The words fell awkwardly on Natalie’s ears. It was hard to be excited about something that was separating Paula from her husband. Her family had tried to be happy for Paula, but she was well aware they didn’t approve of her being away from David.
“It’ll be hard, traveling back and forth so much,” Paula said, “but I’m so excited about this opportunity.”
Silence spread awkwardly as she ended.
“What are you thankful for, Alex?” Natalie cued her son, who was next in line.
“I’m thankful that there’s no school today, and that I get to stay up late tonight, and that I’m getting a new brother or sister soon.” Next to him, Kyle ruffled his hair, and her son smiled shyly.
“You finished, pal?” Kyle asked.
When Alex nodded, Kyle spoke. “Wow, what a year.” Under the table, he squeezed Natalie’s hand. “I’m thankful God brought me through some personal issues, baggage I’ve been carrying around since my wife’s death. I’m grateful He’s restored my relationship with Linn.” He looked at Linn, but she was staring at her empty plate. “And I’m grateful that Frank Schlater and Doctor Lewis were caught and appropriately charged.”
“Amen!” her dad said.
Chuckles sounded around the table.
“And the reason I’m thankful for that,” Kyle said, “is because those men compromised the safety of a woman who’s become very important to me.”
When he met Natalie’s eyes, she wanted to drown in the stormy depths. Her stomach fluttered the way it did every time he looked at her that way. She wanted to touch those crinkles at the corners of his eyes and trail her fingers down his face and across his lips.
Her dad cleared his throat loudly, and everyone laughed again.
Natalie could swear she saw a flush creep up Kyle’s neck as he continued. “I’m thankful for this family, and for two little rascals who’ve livened up my life.” He ruffled Alex’s hair again and winked at Taylor across from him.
“What’s a rascal?” Taylor asked.
“He’s talkin’ about us. Right, Kyle?” Alex said.
“You bet I am. You guys are stupendific.”
Natalie laughed at the word Kyle and the boys had made up together, a combination of “stupendous” and “terrific.”
“You want to explain that one?” Micah asked.
“Later,” Natalie said. “It’s my turn, and the food’s getting cold.” She grabbed Linn’s hand on the table. “I’m thankful for my family, my precious boys. I’m thankful to God for bringing two very special people into my life this year.” She looked at Kyle on one side of her, then Linn on the other side. “Well, three, actually,” she said, smiling. “When Linn walked into the center all those months ago, it was my prayer that she’d discover that God wanted a relationship with her and that she would value the life inside her enough to continue the pregnancy.”
Her eyes burned. How could she have known the way God would answer those prayers? That He would use her so powerfully? Linn had accepted Christ the week after she’d come back home with Natalie, kneeling by the couch in the other room. She was growing in her faith and was so curious, she asked almost as many questions as Alex.
Natalie blinked back the tears, determined to get all the way through her blessings. “God answered both of those prayers, and now we’ll be blessed with a baby in our family. I’m so thankful for Linn’s courage to carry this baby and that she’s trusted us with the most precious gift in the world.” She swallowed against the lump in her throat.
She was so thankful that God had given her the courage to put her feet where her faith was. That in the midst of hurt and fear, He’d given her the power to do the right thing. She’d always been so afraid she didn’t have it in her to make the hard choice when her back was up against the wall. But she’d found she didn’t need to have it in her. It was God who did these things through her. She wanted to share that thought with her family but couldn’t speak past the lump in her throat.
She squeezed Linn’s hand.
“Um, I know I’m supposed to say something I’m thankful for, but”—Linn’s eyes met Natalie’s—“I, like, think my water broke a few minutes ago.”
The words dropped and silence followed. Then everything was confusion.
“Why didn’t you say something?” Natalie said.
“I didn’t want to interrupt,” Linn said. “Sorry about your chair.”
“We need to get you to the hospital,” Natalie said. “Isn’t that what they said in Lamaze? If your water breaks, you’re supposed to go straight to the hospital.”
Everyone was talking at once, and the food was forgotten as Natalie helped Linn up. After she changed into dry clothes, Kyle stowed Linn’s hospital bag in the car while Natalie called the doctor. The three of them piled into Kyle’s car, leaving the boys in her family’s care until Keith arrived to pick them up.
“Ready?” Natalie asked Linn.
Linn nodded, and Kyle pointed the car toward St. John’s. In a matter of hours, Natalie would hold a miracle in her arms. Was she ready? Were any of them?
“That’s it, Linn!” Natalie said. “One … two … three … four … five … Let your breath out. Take a cleansing breath.” The redness faded from Linn’s face once again as she began breathing. Her hair hung in limp, damp strands around her face. Whether it was from the tears or sweat, Natalie wasn’t sure.
“You’re doing terrific!” Natalie said, hoping to perk up Linn, who was exhausted. “Almost there. Just a few more pushes and that baby will be here.”
“Maybe not even that,” Doctor Hart said, patting Linn’s leg.
Linn had succumbed to an epidural at five centimeters, and everything had progressed slowly but smoothly until she’d reached full dilation at four in the morning. She’d been pushing since then, and a glance at the clock told Natalie she’d been at it almost two hours. She brushed the hair back from Linn’s face.
“Hang in there, Linn,” Natalie said.
“I’m so tired.” Her eyes closed, as though she wanted nothing more than a full night’s sleep, but Natalie could see from the monitor that another contraction was starting.
“OK, here we go again, deep breath.”
“I don’t want to.” A tear slid from Linn’s eye and trickled down into her hairline.
“Come on, honey, it’s almost over! Deep breath.” Natalie took a breath, hoping Linn would follow.
Linn raised her head and took a breath, holding it while Natalie counted to five in three sets, guiding Linn to take a breath between each set.
“There’s the head,” Dr. Hart said as Linn collapsed on the pillow. “One more good set of pushes, and I think we’ll hear some screaming in here.”
“Yeah, like mine,” Linn said, “if this baby doesn’t hurry up and come out.”
Doctor Hart laughed. “I’ve heard many women scream long before this, Linn. You’re doing fantastic!”
The nurses were scurrying around the room, prepping for the baby’s arrival.
Natalie wiped Linn’s forehead with a damp cloth. “You’re doing great, honey. You’re bringing life into this world, and I’m so proud of you.”
Linn’s eyes were closed, and she was still catching her breath. She’d attended Lamaze and seen a video of a birth, but nothing could really prepare anyone for childbirth.
And no amount of preparation could prepare Linn for the feelings she would have when she left this hospital without her baby. God, be with her. Give her the strength she needs. Whenever Natalie had brought up the fact that some birth mothers change their minds after the baby is born, Linn had been firm that she wouldn’t. She continued writing letters to her baby and said her words and a loving family were the best gifts she could give her baby.
But Natalie knew feelings could be unpredictable sometimes. In the past weeks, she’d sometimes wondered if she would think of Keith’s painful betrayal every time she looked at this baby. But she and God had put those feelings to rest. No, she was more afraid
that Linn could change her mind. She didn’t know if she could bear losing this baby. That alone assured her that her feelings for the child were strong and pure.
“Here we go,” the nurse said, shaking Natalie from her thoughts.
“Ready to bring that baby into the world?” Natalie asked Linn.
Linn lifted her head from the pillow and grabbed the backs of her knees.
“One … two … three … four … five … breathe!”
Linn gulped another breath and began pushing again.
“One … two … three … four—”
“Here we are,” Dr. Hart said. “It’s a girl!”
A girl! Natalie’s eyes felt prickly before tears slipped out. She watched the baby slide into the doctor’s arms. A feeble, furious cry filled the air. One of the nurses raised the top of the bed, sitting Linn up a bit. As they had discussed before, the nurse wrapped the baby in a blanket and laid her in Linn’s arms.
“Shhhh,” Linn said. “It’s all right, little one.”
Linn’s face was a sight to behold. A mixture of awe, love, and sorrow. Tears leaked from her eyes as she gazed into the baby’s eyes. The baby’s eyes were fixed on Linn’s in a mother-child bond. Natalie turned to give her a moment alone. She walked from the room and leaned against the wall outside the door. She wasn’t prepared for the ache she felt at seeing Linn and the baby together.
So many feelings came in around her. Joy at the beautiful gift of life. Gratitude that God had intervened in saving this baby. Sadness at Linn’s sacrifice. And a bit of fear that Linn would change her mind.
She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to swallow the lump that had swollen her throat. Help me to bear it, Lord, if she changes her mind. Help me to stand by her and do what’s right. He would, Natalie knew. He had never failed her when she needed Him or given her more than she could bear.
She should go tell Kyle that the baby had arrived, but she couldn’t seem to separate herself from this wall. She didn’t want to leave Linn. She didn’t want to leave the baby, even for a few moments.
She didn’t know how much later it was when one of the nurses peeked through the door. “Linn is asking for you.”
Her heart stopped. That must be why she felt so dizzy all of a sudden. She stood up straight and wiped her face dry. She could do this. She could. With God’s strength.
She walked into the room and neared the bed. A nurse was handing the baby back to Linn. The sight was precious and painful all at the same time. Linn stroked her daughter’s red little cheeks, her own face streaked with tears.
She looked up at Natalie’s approach. “Isn’t she beautiful?”
Natalie leaned over to look into the tiny face. Her eyes were the color of Jenny Lake on a clear, summer day. Her nose was flat except for the little pug on the tip. “The most beautiful little girl, ever.” Natalie realized she meant those words.
“Have you decided on a name?” Linn asked.
Natalie’s heart skittered. Linn was looking at her expectantly. They’d talked about names several times. Natalie had asked Linn’s opinion, but Linn had always deferred to Natalie. Now Linn was clearly leaving the choice to Natalie, and that could only mean one thing.
She hadn’t changed her mind. Natalie could almost feel the joy unfolding inside her. She looked at the baby and ached to hold her in her arms. To feed her and dress her in little terry-soft sleepers. To put her finger in the palm of the tiny hand and feel those fingers curl around it. And yet …
She looked at Linn. She thought about the selfless way she’d made the best choice for her baby, regardless of the pain she would suffer. And Natalie knew what she could do.
“I want you to name her,” Natalie said.
Linn looked at Natalie, a question on her face.
“Give her a name.”
Linn looked back at the baby. She bit her lip and blinked several times. She stared into her baby’s eyes for a few minutes, and the silence that wrapped around the room felt like peace itself had come and enveloped them like a mountain mist.
Then Linn spoke, her voice soft and strong at the same time. “You once told me that’s God’s grace was a gift, something we didn’t deserve.” She looked at Natalie. “This sweet little bundle in my arms is just that—a gift I didn’t deserve. So I want to name her Grace.”
A smile blossomed on Natalie’s face as chills chased up her arms. Grace. It was perfect. “Oh, honey, I love it.” She brushed Linn’s hair back from her face. Grace. God’s grace.
“There’s a man out there ’bout to pace the carpet clean away,” the nurse said.
Natalie chuckled. “I’d better go put him out of his misery.” She turned to go.
“Wait,” Linn said. “Take Grace.” She handed the little bundle over to Natalie.
Her arms felt full, though the weight of Grace was next to nothing. She paused long enough to smile at Linn. Then she walked slowly, not wanting to take her eyes off Grace for even a moment. Time was too precious. Life was too precious to be wasted.
She found Kyle around the corner, sitting in the waiting room, his hands steepled under his chin. He turned and saw her. She could almost hear his breath sucking in at the sight of the baby in her arms. He stood slowly, the look on his face priceless.
She neared and stopped when she was a breath away from him. “Kyle Keaton, meet baby Grace.”
A smile played on his lips. He reached out and touched Grace’s cheek with a hand that looked super-sized next to the baby’s face. “A girl. Hello, little Grace.” He looked at Natalie. “How’s Linn doing?”
“She’s great. She did great.”
“How’s the new mom doing?”
He studied her so carefully, Natalie felt as if her whole heart was exposed, and she didn’t mind. “I’m so happy. This just feels so right. I know it won’t be easy for me or for Linn. She’s losing her baby, and I’ve committed to something that most people would think is just plain crazy, but today we’re starting a future together, and I just have so much peace—”
Kyle put his finger on her lips. “Shhhhhh. You don’t have to explain. I feel it, too.”
Their eyes met, and not for the first time, Natalie wanted to drown in their grayish green, stormy depths. His hand cupped her jaw, and she couldn’t look away. Didn’t even want to. His lips came down over hers, lingering slowly, as if to savor every second. Her skin tingled with awareness, her pulse raced.
When Grace stirred, they parted, and their eyes fixed on the little miracle between them.
“I just want you to know,” Kyle whispered. “I plan to be there for you and Grace and the boys. I hope you have room for me in this future of yours.”
Natalie liked the sound of that. She met his gaze. “Are you up for diaper changings and feedings and sibling rivalry?”
“I’m up for anything you need.”
Outside the picture window, tinges of pink and periwinkle swept across the sky. A new day dawned, bringing with it an uncertain future, but Natalie knew it was the future God had planned. And that was all that mattered.
THE END
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Natalie’s passion in life is helping women avoid abortions. What are you passionate about, and how are you living out that passion?
Jeremiah 1:4-5 says, “The word of the LORD came to me, saying, ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.’” Based on this biblical truth, when do you think life begins?
Sometimes pro-lifers focus on the unborn child, while those who support abortion focus on the woman. When you were reading about Linn’s predicament, did you tend to worry more about Linn or her baby? What are some of the hazards we face if we aren’t concerned about both the woman and the unborn child?
When Natalie discovered who Linn was, she experienced shock and anger, while Linn experienced fear and confusion. Whom did you sympathize with more, Natalie or Linn?
Even though Natalie be
lieved in her cause, she still balked when it came time to put feet to her faith. Has there ever been a time when you knew what you should do and you still faltered? Did you eventually make the right decision? Why or why not?
If you had been in Natalie’s place, would you have adopted Linn’s baby? Why or why not?
Kyle carried a great deal of guilt over his wife’s death, even though it was an accident. Have you ever felt guilty about something that was not your fault? Why do you think we sometimes feel guilty about things that are out of our control? How can we get rid of the guilt?
As the story progresses, Paula and David’s marriage begins to unravel. What do you think causes this to happen?
In the story, Paula harbors a secret from her husband. Is it ever OK to keep a secret from a spouse?
Who in the story did you most identify with? Why?
READ MORE ABOUT THE LANDIN FAMILY!
READ A BONUS EXCERPT FROM
SECRET PLACES
THE THIRD BOOK IN
THE NEW HEIGHTS SERIES
BY DENISE HUNTER
CHAPTER ONE
Paula Landin-Cohen pushed the latches of her suitcase, and they closed with a snap of finality. She checked her bag for her boarding pass and driver’s license and slung it over her shoulder.
“I’m ready to leave,” she called to her husband, David. The house rang with a familiar silence.
She hefted the suitcase down the curved staircase, looking out the bank of windows on the front of the house. December had blown in to Jackson Hole with bitter cold winds and at least a foot of snow. Chicago’s weather would be no better, she knew, but just the thought of the big city left her feeling as though she could soar there without benefit of Delta.
She set her suitcase by the door and checked her Movado. “David, we have to go.” Her voice echoed up the vaulted ceiling and through the cavernous kitchen, but this time it drew a reply.
Saving Grace Page 28
