“What about you? Do you talk to those friends anymore?”
She started to look embarrassed and stared at her hands in her lap. “I don’t have any friends. Everybody at this school thinks I’m a freak.”
“Why?” She was an odd girl and I probably would have never been her best friend before my death, but there must have been tons of weird kids in our school. They outnumbered normal people.
“I’m the weird sister of the freak who killed himself and came back to life. There were already rumors about us before. Kids can be cruel.”
I couldn’t let that slide. I was too concerned for my wellbeing. “What kind of rumors?”
“I don’t wanna say. Forgive me, but I think it would be nice if one person could just judge me by getting to know me first.”
“I completely understand.” Maria’s eyes were so sad that it made me feel guilty, as if I somehow participated in the gossiping myself. In my head, maybe I was. I didn’t think any theories, but I wanted to hear them in case I was in danger.
“Besides, Julian didn’t make things better. He was completely off the rails when he came back from the dead.”
Well, I couldn’t help but be interested in that as well! “How so?”
“He started doing drugs; he was drinking, and partying every night. He’d disappear days at a time. I didn’t know where he’d run off to. He was even a little violent.”
I instantly thought of all of my fears while the two of us were under that bridge. I knew it was the demon that made me think that I couldn’t trust him, but just because it was evil didn’t mean that what it was saying was completely unwarranted. “Did he ever hurt you?”
“Not me. He might have been crazy at the time, but we were still emotionally close then. He got into a lot of fights, but always outside of school. He always won by a landslide. He’s lucky the cops never took him in.”
Maybe the demon was right and it was looking out for the body it was trying to steal. Julian talked about war so much and he wanted to turn me into a demon hunting machine. It was clear that he had no remorse for going after people who were once human. “I want your honest opinion.” It was freaky how he caught that tire iron and threatened me or rather the demon. I knew I needed his help, but at the end of the day, it wouldn’t matter if I weren’t alive. “Do you think I should hang around him?”
Maria was upset that I had to ask that question, but she was never uncertain of her answer. “Well, I can’t imagine what he must have gone through and what he’s still going through. If he wants to let you in, I think it would be great if you could accept that. He’s not violent anymore or using. I mean, he might fight, but not unless he was provoked.”
I didn’t know what it was like to have a sibling, but I found myself wishing that someone was looking out for me like that. Even though Julian turned his back on her, she still loved him immensely. “Are you two really not that close anymore? Maybe you could have helped him get out of his funk.”
“He won’t let me.” She smiled and chuckled, but it was bitter. “He thinks I’m evil. He thinks everyone is evil.”
“I’m so sorry.” Julian must have been a paranoid psycho if he thought he couldn’t be around his sister. I didn’t know anything about her, but at least she cared. That’s more than most people have. That’s more than what I had. “Maybe things will change between the two of you. I’ll do whatever I can to put you both together.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate it.” I didn’t expect her to be the affectionate type, but she grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. “I know I said you’re not his type, but you should be. You’re wonderful. Hopefully, you’ll be my friend.”
“Of course.” I hoped she didn’t think I was going to fall for Julian simply because she wanted me to, but I could at least stomach being around him. If his sister were so sweet, then there had to be the tiniest bit of hope for him.
I didn’t pry anymore about Julian, because I thought it was best that I get as much information as I could from the direct source. If he ignored me, then I would come back to Maria. In the meantime, she gave me a couple of lessons in Latin. I thought it would be interesting to learn something that most people would never think about. Plus, we could communicate without worrying about everyone else hearing what we were saying. I also knew that it would mean a lot to Maria if she could let someone else in her private world since her brother was being a total tool.
Some point during our lesson, a group of four girls started taking an interest and watching us from afar. I’m not sure what they wanted, but they were glaring and smirking as well as giggling. The longer the day went on, the more obsessed they were with observing me. “Who are those girls?”
Maria shrugged. “They’re dolls trying to be real.”
They were pretty girls, made up too pretty for gym class. I could tell from their posture who was the head honcho. The prettiest brunette kind of stood above the rest of them and she was the most involved in observing me and glared the most. “Why are they so concerned with me?”
“I’m not sure. Usually, people like us are usually ignored or made fun of.”
“People like ‘us’?”
“People like you who would hang around people like me.” Maria smiled as if amused. “Sorry, but I just branded you.”
I didn’t mind if I didn’t fit in with them. Finding one friend was more than I hoped for and I already had Maria, a potential boyfriend in Michael, and whatever Julian was supposed to be to me. I didn’t need to fit in with four girls that I knew absolutely nothing about. “Maria, you have nothing to apologize about.”
I thought it was great that I got to meet a caring girl like Maria. I didn’t exactly feel that connection between anyone else in my other classes throughout the day, but I didn’t really feel lonely. I was just bored. It was nice to know that my super expensive private school was well worth the money. I was ahead of the classes and I was placed in advanced courses. The only class I was dreading was Advanced Physics, because I wasn’t so great at it. I wanted to take a normal physics class, but I would have been overqualified.
I got to class a little early, since I wasn’t going back and forth to my locker like most other kids. I wanted to find a good seat in the back of the classroom, but Julian was already waiting inside for me at a desk in the front row. I would have ignored his fake smile when I came inside, but I was too surprised. “What are you doing in here?”
“This is my class.”
“This is Advanced Physics.” I didn’t mean to be condescending, but I was genuinely surprised.
“I know. I’m the top student.” He gleamed with pride about that. “What? You assumed I was an idiot?”
“No, but I certainly didn’t peg you for brilliant.” It also sucked that he also knew more about something than I did once again. “It’s a little hard to swallow that a guy with that much eyeliner actually has a brain.”
“Are you actually complimenting me?”
“I thought the insult was obvious.”
“But that’s only your defense mechanism, so I looked right through it and saw your secret and overwhelming admiration for me.” The way he smiled and did his flirty eyes really bothered me. I played along, but I hoped he didn’t think there was even the slightest chance for the two of us to be together.
“Well, since I’m completely rational, I can give dues to those who deserve it. But, in case you need to be reassured of the status of our relationship, I’d like to tell you something.”
“And what’s that?”
I threw my backpack on the desk and leaned in toward his face. “Aliquam odio.”
He looked surprised, but he laughed it off. “You hate me, huh? I guess I saved you this seat for nothing then?” He pulled it out anyway. I swear if he told me he had a crush on me I was going to puke all over him.
“I’ll sit.” I sat down next to him because I was a civilized person and I wanted to prove that I wasn’t being completely irrational toward him. “I would
n’t want my demon attracting me to anyone in the room and we both know I’m totally not interested in you.”
He laughed it off, but something was really bothering him. He just looked uncomfortable. “Since when do you speak Latin?”
I cocked my brow. “I have my ways.”
“And you heard that I speak it?”
“Why else would I be quoting it to you?”
“How did you know?”
He must have obviously known how I heard. Did he not want the reason to be true? “Why did you learn it?”
“It does look good on transcripts,” he spoke sarcastically.
“So do languages that will come in handy like Spanish, French, and Japanese. Besides, no thirteen-year-old kid thinks about learning Latin because he wants to impress colleges.”
He dropped his smile as it became more obvious to him. “How did you know I learned it at thirteen?”
“What’s the big deal?” I knew what Maria told me, but I wasn’t really prepared for it. Julian’s irritation toward his sister bugged the crap out of me.
“Why are you fishing for information?”
“Why are you hiding information?”
He looked away and leaned back in his chair. “There are just some things I don’t wanna talk about. Please respect that.” He was such a stubborn child.
I wondered what kind of secrets he didn’t wanna tell me about. I got that he thought everyone was evil, but he gave such a riveting speech about how we only had each other. Why was he keeping me in the dark? I had to know. “I met your sister today.”
Julian turned back to face me and he was at least mildly angry. “How?”
It seemed like a stupid question and I couldn’t resist the urge of talking to him like he was an idiot. “She’s in my gym class.”
“She shouldn’t be, unless she transferred this morning before school.” I guess he was a psychotic, paranoid, freak if he knew everyone’s schedule.
“Maybe she did.” I shrugged, because I didn’t see how it was a big deal. As a matter of fact, it was a good thing. “Lucky coincidence.”
For whatever reason that Julian wouldn’t say, it really bothered him and he started racking his brain. “Stay away from my sister.”
My mouth dropped. I guess I didn’t want to all the way believe that Julian was crazy and her emotional rejection was amplified because she was his sister, but I guess I was wrong! “She was one of the nicest people here. I could be a friend to this poor girl.”
“She’s bad for you.” He seemed genuinely worried for me and angry at her. “Stay away from her,” he warned.
“She’s your sister and she doesn’t deserve that kind of behavior when she was so nice to me.” Maria probably wasn’t the type to cry, but I could see how miserable she was because of how Julian made her feel. I couldn’t participate in that! I felt like I was constantly betrayed and I killed myself. I couldn’t knowingly make someone feel that way.
“Thanks for this offer, but I’m going to go sit somewhere else, preferably with someone who isn’t a complete and total douchebag!” I gathered my things and moved to the back of the classroom like originally planned. Every time I saw Julian, he made me feel worse about him. How could he feel like humanity was evil when he was a constant jerk? I couldn’t be sarcastic, but wasn’t he committing a sin by being so cruel? Well, screw that!
I could have used Julian’s help in class, but I muddled through the complex equations just to be away from him. He would look back at me every so often, but I would meet him with a glare and continue on working. If I could have put more distance between the two of us, I would have.
When lunchtime came around, I realized that I didn’t have any good options for dinning buddies. I didn’t know who was in my lunch besides Julian, who made a point to follow me. I tried to ditch him, but he was persistent and we were both headed to the same place. When he followed me into the same lunch line, I had to turn around and snap at him. “Leave me alone!”
“I’m afraid that I can’t. You’re a danger to yourself.”
I rolled my eyes. “Give me a break!” The demon hadn’t spoken to me since I tried smashing Julian’s head in. Though I probably should have done it, I didn’t and hadn’t tried since. I had what it took to beat the demon and I didn’t need Julian breathing down my neck.
I spotted Michael from across the cafeteria and bolted toward him as soon as I paid for my lunch. Julian didn’t say anything, but he followed me. I wanted him to for once, because he needed to see what I was going to do. Before Michael was able to greet me at his table, I sat my tray down and kissed him with everything I had.
I knew it wasn’t school appropriate and that I was making quite a scene, especially when the onlookers started cheering us on. I had to take the risk of getting in trouble to show Julian that he didn’t control me and that he couldn’t. It wasn’t the demon either and I knew that to be a fact. I was kissing someone I found to be incredibly sexy and it had nothing to do with good and evil.
I was hoping Julian might go into a rage and reveal exactly how hypocritical and out of control he actually was, but the scream I heard was the shrill of a jealous female. “What are you doing?”
Michael pulled away from me and I saw the brunette from gym class, pissed and teary eyed. “She kissed me and—”
“What?” I yelled.
“Didn’t you?” It was like Michael was daring me to go against his word.
I looked at the brunette looking at me like she wanted to shoot us and Michael looked like I was supposed to take the bullet. “I guess I did and it happened really fast, but…” I was so confused! The brunette didn’t have any right to be so mad at me. “He’s single. What does it matter?”
“Is that what you told her?” she asked Michael, completely heartbroken and horrified.
“Liz, I never said I was single!”
I played back our conversations in my mind. I suppose I didn’t have a file downloaded in my brain of him saying those exact words, but he never gave me any reason to assume that he wasn’t mine for the taking. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend?”
“I didn’t come onto you. You came onto me.”
I couldn’t believe he was throwing me under the bus. Maybe I should have dragged him down with me, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was filled with too much guilt when I looked into the Liz’s eyes. I was so distraught over my best friend hooking up with my ex-boyfriend. I couldn’t imagine what she probably felt since they were actually together. I didn’t want to be the other woman. I just couldn’t be!
I ran away with my tail in between my legs, but not before catching Julian’s horrified and disappointed expression. I was expecting him to be smug and satisfied. Surprised was worse for some reason.
As I was rushing out of the cafeteria, blinded by my oncoming tears, I bumped right into Maria. “Sorry!”
“Hey!” She pulled on me before I could run past her. “What’s the matter?”
I wanted to break down and tell her. She would understand what had happened and would see me as the innocent bystander. She knew what it was like to be judged, embarrassed, and betrayed. I wanted her to know so I could have one friend on my side, but I knew Julian was probably trailing behind and I didn’t want him to say anything. Besides, he was right about how I needed to stay away from Michael. Maybe he would be right about how I needed to stay away from Maria. “Excuse me.”
I felt terrible for doing it, but I ran away from her. I should have been a big girl and tried to clear my name, but I kept thinking about a couple of months ago and how my boyfriend ruined my life publically among all my peers. I couldn’t be brought back to how it made me feel. It was a big shove into deciding to kill myself. I didn’t want to be reminded of it. I didn’t need a demon to run me into the ground when I knew I could do it so well on my own.
Chapter Four
I couldn’t finish my second day of school. After taking five minutes to try and calm myself down in the gi
rl’s bathroom, I was flooded with images of how it sprung to life, and attacked me and I decided it would be better to sob at home.
It was Tuesday, so I knew my mom wouldn’t be home. She was actually in class with her yoga instructor, and she always took forever getting home, so she would never know that I skipped out on school unless she was called by the principal or something.
I came in the house quietly, just in case Mom had the flu and was drinking a bottle of vodka on the couch or something. She never hung out in her bedroom unless she had a man who didn’t belong waiting naked for her. I tried not to make a noise, but the alarm on the house beeped as soon as I opened the door.
“What are you doing home?” The voice was surprisingly a stern adult instead of one worried about being caught with her panties down.
I decided to take my verbal abuse like a champ and entered the living room where I saw the back of a blonde head barely above the back of Dad’s favorite chair. “Mom, I can explain.”
“I’m not your mother!” she said offended.
I took a step back, finally recognizing the voice. I was about to freak all the way out, but I had to be sure. I gulped and took a step toward the chair, reaching out my shaking hand toward the figure. But just before I got right to her, I pulled my hand back into my chest. It was too impossible.
“It’s not impossible.” She stood up and turned around, revealing myself to me.
“How is this possible?” It was a perfect, mirror image of me. “Have I—”
“Snapped? No. I just wanted us to talk to each other, and since I live inside you, I thought it would be awkward if you were talking to yourself, so I decided to…” She giggled. “Well, I guess you are still technically talking to yourself.”
I looked around as if Mom, Dad, or even Julian were watching me from afar. “Can anyone else see you?”
Almost Alive Page 5
