by Heather Gray
“Ibuprofen bad or morphine bad?”
Mr. Miller rolled his shoulders and his face paled. Lily strode over and rested two fingertips against his wrist so she could check his pulse. His heart wasn’t racing, but it wasn’t at rest, either. She snagged the blood pressure cuff from its place, but he twisted his hand around until he reversed their positions and held her wrist in his hand. “No.” His grip was firm enough to border on uncomfortable. “It’ll be high because I’m in pain. The doctors find out how high, and they’ll want to talk about blood pressure medication. A whole new hassle will start, and my wife will worry.”
Huh. Patients didn’t often surprise Lily, but Mr. Miller did. He understood quite a bit more than expected, given the short time he’d been awake and aware since his amputation. “Fair enough, but tell me, are you going to suffer through the pain or take something for it?”
He’d already refused the PCA pump. It was designed to give him control of his pain meds and had a button he could push for another dose whenever he needed it. He’d refused a regular schedule of nurse-administered pain meds, too, making all their jobs more difficult.
Mr. Miller released her and reached his right hand up to massage the chest muscles at the front of his left shoulder. “It hurts like…” A deep sigh escaped him. “Ibuprofen’s not going to cut it, but I don’t want to be knocked out or all foggy, either. So what are my options?”
She could hardly blame the man. The last time he’d been unconscious, he’d woken up to find his left arm missing. Awareness of her surroundings would be important to her, too, if their roles were reversed. Add to that the nightmare-like state he’d woken up in, and she could understand his reluctance to be medicated.
“Can you describe the pain?” Shooting, throbbing, burning…The type of pain said more about its source than most people realized, and Lily was a proponent of treating the cause whenever possible rather than just masking the symptom.
He shook his head. “It hurts too much. I can’t think straight. It’s hot, though. Can you give me an ice pack?”
Lily moved around to the other side of the bed and rested her gloved hand against the skin visible above his bandages. Heat would be a possible sign of infection and not something to be taken lightly, but no warmth penetrated her vinyl glove. None of the blood cultures had shown infection, either, but still… She yanked her glove off and felt the area again. Good — nothing beyond normal body heat.
“I’m going to give you some hydromorphone for the pain and take your temp to make sure you don’t have a fever. Then I’ll get some ice for your shoulder. Once the pain’s under control, I’ll take your BP.”
“And you need my temperature to treat my pain because…?” Surliness slipped back into his tone.
“I need to take your temperature before I put the ice on so it doesn’t skew the results and hide a fever.”
“It’s not like you’ll be sticking the thermometer in my armpit.” A grimace-smile accompanied his words.
Huh. He was joking. Or trying to, at least.
“I’m not much of a rule-breaker, and this is one of those SOP things. Fever could mean infection, which is something we watch for.”
Mr. Miller nodded his consent.
Lily’s shoulders dropped with relief. The pain clouded his dark eyes more with each passing minute. His stubbornness might well have pushed him to the point where even the hydromorphone wouldn’t be enough to bring him back from the edge. She made quick work of administering the medication through his IV and taking his temperature. It was a little high, 99.4 degrees, but not yet alarming.
“I’ll be right back.” Lily speed-walked her way out of his room and to the small enclave where family members could get coffee, water, and snacks. She cupped a plastic bag under the ice dispenser and hit the button. Once it was full, she sealed the bag off and headed back to Mr. Miller’s room. On her way, she snatched a couple of towels off the linen cart. They were scratchy white cotton with a dark blue strip across one end. Somehow that splash of color was supposed to prevent people from wanting to steal them.
“Here we go.” Lily folded one towel into fourths and rested it along Mr. Miller’s upper chest and shoulder, making sure his neck was protected as well. Then she used the other to wrap the plastic bag before resting it on the edge of his shoulder. She grabbed a pillow from the foot of the bed and tucked it in between the bed’s railing and his stump to help keep the ice pack in place.
Her patient closed his eyes and sighed. “How is the ice going to do me any good through all that padding?”
Lily rested the back of her hand against his brow. She already had his temperature. Sometimes, though, people needed human contact. A hand on the forehead was an innocuous enough way to let him know someone cared. “I can’t risk getting your bandages wet. Just give it a minute. The cold will penetrate and reach you soon enough. Of course, if you lie here and think about how you can’t feel it, it’ll only take longer.”
She applied hand sanitizer and tugged fresh gloves from the box hanging on the wall. Then she moved to the mobile computer workstation in his room and pulled up the record of his vitals. She entered her reading from a few minutes prior and took note of the trend. His temperature historically ran a bit above normal, ranging from 98.9 to 99.8. A memo in his chart said to alert the resident if it topped a hundred.
The blood pressure machine beeped, and she peered up to get the numbers so she could enter them, as well. A little elevated, but not as high as it would have been before the hydromorphone.
By the time Lily removed the cuff, Mr. Miller’s face was relaxed.
“How are you feeling now?”
“Better, and the ice is starting to work, too.”
“It’s always easier to get ahead of the pain than to catch up to it. The doctor customarily prescribes a regimen of medication so you don’t end up in such extreme pain.”
He glared. “I wouldn’t let him.”
That wasn’t news to Lily, but at least he admitted it. “It’s harder on your body if we wait until you’re in agony to treat you. It would be better for you — and for your recovery — if we prevent the pain from reaching those unbearable levels.”
His eyes were clearer than they’d been all day, but he didn’t hold eye contact for long before looking away. “I don’t know about that. People in my family… They don’t do well with drugs.”
“Do they have allergies?”
He shook his head. “Addictions.”
That explained a lot. Mr. Miller was a stubborn man who didn’t seem to fear much. Losing an arm didn’t bother him nearly as much as the thought that he might become addicted to pain meds.
“We have some alternatives. Are you willing to talk to a doctor so we can try to come up with a pain management plan you’re comfortable with?”
He nodded grudgingly. It might not go anywhere, but at least he was willing to participate in a dialogue about pain management. It was a start.
Lily marched to the locker room and grabbed her phone. Then she headed to the break room and tugged her lunch bag out from behind all the others shoved into the refrigerator. She sat down at the small round table and took a deep breath.
Thank You, Father, for the day and for Mr. Miller’s progress. Please continue to be with him and his wife as they move forward. And please keep Caleb safe in his job. Amen.
Okay, so it wasn’t exactly a traditional meal blessing, but it would do.
Lily took her chicken salad sandwich out and reached for her phone. No texts, but a voicemail waited for her. She took a bite then dialed in to check her messages.
This is Caleb. I’m here with Ashton Raynott…
She fought the gag reflex but couldn’t stop herself from spitting the sandwich bite into a napkin. Good riddance.
At the sound of Ashton Raynott’s voice, chills shot through her, raising gooseflesh as they went. She closed her eyes and battled against the tears that wanted to spill over. She was safe. Caleb had seen to that. There
was no need to react that way.
Maybe she’d been more traumatized that night in the parking garage than she admitted to herself. Lily pressed the phone closer to her ear and played the message a second time, determined to listen to the words this time and not let panic best her.
I’m sorry about scaring you.. I didn’t mean no harm… I didn’t know what else to do.
She tossed her sandwich in the garbage can. Lily wouldn’t be eating it that day. In its place, she withdrew a piece of string cheese and peeled apart its wrapper. She needed to get something into her stomach or she wouldn’t be much use during the afternoon and evening hours, and despite any message left on her phone, her patients deserved her best.
Why had Caleb done that? Couldn’t he have found another way? What he’d done was invasive. She’d been minding her own business and checking voicemail, then bam. There it was.
Should she text him and say what she thought of that message?
No. Better to calm down. He’d warned her in advance who the message was from. She could have hung up or skipped the rest.
Another bite of string cheese.
The message wasn’t ugly or anything. Ashton Raynott sounded truly repentant for frightening her. Still…
She finished the cheese and plucked an apple from the interior of her lunch bag. As the swarm of locusts in her stomach settled into a semi-quiet buzz, Lily ate the last of her apple.
Once she calmed down enough to consider herself rational, she collected her phone from where she’d dropped it on the table and tapped at the keys. Received ur message. Would like 2 have word w/ u.
His reply was immediate. I work tonight, but let me bring u dinner. Will u be home by 8?
Lily stared at the screen. Talking face to face might be best. Make it 8:30 in case I get stuck in traffic or stay late.
See you then. Any food preference?
Surprise me.
Lily was still in her scrubs when the knock sounded at her door. A quick look through the peep hole told her who stood on the other side.
When she swung the door wide, Caleb held out a white bag that announced itself with the enticing aroma of chili, garlic, and lemongrass. Staying mad at him wouldn’t be easy. He’d brought her food and looked good in his uniform while doing so.
She took the bag and inhaled. “Thai?”
He tipped his hat to her, and even if it wasn’t his off-duty cowboy hat, she still found it endearing.
“A little of everything.” Next, he handed her a bakery box.
“Cupcakes?”
He shrugged. “I wasn’t sure which flavor you liked, so I told them to pack their four most popular.”
She set the items on her kitchen counter before turning back to Caleb, hands fisted on her hips. “Either you’re the nicest guy ever, or you’re trying to make up for something.”
“I figured roses would be a bit obvious.” He closed the door behind him and relaxed against it. “I’m attempting to find out who in your unit leaked the information about Miller’s nurses. Letting him talk to you was my way of getting Raynott on my side.”
“Did he tell you where he got my name?”
A frown marred Caleb’s face. “Not yet.”
Lily crossed her arms. “Why did it have to be on my phone? You could have dialed your own number and let him believe it was me.”
Every step filled with purpose, he traversed the room and rested his hands on her shoulders. “Sure, but I’d have been obliged to lie, and that doesn’t sit well with me. Sometimes for work I’m forced to be creative with the truth, but this wasn’t something I had to lie about, so I didn’t.”
Goodness, his eyes had grown dark. They’d slid from slate to dark-as-pitch, and as Lily gazed up into them, she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to turn away. She licked her lips and tried to concentrate on her words. “I… it surprised me.”
Caleb’s thumbs rubbed circles on her shoulders. “I’m sorry. I’m sure it was a shock, hearing his voice like that. If I thought for a minute he would do anything other than apologize, I would never have allowed it.”
He was a trickster. That was all there was to it. She’d been determined to give him a piece of her mind. That is, until she’d looked in his eyes.
Lily shook her head and shifted her position, turning her back to him. She busied herself taking food out of the bag. “Are you staying, or do you have to get back out on patrol?”
Silence met her question, so she peeked over her shoulder. He stood right where she’d left him, but he waited until her eyes connected with his before answering. “My temporary partner is waiting down in the car, so I should go. Will you still be at the barbecue on Thursday?”
She nodded.
“Are you still mad?”
She was tempted to say yes, but she would be lying. With a frustrated sigh, Lily said, “No, but I wish I was.”
Caleb threw his head back and laughed. He stepped closer to her and turned her to face him fully. With a finger under her chin, he gently lifted her face. Humor still danced in his eyes, but so did a lot of other emotions she wasn’t ready to identify. He started to lean in, and she fought the urge to meet him. He blinked and pulled himself back the tiniest bit. “You’re something else, Lily Ziminski. I look forward to Thursday.”
He was gone from her apartment before she could do anything to stop him. Not that she wanted to stop him. Of course not. It wasn’t as if she’d needed to force her feet to stay flat on the ground so she wouldn’t reach up on tiptoes and lean into the kiss she’d thought was coming. Kissing had been the last thing on her mind. After all, she’d barely met the man, for pity’s sake!
Not true. They were well past the informally introduced phase. Even so, the two halves of her brain continued to argue the point.
She certainly didn’t know him well enough for kissing. Let alone drowning in his eyes or melting under his touch.
Mechanically, she slogged over and flipped the deadbolt on her door. Then she rested her back against it just as Caleb had done. She stared across her living room to her dinner and dessert. There was no denying it. Lily had never reacted so strongly to a man’s presence before. She was in big trouble.
Ah, but trouble had never felt so good.
As far as Caleb was concerned, Thursday had taken way too long in coming. A flip of the wrist revealed it was three in the afternoon. One hour until Lily arrived.
He stopped in the kitchen to see if Ma needed anything.
“Shoo! Get out of here! This is what I do best, so let me do it.”
He raised his hands in surrender and backed out onto the deck. Only a fool fought with a woman while she was preparing the meal, and he was no fool.
All told, his mom had invited twenty people. They wouldn’t all be able to make it, but the truth was, she’d only asked the other folks because he’d insisted she not get carried away and turn it into a two-person party. Even though he would have liked that.
The memory of their almost-kiss had infiltrated his dreams more than he cared to admit. A private party — arranged by his mom, no less — wouldn’t win him any points. Not this early in the relationship. She’d made her feelings clear on that front. Ambushes didn’t sit well with her. He needed to rein Ma in until he and Lily got a chance to know each other better. Until he could actually use the word relationship. Out loud.
He needed to rein himself in, too.
The day before, Caleb had followed Ma’s instructions to a tee. The backyard was filled with tables and chairs set up in scattered groupings. The grill was scrubbed and polished, and the insect-repelling candles liberally decorated all the available surfaces.
Another glance at his watch. Three fifteen. Would the clock not go any faster?
With his long stride, Caleb made it to the back of the yard in record time. Once he pushed through the trees standing sentry, he caught sight of his target. He stood on the bank of the burbling creek and listened to nature’s melody. Serenity normally washed over him whenever he st
ood near the water. That spot was his favorite place on his parents’ expansive property — now his mom’s property. Tranquility, however, remained elusive that day. Caleb sensed its edge nearby, teasing him with its comfort, so he did the only other practical thing that came to mind. He prayed.
God, my heart’s racing, my palms are sweaty, and I’m tempted to look in the mirror to check for zits. Please calm me. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve waited for such a long time for marriage, or because Lily’s the one You have for me. Is she the one? Please make Your way clear and help me to treat her the way she deserves. If You could give me a hand, too, so it’s not obvious to her how nervous I am, I’d be much obliged. Okay. I’m going now. But so You know, either way — whether she’s the one or not — thank You for bringing her into my life. She’s something else.
A sensible man would accept that he should take things slow. He would spend time getting acquainted with the woman who’d snagged his interest. He had spent a lifetime trusting his gut, though, trusting the instinct coming from deep down in his soul — the Holy Spirit, by Ma’s way of thinking. Did that mean the Holy Spirit was telling him Lily would be a whole lot more in his life than just a woman he’d almost ticketed, just his mom’s nurse, or just anything?
Any inkling of doubt he held on the matter fled the moment her car pulled into the wide circular drive in front of the house. The sight of that unforgettable silver sedan chased all his nerves away. With a calm and confident stride, he sauntered out to meet her. He was past the point of turning back. She was his, and that was all there was to it.
He decided against telling her yet, though. Sounding like a crazed fanatic wouldn’t help his cause.
Caleb tugged his hat down to block the sun as Lily climbed from her car. Her blond hair was free from restraint for the first time since he’d met her. It hung to the middle of her back, mostly straight with a little bounce. She wore makeup, but only a light touch.
