On the way to Natalie’s, they stopped and rented You’ve Got Mail with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. Natalie had already seen it, but she loved it enough to watch it again. The pizza came partway through the movie, but they only paused it long enough to put slices on plates and grab cans of soda from the fridge. Natalie had started stocking the fridge with root beer for Linn, but the boys were always pestering her for a can. She might have to rethink that idea.
By the time the movie ended, Linn was sprawled out on one end of the sofa, and Natalie was at the other end, her footrest kicked out. Natalie clicked the DVD player off.
“Like it?” Natalie asked.
“Um-hmm. Romantic comedies are the best.” A cloud passed over her face, and she sighed. “Too bad men aren’t really like that in real life, huh?”
Natalie hated seeing disillusionment on such a young girl. But in all honesty, she wasn’t feeling great about the opposite sex these days either. Since Keith had left her for another woman, she’d had zero interest in a romantic relationship. Still, with Linn’s father being the way he was, she knew Linn needed a dose of encouragement, not pessimism.
“We all have our faults, men and women. All men aren’t like your dad, you know. There are men out there worth finding.”
“Well, the last one I found left me in kind of a bind.” She looked pointedly down at her abdomen.
“Did you ever tell him about it?” Only because of their friendship did Natalie feel she could ask.
Linn snorted. “No, he’s, like, made it real clear it’s over. And I know he doesn’t want this baby.” She glanced down at the sapphire ring on her finger. “I don’t know why I still wear this.”
“Do you still care for him?”
Linn laid her head against the back of the sofa, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in a couple months. I have other things on my mind right now.”
Natalie knew she was referring to the baby. “Do you know what you’re going to do yet?” She teetered between wanting to know and dreading to hear.
“I’ve been thinking lots about it.” She darted a glance off toward Natalie. “A part of me wants to have it, and a part of me just wants to have this over with.”
Natalie reached out and put a hand on Linn’s ankle. “It’s not over with when you have an abortion, Linn. Truly, it’s just not that easy.”
“I know … I hear what you’re saying.” She shifted over until she was lying on her back, her head propped on the arm of the sofa, her knees poking up in the air. “I’m not taking all this lightly. I kind of did at first, but not anymore. I see you with your boys and can’t help thinking about my baby and what he or she would grow up to be.”
Natalie smiled. She was talking about the baby in terms of gender. That was good.
“But then I think about college just a few months away. I want to go so bad, and they haven’t answered my phone call about my scholarship. What if they won’t apply it to next year? I’ll never be able to afford college on my own.”
Natalie’s heart plunged. She’d really been thinking Linn was coming around, but it seemed as if she was still up in the air. She thought of Dana and how she’d gone to the hospital to see the girl after she’d swallowed a bottle of painkillers. All pale and fragile-looking. She hadn’t lived through the day.
“Maybe the scholarship can be worked out,” Natalie said. “You still don’t know for sure. Abortion is a decision that can never be changed. You have your whole life ahead of you for college and your career. Right now you have the opportunity to give your baby life.”
Linn nodded slowly and fiddled with the ties on her shirt.
“Have you thought much about adoption?”
Linn’s glance skittered off Natalie, and she wondered what she’d seen in the girl’s eyes.
“You know what bothers me most about that?” Linn said. “The thought that my child would be out there somewhere with strangers. I couldn’t live knowing that. I don’t think I could stand it, you know?”
Natalie’s heart squeezed. Oh, Lord, help Linn to make the right decision, no matter how hard it is. This isn’t easy for hen but help her to see what she needs to do.
“The thing is, I’ve been thinking, and I think I have an answer that I could live with.”
Hope surged in Natalie. Even looking at Linn now, she reminded her so much of Dana with the long, dark hair and eyes that looked older than her years. Please, God, show me what to do to help Linn. “Oh, I’m so glad. What is it, Linn?”
“Well, you know I was saying how I didn’t like the idea of strangers raising the baby …”
Of course. A relative. Linn wanted to have a relative adopt the baby. Natalie hoped she had someone dependable in her family. Surely, she didn’t think her father was up to the task.
“The thing is, I was thinking of you.”
Lost in thought, Natalie only half-heard what Linn had said. “What?” Surely, Linn hadn’t said what she thought she had.
“It’s the perfect solution. You’re a great mom, and you have a big enough house. And I know I could, like, trust you to do what’s right for the baby.”
Natalie was sure she’d stopped breathing. How was it then that her heart was still pressing against her ribs with enough force to bring pain? She wanted—she wanted—oh, God, she can’t ask that of me!
“I know it’s asking a lot.” Linn’s almond-shaped eyes narrowed. “But I know how much you care about saving the baby. So, see, you’d be saving the baby, and I’d feel good about who the parent is.”
Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Adopt a child? She was a single mother, struggling just to make time for her boys. How could she possibly—how could Linn possibly ask it of her?
“You’re not saying anything,” Linn said.
Oh, God, what do I tell her? I can’t adopt her baby! If I adopted every client’s baby, why, I’d be running an orphanage here in my house. But how do I explain it to Linn?
“You don’t want to do it, do you?” Linn sat up, swinging her feet to the floor. “It was a stupid idea. It’s not your problem. It’s mine.” She slid on her clunky shoes, blinking hard.
“I’m sorry, Linn, I’m not handling this very well. I just—I guess you surprised me a little.”
“It’s OK.” She picked up her pizza plate and carried it to the sink. “In a way, you’ve helped me solve the problem.”
Natalie followed her into the kitchen on shaky legs. “What do you mean?”
The room suddenly seemed so quiet. She could hear the humming of the refrigerator.
Linn sat her plate in the sink and turned. “I know you think it’s the wrong choice, but I’m going to have an abortion. Maybe I’ll regret it, but at least it’ll be over.”
Natalie’s thoughts swirled in her head. Oh no. No, Linn couldn’t do that. She’d thought she’d really reached her. Her prayer from moments ago echoed in her head. Help Linn make the right decision, no matter how hard it is.
What about your decision?
She shook away the thought. “Please, Linn, its just not that easy. Abortion isn’t like that.”
“You’ve been telling me how strong I am. I can get through it.” Despite Linn’s resolve, her eyes looked so sad.
Natalie wanted to weep with frustration. “What about keeping the baby? Or what about a relative? Don’t you have some relative you’d trust the baby with?” She regretted the pleading note to her voice.
“I got that you don’t want the baby, Natalie. But there is no one else. And I’m not ready to be a mom.” She walked out of the kitchen. “Can you take me home now?”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Natalie slept restlessly that night, thinking of Linn and the bad situation Natalie had put herself in. She’d broken the centers policy where clients were concerned, and she was quickly beginning to see why those policies were in place.
During church she’d tried to keep her mind on Pastor Richards’s sermon, but instead she kept reliving her co
nversation with Linn. As she’d taken the girl home, she’d tried her best to smooth things over, but she didn’t think she’d been very successful. It seemed a wide chasm had opened between the two of them, and Natalie feared what the girl would do if she felt she had nobody on her side. Natalie had told her she’d call Monday morning, but she had no idea how to fix this.
After the service, she approached Hanna, who was standing alone after Micah went to greet a visitor. “Do you guys have any plans for lunch?” She realized her invitation sounded as if it were meant for both Hanna and Micah. “I don’t want to interrupt anything you might have planned, but I really need to talk to you about something personal.”
“No, we were just going to go back to the lodge to eat with Gram. What is it?” She brushed her straight hair behind her ears.
Natalie shook her head. “Too long a story to get into right now. Can we have lunch together?”
“Sure. Just let me tell Micah.”
“Meet me at the Shady Nook in about fifteen minutes?”
“Sounds good.”
Natalie made the short drive and secured a table in a quiet corner. She’d already ordered them both Diet Pepsis by the time Hanna arrived. They ordered the lunch special and sat back to wait on their food.
“What’s up? You sounded pretty serious at church. Is it a man?”
Natalie huffed. “Not you, too. Between you and Paula, you’d think a man was as necessary as oxygen.”
Hanna tucked in the corner of her lip and wiggled her eyebrows. “Mine is.”
“Yeah, yeah, we know you’ve got it bad. Spare me the details.”
Hanna took a sip of her soda. “Seriously, what’s up? Something at the center? You haven’t had any more vandalism, have you?”
“No, nothing like that. It’s about a client.”
Hanna’s eyes softened. “Have I told you lately how much I admire your dedication? You’re really making a difference in the world, you know.”
Natalie squirmed in her chair, then shrugged away the ugly feeling stirring inside her. She had no reason to feel guilty. “Thanks. Sometimes it’s stressful, that’s all. And this one client … well, I guess I’ve gotten a little more involved than I should have.”
“That’s not like you. You’re usually such a stickler for rules.”
Natalie playfully narrowed her eyes. “Thanks. I think.” It was true, but she’d really gone far off the rule book on this one. She explained to Hanna how she’d befriended Linn, and how Linn had seemed to be coming around.
Her mouth went dry as she thought about the previous night, and she took a sip of her soda. “Then last night happened. We were just watching a movie, having pizza, then she springs this on me.”
“What’d she spring on you?”
“She wants me to adopt her baby. Me. Can you believe that?” She gave a wry laugh. Surely, Hanna would see the absurdity of it. “And she really seems to think abortion is the only other option. I don’t get it. It’s like she only sees two options: I adopt her baby, or she has an abortion.”
“Maybe that’s the way she does see it. Maybe those are the only options she’s willing to consider at this point.”
She couldn’t believe her sister wasn’t laughing at the absurdity of the idea. “Hanna. I can’t adopt a baby. I’m a single mother. I have two boys already. What in the world would I do with another child?”
Hanna held up her hands, palms out. “Hey, I’m not saying you should do it. I’m just saying this girl may think those are the only options she can live with. Have you talked to her about keeping the baby?”
Natalie shook her head. “That’s not going to happen. She has plans for the future, and she’s hanging on to them pretty tightly. Plus, she’s really in no position to keep the baby financially, and her dad will be zero help.”
“What about an arranged adoption? Those can work out nicely for everyone involved.”
“I suggested that. She just can’t picture her child with anyone else, she says. What am I going to do, Hanna? I’m afraid she’s going to up and have an abortion because I won’t adopt the baby.”
“Did you tell her you won’t do it?” Her inflection revealed surprise.
“Well, no, not in so many words. But she could tell by my reaction—I was just so shocked.”
“I can understand why you were caught off-guard, but maybe you shouldn’t rule it out so quickly.”
The breath left Natalie’s body. “You think I should consider it?” A weight the size of a boulder sat on her shoulders. How could she do it? What would her boys think? She couldn’t believe she was even giving thought to the idea. It was insane!
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t rule it out just yet. I mean, this is a baby’s life we’re talking about here. You have the chance to save this baby, Nat. And save this girl from the biggest mistake of her life.”
“Sure, bring on the guilt.” The words were said lightly, but inside, her heart raged. It wasn’t fair to be put in this situation.
“I don’t mean to make you feel guilty. I just know how much this issue means to you. You’ve dedicated your life to helping these girls.” She shrugged and ran the tip of her finger around the rim of her soda glass.
Natalie hated the emotions welling up in her. She’d thought Hanna would confirm her own thoughts, not make her consider this ridiculous idea. “Helping them is one thing. Adopting a child … well, that’s huge, Hanna. I can’t take that lightly.”
“Of course not. I’m just saying maybe you shouldn’t write it off so quickly.”
Sure, it was easy for Hanna to say. She wasn’t the one being asked to alter her life because of a mistake.
Isn’t that what you ask girls to do all the time?
That was different. It wasn’t her mistake. Why should she be the one to pay for it?
This is a child we’re talking about, Natalie, not a mistake.
She buried her face in her hands. Why was she having these horrible thoughts? Of course, it was a child. A precious baby, not a mistake. She told girls this nearly every day. How could she be thinking like this?
She felt Hanna’s hand on her arm. “I’m sorry. I can see you’re really struggling here. I didn’t mean to add to your problem.”
Natalie shook her head and crossed her arms on top of the table. “It’s not your fault. I’m just so confused. I never dreamed I’d be put in this position. I don’t know if I should even be considering it. I don’t know if I’m capable of what she’s asked of me.”
“I understand your confusion, but there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re capable, Nat. You’re one of the most nurturing people I know. If anyone could love a child born from another woman, it’s you.”
How could Hanna be so sure? Natalie felt so incapable at the moment. Of course, she loved her boys dearly, but how would she feel about Linn’s baby? Could she love that baby the same way she loved her boys? She didn’t even know anyone who’d adopted a child. She’d had clients who’d successfully made an adoption plan, but she didn’t know the adoptive parents.
The food was served, and after they said grace, they dug into their meatloaf. As they ate, they talked. Hanna told her Micah had started looking for his little sister Jenna.
“Sister? I didn’t realize he had one.”
“They were separated in foster care when Micah was young. She’s been on his mind for a while, and he’s determined to find her.”
Natalie wished him luck, what with all the red tape he’d probably have to go through.
On the way home from lunch, Natalie’s mind returned to her own situation, and she had an idea. Kyle was an adoption attorney. He’d seen lots of couples matched with children in need of a family. He definitely wasn’t the one to talk to Linn, since she clearly despised her brother-in-law. But maybe he was someone who could offer her advice.
When she got home, she phoned Paula for Kyle’s number. She needed to speak with him today if she was going to call Linn in the morning. When Paula answered, she wa
sted no time getting to the point.
“Hey, I was wondering if you might have Kyle Keaton’s number. His home number, I mean.”
“Well, well, well. Finally coming around, are you?” Paula’s voice dripped with amusement.
“It’s business, Paula. I can get his work number from the directory and call him tomorrow, but I really need to reach him today if at all possible.”
“Business. On a Sunday. Sure, Sis, whatever you say.”
“Paula …”
“I think I have it here somewhere. Let me check.”
Moments later, Paula rattled off the phone number, and Natalie said good-bye before Paula made any more suggestive comments.
Before she could change her mind, she dialed Kyle’s number. It rang three times before he answered, out of breath.
“Hello?”
“Uh, is this Kyle Keaton?”
Yes, it is.
She was starting to feel really stupid for calling him at home. And what if he thought she was interested in him? “This is Natalie Landin. From the Hope Center? Paula Landin-Cohen’s sister?”
A pause. “Sure. What can I do for you?”
Was it her imagination, or did he sound guarded? Was it their uncomfortable meeting at the center with Linn or the awkward dinner they’d shared at Paula’s? He probably thought she was going to ask him on a date or something. She quickly stepped in to break him of that notion.
“I have a … a situation with a client. A really unusual situation involving adoption. I know you’re busy, but I was wondering if you might have time to meet me today. I need some advice.”
The moment stretched on. She was feeling more stupid by the moment. Why had she called him? Maybe he thought this was a ploy to get to know him.
“I have to call this client tomorrow,” Natalie said. “Or if you don’t have time, maybe we could just discuss it on the phone.”
“No, we can meet if you like. I’m busy this afternoon and have plans for dinner, but maybe after that?”
Saving Grace Page 10
