by Taft, Nicole
“Why didn’t you want to use the necklace?” I asked as we walked, trying to shake off the feeling.
“Probably because it was meant to work with you,” Wolf said through a mouthful of jerky. He swallowed. “I don’t know what it is with humans and their fascination with flying, but as much as I’d like to get away, wolves have no desire to fly.”
“Get away?”
Wolf gobbled up the rest of the jerky and sucked on his fingers for a few minutes. “Yes. That’s what I saw in your eyes. You have a deep desire to disappear, my love, and yet last night you were afraid of being alone.”
That was it. The nail on the head. I tilted my head back and stared up at the forest canopy as it passed.
“When I was six,” I said quietly, “My sister Sasha gave my mother flowers she’d picked from the garden. My mom smiled, and said she loved them.”
Wolf turned his head to look at me.
“I thought, I could give her flowers, and I wouldn’t have to take them from mother’s garden. So I went out and picked dandelions and put them in a cup. And when I gave them to her, she took one look at them and said, ‘Oh no honey, these are just weeds,’ and she threw them out.”
For a long time neither of us spoke. I saw my mother in my mind, so casually tossing the golden dandelion blooms out the door before going back to doing whatever she’d been doing in the kitchen. I remembered well that crushed feeling. I couldn’t speak. All I could do at that age was walk away.
“That’s the way it was in my home,” I finally said. “I don’t know why. Maybe because Sasha was the first born and Brittany was the baby and I was just this person stuck in the middle. The other two required so much attention, Sasha wild and unpredictable, and Brittany just wanted everything all the time. I thought that maybe if I was good, if I didn’t cry or complain or ask for anything, my parents would notice me more.”
I thought on my sisters. They were much older now, of course, and weren’t the same, but it was too late now. Sasha was married with a baby on the way, and Brittany had a prestigious job; I was the odd one out, the ugly duckling who lurked in the woods, following after wolves.
He stared at me intently now, wondering where I was going with this.
“I tried so hard. The others would scream and cry and I sat there quietly, waiting my turn.” I paused and stared into the sky. “God, I was always waiting. Always.”
I went silent for a while, the only sound in the woods a bird warbling in the trees. Finally I worked up enough courage to speak.
“When I was little, maybe Marianne’s age, my family went for a hike in the woods. Nothing too serious, just a short hike up and back. My dad took us off the trail to a pretty little glen to have lunch, and I went off to play by myself. Sasha and Brittany were complaining of course, and so they left. And they forgot me.”
I laughed bitterly and wiped at my eyes. “They forgot me. How do you forget your own child? I was so young, I didn’t know where I was, and I was all alone in the woods, and I ran and ran, yelling for them, but no one came. It got dark, and I got cold, and I didn’t know what animals were out there making sounds. God, I was so scared.
“Just before it got too dark for me to see, a female wolf found me. I didn’t know what to do. I thought maybe she was a dog. A big white dog. She just walked around me for a while. And then she came up to me and sniffed me and licked my hands. And then she laid down right beside me, and that’s how I made it through the night.”
I sucked in a breath. I didn’t want to remember. I didn’t want to tell. “When they found me the next morning, these stupid, stupid people they brought together for a search party, they woke us both up, and the female wolf—I think she wanted to protect me. Maybe she lost a cub, I don’t know,” I choked on a sob, “but she growled at them and they thought she was going to hurt me and I yelled at them to stop, but a man shot her. Shot her in the head and she died.” Hot tears rolled down my face and the pathway blurred. I stopped walking. “I was so angry. I yelled at them and screamed and threw rocks and they all stood around like a bunch of idiots and I ran up to that man and I bit his hand as hard as I could…”
For a few minutes I couldn’t speak. I remembered the mess of brain and bone scattered over the leaves, the dark blood matting her beautiful white fur. Sinking my teeth into the meat of the strange man’s hand. I remembered the taste of his blood. Finally I calmed down and continued.
“Then they took me home. And my parents were so happy and they paid so much attention to me and I felt so special…”
“Then why should you want to disappear?” Wolf asked, his voice quiet. He’d stopped as well, his full attention on me.
I laughed again, wiping my eyes and nose. “Because it didn’t last. For three months, I was their special girl, back from the lost woods. But then Sasha got into trouble with her antics and Brittany wanted things, and I was alone again. I was so angry at them for forgetting me, and then ignoring me again like nothing had ever happened. Like I hadn’t almost died and I hadn’t seen an animal killed right in front of my eyes when she was only trying to help. When my parents broke up, I thought that would be my chance to be important. For them to finally see me. Because I was one of their precious children. But I guess it wasn’t that big of a deal to them because nothing changed with my mother, and then my father remarried and I had a step-brother, Alex. And a boy meant a son for my dad.
“So finally I stopped trying. When I was old enough, I stopped trying to show them I was strong or special or smart. I mean, I kept doing good things for me, like getting good grades and all. But there were times when I would just walk away to see if anyone noticed I was gone. Just disappear, you know? Slip away when no one was looking. I did it to everyone. I did it to friends. I’d leave parties, walk home in the dark. Not the smartest thing to do, I know, but I did it anyway. Because I was gone. That’s when I was important.”
I thought about my disappearing acts, how sometimes they worked, sometimes no one ever noticed. Except one person always asked where I’d gone if I left a place he was at. Alex. The one person to look each and every time. At least I had him to file a report on me back home. He wouldn’t be able to find me here.
I let out a shaky sigh. I shouldn’t have been doing therapy with Wolf. Marianne was somewhere out there still, being dragged away from everything she knew by some magically created phantom. I closed my eyes. He stood close, listening to every word.
“But you.” I reached out to touch his face. “A strange man…half-wolf. I’ve known you for a few days and yet you’ve always come looking for me.” My voice dropped a whisper. “And you’ve always found me.”
“I will always look for you,” Wolf said, his eyes gold and burning, “and I will always find you. Because you’re more important when you’re here.”
“I’m sorry for being so much trouble.” I smiled faintly. “You won’t have to look for me again.”
He pulled me to him and kissed me, slow and long. And I kissed him back. A crazy man. A crazy wolf. Whatever he was. I kissed him anyway. When he pulled back his eyes had returned to normal. We began walking again.
“By the way,” I said, “what did you do with the necklace?”
“I was going to throw it in a lake,” Wolf said. “But before I got to one, it flew away.”
A disbelieving snicker escaped me. “It flew away?”
“Up, out of my pocket, and away back to the town. No doubt returning to its mistress.”
I shook my head. “That necklace was supposed to help me.” The witch had said to keep the right desire at the forefront at all times. Oops. “Instead I fly into harpies and end up sleeping with you.”
“Oh, we didn’t sleep, sweet Caroline.”
“I know that,” I said, trying not to think of his skin against mine. Then it hit me. The witch never said anything about the necklace exclusively helping me find Marianne. I’d spilled my guts to Wolf the next morning thanks to that necklace. Told him things I’d never spoken aloud
to anyone. Things I’d never told my parents because I knew they would dismiss me or ignore me or go into denial about it. So I ran. I ran away, far away from everyone to be on my own, finally finding solace in the woods and the wolves. And what did I do in the end? Cry to a wolf about everything, and for once I didn’t feel so alone.
I was pretty sure I was fucked up.
While I pondered my slightly broken childhood and my response to it, Wolf frolicked ahead, swinging around trees and occasionally jumping around me with a grin on his face. I’d never seen a grown man leap around with such abandonment and figured in my world I probably never would. If I did, it would have looked completely bizarre, yet here watching Wolf, it seemed completely natural. His wolf side was happy and full of energy. Finally he jumped behind me, wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the ground in a big hug. I shouted in surprise, but couldn’t help but laugh. His spirit was contagious. Then he put me down again and let out an excited sigh that sounded partly like a playful growl.
“I feel so alive. Don’t you my sweet Caroline?”
“I’m fine…thanks.” I did feel good, but I wasn’t about to start jumping around in the same way. “How far away do you think we are from Marianne? We…I wasted a whole day we could have been looking for her.”
Wolf stopped in the middle of the path and inhaled long and deep. “Oh.” He inhaled again, his eyes wide…wild. “I smell sheep.”
“Focus, babe.”
He grinned. “Sorry.” He took another breath.
“God, it’s like I had sex with you and now you’re all crazy,” I said, keeping my voice low. He glanced at me and his eyes flashed gold-red. I still didn’t like the red.
“Oh it’s not just you my heart,” he said, “the full moon is coming tomorrow. It’s going to be so big and bright and beautiful in the sky…”
So that’s why he was acting so weird. He’d gotten laid and the moon was on the cusp of being full. I got the feeling that was like giving an ADD kid a bunch of Skittles.
“But the girl. The girl,” he said, the words practically tumbling out of his mouth, “Miss Marianne, Marianne, little Marianne, lamb fleecy white…”
Holy crap. “Wolf!”
“Yes. Sorry my succulent sweet…and you are succulent,” he stared at me for a second, running his tongue over his lower lip. A sharp tingle ran down my spine. Then he seemed to recover. “But she’s far ahead. I’d say a day’s walk. If they stop somewhere, perhaps we can catch them. The magic may very well need time to replenish itself. ”
“How?”
“Either from a source or its master.”
Suddenly Wolf froze, his nostrils flaring. He narrowed his eyes, staring down the path in the direction we’d come from.
“Someone is coming.”
“Someone bad?”
“I don’t know. I don’t like the scent. I didn’t catch it before because he’s upwind.”
“He?”
Wolf sniffed again and then huffed out his nose. “He smells a little bit like you.”
“What?”
“But he’s carrying metal,” he continued, ignoring my question. “Sharp metal. Metal that kills wolves.”
“Silver?”
“What? No. Just…” He shrugged in exasperation like he didn’t know how to explain it any clearer. “Metal that’s been sharpened to a point.”
“You can smell that?”
“Can’t you smell wood when it’s being sharpened?”
I opened my mouth and then closed it. Yes, actually, anyone could smell freshly cut wood.
“Come.” Wolf snatched up my hand. “He’s getting close.”
We ducked off the side of the path and hid amongst a clump of ferns. I wanted to know what was so dangerous, but considering what I’d gotten myself into the past few days, I trusted Wolf this time.
We waited amidst the foliage on the ground. For several minutes we saw nothing, and I started to wonder if maybe Wolf had made a mistake. Then a man appeared around the curve of the path. He was dressed head to toe in black, a canvas sack slung over one shoulder and a quiver of bolts over another. He held a crossbow in his hands. My heart hammered in my chest. Who the hell was this guy?
He crept forward, inching back the string and slipping a bolt into the bow. His gaze darted from the marks on the path to places in the brush and the trees. Was he looking for something? I tried not to breathe. Was he looking for us? How could that be possible? Unless he worked for whatever sent the phantasm after Marianne. The thought gave me pause. Hadn’t she mentioned men in black outfits? She said they were kind of mean, but who were they?
He paused at a place on the trail. He looked familiar, but his hat obscured his face and I couldn’t get a straight look at him through the ferns. He stood there for much too long. Not far from us, examining the trail. We hadn’t covered our tracks. If he was after us, he would see them leaving the road. He crept closer.
Wolf emitted a faint growl, and before I could stop him, he leaped off the ground and lunged at the man. The stranger spun and fired, but he’d swung too hard and his aim was off. The bolt sank into a tree and he crashed onto the ground, Wolf on top of him. He wrestled Wolf off and rolled to his feet to face him. He stared, his eyes going wide in shock and fear as he realized what he was dealing with before Wolf came at him again, crashing into him and grabbing the collar of his jacket. But in that moment I got a good look at his face.
I couldn’t believe it.
His back slammed into a tree. He tried to shove Wolf off, who was trying to bite him with a mouth of sharp fangs, his red eyes glowing.
I came to my senses and ran at them, trying to wrestle them apart.
“Stop! Stop it!”
I pulled at Wolf’s coat, relief flooding me when Wolf shoved him away and backed off. I held tightly to Wolf’s jacket, gaping at the only other man who ever made any effort to find me. My step-brother, Alex.
Chapter 10
I couldn’t believe it. Alex was here. Alex. He stood against a tree, breathing hard, dressed in some strange getup; black pants, black vest, white dress shirt, and a long black coat like Wyatt Earp wore in the Wild West. The black hat of similar fashion was what really threw me off. Alex didn’t wear hats unless he was out hunting. I hadn’t even recognized him until Wolf had him backed against the tree. He held an intricately carved crossbow in one hand, a quiver of silvery bolts slung around on his back.
“Caroline, what the hell is going on around here?” Alex shouted.
Beside me, Wolf snarled, sounding very nearly like a real wolf.
“Stop! That’s my step-brother.”
He growled. His upper and lower canines had extended, his eyes glowed redder than I’d ever seen. I stepped closer to him.
“Caroline,” Alex said, a warning.
“Shh.”
I took Wolf’s face in my hands and forced him to look at me. I murmured to him, staring at his ruby red eyes and stroking his hair. He began breathing more slowly, his canines retreating to their normal size.
“Jesus fucking Christ Caroline, what the hell are you doing?” Alex asked behind me, his voice a mix of worry and disgust.
I ignored him and kept focusing on Wolf. I kissed his forehead, continuing to run my fingers through his hair. Finally he heaved a sigh, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, they shifted back to gold, and then faded into hazel.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “Trust me.”
I knew he would obey, but he kept his frown and glared at Alex, who stared at us with horrified fascination.
“Now,” I said, feeling like we could finally do things normally, “Alex, why are you here?”
He flinched as if I’d just asked him the most unfathomable question in the world. “Why am I here? Why am I here? I was following you! You stopped using your radio and I got worried, so I went to that wolf den you’ve been talking about for the past three weeks and picked up your trail and somehow I ended up here. And I don’t even know whe
re the hell here is!” He waved his arms around in a mildly crazy fashion.
“Liar,” Wolf snarled, unable to contain himself any longer. He pointed at Alex. “You wear the black coat of the wolf killers. You’re a Sentry for the House of Hood.”
I grabbed Wolf’s arm. “Whoa, Wolf—”
“What, this?” Alex’s face filled with scorn. “Some crazy old lady gave this to me back in some village.”
“You tried to kill me.”
“You jumped at me out of the fucking bushes, buddy. And you’ve got red eyes and fucking fangs. Of course I tried to kill you.”
Wolf bared his teeth in response. “You’re a hunter. I can smell it. I can smell the blood on you, the rabbits, the deer, the birds.”
“All right,” I said loudly. I kept my grip on Wolf’s coat, afraid that if I let go he’d go ballistic again.
“What of it?” Alex said, unwilling to back down.
Wolf paused. He seemed to be picking apart information in his brain, things he’d gathered from Alex’s scent.
“You smell like wolves…not a lot, but some…and it’s mixed with Caroline.”
“That’s only because that’s where she was when she went missing, and that’s where I went.”
Wolf breathed in a few more times. “You don’t kill wolves.” A statement, not a question.
“What? Of course I don’t kill wolves. They’d throw my ass in jail for that. And then Caroline would scratch my eyes out.”
Finally both men shut up. I looked back and forth between them.
“All right,” I said again. “I think we can safely establish that my brother is not a Sentry for the House of Hood. I think he must have met the same old witch that we did.”
