“Not this time. You both wanted it this way.”
Nick turned to Nina. He opened his mouth to speak, but words didn’t trickle out.
“You can trust her,” Nina said.
“Okay,” Nick said, rising to his feet. “But don’t be too tough on Roland. He needs a lot of attention. He’s sort of like a dog that way.” He took Mei Lee’s hand and vanished.
“Well, it appears it’s our turn,” said Roland, peering down at Nina. “Shall we?”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Nick appeared with Mei Lee at the Hall of Records in the middle of an endless aisle. Among row after row of leather-bound hardcover books, he spotted one with the name Nina Gilford in elegant cursive writing along the spine. It looked to contain about five hundred pages.
He removed it from the shelf. Because he didn’t expect the book to weigh more than a few pounds, he was shocked to discover that it weighed over twenty pounds. The volume almost slipped from his grasp, but he clutched it tight and lifted it up. He didn’t think he could get used to the strange physics in this dimension. He flipped over the cover, but thought better of going any further. Instead, he turned to Mei Lee. “What were you and Roland arguing about?”
“Roland didn’t want you and Nina to exist on earth at the same time.”
“That’s all? I thought it would have been a bigger deal.”
“Believe me: that is a big deal when we’re talking about soul mates.”
“What?” he said, trying to remain focused to avoid letting his thoughts spin out of control. “Me and Nina are soul mates?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Nina said you could trust me.”
“What makes you think I trust Nina?”
Mei Lee revealed a glowing smile. “You do trust her. But I’m guessing you don’t know why.”
He couldn’t have summed up his thoughts and feelings any better than that. From the moment he met Nina in the diner, Nick couldn’t understand the strong connection they shared. If what Mei Lee said was true, he now had an answer. “This feels like an arranged marriage. I mean, I just met Nina. And now I’m told that we’re soul mates? That’s a lot of pressure. Okay, assuming you’re right, why is it such a big deal to live on earth at the same time?”
“Because earth is a battlefield.”
“I thought ‘Love is a Battlefield.”
Mei Lee looked perplexed.
“Pat Benatar.”
“Who?”
“’Hit Me With Your Best Shot.’”
“I’m not going to hit you.”
“No, it’s another song of hers: Pat Benatar. You’ve got to expand your horizons when it comes to music.” That gave him another thought. “If this is heaven, why isn’t there any music? I thought there were supposed to be angels singing overhead. And what about the babies with wings who go around shooting people with arrows?”
“Babies? Wings? Arrows?” She shook her head in confusion.
“You know, babies go around shooting people in the heart with arrows.”
“You mean Cupid?”
“Doesn’t it seem a little vicious to have a baby floating around shooting people in the chest with an arrow? God has a wicked sense of humor.”
“I can only guess you’re thinking about babies with wings plucking the harpsichord. Cupid is a boyish figure in mythology. Those he shoots with his arrow are overcome with uncontrollable desire for another person.”
“Sort of like soul mates.”
“Did Roland and I appear overcome with uncontrollable desire for each other?”
“You sure were passionate about arguing. The way I see it, if you didn’t care so much for each other then you wouldn’t have felt so strongly about your opinions.”
Mei Lee’s bland expression morphed into one of respect. “I like you, Nick.”
He leaned toward her, as though confiding a secret. “Sorry, I’m taken. Apparently by a woman I barely know.” He slapped the book in his hand. “It probably says so in here. Am I right?”
“You are.”
“Back to what we were talking about; earth being a living hell. Love and war are constantly entangled. And war usually wins, so what’s the point of it all?”
“Despite all the torment, people continue to hope and dream. The spirit never dies. If people truly thought life on earth was so terrible, why would they want to bring children into the world?”
“My thoughts exactly,” Nick said, not meeting her eyes.
“You don’t believe that. You want children. I can tell.”
He laughed off the comment. “Right.”
“You’re not a liar, Nick. You’re just afraid. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of. When you live on earth, it’s hard not to be afraid. But only those who face their fears and do what they want anyway are the ones who live life to the fullest. And you, Nick, are someone who lives life to the fullest.”
This made him look into her eyes. “You don’t know anything about me.”
“Nick Malloy? You’re right. I don’t know anything about him. But your soul? I know that person deep down. I know him better than you do. You see, we’ve met before Nick. We’ve spent a lot of time together. Nina is one of my closest friends, and you two have been inseparable for ages.”
“In heaven,” he said with a chuckle. “Right.”
“Roland mentioned that, despite everything you’ve experienced, you continue to believe you’re dreaming.”
“That’s right. It makes sense. I don’t believe in…” He lifted both arms on either side of him. “…all this.”
“You don’t believe in it, or you’re scared to believe in it?”
“I’m not scared of anything.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Okay, if you know me so well, name something I’m scared of?”
“Love.”
“You’re insane. I loved my mother. I loved my brother. And according to you, I’ve loved Nina for a long time. Nice try.”
“You said love in the past tense three times. You don’t love anybody. Least of all yourself.”
“I don’t have to listen to this.” He placed Nina’s book back on the shelf.
“No, but you want to. Because you want to love. And you want a reason to love yourself. But you’re scared. Even here. But you can’t lose anyone here because they’ve already died. Have you seen your mother yet? How about your brother?”
He was about to walk away, but mention of his family made him stop in his tracks. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Mei Lee made sense; he was afraid to love, to give himself over to the possibility of letting another person in. He’d lost his entire family, and while those relationships helped mold his personality, his morals, and how he viewed the world, he also knew that a romantic relationship, one where he shared his deepest dreams, thoughts, and feelings would encourage him to share all of himself. But whomever he shared himself with would one day die, leaving a crater sized hole that would exceed the pain he’d endured after his family members died.
“I’ve seen my brother.”
“How is he doing? Or did you not have the strength of character to speak with him?”
“I wasn’t afraid. I hurried after him twice, but he left me. Both times.”
“And why do you think that is? If he cared about you, don’t you think he’d want to spend time with you?”
“It’s a dream, and dreams don’t make sense. You’re off topic again. Why won’t you tell me why Roland didn’t want me and Nina to live on earth at the same time?”
“Because it’s dangerous.”
“Dangerous? On earth, among a group of women, saying that soul mates shouldn’t be together won’t make you the most popular person in the room.”
“Have you ever given extensive thought to the idea of soul mates?”
“Like sitting around for two days without food and water with only that thought on my mind? No, I can’t say that I have.”
“Smart ass.”
“Whoa. Did you just…” He gazed skyward. “Did you hear that? She cursed. What kind of punishment should we dole out?”
“If you don’t want answers—”
“Okay,” he said, raising both hands in surrender. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Please continue.”
“On earth, why do you think we’re always looking for our soul mate?”
“I don’t believe in soul mates. In my opinion, the whole idea that in a world of seven billion people, you can find your other half is ludicrous.”
“I agree.”
Nick hadn’t anticipated that response. “You do?”
“Wholeheartedly. It’s why we rarely recommend that soul mates live on earth at the same time.”
“So you’re saying it’s possible.”
“You’re proof of that. I’m just saying it’s not a popular decision.”
“So Nina and I decided to be on earth at the same time?” He gave her a skeptical stare. “Why would we do that?”
“You’re like me. You want to experience a lot during each incarnation, so you won’t need to return to earth too often.”
“How many times have I lived on earth?”
“Twenty-three. But for every trip you took, Nina visited almost six times. She isn’t as courageous as you are. In the past, she preferred only a little spiritual development at a time, but she wanted to become braver. Otherwise, she feared that you two might grow apart.”
“But soul mates are forever, right?”
“Yes. But they may separate. It’s uncommon, but it happens.”
“She’s afraid that I might leave her?” He entertained the concept of soul mates because deep down, he wanted it believe it was true. Nothing would have pleased him more.
Mei Lee said, “Nina just needs a little push to challenge herself. She knew that you were strong enough to deal with any hardship, so she wanted to be by our side while you both encounter the difficult journey ahead of you.”
“You know what our life will be like on earth?”
“If you return? I have no idea.”
“You and Roland have talked about a chart. What’s that all about?”
“You and Nina consulted us about your intention to return to earth during the same lifetime. I agreed because I thought Nina needed this test. Roland obviously still disagrees with this course of action. We met with council members to argue your case.”
“There are lawyers in heaven?” Nick asked with a smirk. “No wonder everyone sues each other on earth: if they do it in heaven, the most perfect place in existence, then why not do it on earth?”
“I didn’t say we have lawyers. But Roland and I brought your case to the council and represented you and Nina on your behalf.”
“Who are these council members? Is it like on earth? You just meet them behind closed doors, hand them some cash, and you both go your separate ways?”
Mei Lee stared at him. “That pessimism is why I don’t want to return to earth for quite some time still. But no, the council is composed of mature, responsible individuals who have never visited Earth. So they are untouched by the slightest bit of cynicism. But God has exposed them to the harsh realities of life on earth, so they are aware of the difficulties that await us during each incarnation. The council serves as God’s spokesmen when it comes to those who want to revisit earth. They make certain that the goals and objectives that each person hopes to experience or accomplish on earth are not made without great consideration.”
“So you’re saying that, in heaven, we draw up our future life on earth then go down and live that existence?”
“Yes.”
“But I thought you said you don’t know what my future will be like with Nina.”
“I don’t even know if you’ll have a future with Nina. When you two created your contract with God, you decided not to write anything beyond this point in time.”
“Why?”
“Only you, Nina, and God know the reasons.”
“But you’re saying we can create the future? How about if wanted to win the lottery? How would that work? Do I just write it down in that book, and say, ‘when I’m thirty five, I want to win a million dollars, and then when I hit that age, I just enter a convenience store, purchase a ticket, and a day later, I’m rich?’”
“It’s not that easy. Before each incarnation, you determine what you hope to learn and experience in order to perfect your soul.”
He adopted a serious tone and facial expression: “Yes, ladies and gentlemen, if you find heaven a little stuffy and boring, might I suggest the promise of death and destruction on the number one destination getaway in the universe: earth. Here you’ll find all of the murder and catastrophe you can ever ask for.”
Mei Lee looked somber at his pessimism.
But Nick couldn’t stop himself: “If you’ve always been curious what it’s like to be an alcoholic or suffer from cancer, look no further than this blue planet. Here you can live out your dreams of homelessness or live a lonely existence without friends or family.” Only after making that last remark about living without his family did he become energized with animosity. “You’re telling me that I wanted my parents to die? That I hoped my brother would leave me? Why? Am I just really twisted?”
“Your parents and brother had their own reasons for cutting their lives short.”
“They wouldn’t have wanted to die.”
“How do you know? Have you checked out their charts? Have you discussed this with them?”
“This is crazy. You’re crazy.”
“You talked about all of the horrible atrocities that occur on earth. People always ask why God would let that happen. What kind of God would want His children to suffer that way? You see, we are the ones who need these catastrophes to happen. It helps us learn. It helps us empathize. It helps us perfect our souls. So I ask you, what was learned from Hitler’s dictatorship? That an entire nation might follow the ranting of a madman. And how do we, as people, learn from the consequences of his reign? He slaughtered millions of people. Have we had another World War since then? Political leaders created NATO to encourage countries to cooperate and help ensure that similar events are not repeated.
“Yet look at what happened with Osama Bin Laden. He arranged for thousands of people to die on September 11th in the name of religion. What could humanity learn from this tragedy? That people need to reconsider what religion means to each of us and the role that it plays in our lives. After all, a loving God would never condone these attacks. Because that event shattered so many lives, countries have stepped up their defense against terrorism, which will unfortunately always exist, but perhaps now to a lesser degree than in the past.”
“But you’re still saying that those people who died in World War II and on 9/11 volunteered to die. Why would someone do that? That makes no sense.”
“It’s not as clear-cut as you make it seem. But each of those people made that decision for reasons that you may never know. One person may have sacrificed herself to help a friend or family member understand how fragile life is when it’s lost. Another may have done so to show someone else not to take life for granted. A third may have done so to help a colleague know what real loss feels like. When any person dies, they do so for the benefit of others: to help those they were close with to grow. After all, when they pass away, they return to heaven. Death does not really exist if you can continue to incarnate.”
“I don’t get it. It makes no sense that someone would want to get raped or tortured.”
“When you’re creating your chart, you don’t add specific tragedies. That’s why we call it a chart. It’s not a narrative, where you list event after event. That’s not possible. Each of us on earth has free will. A chart is an outline. We mark events that will happen during certain periods of our lives. No one would want to be tortured. How many people would have volunteered to enter a gas chamber during World War II? How many people would have visited the World Trade Center on Sep
tember 11th – if they knew what would happen on that day? Whether good or bad, our charts provide an outline for what will happen during our lives.”
“So you’re saying my parents and my brother opted to die to help me learn something?”
“Not necessarily. Their deaths may have touched many other lives in ways you couldn’t conceive. But most often, when family members do die, their loss affects their relatives the most. And after grieving, those who are left behind should examine what could be learned from the departed: how we treat each other; what’s important in life; how to live. There are countless lessons to consider.”
Nick had never known why God would allow people to suffer or die, but Mei Lee’s statement that people had chosen this outcome, with the intent of helping others better themselves, seemed plausible. But if that was the case, what did he learn from his parents’ and brother’s death? In the years since those tragedies, Nick had avoided close relationships. Their deaths had convinced him that building strong bonds, only to have them torn asunder, should be avoided at all costs. But now, upon contemplating Mei Lee’s statements, Nick wondered what to take away from the losses he’d endured.
He didn’t need more than a minute to realize that he’d taken the wrong path in the years since his family members died. Just like every family, there were misinterpretations and some occasional bitterness, but overall, Nick now understood that he should have spent more time with them, so that instead of regretting what he no longer had, he could forge ahead knowing what he could once more have if he encouraged people into his life, rather than keeping others at arm’s length.
It made him question what he could have learned from catching his father cheat on his mother. Perhaps instead of fearing that he’d become like his father, he should have been more determined to avoid that fate. It seemed simple enough. But then, introspection often seemed clearer with enough time and distance.
This new outlook left him stunned and humbled.
“You look shell-shocked. It’s not the right time to look at Nina’s chart. How would you feel about going to a concert?
“A concert? In heaven?”
Just Like Heaven Page 14
