Action Steps: If you suffer with low confidence related to your appearance, do yourself a favor and stop following the media. Don't pick up beauty or style magazines. Get your news from the web rather than TV. Avoid programs that promote an unhealthy focus on appearance, fashion, or weight. Instead, find programs that feature real people doing important, meaningful work or living inspiring lives.
Self-Improvement
"Every man has in himself a continent of undiscovered character.
Happy is he who acts as the Columbus to his own soul."
~ Sir J. Stephen
Recently a friend proudly announced she never reads self-improvement books or blogs. "Why do I need someone else to tell me how to live my life? I know how to live my life," she countered when I suggested many of these books actually provide transformative information. She is a practical, no-nonsense person who feels that no one is better at solving her problems than she is.
There is certainly truth to her opinion. Ultimately it is up to each of us to make the changes and take the actions for improving our lives. There's also truth to her assertion that a certain type of "touchy-feely" person (her words) reads self-help materials more than other types of people. I've actually noticed that myself.
If you look at the 16 Myers Briggs personality types, it appears the types with the NF (intuitive, feeling) functions tend to be more inclined toward self-reflection, self-improvement, truth seeking, and other pursuits for inner growth and positive change. But as a touchy-feely type myself, I think everyone can benefit from personal growth reading and study, as well as improvement through continued learning, goal setting, and conscious change—even the non-NF types (maybe especially the non-NF types!).
Those not inclined toward self-examination may never realize something needs fixing until it is broken (like a relationship problem, getting fired from a job, sinking into a depression). Sometimes the areas where we are weakest are the places we need to focus the most attention. It is through a desire to become a better, more actualized person mentally, physically, and emotionally, that we feel increasingly confident in ourselves.
As valuable as introspection and learning are to self-improvement, at some point you have to get your nose out of the book or blog and actually do something. It's one thing to have an "ah ha" moment but quite another to transform that moment into an actionable strategy for life change. (That's where our practical non-NF friends might come in handy!) You can't just sit on your enlightened butt. As the old African proverb reminds, "When you pray, move your feet."
51. Learn a new skill.
Whether you enroll in a course, read a new book, or take up meditation, lifelong learning has measurable benefits from the very moment you begin. Learning a new skill, especially a challenging skill you're unfamiliar with, can improve your mental acuity, advance your career opportunities, and boost your confidence. Through continued learning, you develop deeper understanding and breadth of knowledge in areas that interest you. There are certain skills important for career confidence that can be transferred to any workplace—like computer knowledge, troubleshooting, and even public speaking. The Rush Memory and Aging Project reveals that increased mental activity in the elderly slows their decline in cognitive function and makes them less likely to develop Alzheimer's and dementia.
Action Steps:Write a list of several skills you've entertained or even attempted in the past related to your career, a hobby, fitness, or a general interest. As you review the list, think about which skill would afford you the most confidence if you master it. If that particular skill is doable for you now, then write down all of the actions you need to take to start learning it. If it isn't realistic to pursue this skill now, then choose another one. Determine the time of day you'll work on the skill, and begin working on it. Start with a small increment of time (five minutes) if that's possible, so it's easy and effortless initially. Slowly increase the amount of time spent on the skill.
52. Do something creative.
In it's obvious applications, creativity is expressed through visual art, writing, dance, and music. Creativity also can be expressed in the most mundane pursuits by finding new and imaginative ways to accomplish a task, tackle a project, or unravel a problem. Anyone can be creative—you don't have to an artist or craftsman. You simply need to step off the beaten track. Practicing creativity floods your psyche with confidence, as you discover the depths of your imagination. Creativity has many other healthy benefits as well. In a 2010 review in the American Journal of Public Health, researchers detail how creativity can reduce stress and anxiety, increase positive emotions, and reduce the likelihood of depression.
Action Steps:Consider ways you can practice creativity in your daily life and work. How can you think differently or approach a situation from a new direction? Challenge yourself to let go of the old way of doing things and open your mind to new possibilities. Allow yourself to explore some traditional creative pursuits like writing, painting, photography, or music. Rather than judging or comparing your efforts, just get in the flow of the activity. Enjoy the process without worrying about the outcome.
53. Improve your EQ.
Your EQ is your emotional intelligence quotient. It is made up of four core skills: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. There isn't a connection between IQ and emotional intelligence, and you can't predict EQ based on how smart someone is. Emotional intelligence is a flexible set of skills you can acquire and improve with practice. When we boost our EQ, we improve our interactions and relationships in all settings. In work settings, emotional intelligence has been proven to be the strongest predictor of performance. A higher EQ affords more self-control, helps you navigate conflict, and makes you a better communicator. All of these outcomes build your confidence, as you see the positive results of a sharpened EQ.
Action Steps: You can begin improving your EQ by first learning your current emotional intelligence score. Take this EQ assessment. Once you review your results, identify areas where you need to improve your EQ. Read this article on ways to improve your emotional intelligence, and begin with one skill to focus on for the next four to six weeks. For example, you might work on your reactions during conflict or better understanding your strengths and weaknesses. Put a rubber band on your wrist or use some other cue to remind you of the new behaviors or reactions you're working on.
54. Search for your passion.
Finding work or even a side gig that you love is a huge boost to your confidence. Your passion infuses your life with purpose, meaning, and fulfillment. It allows you to express your innate talents in a way that supports and honors your values, while providing a wellspring of joy and satisfaction. When you pursue your passion, you work almost effortlessly, and because you're so engaged in what you're doing, success comes easily. You become an expert more quickly because you're not expending energy resisting something you don't like. Following your passion creates opportunities and opens doors for new ventures that can upgrade all aspects of your life.
Action Steps: Finding your passion takes time and patience, but even the process of finding it can boost your confidence. Simply knowing you're working toward a career you love or a hobby you enjoy will stir up excitement and anticipation. Carve out an hour a day or every other day to work on uncovering your passion. To help you with the steps of discovering it, check out my Path to Passion Course or read The 52-Week Life Passion Project.
55. Set goals.
There's no doubt that setting goals increases your chance of success and the frequency of your success. Setting a goal is the first and most important step toward any achievement. The individual Action Steps to accomplish the goal are the catalyst to turn the inert goal into something dynamic and real. Both the actions toward and the achievement of your goal will boost your confidence. With every step forward, you feel empowered and motivated to continue. With every accomplishment, you'll believe more and more in your capacity for success.
Action Steps:
If you don't have clearly defined goals for your personal and professional life, then right now is the best time to create them. Your goals should support your core values, so as you develop your goals, be sure you review your values in the process. Begin with some big yearly goals you want to achieve. Make sure they are SMART goals—specific, measurable, assignable, realistic, and time-related. Break down big goals into smaller goals, and create Action Steps to accomplish over the coming days, weeks, and months. Consider finding a coach or accountability partner to help you stay on track.
56. Break some bad habits.
Our bad habits not only impact confidence, but also they can deplete our self-respect. We know these habits aren't good for us—maybe they harm our health, relationships, career success, or financial security. The resulting problems further weaken our confidence. Bad habits are hard to break, especially habits bound in a physical addiction, like smoking. They involve much more than desire and willpower. Once you learn the skills involved in breaking bad habits, you'll get an immediate confidence boost knowing you finally have the tools to drop the habit. Once the habit is gone, you'll see a cascade of improvements in other areas of your life, catapulting your confidence even further.
Action Steps: Make a list of the bad habits you'd like to quit. Which of these habits weakens your confidence the most? This is the first place to start. If the habits impact you equally, just pick one. It's important to work on one bad habit at a time, because as I mentioned, quitting habits is very difficult, and you don't want to feel overwhelmed. It involves grooving new neural pathways in your brain through the repetition of replacing the bad habit with a positive habit. Read this article on how to break a bad habit.
57. Read personal growth books.
There are thousands of books on personal growth, and many of them are among the best-selling books of all time. This genre is popular among book readers for a reason. Personal growth and self-help books have transformed the lives of millions of people around the world—motivating, inspiring, and teaching concepts and strategies for self-awareness, confidence, and emotional intelligence. You're reading one right now! Reading these books isn't a substitute for action, but they can inspire action and support the reader in taking steps to improve their lives. As you gain knowledge and awareness through reading, you're empowered to meet challenging situations on your own, which in itself fosters confidence.
Action Steps: You are taking the step right now by reading this book—but in what other areas of your life do you need awareness, knowledge, or inspiration? What part of your inner life do you wish to improve? Once you know that, visit the best-sellers lists in different categories on Amazon, or Google "best-selling books for (fill in the blank—'creating habits,' 'getting motivated,' etc.)." Read the reviews of the book, look at the chapter headings, and read the free pages offered by Amazon to see if the book appeals to you. As you read, take notes or use a highlighter to remember ideas or information that resonates with you.
58. Find a coach or counselor
A personal or business coach helps you make radical improvements in your life or work by inspiring discovery and insight, and encouraging bold action and accountability. A coach also helps you gain clarity and reach your desired outcome faster than you would alone by helping you stay focused and on-track. Professional counselors or therapists work with clients to help them overcome various psychological and behavioral issues using talk therapy. They work with people to improve their sense of well‐being, alleviate feelings of distress and resolve crises. Both coaches and counselors support confidence building as they work with you to reach goals, overcome issues, and meet challenges with courage.
Action Steps:Conduct some additional research on coaching and counseling to determine the kind of support that is best for you and your specific goals or life difficulties. You can learn more about my coaching work here, and you can find a psychologist in your area through the American Psychological Associate web site or through your insurance provider. Set a phone appointment to talk with the coach or counselor to see if they are a good fit for you.
59. Know your values.
Your core values are your defining life principles. It's essential to your confidence to know your values and to do whatever you can to align your life with them. Living in harmony with your values creates the fertile environment for confidence and contentment. They help you clarify what is most important in your work and life, and provide a navigation system for making big decisions, finding your life passion, and living authentically. Defining your core values also enhances self-awareness, improves your relationships, and helps you set and achieve your goals.
Action Steps: Set aside time to consider what your values are both for your personal and professional life. This list of 400 value words can help you find just the right words. Circle all of the words that could be a possible value. Then reduce the list to your top five for your personal and professional life. Once you have your lists refined, compare your values to your current life. How are you living in opposition to your values, and what can you do to realign your life and values? Write a list of changes you need to make, and identify the change that will immediately improve your confidence to work on first.
60. Define your integrity.
Integrity is a value, and even if you haven't listed it as a core value, it's one you must embrace if you want to have confidence and self-respect. Integrity reflects your consistent commitment to your values, morals, principles, standards, and the behaviors that reflect those. These behaviors include honesty, reliability, and loyalty, as well as consideration of others and tolerance of differences; personal responsibility; fairness; kindness and compassion; and citizenship. If you haven't fully defined what integrity means in your life, or if you are living outside of your integrity, you will feel bad and lose self-respect. It also can negatively impact your career and your relationships.
Action Steps:A good place to start is by noticing where you have feelings of guilt, regret, or remorse. What caused those feelings, and what would you change if you had to do it over again? What have you done to rectify these situations? Look again at the behaviors of integrity (honesty, reliability, and loyalty, as well as consideration of others and tolerance of differences; personal responsibility; fairness; kindness and compassion; and citizenship) to see where you need to define or improve your integrity.
61. Create life balance
Having a balanced life means you manage the various elements in your life without feeling your heart or mind tugged in any specific direction. You have found a system for creating priorities and boundaries based on your values and goals, and have taken action to design your life around this system. More often than not, you feel calm, centered, clear-headed, and motivated. You know exactly how much time you want to devote to work, family, learning, tasks, friends, free time, and other important elements of your life. You understand the value of physical, mental, and emotional balance as well, and create ways to find balance in these aspects of your life as well. Having balance reduces stress and confusion, and frees you up to pursue those priorities that support your confidence and well-being.
Action Steps: Create a vision of a balanced life for yourself. Write down your life priorities based on your values and goals. How is your current life unbalanced based on your ideal? What exactly do you need to shift, delegate, change, or release in order to create this balance? Choose one change this week to implement as you work toward a more balanced life.
Body Language
"I speak two languages, Body and English."
~ Mae West
Stop reading for a moment, and notice how you are sitting or standing. Where are your arms? What is the expression on your face? If someone were to walk in the room right now, what preconceptions might they make about you simply based on your body language?
If you don't think your body has a language of its own, think again. A large percentage of communication and how people perceive you comes from body language. This includes
posture, gestures, facial expressions, and eye movements. Your body language might reveal your true feelings or intentions. Perhaps you feel tired, angry, bored, frustrated, or enthusiastic, but some of these might not be feelings you want to communicate in a given situation. Do you really want your boss to know his speech is making your eyes glaze over?
Understanding and managing body language boosts your confidence in two ways. First, by managing your body language and sending appropriate signals in specific situations, you receive positive feedback and feel assured you aren't sabotaging your own success or the perceptions of others.
More importantly, when you practice powerful, positive body language, you're sending messages to your brain to reinforce positive, confident feelings. Confident body language actually makes you feel more confident.
62. Practice smiling.
Smiling not only makes you more attractive and trustworthy, it also improves your health, your stress level, and your feelings about yourself. Smiling slows the heart and relaxes the body, and it releases endorphins that counteract and diminish stress hormones. It also has been shown to increase productivity while performing tasks. According to several studies, smiling can trick your brain into feeling happy, even when you feel sad as you're smiling.
Confidence Hacks: 99 Small Actions to Massively Boost Your Confidence Page 5
