yourself why he is doing it. Do not assume he isn’t attracted to you. We will keep talking about what’s happening with him so I can be sure you are safe. I care about you and will not see you hurt.” The authority in his voice impressed even him.
Julianne reacted as well. “I will, Jerard. I promise. Please don’t be angry with me."
The sub voice again.
His conscience bristled. Until this moment, he hadn’t truly appreciated the Dom’s responsibility in a relationship. He thought the girls he played with were just acting a part as was he. Julianne was not acting. This was real. Manipulating her sincerity was wrong.
It was dangerous too. If she placed herself in his care, he would be responsible for her well-being. He wasn’t sure he could actually handle that responsibility. He decided to back off until he talked to Zachary about what to do next.
The Dom disappeared.
“I’m not angry. To be honest, Julí, I don’t know what Nicolai wants from you, but I have no reason to trust him. Just don’t shut me out and we’ll figure things out together. Can you do that for me?”
“I love you too much to shut you out. Thank you for caring so much about me.”
“I love you too, Julí.”
“You don’t have to worry about Nicolai, Jerard, I can never...” her words faded and silence came across the line. She didn’t finish the sentence. “It’s really late. Can we talk more tomorrow?”
He knew she never would.
*****
Nicolai had walked through the Dungeon hundreds of times, but tonight it seemed like the first.
So many familiar things had become unfamiliar since Julianne entered his life and he supposed this was just one more.
He spotted Jacques through the iron bars sitting with a pretty redheaded friend and grinned to himself. Jacques could not resist a woman with red hair. He’d hoped to speak to him alone, but he was already over an hour late. Even if Jacques didn’t want company, the women who frequented this club would harass him until he picked one. Or two. Nobody came here for a quiet drink.
As he snaked his way through the crowd in the Oubliette, several women put themselves in his path. A few he recognized. A few were new faces, or at least he thought so. Jacques and he had orchestrated scenes in this place where they saw everything about a woman except her face.
Nicolai shrugged and kept moving.
Jacques stood and kissed him on both cheeks without introducing his companion who sat silently in the banquette trying not to look at Nicolai and failing miserably.
“Staring is rude, pet. Put you head down on the table,” Jacques nonchalantly instructed over his shoulder.
She immediately obeyed.
Nicolai slid into the booth next to the motionless woman. It was moments like these when Jacques’s brand of dominance make him uncomfortable.
After he sat, Jacques took one look at his face and in the course of three seconds, said, “I’m always willing to share, but I can see that’s not why you’re here." He sent his new friend to go sit with her head down on the bar, telling her not to move until he joined her there.
“Thanks. Is she someone special?” Part of Nicolai hoped the answer was yes, but he doubted it.
“I gave up on special a long time ago, cousin.”
Nicolai knew that was a lie. Life really is a sadistic bitch. He hadn’t gone looking for Julianne, yet she entered his life and gifted him with a promise of love. Jacques, on the other hand, had been searching for “his Julianne” for years. And while most men in his shoes would settle for something less than their ideal, Jacques kept faith that he would find his perfect match. His cousin was surprisingly romantic, in his own unique way.
Jacques didn’t speak, but the eyes said, Talk. Now.
Nicolai ran a hand through his hair and put his trust in Jacques once again. He told Jacques what happened with Julianne in the studio and relayed his conversation with Darion. When he finished, Jacques put his elbows on the table and peered at him over steepled fingers.
“You expect me to be shocked, don’t you?”
“Of course, I was.”
“That’s because you…" one finger pointed in his direction, then returned to its upright position, "…are a blind fool. I’m not a bit surprised. I’ve known since the first time you described your mysterious apprentice that you would fall in love with her.”
Nicolai was stunned. Not because he hadn’t expected Jacques to be supportive. He had. He was stunned because hearing Jacques speak those words out loud made the possibility seem so real.
Could Jacques be right? Could I actually be falling in love?
The fact that he never allowed himself to believe in the happily-ever-after did not mean that he didn’t harbor an ideal for his perfect match. That he didn't imagine la femme exquise, picture every last detail with the full palette of his artist's imagination and dream of the bliss of sharing a life with her.
He nearly gasped out loud when his physical ideal walked, or should he say stomped, into his office all those months ago and stared right through him, admiring him like he was some sort of a god. He remembered the feeling as he fell into the violet of her adoring eyes. He had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep his hungry gaze from wandering over every luscious inch of his young apprentice. She was so fucking beautiful.
Since then, the attraction had only grown. Physicality aside, Julianne possessed a beguiling mix of qualities. On the one hand, she was talented, intelligent and ambitious. On the other, she was cultured, gentle and irresistibly compliant. He couldn’t have come up with that combination if he’d written a wish list. Actually, he had written a list, just never believed that one woman could embody it. Now that he’d met one who did, he wanted her.
All of her.
Every last exquisite bit of her.
“Stop running, Nico. I’m thrilled that you found her. God knows, if I thought I’d found my perfect woman, I wouldn’t be sitting here chatting with un crétin like you. What are you waiting for? Go get her.”
“And exactly how is this supposed to work, Jacques? ‘Come, Julianne, let me show you my playroom,’” Nicolai scoffed. “Have you forgotten that we’re talking about a girl with virtually no experience with sex? I’m not exactly a hearts and flowers fantasy.”
Jacques rolled his eyes. “Cut the self-deprecating crap. She’ll be fine. All she needs is direction. The fact that Julianne doesn’t truss herself up like a slut and prance through the Dungeon doesn’t mean she isn’t what you need. You deserve better than that anyhow.”
“Do I?”
“I’m not even gracing that with an answer.”
“But a novice? No, not just a novice. A complete innocent.”
“She can learn, Nico.”
God help him, he would be lost to Julianne forever if that turned out to be true. Nicolai ran his hand over his forehead.
“Her innocence is a gift. Think of her as a blank canvas and imagine what you could create with someone like her. You’re a visionary, Nico. Allow yourself to dream.”
Allow myself to dream. Have I found her? Have I found ma femme exquise? Have I found my muse?
The promise in Jacques’s words sank directly into his soul and cut away the doubt.
He wanted to believe.
He wanted to be loved.
He wanted Julianne Giroux.
And she was within his grasp. He only had to reach out and touch her, mold her, make her his own. After years in this lifestyle, he certainly had enough experience for both of them. And if he was honest, the fact that she was untouched, that she would belong to him and only him, thrilled the primal male who lurked beneath the sophisticated gentleman façade.
Nicolai allowed the dream of Julianne to consume him, firing his imagination and spurring him to move. He left the Dungeon the same way he entered it, but now, he was headed in an entirely new direction.
6
A New Direction
Streaming water blurred his vision through the glass.
Outside the wind blew steadily up the rue, forcing the heavy rain against the gallery doors. The few who ventured out struggled, heads bowed, toward their destinations. Nicolai stared into the rain, waiting for Julianne.
In retrospect, he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised that she bypassed every one of his emotional barriers. Without the expectation of a romantic entanglement, he left his emotional baggage at the door and willingly invited her into the private world of his studio. He’d never done that with a woman. Never even considered it. His studio was the only place where he went unguarded. Creating art, his only intimacy. Yet he shared it with her, again and again, without giving the effect so much as a passing thought. At exactly what point he began to rely on her presence he didn’t know, but found that he was only inspired to create when she was there and forced to fill his time with other tasks when she was absent. Now that he recognized the connection, he had to admit that he liked it. A lot.
Jacques was right. I am a blind fool.
And Darion? How many times had he listened to Darion wax on about the need for true love in life, filling his head with tales of finding completion with a soul mate? He thought Darion’s fairytale was complete bullshit, but now? He didn’t know what to think. It would explain why the thought of not having Julianne in his life made him sick to his stomach. Why he wanted her for his own with such a fierce lust that his whole body ached. Why he needed to see his beautiful muse turn the corner in the rain as much as he needed to take his next breath.
He owed them both thanks for their faith, clung to it while he pondered his future. For the first time in his life, he didn’t want the quick fuck. He wanted it all. But he had to be patient and methodical. Only one thing would capture the skittish creature he’d set his sights on: trust. And it would take time to build it.
Julianne’s mistily distorted figure rushing though the roaring storm jarred him from his musings. He shucked his suit jacket and pushed out into the rain to shield her from the pummeling sheets of water. When she emerged from under his jacket, her hair hung wet in her eyes. Water dripped off her chin as he peeled her drenched coat off her shoulders. She was soaked to the skin. A very tempting white cotton blouse clung to her breasts to reveal lace beneath the wet fabric.
So the demure lady likes lingerie. How telling.
He fought the urge to run his hand over the silky wetness of her chest and had to turn away from his Siren before his hands refused to obey him.
“I’m so wet,” Julianne giggled, declaring the obvious. “Absolutely soaked.”
As she combed her fingers through her hair to push it away from that flawless face, her body screamed with lush sensuality. How had he not seen it before? Julianne exuded sex even as she dripped rainwater all over the floor.
“So am I.” He shot her his best attempt at an annoyed look, the Dom in him wanting to scold her for venturing out in this downpour, but he simply couldn’t suppress the laughter. “Come here, you silly girl. Let me dry you off.”
He dragged her into his arms and began wiping her face with a damp handkerchief. She fit him perfectly. He relaxed with her nestled against him and allowed his whole body to feel the rightness of her in his arms. It was as if he was born to ca
re for this delicate woman. As if the disillusionment and cynicism of his life could float away on her gentle breath. As if he might finally have a chance at Darion’s fairytale of loving someone and being loved in return.
His heart ached at the thought that he wanted to hold her for...well, forever.
After a moment, he released her. “I have a gift.” He eased Julianne into a chair and disappeared into his office, only to return a moment later, holding a black box tied with a huge red bow. “For you.”
He’d chosen a stunning pair of black Christian Louboutin platform pumps. Beautiful, yet refined, their red soles adding the perfect hint of spice. Just like Julianne.
He wrapped a throw around her shoulders and stepped back to watch the reaction. His lips curled into a satisfied grin as she ripped off the bow and tossed the box top to the floor. Her delight at his gift pleased him more than he imagined.
Those perfect lips fell open. “Oh, sir.”
The breathy words had him contemplating less innocent ways to elicit them again.
“They’re gorgeous.” She ripped her eyes away from her treasure and stared at him in disbelief. “How did you know about my passion for shoes?”
“I can see past the façade,” he whispered in a velvet voice.
Kneeling in front of her, he slipped off one wet shoe, then the other. He raised her ankle and skimmed his fingers along the curve of her foot before removing one extravagant shoe from its box. With silent reverence, he guided the shoe over her toes and onto her foot. Then extended her leg and smoothed his palm up the back of her calf as he admired his handiwork.
“Parfaite,” he said and rested her foot against his knee before reaching down for the other shoe.
They passed the time together talking over coffee while Julianne dried off. She was giddy with the attention he lavished on her. She obviously thrived with caring and he felt guilty for his consistently harsh treatment of her. He would change that starting today. He planned to spoil this woman rotten and love every minute of it.
“Thank you for the shoes, sir. I adore them,” she said through her laughter.
Masterpiece (The Masters of The Order Book 1) Page 7
