by Kate Hardy
Eli frowned. “You were a kid?”
Callie nearly choked on her mac and cheese, and she heard Matt’s muffled laugh. “Of course he was, Eli,” she gasped. “All grown-ups were kids once.”
“You okay, Callie?” Matt asked, the sorrow in his gaze replaced by amusement.
“Fine,” she managed to reply. She reached for her water glass. Kids and their impeccable timing.
Matt told them stories about their dad, about the dog he never did get, though not for lack of trying, and Callie was relieved Matt worded things in such a way as not to encourage them to take matters into their own hands. The last thing she needed was to have them decide to get a dog on their own, which was actually how the story of Jason wanting a dog had ended. His parents had made him return the puppy, and he’d ever afterward teased them that he was still traumatized from the incident, even as an adult.
When the main course was over, she brought in the box of cookies and let them choose one beautifully decorated sugar cookie each. Matt had bought cookies in the shapes of trains and trucks, which were a hit, of course. When the kids went to wash up, she began to clear the table.
He helped her pick up the plates, but she shooed him out of the kitchen. “It’ll only take me a few minutes to do this.” Also, she was far less likely to drop something if he wasn’t right there, taking up all the air in the room and making her nervous.
He put the plates in the sink. “All right. I’ll go play with the boys, if that’s okay.”
“That’s fine,” she murmured, and tried not to focus on the rear view as he left the kitchen. She shut her eyes instead. Then opened them quickly when she realized how stupid she’d look, standing there with her eyes closed, if he turned and caught her.
Callie heard the rattling of the Lego bricks as the boys opened the cartons, and then the chatter of their voices and the lower tones of Matt’s. While it was a happy sound, it still made her heart hurt. She braced her arms on the counter and let her head fall forward.
Tears blurred her vision for just a moment. Jason had never gotten the chance to play with Lego sets with his sons. They’d been far too little when he died. Liam hadn’t been two yet. It should have been Jason in there—but it wasn’t, and no amount of wishing would make it so.
She shrugged her shoulders and focused on cleaning the kitchen. It was sweet of Matt to make time for her boys. After all, they were an important link for him, too, to the friend he’d lost.
She went out there after she’d put the last plate in the dishwasher. Truthfully, she could have waited on cleaning up. It was a pretty simple meal. But it was a kind of buffer between her and these weird feelings she was experiencing toward Matt, and she needed to shore up her defenses again. Laughter—and a friendly bark—erupted from the living room, and she dried her hands on a towel before she went back out to see what was going on. She had to pause when she caught sight of them.
Both boys were piled on Matt, and he was laughing along with them. Aldo was in there, too, tongue lolling and tail going a mile a minute. Lego towers had collapsed and scattered—maybe due to the tail—and she thought there was a block under Matt’s hip, but he never let on. The boys laughed gleefully, full-on belly laughs that made her smile even as her heart stuttered. She made herself walk in there, and hoped her pounding heart wasn’t obvious to Matt.
“Wow, what are you guys doing to Mr. Bowden?” she teased, and he caught her eye with a wink. Her mouth actually went dry. If a man playing with her kids could make her all mushy inside—and it wasn’t as if there weren’t people to play with them—what did that mean? Why this man? Why now?
“We’ve got him, Mama!” Eli shrieked, and Liam laughed his big baby laugh. She opened her mouth to say something about indoor voices, but then closed it again.
“I see that. Don’t hurt him, guys,” she said instead, and they laughed harder. She sat on the couch and tucked her feet under her and watched the show, amusement warring with worry. This was not what she’d expected to happen. This was...bonding. Aldo came over and sat in front of her, his big head cocked to the side. She gave in and rubbed him between the ears, but couldn’t quell the feeling that she needed to stop this. Now. Before it got any worse.
She clapped her hands to get their attention. “Okay, guys, pick up. Time to get ready for bed.” She couldn’t have bonding. That was bad. It meant they were becoming emotionally attached to Matt, which meant they could get hurt. Matt must have heard the slight edge of panic in her voice, because he looked up and caught both boys in a hug.
“You heard your mom. Let’s get this cleaned up.” Over the grumbles, they all picked up, then Callie directed them toward the bedrooms to collect their jammies and get ready for baths.
“Thanks for coming,” she said, knowing she was being unspeakably rude to practically shove Matt out the door like this, but unable to stop herself. To his credit, he swiftly snagged his jacket, snapped on Aldo’s leash and moved toward the door.
“Thanks so much for dinner, Callie,” he said, and she couldn’t meet his eyes.
“You’re welcome,” she managed to reply, and shut the door behind them. Then she could breathe again, once he wasn’t taking up all the oxygen in the whole house. She rested her head on the door. Now she felt crappy for booting him out, but it had all been way too cozy for her peace of mind.
She couldn’t risk it.
* * *
Matt walked home slowly. Callie’s neighbor, who did day care in her home, was getting out of her car as he and Aldo came down the front steps. He returned her wave and didn’t miss, even in the gathering darkness, the look of blatant speculation she sent toward Callie’s house.
Callie wouldn’t like that.
Not after what he’d seen in her eyes. Panic, pure and simple. Somehow he’d crossed a line and it had freaked her out. All evening she’d watched him carefully, clearly not comfortable with him in her house as he played with her kids. She’d been especially spooked when the currents between the two of them flowed hot. But she’d made the effort to be friendly for her children’s sake, and for the sake of her husband’s memory.
Matt kicked a stone as he walked up his own driveway. He’d like to chalk this evening up to a favor for a buddy’s widow, but it was clearly more than that. He was attracted to her, and that was something he’d have to quash if he wanted to be around her and her boys. Clearly, the whole idea was unpalatable to her.
Aldo whined as Matt unlocked the door, and he rubbed the dog’s head. “Want to go for a run?” he asked, and Aldo responded with the whole-body wiggle and a yelp. “All right. Let me change and we’ll go.”
One thing he’d always loved was night runs. It wasn’t something he’d been able to do in Afghanistan. So he and Aldo headed out into the cool night. Chilly, but not raining or snowing. The sidewalks were mostly snow-free, because it had been warm enough to do some melting today. Pretty decent for late March in Michigan. The streets were quiet enough, some traffic, but he wanted to avoid too much foot traffic. It made Aldo nervous, and Matt had made too much progress with the dog to undo it now. Not unlike Callie, he supposed. She was fighting her own personal war and there wasn’t much he could do. He didn’t know what Jason would want him to do. Watch out for them, sure. Make certain she was okay and maybe even happy. But Matt didn’t think that was what Callie wanted. He wasn’t sure what had spooked her tonight—though he could guess. He’d clicked with her kids.
Who did he honor? His longtime friend? Or the friend’s widow, to whom he was attracted?
Matt shoved it all away and focused on the fall of his feet against the sidewalk, a familiar rhythm, and the way Aldo loped a little bit ahead, tongue lolling. His head blessedly emptied of all thoughts—but Callie and her panicked eyes were still there, in the back of his mind.
* * *
“So. I saw one superhunky neighbor leavin
g your house last night,” Colleen teased the next morning, after the boys had disappeared into the day care part of the house. Callie felt her face turn bright red as her mouth dropped open. She hadn’t actually planned for this, on top of a night spent tossing and turning, and full of dreams of Matt kissing her—kissing her, dear God. It hadn’t occurred to her that someone would see him coming or going. And draw conclusions. That were completely wrong, of course.
“Um. Yeah,” she said, her recovery slow and awkward, but still... “He just stopped in to see the boys. Since he knew Jason and all.” She busied herself with backpacks, and wished the kids hadn’t abandoned her so quickly.
Colleen made a noise in her throat that could have meant anything. “Okay.”
“Colleen—” Callie started, but her friend stopped her, holding up a hand. “I know, Callie. I won’t say anything. Well, that’s not true,” she amended, and Callie had to smile. “I’ll say he seems like a great guy. And I know you could use a great guy in your life.”
Callie’s smile faded. “No. We’re fine just how we are.”
Colleen didn’t push it, but her look said volumes. “Are you?”
Of course they were. She’d worked very hard to be sure they were. It was her main priority. A great guy in her life? Other than her boys, that wasn’t on the list.
* * *
That evening, a respectable amount of time after Matt pulled into the driveway, Callie trekked over to his house. She knocked, half hoping he wouldn’t answer. He tugged open the door a few seconds later, disheveled and sweaty in a T-shirt and gym shorts that showed off—oh, my—powerful thighs. She wanted—inexplicably—to lick him all over.
Not helpful.
“Can I help you?” he asked, sounding slightly amused, and she realized she’d been staring. There was no hiding the resulting heat that swept up her neck.
She cleared her throat. Her voice seemed to be stuck. “Did I interrupt something?”
“Not really. I just finished my workout.”
“Ah.” Her mind blanked at the thought of him lifting weights. Muscles flexing. Mmm...
“Callie?” Now he sounded really amused.
She blinked. “Right. Sorry. Been a long day. Listen, I just wanted to apologize for my rudeness last night,” she said, and made herself meet those amazing blue eyes. Here was the tricky part. She didn’t want to admit how badly she’d freaked out. “It just got a little—overwhelming.”
“I know.” He leaned on the door.
“You know?” she repeated. Her stomach dropped. She’d hoped she’d been a little more subtle. Apparently not.
“Yeah. I could tell. Where are the kids?”
She glanced over her shoulder. “In the house. Standing in the doorway so they can see me.” Matt looked around her and waved, and they waved back at him excitedly. What did he mean, he could tell? How could he read her? He didn’t know her, not really. “I’m really sorry. I never should have run you out of the house like I did last night.” It still made her wince, that she’d gotten so panicky over them playing. Bonding.
“Callie. It’s okay,” he said softly, and she gave a stiff nod.
“Okay. Just wanted to make sure.”
He caught her arm as she turned, and lightly pulled her around. The heat of his touch, gentle as it was, made her shiver.
“I could tell,” he repeated, his voice slightly rough, “because you looked completely spooked. Not unlike Aldo during a thunderstorm.”
She thought maybe she should be offended, even as, behind him, Aldo raised his head and wagged his tail at the sound of his name. “I’m not—”
“No. You’re not. You’re trying to deal with all this and it got to be too much. No shame in that. You’ve been through hell, Callie. I know that.” Matt released her arm when she gave a slight tug. The last thing she needed was for Colleen or any other neighbor to look outside and see them...well, see them together, period. “I know that and I know this is a weird situation. So we’ll take it at your pace. I’d love to hang out with your kids. But if it’s too much, and you need to step back, I get it.” He ran his hand over his closely cropped hair. “Jason was important to me, but you were his wife. That means my access to your kids is up to you.”
She stepped back. He was giving her the control here and she appreciated it. “Glad you understand that. And again, I’m sorry.”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, which were understandably wary. “No problem. It was a great dinner. And I enjoyed the company. So did Aldo.”
This time the dog gave a little bark at the sound of his name. She couldn’t help but smile a little.
“That’s good. Well, I’ll let you get back to your workout.”
“Okay.”
She walked back across the street and felt his gaze on her the whole way. She kept her steps measured, even though she wanted to run, because she really didn’t want him to know she wanted to run. And hide. And ignore him until these feelings went so far away they never came back.
CHAPTER FIVE
THE BOYS WERE wiggling at the front door when she walked back up to her own house.
“Can we see Aldo?” Eli demanded, and Callie made herself smile.
“Not today, kiddo.” Goodness, all this fuss over a dog. She ushered them back a bit so she could step in, and didn’t look over her shoulder. What if Matt was watching? What if he wasn’t? Both options gave her a little flutter, which she tried to ignore.
It was silly either way.
Her phone rang as she was steering the boys toward bedtime. A quick glance revealed it to be her mother-in-law.
“Hi, Maureen.” She tucked the phone on her shoulder and pulled jammies out for Liam.
“Hi, Callie,” Maureen Marshall said. “Listen, Joe and I were wondering if we could take the boys this weekend. Overnight on Saturday, to be exact. We can get tickets to the Sesame Street Live show and thought maybe they’d enjoy that. I know it’s kind of short notice, but...” She trailed off.
Callie smiled at Liam and tweaked his nose as she handed him the jammies and stepped back to let him try to put them on. “It’s fine. I think they’d like it.” And maybe she could pick up a shift at the salon Saturday morning. The extra money would be useful.
“Okay, good. Thanks, Callie. Do you have to work? We can pick them up beforehand.”
“No, but I’ll see if I can get a shift,” she replied as she helped Liam yank the pajama top over his head. He had a really big head and she liked to say it was because he had a big—and very smart—brain.
They settled on a time. She’d offered to meet them somewhere, but Maureen insisted on making the full trip over to them. It wasn’t a long drive, but it saved Callie half an hour or so of her morning.
“Guess what?” she told the kids after she hung up. “You can go to Grandma and Grandpa’s this weekend. Would you like that?”
Their excited squeals made her laugh. She hugged each boy in turn and said, “It’s still a few days away. But it will be fun to look forward to.”
“So, tomorrow?” Eli asked, and she dropped a kiss on his head and chuckled.
“Nope. Saturday. Today’s Wednesday, so two more days.” She pulled the covers back on each boy’s bed.
She got them tucked in and went through all the rituals. She knew they were just stalling, even with Liam’s eyes barely open, but she couldn’t help but play along. They wouldn’t be little for long. All too soon they’d be too big for her to tuck in. She would put that moment off for as long as possible.
* * *
Lori’s eyes lit up the next morning when Callie asked about working on Saturday. “As it turns out, yes, I could definitely use you. Dawn can’t make it and we’ve got that wedding to do. So if you can take Dawn’s place, that saves me from having to reschedule her clients
.” Lori studied the book. They inputted appointments and schedules into the computer, too, but she preferred the paper schedule for a quick glance.
“I can,” Callie confirmed, and Lori penciled her in. Callie would be here in plenty of time for the nine-thirty appointment. And she’d be done at noon or so. Which actually gave her pretty much the whole day to do—what? She didn’t think about it too much. Just decided she’d get a jump start on yard work and spring cleaning. Not a bad way to spend a kid-free day.
“Excellent. On another note,” Lori said, “Sharon called in this morning, so it’s just you and me. Her daughter is sick again.” Her boss tapped her pencil on the book. “I’m trying to reschedule whatever doesn’t fit into our schedules.”
“That’s fine,” Callie said, and Lori turned the book so Callie could see it. She noted her nearly full schedule. Her heart sank just a little at the very last appointment of the day—a color. It’d take awhile, which meant she’d pick the boys up later than usual. “Looks good. I’ll call Colleen and let her know I’ll be a little late.”
Lori put her finger on the color appointment. “Are you sure? I can reschedule it. I know it’s late for you. I’ve got one at the same time or I’d take it.”
Callie shook her head and smiled. “It’s fine. Eli and Liam love being at Colleen’s. They won’t even notice if I’m late.” She meant it as a joke, but unfortunately the words fell into the “sad but true” category.
Lori slipped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “Oh, I think they’ll notice. They love you and they know how much you love them. But you’re right, they’ll be okay.”
Lori had been a rock for Callie through the dark days. She’d been there, held the job open for her until she emerged from the fog of grief enough to be able to function in the real world. She’d called her and brought her food once a week, and made sure she ate otherwise. Callie owed her a lot more than staying a little late to pick up some slack.
“You’re a great friend,” Callie said, even though the words were inadequate.
