by Quell T Fox
“Lenny, sweetie.” I say softly, but he doesn’t react. I’ve never been good in these types of situations. I’m not a compassionate person under normal circumstances, but something about him makes me feel… I just feel different. I feel. I press my lips to his forehead and sit on the floor. I run my fingers through his hair, he takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly.
“I’m not going to tell you that I know what you’re going through, because I don’t. But I do know how you feel. Empty. Numb. Worthless. I know it all too well, ever since I was a child. I don’t remember feeling anything else, really. Not until I met you all. All of you guys, but especially you, Lenny. You’re so special. You made me feel welcome more than anyone else. Like I was accepted, like I belonged. I feel this way because of you. You paved the way for us.” His beautiful blue eyes meet mine, finally. They are dull, like the ocean before a storm. Dark and full of disaster. “I don’t know what is going on with you and Maddox, but he will get over this. He’s not your mom, Lenny. He isn’t going to do that to you. He just needs time to cool off. You know him, better than anyone else, I’m sure. He’ll come around. What you did, well I’m not going to say who is right or wrong because I understand both sides. You know Maddox will come back, don’t think–“
“I know, D. That’s–ugh, that’s not why I feel like this.” He shifts and pulls himself up onto his forearms. “I let him down, Friday. I fucking let him down. And for what? He’s right. He’s always right. Everything he said is true. I’m a fuck up, I fuck everything up. I get that, but most of all I’m destroyed because I hurt him. The one person that means the most to me in this world. The only person that has ever had my back, the person that made me who I am today. I hurt him, for what?”
His eyes start to glisten. Please, don’t cry. I couldn’t handle it if you cried.
“Everyone makes mistakes. You are allowed to make mistakes. Maddox will forgive you, but I think you need to tell him all of this, not me. We’re going to be leaving shortly. Alec packed everything.”
“Promise me something.”
“Anything.” I say, reaching for his hand.
“Promise me that you’ll never leave me.” His eyes are filled with desperation. “No matter what. No matter how mad, no matter the fight, or what the problem is. Promise me that you won’t leave me. I can’t handle it. When you found Maddox and Callan… you left. When Maddox got mad, he left. And my mom…”
“I promise, Lenny. I promise that I won’t ever leave. That I won’t go far, anyway. I can’t promise that I won’t shut myself in my room or something, but I promise I won’t really, really leave.” My fingers brush through his light brown, silky strands.
“Friday?” Lenny whispers.
“Hm?”
“I love you.”
CHAPTER 10
Friday
-FRIDAY-
We’re sitting in an airport after spending an astronomical amount of money on tickets and suitcases, because the airline wouldn’t take my trash bags – not that I blame them. Callan paid for the tickets and the luggage fees, and almost paid for the eight suitcases that I needed, but I wouldn’t allow it. However, there goes every penny that I had to my name. Now I really am broke. It took all four of us almost an hour to figure out how to stuff my clothes and shoes and the rest of my life into those eight suitcases. I can’t even think about how much Callan paid for everything else. I feel like I may pass out when I do.
You’d think that someone like me - someone that grew up with nothing - would be a little more money hungry, but I’m not. Never have been. Money has never been a focus of mine. As long as my bills are paid, I have a full belly, and clothes on my back, I’m satisfied. Growing up poor has made me unpretentious and frugal. I’m used to buying only the necessities and shopping in the clearance sections. Using coupons whenever they were available. Seeing the guys’ lavish way of living makes me uncomfortable in a strange kind of way. They spend money like they have an endless stock of it lying around somewhere. I guess if they can, then good for them. It’s just not something that I’m used to.
We have more than an hour left before we can board the plane. No one is in the mood to talk, so we keep busy on our phones. Browsing social media and playing games. I’m sitting with Lenny, my head resting on his shoulder and our arms hooked at the elbow. Alec is at the bar across from us working on his second beer (from what I’m told he isn’t a huge fan of flying) and Callan is on my other side, sitting close enough that I get a whiff of his scent every now and then. It’s soothing to my nerves. That dull ache in my chest started when we left the hotel and at this point, I am positive that it only happens when the guys are too far away from me. It’s worse when it’s all of them and tolerable when it’s only one.
Before I know it, we’re boarding the plane. We’re some of the first to board the plane and take our seats right away. They didn’t have four seats together in the same row, unfortunately. Buying last minute tickets, I’m surprised we got the same flight, to be honest. I sit in the middle seat with Lenny on my right, he’s looking out the window with a distant look in his eyes. Callan and Alec are two rows behind us, and not sitting together. I offered to be the one to sit alone, but neither of them would allow me. Callan told me that Lenny needs me right now, and Alec agreed.
I browse through the movies that are offered during the flight, while waiting for the other passengers to board. I decide on a comedy that I think may help to pass the time. I plug in my earphones and get lost in the movie. I glance at Lenny every so often, and I’m pretty sure he’s sleeping. Which is okay with me, because honestly, I’m not in the mood to talk. I’m scared for everyone, myself included. I’m afraid for us, and for them individually. What happens if this can’t get worked out? What happens if Maddox never forgives Lenny?
Where does that leave me? I don’t think the other guys would send me off on my way like we never met, but then what would happen with Maddox? They can’t shun him either, he’s part of them.
I can’t think like that. Maddox is an asshole, yes. He’s also irrational and harsh, yes. But he loves Lenny, and that’s what is important. That’s what he needs to be reminded of. Maddox is capable of being nice, of being loving and caring. I’ve seen it firsthand. If I can see those small bits and pieces breaking through his rough exterior after this short amount of time, then of course the same will be true for Lenny. Someone that he’s loved for most of his life.
After a movie and a nap, we reach down in Indiana. This isn’t too far from my own home. Home? No. My birthplace. That’s the only title it deserves. Just one state over, actually. I don’t think I told them that, though I don’t think they’ve asked. Do they need to know that I came from the slums of Ohio? Or that I moved to the slums of California as soon as I was old enough? No, I don’t think they need to know that. Unless they ask. I won’t lie. I’ll never lie. But opening up about my misfortunes isn’t on the top of my to do list.
Lenny and I are a few of the first people off the plane. We didn’t have any bags to get from the overhead compartments and we were at the head of the plane. We wait for Alec and Callan – who got stuck behind people grabbing bags – by the door. I’m leaning into Lenny, my arms around his waist, tucked under his arm. He smells like everything that is sweet. But, with a hint of musk, due to not showering. It’s okay though, I don’t mind. Men should smell like men.
When we finally spot the guys, I wave them down and they head over, Callan taking the lead. Alec looks like his head might explode. Too many people. I get it.
Hikikomori.
Callan and Alec go to rent a car, while Lenny and I wait for the bags. I don’t want to leave his side, and he doesn’t want me too. He’s clung to me for every second that he’s gotten out of bed. I texted Maddox, but he hasn’t answered me. He hasn’t answered Callan or Alec either. I didn’t ask Lenny if he tried, but I bet he did and I doubt he received a reply.
“Al
l set?” Alec’s voice startles me. I’ve been stuck in my head since no one wants to talk. I’ve been talking to myself.
“Yep, everything is on the carts. How about you guys?” There are three carts, piled high – and when I say high, I mean fucking high – with luggage, thanks to me and my ridiculous amount of clothes. I had offered to throw most of it away, but again, the guys wouldn’t allow it.
“Just have to go to the lot to get the cars.” He gives me a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. I’ve only seen that kind of smile from him once. I wish he would do it more often. His smile causes his eyes to crinkle in the corners and it’s fucking adorable. That’s what I want to see more of.
“Walk together?” I ask, suddenly feeling shy.
“Sure.” He responds in his gruff tone, not looking at me.
All four of us walk to the lot together, each of them pushing a cart (they wouldn’t let me push one). The rental cars they chose are parked on the side of each other. Alec takes most of the suitcases into the SUV that he rented, since he’ll be the only one in it. For now. We fit my suitcases (minus one) into the trunk and back seat. The guys’ bags, and my one suitcase go into the trunk of the car that Callan, Lenny and I will be taking.
“Good luck.” I say to Alec, 100% meaning it. He’s going to need it. I debate on whether or not I should hug him, but in the end, I decide against it. We’re not there yet, and I don’t want to push it.
“Thanks. That may come in handy.” Alec gets into the black SUV and backs out slowly, waving in the rearview mirror as he goes. He’s on his way to Maddox’s house. I hope Callan is right, and that Alec is the one that can get through to him, because he’s avoided everyone else’s calls and texts. I wish he would answer one of us to let us know that he’s okay. I’m worried about him. Did he make it home okay? What is he doing? Who is he with…?
I climb into the back of our rented car with Lenny by my side. Callan slides into the driver’s seat and backs out of the spot. Lenny takes his turn resting his head on my shoulder. I play with his hair the entire time, letting the silky strands fall through my fingers. We listen to music (which is a nice change), but other than that it’s silent. We enter a suburban neighborhood that looks too rich for me. Even driving through makes me uneasy. Like everyone here will take one look at me and know that I’m not good enough for this lifestyle. I feel like I don’t belong. And that feeling intensifies the moment I realize that we’re in front of Callan’s house.
We pull up to an old Victorian Styled house. It’s tall and narrow and white, surrounded by tall trees and bright green plants. It’s simple, yet, refined. It screams smart people live here. Well, person. We pull into the driveway and park under a white terrace carport that’s dripping with vines and colorful flowers… and right on the side of a sleek, dark blue Model 3 Tesla.
A fucking Tesla.
“Seriously?” I ask, glaring at the car. I watch as his eyes brows shoot up in question through the mirror. “Aren’t those cars like, really expensive?”
“Actually, they aren’t as expensive as most people think. Especially if you take care of them.” He tells me.
“Even if they were, he’s got the money. Plenty of it. Thanks to mommy and daddy.” Lenny teases from the side of me. I try to read Callan’s expression, but I can’t make it out from here. The parent thing seems like a sensitive subject when it comes to him, so I don’t ask.
“We’re home,” Callan says, putting the car in park and ignoring Lenny’s comment all together. I give him a nervous smile, though I hope the nervous part was lost in translation. I’m trying my best here, but I’m exhausted. “Leave the bags, I’ll get them later,” Callan says as we all drag ass to the front door.
Lenny takes my hand, pulling me behind him and after Callan. Callan unlocks the house door and steps aside. When I walk in, I realize that his house is everything that I expected it to be and more. Everything in this house tells me that Callan lives here. The smile that’s on my face now? It’s a big one. I walk into a comfortable and practical looking living room. The air in here is fresh and reviving. There are plants all over, of all types, many that I couldn’t name if my life depended on it. I drop onto the fawn colored, oversized couch and close my eyes. I’m joined by Lenny who scoops me into his arms and pulls me close, like he’s never going to let me go.
CHAPTER 11
Alec
I pull up to his contemporary style house that has way too many windows. It’s just as arrogant and in your face as he is. Especially since every other house in this neighborhood is a simple ranch style house. Everything blends in… except this one. Leave it to Maddox to stick out and make a scene. I drive through the stone wall entrance and park my rental car on the gravel driveway beside his Jeep.
At least he’s home.
I shut the car off and walk straight to the front door. I look around before entering and realize how bare this place is. The other houses in this neighborhood have plants and homey things to show that people live there. Happy people. Here, the house is dark and intimidating – just like him. There is a sad excuse for a yard over to the right, home of the only color – the grass – on his property. I don’t bother knocking. I know the entry code, so I enter it and let myself in. Straight to the back living room, which is the only place he would be. And there he is. Sitting on the couch, beer in hand.
“Get out.” He doesn’t take his eyes off the TV as he says it.
“No.” My response catches his attention and he looks at me, raising an eyebrow.
“Why are you here? You of all people should know better than to come to my house.”
“Maddox–“
“No. Aren’t you happy now? Lenny finally has his mommy back, just like you always wanted. Just like you said all those years ago. Right? That was the right thing to do, wasn’t it, Alec? Lenny’s mom comes back and lets just hand little Lenny back over to her, so she can take him away and leave him alone again in another house, far, far away from us and anyone else that cares about him. Only for him to die. Right? Life would be better without that little shit around, wouldn’t it, Alec?” He’s got the crazy look in his eye going on. I know he’s upset, he’s hurt, but damn him for never allowing any emotion out other than anger. Hell, who am I to judge? I’m not judging, that’s why I’m here. I get it. I get him.
“You know that’s not how it was. Not at all. Stop making me out to be the bad guy. I just–I know how it is to want your mother.” I shove my hands in my pockets, trying to seem less aggressive than I feel. I count in my head, because isn’t that what you’re supposed to do to relax? Yeah, it doesn’t fuckin work.
“Oh, and I don’t? My mother was just as fucked as yours.” He leans forward pointing a finger at me, his voice louder than I’ve heard it in a long time.
“I know this. How many times do we have to go over this? It isn’t a fucking competition, Maddox! All of this is irrelevant.” I take a step towards him but stop just as quickly. I need to stay in control, here. Fuck, why did I agree to this? I clench my fists, taking in a deep breath.
Relax.
“What do you want then?” His tone calms and he settles back into his chair. Bringing the can to his lips, he finishes it off. Taking another off the table and cracking it open.
“You need to come back.”
“No.”
“Maddox, this isn’t a joke. Do you know how hard it was for me to decide to stay? To be a part of this? I finally give you all what you want, I finally agree to stay, to become a part of this… whatever the fuck this is, and this is what I get? I open myself up, just enough to allow you all back in, and this? This is how you fucking repay me?” I scrub my hands over my face, trying to keep my anger in check. It isn’t easy when dealing with Maddox. The guy has a gift for getting under your skin, it’s like another one of his abilities. One that he was blessed with at the time of his vagina expulsion.
“Consider it pay back?”
“Pay ba
ck for what?” My voice rises a few pitches, out of shock.
“I don’t know. Being a dick all the time?” He sips from his beer again.
“So, this is it then? These past two weeks were for nothing? What about Friday?” The fact that I’m now pacing, and he’s sitting in his chair with his beer, happy as a pig in shit is making it harder for me to reign in my temper. Maybe someone should have come with me, better yet, Friday should have come. I bet he’d listen to her. She doesn’t know how to deal with him yet, but she’s going to have to learn. I will not be stuck on Maddox duty for the rest of my life. Fuck him.
“What about her?” He says it like he doesn’t care, but I know that he does. He cares so much. Probably more than all of us, but he’ll never admit that. He needs her more than any of us do. If you looked from the outside, you’d think that person was Lenny. It makes sense, right? Because of the mom thing. And yeah, he does really need her, a lot. But nothing like the way Maddox needs her. We all need her in our own way, for our own selfish reasons.
Callan had a shitty mom that was never around, that always chose his father over him. Callan is smart, so he knows it wasn’t his fault, still he has confidence problems. Lenny had a mom that just left him and never looked back, well maybe the once, but that wasn’t for him. He has abandonment issues. Maddox had a mother that continued to let him down, over and over and over. He has the need to fix things. And me? Well, my mother was just fucking nuts. I have trust issues. We all have mommy problems. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. We are living proof of that. And who’s to say one had it worse than the other? It’s all relative to who you are as person, to what and how much you can deal with emotionally. I think we all got stuck with our worst-case scenario growing up, and it fucked us up. It fucked us up so bad, but it made us who we are today. And mostly, I think we’re good fucking people. We have our problems, but we’re not bad.
