by Foster, Voss
I need to take the risk, now. I might die if I leave this shop. But I will die for certain if I don't. Not soon, perhaps. But soon enough. I just need to go up the stairs and to the food court. Not much travel time to get shot. But even if I do, a death from a bullet is preferable to slow starvation. At least, I think it is. I've never experienced either. If the starvation is anything like this pain, though, I can definitely say I'd rather have the bullet.
ENTRY END
JOURNAL 11KIM
ENTRY 004
DATE: 1/27/2075
That old guy in the toy store across the hall left his shop. Other than when he pulled that lady's body in, I haven't seen him leave once. Kind of curious about what he's doing. The guards saw him, and I think he may have gotten hurt. I thought I saw him limping, anyway. Which just fucking sucks. This kind of thing shouldn't happen.
But I can't let myself focus on it, or let myself focus on anything extra, really. I'm not doing very well, getting Bill on my side. Lots of sex, lots of blow jobs, but he's not bending the way I want him to. Bending mentally, I mean. That sounded bad. If this wasn't so fucked up, that'd be the kind of journal entry I'd look at in a few months and giggle at.
But it is fucked up, and I physically can't do what I need to do. That's why I want Bill to play his part. No, fuck that. I need him to play his part if I’m going to have any chance of not totally dying. No matter what I do, though, he's still distant. I have to beg him for sex, which isn't right. He's supposed to beg me, God damn it.
I guess I need to change tactics… I just don't know what else I can do for him, is the problem. Other than sex, I don't have much to offer, unless he wants to kill me and eat me. So nothing that serves my purposes. But I need to figure something out. If he decides to leave, I'll die. Plain and simple, I'll die because I guarantee nobody else is about to come along to take care of me. He still brings food down and still shares it, even if he isn't doing anything else I want. Which I guess is something. But I don't feel in control. I feel dependent. And if I'm dependent on him, that puts me in the weak position, which isn't any fucking better than when I started, really. It might even be worse, since I have someone right there I have to contend with. If he decides at some point that I’m not worth the trouble, I’m done for.
ENTRY END
TO: Niels Evenstad
FROM: Edward Andel
SUBJECT: Server Recovery
SENT 1/28/2075 AT 11:27 a.m. EST
Just a quick update. The servers are up and running, and the update is nearly complete. The techs say that all the backdoors they could find are closed up, now, so we should be safe. We’ll have to wait and see to be certain.
I'm sorry it took so long, but I thought it best that everything be as thorough as possible so we avoid this happening again.
Unfortunately, they can't figure out where the hacking originated. They explained it to me, but I'm not exactly tech-minded. They think it was an inside job, but couldn't tell me anything more than that. All those messages should be in your email, if you'd like to go through the records yourself, but the general consensus was that the hacker was good enough to not leave any real traces behind. They’re only guessing it came from the company because of how far they made it into the system All of that is in the records that got sent to you, too.
At any rate, Live and Breathe should be up and running tonight or tomorrow morning, as long as nothing else goes wrong.
JOURNAL 10ALEXA
ENTRY 006
DATE: 1/28/2075
I gave up on the books. I still read some of the fiction, on and off, but the self-defense books and survival books all turned into nothing but noise. I read too many of them. A little sunk in, which I suppose is more than I could really ask for, given the circumstances. But in general, I've moved on to something more philosophical. I find myself ruminating on human nature as I sit here. I can't imagine that everyone in the world is evil. That doesn't make sense to me, and it doesn't fit with the facts I know to be true. Keep out the fact that I consider myself a good person. I assume most people do, even those who aren't. After all, serial killers can justify their own actions. But I've met good people, people I can't accept are evil. That’s proof enough that there’s good in the world.
So somewhere out there in the mall, there are good people. People who don't have any interest in killing. I was operating under the assumption that they would all be killers, somehow. Now that I see it, of course, it makes absolutely no sense, but I guess it's a survival mechanism. Assume the worst to keep yourself safe. But knowing that there are probably people out there just as scared and just as disgusted as me helps. It sounds kind of bad, like that, but it makes them more human. And it gives me something to think about. I see people out there, walking around or just in their shops. I used to hide and wait for them to turn and kill me. But now, while I still hide, I feel less hopeless. And I can try to imagine what kind of people they must be. I'll likely never find out for myself, but it's much nicer to think about that than it is to constantly worry about death.
ENTRY END
JOURNAL 06TESS
ENTRY 006
DATE: 1/29/2075
It's been sort of quiet, lately. Which is better in my book than all the gunshots and stuff. I can't put it from my mind, so to speak, but I can at least relax a little bit. I've been stretching my food out to make it last. I guess I can call it a diet, if I make it out of here.
But let's be honest, now. It's just me and God here seeing this. And probably the TV company, but I don't want to think about that either. Anyway, in honesty, I won't make it out of here alive. I accepted that from the very beginning. I'm not cut out for anything like this. I don't know if anyone would be. Maybe a cop or a soldier, but I'm not sure even then. This isn’t something you can try to get ready for, even if you were given a chance, and as far as I know, nobody was given that chance. I damn sure wasn’t.
At night, when I sleep, I still have nightmares where someone finally comes in. It'll happen eventually, I'm sure of that much. I don't want it to necessarily happen now, but the waiting is so bad. If I could just know when I'd die, how many days or hours I have left, I think I could relax a little more. It’s horribly morbid, but I do think I would like that over what I’ve got now. Nothing but fear.
ENTRY END
JOURNAL 05EVAN
ENTRY 005
DATE: 1/29/2075
Things have gotten better. Not necessarily with the situation I'm in, but with me on a personal level. I feel as though things have improved inside of me, now that I've accepted reality the way it is. Now that I'm no longer fighting against the incessant cruelty present in the universe, I feel lighter. I can't remember feeling this good in years, in fact. Decades, perhaps. So long. Maybe in college. And I don’t want it to stop. So far it hasn't. I haven't really done anything yet, haven't played advocate for the new truth I've taken upon myself. I'd imagine that it would be even better. Not that I relish murdering, or even injuring someone. I'm still myself, and it's not something I necessarily want to make a habit of. But I can't help but wonder how it would feel to really be in line with the world, to actively participate in the bad things that happen to people, at least that one time. Would it feel even better than this? I can’t exactly imagine better, but if it’s a possibility, it’s certainly not one I turn up my nose at.
ENTRY END
TO: Edward Andel
FROM: Niels Evenstad
SUBJECT: Results
SENT 1/31/2075 AT 8:06 a.m. EST
Edward,
I thought you should know how well you did on the update for Live and Breathe. It's only day three since the new additions, but responses are overwhelmingly positive, and subscriptions have gone up twenty-five percent from this time last year. Since a shutdown like we had normally loses subscribers, it's fantastic. I haven't had the chance yet to look at it personally, but I don't need
to see it to understand how well you led this project. It lets me know for sure that I made the right choice. I had reservations, obviously, and I won’t say that they’re all assuaged by this. It certainly lets me relax a bit, however.
Niels Evenstad,
Chief Operating Officer, Evenstad Media
JOURNAL 03BILL
ENTRY 005
DATE: 1/31/2075
I think I might end up going on the move sooner than I thought. The only reason I technically wanted to come here with Kim is that he could be gun fodder, when the time came. And because his shop was much closer than mine to the main source of food. Those two things still apply, but I didn't fully look at everything. I was in too much of a rush, I guess. But I can see it all much more objectively, now. Other than a possible target for the guards, should I need one, and mediocre sex, which I can get along without very easily, he brings nothing of value. In fact, I consider him something of a draw. In order to keep him here for what value he does bring, I have to get food for him when I go to get it for myself. And of course he never comes with me, or ever goes to get anything on his own. The food's limited. It said so in the letter I had at the beginning of this whole ordeal. So having him eating off my supply is only going to take it away faster.
I haven't made any decisions, yet, but if he doesn't start showing me something worth a little more, I may well end the whole thing between us. Cut my losses and move on.
ENTRY END
JOURNAL 08QUINN
ENTRY 007
DATE: 1/31/2075
I never could have imagined what I'd find here would be so good. It was well worth the effort it took to get past all the guards. I've found the security room for the mall, and all the cameras are still up and running. I don't think for a second these are all the cameras Evenstad put up in here. These don't even cover everything, and I’m sure they want a lot better angles than these for TV. But it's much better than trying to watch from the hunting supply up on the second floor. Even though I got pretty beaten up getting in here, I don't regret it at all. It wasn't anything major. A lot of bruises and some shallow bullet wounds. Just got grazed. I managed to close them all up pretty quick.
The cameras even show me what's happening in the shops. I found out who I've been helping out. She's a little thing, and she basically just sits in one spot. Unfortunately, I won't be able to help her out with food so much, staying holed up in here. I don't want to lose this place to anyone else, but if things get too bad for her, I might be able to slip away. I think I'd have to. Now that I've seen her face, I feel even more responsible for her well-being. But I guess that's a pretty normal reaction. Proof that she’s human, not that I doubted it.
And, in case the room wasn't enough, I got guns from the robots I killed. Deactivated. Whatever. Most of the bullets were spent when I got them, but I loaded what was left into one of the magazines. It's about three-quarters full, so I need to be careful when I use it, but it's better than just knives and a bow that I can't shoot worth a shit. I didn't even bother taking that with me, when I left. Let someone else have it, now, give them a fighting chance. I'll be able to see who it is from here, anyway. If I think they're too big a threat… well, now I have a gun.
ENTRY END
JOURNAL 05EVAN
ENTRY 006
DATE: 2/1/2075
It took me a bit to figure out what to do, but I came up with a plan. I can finally commit to being what I need to be and, hopefully, not get squeamish. There's a bookstore on the second floor, and whoever's in there blocked off most of the doorway with a bookshelf. Which is going to make it hard to escape.
I don’t know how well this is going to work, but I figure paper burns pretty easily. I've got one of those camping stove propane tanks, and a fire-starter packet, like you take camping. Open the propane and toss it in, then light the store up. When the flames hit the propane, I don't think there'll be any way for whoever's inside to get out. Either the smoke or the fire will get to them. I'll still stay close, in case I see anyone come out. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. I want it to be impersonal, at least this time. It'll make it easier on me. But I guess, if I have to, I'll do what needs doing. I won’t have a choice, if they see me and figure out I just tried to kill them. I picked up a good hunting knife in that shop, just in case.
ENTRY END
07
JOURNAL 08QUINN
ENTRY 008
DATE: 2/1/2075
I can't do anything about what’s happening outside my room. At least, I haven't been able to so far. I saw that guy start the fire in the bookstore. I saw the exact moment the woman inside noticed something was wrong. By then, it was too late. The flames got to the propane and the whole place went up. Floor, walls, books, all of it. The fire alarms went off, and the sprinklers turned on, so the damage was kind of contained. Nothing came on soon enough to save her, though. Shit, it wasn't even the fire or the smoke that got her. It was panic. She tripped trying to get out and fell on the edge of the bookcase there in front of the door. The corner jabbed right into her neck and cut straight through the side. It wasn't dramatic or anything like that. It just happened, and it was over. She burned a while before the sprinklers put her out, but I doubt she was alive to feel it. I'd like to think that, anyway. A wound like that should have killed her quick, but there's a chance it didn't. She didn't move after she fell, which gives me hope that her death might not have dragged on.
Someone ran out of the shop underneath the bookstore and headed straight for the nearest door. I had to keep myself from running to stop him. I wouldn't have gotten there in time to save his life. Would have put myself at risk for nothing. If he makes it through those doors, he's just going to get shot. I can’t entirely blame him. The floor of the bookstore was falling through, and he probably would have died of smoke inhalation if he stuck around. Or gotten knocked out by something. Natural instinct is to go outside and get away from the fire. I just hope he realized his mistake before he got dead. I didn't want to watch that death, too, so I wrote the journal. I guess I'll find out if he got away when I'm done. Thankfully, there's no sound on the security footage. God, I hope he survived.
If that one dies, that means the guy who lit the shop on fire to begin with murdered two people. I can't let that stand. I'll have to find him, when the time comes. People like him are the reason I became a soldier to begin with, and I wouldn't feel right if I let someone that evil just walk away without consequences. If he doesn't get stopped, he'll probably just continue his murdering. I don’t care if it’s the point of this stupid game. I can't abide by that, and I won't abide by that.
ENTRY END
Two Suspects Arrested in Attempted Murder Blame 'The Mall' for Their Crime
2/7/2075 at 12:16 p.m. EST
Two suspects have been arrested in relation to Monday's attacks at Evenstad Media. Robert and Phillipe LeGrande, both 32, were caught on security camera footage Saturday afternoon. They attacked two security guards at Evenstad Media's main office, and pulled guns on several employees. No one was fatally wounded, but two Evenstad Media employees are currently in critical condition. Several others sustained minor wounds.
When questioned, both Robert and Phillipe LeGrande blamed Evenstad Media's reality show, 'The Mall,' for the attack. Their sister, Alexa LeGrande, was one of the most recent contestants eliminated, and their attack was "a matter of vengeance" according to Phillipe. They are currently in custody, awaiting trial. We will update this article as more information is made available to us here at The Cruise.
UPDATE
2/9/2075 at 6:58 a.m. EST
An attorney has been retained for Robert and Phillipe LeGrande, though initially they were to be represented by a court-appointed lawyer. When questioned, they claimed to know nothing of it. “We’re just thankful someone cares,” said Robert.
The parents of Robert, Phillipe, and the now deceased Alexa LeGrande, Thomas and Jeannine LeGrande, also claimed to have no knowledge of the lawyer. “A check was
sent in the mail with instructions on what to do with it,” said Jeannine. We will update this article as more information is made available to us here at The Cruise.
JOURNAL 12IMRAN
ENTRY 005
DATE: 2/2/2075
I found food, which is good. It’s frozen, so I can’t eat right away, and I have no way of cooking it, but I’ll take it over nothing. I was injured, but I managed to fight off the man who attacked me when I got back to the first floor. Though he isn't a man at all. A machine. In the end, that saved me from death. The material was tougher, but I've worked with joints like that many times, fixing puppets and toys for people. It took the full force of my body, but I broke the joint of its arm and got away. Still, the wound I sustained is deep. I've done what I can to try and stanch the bleeding and it seems to be working, so far, but I can’t place much faith in the medical attention I give myself in a toy store. I doubt it will last long, but I sincerely hope to be wrong.
The young man who ran for the doors is dead. I can only imagine he lost his head when the fire started. I expected him to get shot, and a few bullets did hit him on his way. But the guards on the other side of the door didn't attack, and he fled quickly enough not to fall victim to the others.
