Always Be the ONE

by Hadley Quinn

  I really couldn’t move without moving someone else, so I carefully slipped out from under Mia’s head, and before Clare dropped on top of her, I grabbed a throw pillow to stick under her and gently lowered her to it.

  I was shocked that no one woke up.

  However, I was a bit hesitant to just leave them all there and go to bed. That would have been a bit selfish of me. Instead, I grabbed a fold-out mat that I had in the spare bedroom/office and laid it down on the floor with a couple of pillows and blankets. I actually woke Clare up and had her come down and lay with me, and she was shocked she’d fallen asleep. But after she made sure both girls were okay and covered, she nestled down on the floor beside me.

  I watched ESPN until I fell asleep too. I have no idea what time Mia ended up on the floor with us, and then another while later, Sadie. All four of us were squeezed together on a twin-sized mat on the floor. When daylight hit, it was no surprise that I woke up to both little girls sprawled out on the carpet, completely off the mat.

  It amused me. I mean a night babysitting that turned out really well, my brother getting used to Mia and Sadie, and then all three girls end up at a sleepover with me.

  I wondered if that added to my girls-at-the-bachelor-pad reputation.

  “Oh my gosh,” I heard Clare whisper when she stirred. “How in the hell…?”

  I smiled when she sat up, looking at the displaced bodies all over my living room. Mia and Sadie were still sound asleep.

  “How in the world was I out like that?” she asked, combing her hair down with her fingers. “Wow, I am so sorry.”

  “Sorry for what? No big deal. Everyone’s safe and sound.”

  “Wow,” she repeated, shaking her head. “I guess I was exhausted last night.”

  “How’d dinner and drinks go?” I asked.

  “Well before you think alcohol did that,” she motioned to the floor and the fact that she’d been dead asleep, “I only had one margarita early in the night.”

  “Ha, well that’s not what I was referring to. How’d it go with your future boss and co-workers?”

  She slowly shrugged. “It went really well. I liked all of them and they seemed to like me. It was fun.”

  “Yeah? That’s good.” I was pleased to hear that because Clare had been really hesitant to accept the invite from the school’s superintendent and two other teachers. “So you think you’ll like the job there?”

  “I really hope so. It’s better than the daycare I’ve been working at.”

  They’d also been cutting her hours back, which I thought was shitty. I couldn’t imagine another daycare teacher that would be better than Clare.

  “I really need to use the bathroom,” she said as she stood. I watched her head down the hall, and I’d completely forgotten about the mess in there until I heard her say, “Holy Jesus, what happened in here?”

  I made my way down there, and she currently couldn’t get the door closed because of all the “toys” and towels everywhere.

  “Uh, yeah, the girls had bath time.”

  She gave me a funny look, scared almost, and then I suddenly felt insecure. Maybe she didn’t want a man bathing her kids. I hadn’t even thought about it, but with so many awful cases of sex abuse, I suddenly felt like I was being interrogated.

  “Shit, I guess I should have asked,” I said. “I’m really sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I didn’t even, like, wash them or anything, they were just dirty from outside so I let them play in the bath—”

  “Matt, Jesus, no, I’m not—I didn’t even… I didn’t even go there. God, I trust you. I’m just surprised you got them in the bath, that’s all. They hate bath time.”

  Well I was struck dumb. “Really? They freaking loved it.”

  She stared at me wide-eyed.

  “What?” I asked.

  Shaking her head she answered, “What is it about you?”

  “Excuse me?”

  Chuckling she looked around the disaster of a bathroom. “You have a way with them, that’s all. I’m just…blown away. And I’m sorry about…all of this,” she scoffed. “I’ll clean it up for—”

  “No, no, it’s okay,” I laughed. “Seriously, Clare. It’s just towels that can be washed and…junk.”

  She bit back a smile as she picked up the golf ball and handed it to me. “Don’t miss your next tee-off.”

  “Well it was a good idea until it got chucked at my face,” I smiled.

  Laughing, she scooted the towels out of the way with her foot. “I won’t warn you about the soft-toys-only rule since you learned the hard way.” She winked at me as she shut the door between us.

  Yeah, the bathroom looked twice as bad seeing it this morning. I didn’t really care what it looked like last night; I was just stoked I accomplished such a feat.

  “Matt,” I heard my name from the living room.

  I paused in the hallway, wondering if I was just hearing things, or if my brother was in my house trying to sound like a baby. But when I got to the front room, Mia was standing there, looking like she was about to cry.

  “Oh, shh, shh,” I hushed her. “Don’t wake up Sadie.” I put my finger to my lips.

  Her bottom lip was trembling as she looked around my house. I’m sure it was scary waking up here instead of her own room. She lifted her arms toward me so I picked her up and held her against my chest as I walked to the kitchen.

  “You want some juice?” I asked quietly, trying to keep her calm. “Mommy’s in the bathroom—eh, going potty. Let’s get some juice.”

  I didn’t have sippy cups or anything kid-friendly, but I found a plastic cup to help her drink out of. All I had was orange juice, so I only gave her an ounce of that to be safe. It did the trick and she stayed quiet, just as Clare came down the hall.

  “Oh, who is up first?” she whispered with an excited smile, pretending to tickle Mia. “Good morning, sunshine.”

  “Momma,” she grinned as Clare nuzzled her face. “Matt.”

  Clare froze, staring at her, and then looked at me. “You taught her to say your name?”

  “Not me. She said it when I was down by the bathroom door. That’s how I knew she was up.”

  “She said your name?”

  All I could do was nod.

  Facing Mia again, she smiled. “Did you say Matt’s name?” she ticked her again. “Oh, you’re getting your favorites down, aren’t you.”

  “Her favorites?”

  Clare nodded. “At daycare they’ve been picking out their ‘favorite’ things; colors, flavors, animals…stuff like that. People. We encourage them to learn pronunciation of those things first. I guess she’s heard your name enough. All those times we have girl time, talking about you,” she teased.

  “Well, I am the subject of many female conversations,” I joked back. She practically snorted, which made me shove her away defensively. “Hey, don’t mock me.”

  “Not mocking you,” she held up her hands. “You’re just so damn sexy when you act all suave like that.”

  I feigned seriousness when I eyed her. “Don’t be jealous.”

  “I am jealous,” she smiled. “Very, very jealous.” She looked at Mia and said, “Do you want to go potty?”

  Mia fervently shook her head no.

  “Did you already go potty in your diaper?” Clare asked.

  Mia didn’t answer.

  “That’s a yes,” she sighed.

  “I guess I did notice she smelled a little pissy,” I said. “Sorry, I should have asked.”

  “Not your job,” Clare chuckled lightly as she took Mia from my arms. “Let’s get you in some undies, huh?”

  She walked with Mia to the other room as I stood there feeling a bit dejected. She hadn’t said anything intentionally mean—she was only reminding me that it was her job as a mom to take care of those things—but it bothered me in a way.

  There was a reason for that, and I needed to do some serious pondering…

  21

  What do you call thos
e moments in life when circumstances collide and it causes a serious shift in your world? There had to be a word for it, or a phrase other than “just my luck.”

  Two days later, I’d gone for a walk with Clare and the girls after work, and just as we strolled up to my house on our return, Aubrey pulled into my driveway. It wasn’t like it was an “oh shit” moment for me, it was more like a “shit or get off the pot” kind of moment.

  Clare must have sensed who Aubrey was right away, and all she did was politely tell me goodnight and head the rest of the way home by herself. I told her I’d text her in a little bit, but I wasn’t sure if she heard me.

  Aubrey surely did, and she eyed Clare as she came across the lawn. She finally looked at me and said, “If you’re busy I can come back.”

  Obviously I wasn’t busy anymore, it was just a snide comment, but I motioned her toward the house and said, “What’s up?”

  She stared at me for several seconds before she shrugged. “I just…wanted to see you. To talk. About the other day, actually. To apologize again if I need to?”

  “You don’t need to apologize.” I opened the front door and we both entered. “I told you, I’m just not ready to move ahead with you right now. That’s all.”

  She paused again, but I knew what was coming. “It has nothing to do with the pretty neighbor you’re obviously friends with?”

  “Are you asking if Clare is the reason for me to not trust you?” I answered. I knew it was rude, but fuck, if she was getting territorial on me, I had a serious problem with that.

  My dig hit her instantly and she frowned. “Fine, I deserve that.”

  “I wasn’t meaning to hurt you, I’m just being upfront.”

  She ran her hands through her hair in frustration. “Why can’t you just admit it, Matt? You still don’t forgive me. You keep saying you do, but everything about you proves otherwise.”

  “I may have forgiven you, but it doesn’t mean I have to fall into old habits right away. I do have some self-respect, you know.”

  “Okay, fine, I deserve that too.”

  Groaning to myself, I walked across the room for the kitchen. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, I twisted the top off and took a long drink.

  “It’s not always about you, you know,” I said automatically. I knew I was repeating her very words from a year ago, but I couldn’t help it. She was the one that kept bringing everything back to her own mistakes. I was just trying to grasp for something I could work with; something that told me it would be worth it to give us another chance.

  “Well I am trying to fix what I’ve done,” she retorted. “I’m trying, Matt. Can’t you see that? I wish you would just tell me what I’m supposed to do!”

  Her frustration pushed her to tears again, and it wasn’t that I couldn’t be sympathetic toward her… It was my fear. I didn’t want to go through it all again. I didn’t want to be a fool twice.

  But Clare’s words from a week ago echoed in my head. Sometimes the greatest risk brings the greatest reward. I wished to all things holy that I could agree with that. It was great advice, but how in the hell could I know if this was going to be one of those rewarding risks?

  Aubrey stepped up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I didn’t have time to react, but all she did was lay her head against me, squeeze me tight and whisper, “I love you, Matt, and I’m sorry. You’ll never know how sorry I am. I will never go a day without regretting what I did, what I gave up. Please just…remember that.”

  She let go of me and walked past the living room, just as Trent came through the front door. It was like two wild animals that came face to face in the wilderness: the stare-down, the mistrust, and the defensive hackles going up.

  I knew it would be my brother that spoke first.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  I entered the room, prepared to physically separate them if I had to, but Aubrey bypassed him for the exit.

  “Just handing over my last piece of dignity,” she answered as she disappeared out the door.

  The conflict is real, people. What would you do if you were in my position? I truly did care about Aubrey—we had quite a history that I couldn’t just throw away—but I knew without a doubt that I would have to fall in love with her again. At some point, I really had moved on in the past year. I didn’t know if it had to do with time or the fact that I really did feel a bit of what my brother had been trying to tell me, but I truly was not the same person I was a few months ago.

  She wasn’t the same, I wasn’t the same… I just didn’t see things the same way anymore.

  “You okay?” Trent asked after who knows how much time had passed.

  I barely shrugged. “I don’t know, man.” And I didn’t. I also felt like a complete asshole. What makes a guy feel that way? I had every right to be cautious but it made me feel terrible.

  “Come on, let’s go out,” Trent said, motioning me toward the door.

  I mechanically followed him to his Jeep and climbed in. I wasn’t surprised we stopped at his favorite sports bar. We watched baseball, drank beer, and I was actually amused at the way my brother hit on the waitresses. Maybe I was a little buzzed after the first hour, and then the second hour I knew I was fucking drunk. Everything Trent said was hilarious and everything he did had me laughing out loud.

  Yep, my little bro got me pity-wasted.

  I had enough sense in me to know he’d only stopped at the second beer an hour ago. He’d never get behind the wheel if it wasn’t safe to drive, so I let him shove me into the passenger’s seat…

  And that’s about all I remember.

  ***

  I woke to a warm body next to me. It seriously scared the shit out of me, and my mind quickly darted back to the night before and whomever it was Trent had tried to set me up with.

  I moved my hand… I felt clothing. A body, but it was dressed? Daring a glance to my right, I tried to discreetly catch a view of my bedmate by cracking one eye open…

  “What are you doing?” Clare giggled.

  I faced her entirely, just to make sure it was her.

  Oh. Thank. Fuck.

  “Damn, he really did get you tanked last night,” she said, propping herself up onto her elbow. “Here.”

  I eyed the glass of water she held out for me, and in her hand was a pair of aspirin. “Thanks,” I mumbled, taking both.

  She sat up when I did. “Can I do anything else for you?”

  After swallowing the pills, I glanced down my body, patting myself in various places. “I didn’t puke anywhere?”

  “Nope.”

  “Shit myself?”

  She laughed. “No.”

  I sighed. “This is what I was wearing last night, right?”

  “As far as I know,” she shrugged. “It’s what you were wearing when I got here and Trent left.”

  I eyed her for a second but a sharp pain shot through my head and I winced. “I cannot believe I feel like such shit from drinking beer.”

  “He mentioned whiskey.”

  Ah-ha, that would explain it. Suddenly my former all-nighters with Jack Daniels came crashing back to me, which ironically made my head hurt even worse. I also read into my brother’s intentions, and I just knew he’d done that on purpose to give me another taste of what misery was like because of Aubrey.

  I glanced down at my clothed body again. I was really surprised I wasn’t completely naked, but then again, maybe I’d passed out before I got to that point. “Was it really bad enough my brother had to call a babysitter?”

  I didn’t mean it as an insult, but her pause made me second-guess my choice of words. However, she answered, “No, I don’t think that was it. He sent me a text from your phone asking if I could check on you in the morning. Said you’d probably have a pretty heavy hangover.”

  “And what else did he say?”

  She paused again. “What do you mean?”

  “Did he say why we were out drinking?”

  She bit
her lip for a second and exhaled. “He may have mentioned that you’d had an issue with Aubrey.”

  I wasn’t sure what to think of that. Knowing Trent, he’d probably told her everything he knew. And then some.

  “My brother is a nosy asshole,” I said as I attempted to stand. My head swirled with more pain as I made my way to the bathroom.

  “Your brother seems to care quite a lot about you,” Clare said from behind me.

  I paused at the bathroom door, allowing that to sink in. Or maybe I was holding on to the doorframe so I didn’t tip over. Either way, her words were meant to make a point. She was on Trent’s side and I needed to figure out why.

  After using the toilet, I decided to step into the shower. I think I reeked of sweat, and I wondered how Clare could stand lying next to me in bed.

  When I stepped out five minutes later with just a towel wrapped around me, she wasn’t in the room. Instead, I heard sounds from the kitchen, and if that was a frying pan on the stove, I was thanking Jesus right now for the food she was about to make.

  I entered the kitchen once I’d put some clothes on, and sure enough she had pancakes on the griddle and eggs in a pan. For some reason, that was what made me finally think of Sadie and Mia.

  “Shit, where are your kids?” I exclaimed suddenly.

  She lightly laughed and said, “Calm down, they’re actually with my mom. She came over a few minutes after I got home last night, the girls seemed happy to see her since she brought them gifts again… So, against my better judgment, I let my mom take them home for the night. So far I haven’t gotten any calls—”

  “Against your better judgment?” I questioned. I wanted to panic. Why did I want to panic?

  “Just for my mom’s sake,” Clare smiled. “She insisted she could handle anything they dished out, and frankly, I was tired of making excuses.”

  “Making excuses for them to not go to her house?”

  She nodded. “Yeah. But… I think it was time.”

  This made me curious. I never pried into Clare’s life, but since I’d met her parents, and I was close to Mia and Sadie, I wanted more details.

  “So tell me more about that,” I said as she set a plate on the table for me.