by Rose Wulf
For a long, blissful moment it was as if nothing had ever changed between them. The past ninety-plus years never happened. They were just two people with a powerful attraction to each other. They’d never broken up. He hadn’t ripped her heart out and torn it to shreds with his cruel words.
Except that he had. And that reminder was enough to dampen the flame he’d reignited in her blood. No matter how mindlessly good a kisser he was, no man was worth that. She had more self-respect than to throw herself at someone who could think so little of her.
Belle pushed back, taking a full step away from him as she fought to catch her breath. Her body rallied against her, remembering all too well the pleasure he could bring, but she held strong. She just hoped he couldn’t see the tears stinging her eyes.
Chapter Six
“What the hell was that?” Belle’s question gutted him almost as effectively as the tears in her eyes. But she was right. What the hell had he been thinking, kissing her like that?
He scoffed at himself. He knew damned well what he’d been thinking. He’d been thinking he hadn’t done a good enough job protecting her on this mission. That because he wasn’t around when he should have been she’d had to not only acquire a weapon but, he was sure, train with it, too. He was thinking that she’d overexerted herself and then isolated herself with a pissed off angel. And he’d been thinking he didn’t at all approve of the way that human man in the hotel had ogled her.
Not that he should have been watching. His job was to protect Gwen, not Belle. But he couldn’t distinguish that separation. Being in Belle’s presence put him on edge in every way and having failed her now more times than his pride could handle had pushed him over. He’d reacted the way he might have a century ago. The way he’d once been allowed to.
But you blew that. You deliberately threw that away.
What kind of a moron knowingly threw the best thing he’d ever had out the proverbial window? The same kind of fucking idiot who knowingly broke the heart of the woman he loved. He was the one who deserved the smiting.
But instead of saying any of that, Kai swallowed and dragged in a breath. He honestly didn’t know how to answer that question. He couldn’t tell Belle the truth. He’d burned that bridge more effectively than anything he’d ever done in his life.
Fortunately, Belle seemed to have decided she didn’t want an answer. “Gwen,” she said suddenly, looking around. “You left Gwen alone? Are you stupid?”
He had to fight not to flinch at that. She certainly had every right to call him worse. “I warded the room,” he assured her instead. “She’s safe.”
Belle frowned thoughtfully, her otherwise smooth forehead creasing almost invisibly. “Have you considered the possibility of a trap? Demons could surround the warded space.”
At this Kai allowed a smirk to show and adjusted the weight of her supply bag over his shoulder. “They’ll be expecting the threat to be inside with her.”
He could see she hadn’t considered that perspective. Not only were the tears in her beautiful blue eyes gone, but she seemed to be fighting a smile of her own. “That’s true.” She paused, her expression changing. Suddenly there were too many emotions swirling in her eyes for him to distinguish any one over the rest. “Can I ask you one question before we go?”
He inclined his head silently, and she took a step forward, stepping back into his personal space.
She searched his gaze for a moment, and he wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted her to find what she was looking for, let alone if she did. But she swallowed and quietly asked, “What am I to you now?”
Oh, how he wished he could answer that honestly.
Kai pulled in a silent breath as he debated what to say. He couldn’t tell her the truth, but he couldn’t tell her the lie he’d once tried to sell, either. He’d have to find a smaller lie. Maybe something with a sprinkling of honesty. But he wasn’t sure how. At length he finally opted for the best truth he could, knowing all the while she would hate his response.
“I can’t answer that.”
She leaned back as if he’d threatened her. “Excuse me? What kind of bullshit answer is that?”
“The best one I have,” he confessed.
He never expected her to smack him. His head swung to the side, and his cheek stung angrily, burning for several seconds. Echoing not only her anger but his interior rage at this ridiculous situation.
“When this mission is over,” Belle began, her voice steady, “I don’t ever want to speak to you again. Is that clear?”
Fighting his instinctive reaction, Kai met her glare and nodded. He wanted to tell her he was sorry. To explain that he’d been trying to protect her and that he’d never stopped loving her. But he couldn’t, for all the reasons that he’d never told her the depth of his feelings in the first place. And she was right. He couldn’t push her away one day and then kiss her like it was his privilege the next.
“Good. Then let’s go back to Gwen.” She was fighting to keep her voice steady. He could hear it. But he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he merely placed his palm on her shoulder, ignoring the way her skin warmed his hand, and called upon his power again.
When this mission was over, he was going to have to let go of Belle for good. Even if it meant leaving the armada, too. He owed that much to her after the terrible way he’d ended things before.
****
Kai hadn’t spoken a word to her since they returned to Gwen. He hadn’t spoken a word at all, actually. Belle hadn’t put that together at first. When they appeared inside their new hotel room, it was immediately apparent that Gwen was once again a little worse for wear after the latest jump. She’d required more healing, and though Belle could sense Kai’s disapproval, she hadn’t been surprised that he neglected to voice it.
She didn’t get suspicious, in fact, until Gwen had suggested they “go do something” and Kai hadn’t argued. He’d silently allowed Belle and Gwen to decide on their options—settling on grabbing a couple of drinks at a bar and maybe playing some pool—and followed them out the door.
The truth was, Belle hadn’t been doing a whole lot of thinking while Gwen suggested options. She’d just randomly said “let’s do that,” and later wished she’d listened better. A bar was a terrible place to go for avoiding demons. But they were nearly there when Belle pointed it out, and Gwen loudly declared she didn’t want to hear it. One glance at Kai had assured Belle she’d get no support from him.
Was he angry with her? He doesn’t have the right to be. Not that that would stop him. He didn’t actually have the right to kiss her and yet he’d done it anyway. Then again, she’d taken her sweet time in stopping him.
But why else would he be so silent? Sure, he could stay out of a conversation about as well as her sister Madelyne could lead one, but this seemed a little extreme. In this he should have an opinion. And she knew him well enough to know what it would be. So if he wasn’t mad at her, then was he mad at himself? For kissing her? Or for agreeing to her demands to leave her alone?
Now you’re just getting your hopes up.
This whole mission was screwing with her head, and her heart, in ways she’d never have anticipated. If she’d known the ways Isabella’s armada would test her, she’d probably have decided against working with them. Ha. No, you wouldn’t. No, she’d been too full of anger and spite to have seen the reason in refusing the job then. She’d known Kai was in the armada; known there was a good chance they’d cross paths. She’d accepted because of that. Because she’d thought she wanted to hurt him. Or haunt him. To rub in his face that she was a survivor, that he hadn’t destroyed her, that she could make decisions for herself that didn’t have a damned thing to do with him.
Only that last part wasn’t true. That decision had everything to do with him. She’d been lying to herself then. She suspected she still was.
“What does Kai drink?” Gwen asked as they settled at the bar.
Belle glanced over her shoulder, hoping to get an
answer from him, only to find he wasn’t directly behind her. She cast her gaze around the bar, taking in the rapidly filling, dingy atmosphere that she’d blindly walked through in Gwen’s wake. She really was distracted today. People were shaking on the dance floor to an old country tune she didn’t care for; clichéd biker guys appeared to be hogging the pool table, and the booths along the sides of the establishment were about half-full.
She spotted Kai leaning back in one, the one with the best view of the front entrance, and turned back to Gwen. “Surprise him,” she said. If he’d had a specific craving, he should have said so.
Gwen ordered herself a dirty martini and promptly ordered Kai a Fallen Angel. Apparently there was such a drink on the menu.
With the drinks ordered, as well as a platter of nachos, Belle led the way to the booth Kai had claimed. She had to fight her instincts when it came time to decide where to sit, forcing herself to slide in across from him instead of sliding up next to him. She was far less surprised when Gwen slid in after her.
“At least it’s not the back corner booth,” Gwen declared. She grinned, focused on Kai, and teased, “Actually, I’m surprised you remember how to sit. Do you know how to do other things, too?”
Kai stretched an arm out along the back of the booth. Belle looked away. She wasn’t supposed to miss him this much. She hadn’t missed him this much a week earlier. It was that stupid kiss. The kiss had rattled her; reminded her heart of things that once were. And once upon a time, she would have been tucked beneath that perfectly sculpted arm. Warm from his nearness. Confident because of his strength and the tenderness he showed her.
Belle shook her head, trying to chase away the memories. The longing.
“Belle?” Gwen asked, nudging her shoulder. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Belle said, doing her best to smile. “Sorry.”
“Here we are,” a petite waitress announced as she sidled up to their booth. “One dirty martini—” Gwen indicated herself and the glass was deposited. “One Sex on the Beach.”
“Here,” Belle said before her drink was handed over. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kai had raised an eyebrow at her choice. She hoped it resonated with him the way it had with her.
“And you, sir, must have the Fallen Angel,” the waitress deduced with a grin, setting down the final glass. “Those nachos will be right up.”
After the waitress left Gwen leaned forward with a laugh. “It was either this or Angel’s Kiss. I couldn’t in good conscious order that.”
You should’ve. But then again, maybe she shouldn’t. It was probably a good thing Belle hadn’t been in charge. She’d have not-so-accidentally ordered herself the Angel’s Kiss and Kai the Sex on the Beach just to send a message. Only the message would probably have come out not the way she wanted it.
After a few moments of silently sipping at their drinks, Gwen sighed loudly and leaned back into the booth. “C’mon, do neither of you know how to have fun?”
“He probably doesn’t,” Belle said before she could stop herself. “I’m usually good at fun.”
Gwen arched a brow at her. “I don’t see it.”
Belle sighed and spun her sweating glass in her fingers. “I’m a little tired, I think. I’ll probably have to drink this whole thing first.”
Gwen looked over at Kai, hesitated, and reached to down the rest of her martini. “I won’t even ask,” she said. “When they bring out the nachos, order me a refill. I’m going to dance.” She stood and sauntered away before Belle could think of an argument to stall her.
“That’s probably a bad idea,” she grumbled before bringing her straw to her lips.
Kai said nothing, just scanned the dance floor from his seat. He’d barely touched his drink.
Belle studied him out of the corner of her eyes and finally heaved a sigh. She couldn’t shake the feeling that this silence was her fault. “Are you giving us both the silent treatment?”
Kai turned his attention back to her, seeming almost surprised by the question. “I’m not giving either of you the silent treatment,” he replied. His voice was monotone, and his gaze had already returned to the crowd.
“Look,” Belle said, trying to figure out how to voice her jumbled thoughts in a way that made sense, “I wasn’t trying to be hurtful earlier.” She paused, certain he was listening despite that he didn’t look over at her. It surprised her how much that simple gesture bothered her. “It’s for me, okay?” Her words came out in a whisper. She looked down at the table and wrapped both hands around her glass. “I’ve tried, but … it still hurts. Every time I look at you. I try taking it out on you, but that doesn’t make it go away. I’ve tried ignoring you, but that’s like trying to ignore the weather. You’re a force of nature, Kai. Beautiful and devastating at the same time.”
God, what’s wrong with me? She hadn’t meant to say all that, even if she was finally being honest about it.
Kai was silent for a long minute, but this time she sensed he was building his response. So she waited.
“I’m sorry.”
Belle let her eyebrows jump to the top of her forehead, her gaze suddenly glued to his. Had he apologized? For which part? Her gut churned, and her heart lurched. She doubted he was sorry for being compared to a force of nature.
His jaw was tight, his eyes narrowed with serious, intense focus. “I’m sorry, Belle.” He didn’t elaborate, but this time she was certain what he was saying.
“Sorry?” she repeated, incredulity building rapidly inside her. He was sorry for ripping her heart out? For ignoring her desperate prayers? Tears of hurt and anger immediately sprang up, but Belle refused to let them fall. “You don’t get to be sorry for that, Kai. I laid my heart on the table for you, and you tore it to pieces. You ignored me when I needed you the most. I lost track of you for decades, and now you’re sorry?”
Belle shoved to her feet, not caring that her voice had raised beyond calm. “I have every right to hate you, you ass!” She spun on her heel and nearly plowed into their waitress, but she wasn’t calm enough to remember her manners. Instead, she sidestepped around the smaller woman and stomped to the door. Kai could carry his own damn weight and babysit Gwen for a little while. She needed some time alone and a good soak.
Who the hell did he think he was, apologizing after all this time?
It wasn’t just that he’d broken her heart. Sure, there was a lot of that. She doubted she’d ever collect all the pieces, let alone be able to glue them back together. But it was more than that. He’d abandoned her weeks before her sister had died. No, not died. She’d been murdered, right in front of Belle’s eyes.
She could still remember the image of the blade sinking into Madelyne’s chest. The blood-soaked tip protruding out the front, likely through a lung. The slow, shocked, pain-ridden dimming of Madelyne’s once lively eyes.
That was the last she’d seen of her younger sister. The demon who’d killed her had taken so much pride in his victory that he’d taken Madelyne’s body with him. She’d never found it. She’d wound up burying a photograph in a box.
If Kai had been there…
It wasn’t fair to blame him for her sister’s death, she’d come to terms with that. One of the few things he couldn’t do was see the future. But she’d prayed so hard. She’d pleaded and screamed, sobbed and wailed—said everything she could think to say. He hadn’t even acknowledged her existence. And now he was sorry.
Belle let the hotel room door slam shut behind her, heading straight for the bathroom. Uncaring of the tears that had since escaped. Why can’t I hate him?
****
Kai pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut, after Belle’s exit. He wasn’t sure which part of that exchange upset him more. He’d known better than to try apologizing but he hadn’t been able to stop himself. She’d wanted an idea of what was going through his head and that was what had fallen from his mouth. Admitting his feelings for her probably wouldn’t have done any more damage. But, he remi
nded himself, why did it matter if he’d done more damage or not?
They weren’t together. They would never be together again. He’d already seen to that. How much more could he damage, anyway?
He was an idiot, that was all there was to it. He should have lied to appease her instead of causing her more pain. But he wasn’t so sure he could keep lying to her anymore. The irony of which was that, ultimately, that greatly increased his chances of causing her pain. What was that old saying? Screwed if you do, screwed if you don’t. And he had no one else to blame but himself.
“Did we trade Belle for the nachos?” Gwen asked as she slid into the booth opposite him. “Or did she just go to the bathroom? ’Cause I don’t recommend using the bathrooms here.”
“She went back to the hotel,” Kai replied absently. At the moment he really resented his current assignment. Not for any fault of Gwen’s but because he wanted nothing more than to go to Belle and plead for a chance to explain himself. Never in his long life had he been so desperate; so willing to fall to his knees and beg. If only it were that simple.
“You let her go by herself?” Gwen asked, disbelief in her voice. She reached forward and snagged a loaded nacho.
At this Kai finally met her gaze. “You’re the one the demons are after. Belle will be fine.”
Gwen bit into her chip, the crunch seeming to echo over the table. “Yeah, but, that one—Creed, right—he seemed kinda hooked on her.”
Kai’s gut clenched and he looked away. Gwen was right, but he knew he shouldn’t be focusing on Belle’s safety. The consequences that had torn him away from her once would be infinitely worse if his concern for Belle cost them Gwen. He clenched his hand around his glass.
“Uh, Kai?” Gwen called carefully. “Your drink’s on fire…”
Kai looked down and noticed she was right. His energy had leaked out in his distracted, frustrated state and the liquid was burning. Pushing the glass away, he leaned back. “Let me know when you’re ready to leave.”
