by Hadley Quinn
Trying to be somewhat of a gentleman, I slowly separated our bodies. I gave her one last kiss and allowed myself a chance to catch my breath. Clare seemed breathless too, and she swallowed before she exhaled.
“Was I too much?” she asked. “I’m sorry, I just…” She took a couple of steps away and let out a breath of air again. “Good grief…”
I didn’t know what that meant, but I gave her a few seconds to gather her wits. I knew mine were blown to smithereens at the moment; if she felt anything like I did, I could understand her need for distance.
“Were you too much what?” I asked.
She faced me again and crossed her arms over her chest like she was nervous. “Too much. Overbearing. Did I come on too strong? I’m sorry, Matt.”
Okay, I’d been the one that pulled away, so I was starting to understand how she was reading this.
I stepped closer to her and took her hands in mine. “I’m just trying not to take all of your clothes off right now,” I lightly laughed. “That’s all. You did nothing wrong, Clare. I’m trying to respect whatever it is we have between us and take it a bit slower. Am I over thinking this?”
She smiled, seeming relieved. Damn, I didn’t mean to make her feel unwanted. I felt like a complete asshole.
“I understand what you mean,” she nodded. “I agree. It’s just that… Matt, do you not realize…?”
“Do I not realize what?”
With a dainty laugh she shook her head. Running her fingers through her hair, she smiled, and then leaned forward and kissed me again. “Thank you so much for tonight. I had an amazing time with you.”
“Burned chicken was amazing? Wow, I can’t wait to see what you think of an actual date.”
She tilted her head as her eyes studied me inquisitively. “A date?”
With a nod, I reached for the front door. “Yep. Well, if you’ll go out with me sometime.”
She paused, and I thought for a moment she was trying to think of an excuse to tell me no. But she nodded and replied, “I would love that. I just need to plan ahead for a time David can watch the girls.”
I arched an eyebrow at her. “And why David?” My territorial tone betrayed my goal of remaining indifferent.
She laughed and said, “Because he’s the only friend that cares enough to put up with them when they cry all the time. And he lives in Hayward, so it’s a half hour drive for him. It needs to be on his night off.”
“Well maybe we’ll just take them with us if he can’t?”
Her shoulders relaxed and the worry on her face turned into appreciation. “That’s so sweet of you but… I would seriously like some time without them.”
I couldn’t argue with her on that. She definitely had her hands full and I was probably an ignorant jerk for even mentioning the idea of toddlers out on a date with us. I just didn’t want that to hold her back from saying yes if she wanted me to take her out.
“Okay, give me an evening you’re free and I’ll make some plans.”
“Okay, that sounds nice,” she nodded.
“Goodnight, Clare.”
“Goodnight, Matt. Thank you for everything.”
I probably could have dragged out my departure. Probably could have convinced her to make out with me a bit longer. But I headed back to my house, ready to jump in a cold shower. I was burning up, not just from my make-out session with Clare, but just thinking about doing it again. And soon. And…with more to it.
I sat on my porch for a few minutes when I got home. I needed a cigarette to calm me down. It wasn’t a minute later when I got a text from Clare.
Clare: Do you not realize how attracted to you I am… That’s what I was going to say
My heart started to pound again. Damn it, just when I’d started to calm down a bit. But seeing those words thrilled me, and I felt like a bit of the wall of restraint crumbled away.
Me: Then why didn’t you?
I waited for a reply as I finished up my cigarette. By the time I hit the bathroom to get ready for bed, she’d texted back.
Clare: Because I didn’t want it to be one-sided
I dropped onto my bed as I thought that over. I didn’t believe she was insecure; she was just protective of herself and her situation. That was totally understandable. I didn’t know a lot about her, but I wanted to, and whatever it was that she shared with me, I knew I would be okay with it. She just had that kind of aura to her.
Me: Well it definitely goes both ways, beautiful
Given the chance, I would have gone back to her house to pick up where we left off. I think. I mean I wanted to, but maybe things ended the way they were supposed to for the time being. I still felt like my life was in limbo sometimes. I’d reach moments where I believed I was moving ahead, getting past everything that happened with Aubrey, then something would remind me of her—something stupid like the pale yellow walls she insisted on painting the bathroom.
And especially that damn orchid on the front porch. Every time that thing pained me, I wanted to toss it in the garbage or rip it apart petal by petal. But I just couldn’t make myself do it. Why was letting go so hard? To an outsider—even to Trent, who knew me the best—I looked like a spineless guy that let a girl walk all over him. Although that may be true, people just didn’t understand the situation I was in unless they’d experienced it themselves, or unless they had enough compassion and objectivity to look at the whole picture.
Yes Aubrey cheated on me, and yes I forgave her almost immediately. It hurt like hell that it happened, but nobody is perfect. I’d like to think that there was someone out there for me that would treat me with the same amount of mercy, and I believed that was how love worked. If you truly love someone, you’ll find a way to make it work.
Yeah, I’ve listened to countless people say shit like “once a cheater, always a cheater,” or “how could you ever trust her again?” Well for one, they aren’t in my shoes and don’t get to decide who I forgive; and another, I feel it’s far easier to forgive someone than it is to hold on to resentment. We all fuck up. Who’s to say which mistakes don’t deserve another chance?
It doesn’t matter anyway. Aubrey was gone, and for whatever reason, she’d decided to not keep in contact with me. Fine, if she was happy with what’s-his-dick, I’m not going to fight it anymore. I’d spent the last year holding on to hope that she’d see what she left behind, but apparently I’m only a fool for believing that.
My phone alerted me with another text, so I grabbed it from the nightstand.
Clare: I can’t stop thinking about you
Clare: Do you realize what an amazing kisser you are?
Clare: Now I’m wet again…
Good God! Now how was that supposed to help me get to sleep at night? She gave me an instant hard-on.
Me: Well maybe you should do something about it
Clare: I would, but I don’t think it’d be as good as how I imagine it with you.
Well hell. If she was fantasizing about having sex with me, that just wasn’t fair. I’d been trying not to think about it.
Me: You mean you don’t have the tools to compete with my equipment?
Clare: I don’t believe so. I don’t think anything COULD compete. Could it?
This woman was going to kill me. Here I was in bed—naked, that is—and she was sexting me from four houses down. I should just show up at her front door and convince here that this kind of thing was just like an invitation. But…
Clare: I’m waiting
9
Well damn it, she was waiting. I was out of my bed and dressed within eight seconds flat, and it took me less than a minute to get out the door and down to her house. She was even standing at the front door with a sassy little smirk on her face, but I stepped into the doorway so I was chest to chest with her and backed her up into the house.
“What took you so long?” she asked, already seeming breathless. I was the one that had jogged down here, but she was already short of breath?
Well I gu
ess that was a bit of an ego booster.
I responded with a short laugh as I quietly shut the door behind me. “A minute? I think that’s pretty damn good.”
She smiled while she stared at me for a few seconds. God, she was gorgeous, and if it wasn’t enough that she’d invited me back for a second round, she was the one that kissed me first this time. I guess we were beyond those cumbersome first steps because this time it felt expected, accepted, and just…natural.
“I really didn’t want you to leave the first time,” she said softly as our lips worked against each other and my hands were sliding up her tank top to her waist. “I’m sorry that was a bit…awkward.”
I would have replied, but she was right, and if I said anything further, I was afraid it’d turn into another conversation. I really didn’t want to have a conversation right now.
Clare tightened her hold on me, kissing me harder, so I went with my instincts and slid my hands behind her ass to pick her up. She wrapped her legs around me and I walked us down the hall to her bedroom.
If there was anything surprising about Clare, it was that she had a fiery passion to her that took over. It matched the way I felt as we stripped clothes off and frantically absorbed ourselves against each other’s skin. I pinned her hands to the bed as she wrapped her legs around me. Her lips were parted and her chest was heaving for air as I stared into the depths of her eyes. Those eyes were entry to her soul, and I could see so many things there that spoke to me, I just didn’t know what they meant.
She moved me in a way that I couldn’t explain.
I kissed along her collarbone and between her breasts, still holding her hands against the bed. Her body arched when my tongue teased a nipple, and my teeth toyed with it lightly to test her preferences.
She liked it.
Moving down, I kissed her soft stomach. Her skin was heavenly; supple and silky and I just wanted to sink my fingers and lips into it all night long. My dick was rock hard, but I couldn’t continue without getting a taste of her. Aubrey would rarely ever let me go down on her, I was never sure why, and because I didn’t know Clare that well, I wasn’t aware of her likes and dislikes just yet. I wanted to just enjoy this physical connection with her but my fucking brain was fighting against me. I didn’t want to think about past experiences, but because I was with someone new after five years, I honestly felt out of the game.
Knowing I could seriously ruin this moment with Clare, I tried to push the guilt and worry of being with someone else out of my head. My brother was right; I needed to stop wallowing in my own self-pity and live my life a bit more. I’d met a beautiful, sweet, amazing woman and had her naked in bed. I wanted her—I seriously wanted to be inside her—and the way Clare responded to me, I could tell she wanted that too.
My lips carefully made their way along her thigh. The inhale of air she took was sexy and the movement of her body encouraged my decision to trek toward her center. My tongue swirled around her clit, and after the moan of approval, I used my lips to suck and tease, my fingers sliding inside of her.
“Oh God, Matt…”
Jesus. The sound of my name coming out of her mouth…
“Don’t stop,” she barely whispered.
Keeping my fingers inside her, I moved up her body so I could kiss her mouth, allowing her to get a taste of herself while I still stroked her rhythmically. Hell, maybe that wasn’t a good idea because the way she kissed me was all sorts of fucking hot.
She protested when I pulled myself away from her for just a second to grab a condom from my wallet, but when she saw my intent, she sat up and took it from me. The way she took over like that was totally captivating and my eyes never left her face as I watched her perform such a simple yet intimate act. Our kissing commenced and I laid her down on the bed again, eager to follow through with what she was now hinting at with her body language.
“I want you inside me, Matt.”
And the English language.
Her knees were already open, waiting for my entry, and her hands slid over my ass to pull me closer until my dick was pressed against her.
“Clare?” I found myself saying. I knew that no matter how badly I wanted this physically, I was still going to second-guess myself. Having that need and desire apparent on her face told me it was going to happen, but I just needed to make sure.
“Yeah?” she answered breathily.
She was waiting for my response, but what had I even planned on saying? Um, excuse me but…are you really sure you want this? Yeah, probably not going to work because she’ll question me wanting her and then…
Yeah, not gonna go there.
“You’re beautiful,” I told her.
The anticipation of hearing something drastic disappeared from her face and she smiled somewhat timidly. “Thank you, Matt. So are you. I mean, in a guy sort of way, you know? Okay, we’ve already established this,” she lightly laughed. “You’re extremely sexy and right now I’m having a hard time being patient because of how badly I want you and—”
And nothing. I crushed my lips against hers and it became a passionate assault of tongues tangling and hands grasping for flesh. One second I was right at her entrance and the next I was balls fucking deep inside of her. Based on our first few interactions, it was not how I pictured this kind of union to be with Clare—if I had actually allowed myself to imagine it back then—but holy shit it was frantic and desperate. The bed was hitting the wall and the sounds coming out of her mouth—okay, and mine—were a bit loud and animalistic.
I fucked her until I could feel her tighten around my cock, her nails biting into my back and her teeth against my shoulder. I could feel the sweat building on my back and the heat between us was tangible as I noticed strands of her hair stuck to her damp forehead. It was surprising that she’d been rocked by an orgasm so quickly, but maybe I’d just lost consciousness for a bit and hadn’t realized we’d been going at it for a while.
She traded places with me and straddled my waist. When you can just lie there and admire a beautiful naked body on top of you while feeling all the enjoyment of your cock being worked over…it’s the best fucking thing ever. I would have closed my eyes longer to take in the simple pleasure of our bodies joined, but watching Clare was just as enjoyable. There was something about her…like she was confident and willing to make things the best they could be, but at the same time, I could sense a vulnerability…something that told me she may be way more complex than what I would assume.
Yeah, I really was thinking all those things while she got me off. I’m an artist, for Christ’s sake. I’m always looking at things from a deeper perspective. There’s always something more profound than what is on the surface. I found myself physically and emotionally mesmerized by this woman, and even though I still had a bit of doubt that I was doing the right thing, I felt like we both needed this, needed each other—whether it be friendship, friends with benefits, neighbors with benefits…
Hell, I didn’t know what this was going to be.
She took up a spot next to me on the bed while we both caught our breath. She didn’t cuddle with me, didn’t want me to spoon her, didn’t want to “talk” about things… We just laid there for a minute in silence.
Clare got up without a word and put a couple pieces of clothing on. Then she left the room.
I sat up, needing to dispose of the condom, but was a bit baffled by her sudden silent departure. I found my way to the bathroom, cleaned up a bit, and then slipped my clothes back on. She returned to the bedroom as I was putting my shoes back on.
“Little rot, can’t keep that one asleep all night.”
I raised my eyebrows, assuming she was talking about one of the girls, but I hadn’t heard a peep.
“Mia wakes up every night and just sits in her bed playing with her stuffed animals,” she informed me.
I partially smiled, picturing that ornery little smile on the kid’s face while doing something rebellious. “She’s a bit of a mystery?” I asked.
>
“Mia? Well, she definitely keeps me on my toes. Sadie sleeps through the night, but Mia has always been the one to refuse naps or sleep less than her sister.”
I nodded as I slipped my other shoe on where I sat on the edge of the bed. The twins definitely carried different dominant traits. Sadie was definitely the doer, a leader and a go-getter. Mia was the thinker, always seeming to stand back and observe things first. I wondered how much of those characteristics were innate and how much was a product of their environment.
“You don’t have to leave,” Clare spoke, sitting on the bed near the pillows. She tucked her legs under her and watched me carefully.
I cleared my throat, not sure how to respond. I hadn’t wanted to be presumptuous; I think I was just trying to be polite. “Well, I wasn’t sure if, uh, well…if you were comfortable with that or because of the girls or…”
She shrugged but held a tiny smile on her lips. “The girls are under two. They won’t exactly know what a sleepover is.”
I lightly laughed with agreement. “Yeah, okay,” I nodded. “But still, I didn’t want to assume it was fine.”
All she did was continue to look at me, and because I was fully dressed and Clare was just there in her panties and tank top, it kind of did feel like I was doing a hump-and-run. But after I thought it over for a minute, I decided it was probably the better choice right now.
Glancing at the clock I said, “I need to get up in five hours, so I should probably head out. Long day and a late night; I’ll be mixing some tracks at the studio later.”
“You have two totally contrasting careers, you know?” she chuckled. Tucking her knees up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around her legs.
“Yeah, tell me about it,” I agreed. “Early morning hours for building houses, working every bit of daylight there is…and then late hours with the night owls.”
