by K J Bell
The hell with how pissed he gets.
Protesting, I forcefully pushed my palms into his chest which only moved him an inch or so. He was caught by surprise and removed his hands from me.
“You disgusting pig. Don’t touch me!” I screamed, pounding my fist repeatedly into his chest.
Logan let out an explosive laugh. “Ah, come on, you want me too.”
“No! I don’t. You repulse me, Logan,” I stormed.
His face hardened. The dark demon was back in control and I was terrified.
“I really wish you hadn’t said that,” he snarled.
Crap!
Requiring a little space between us, I wiggled free from the sleeping bag and stood up, taking as many steps back as possible since my leg was still shackled. The length of the rope allowed me only five steps backward before Logan grabbed it and tugged. I attempted to keep my balance, but fell forward on the floor in front of him. I somehow summoned the strength to stand back up, refusing to let him dominate me.
He stared at me heatedly, still holding onto the rope. His face was red and blotchy. Maybe it was rage boiling under his skin, or maybe it was the alcohol. This Logan was definitely not the one who left me hours before. This was the Logan I was deathly afraid of. This was the Logan that could snap at any minute.
“Take it back, Claire,” he ordered, yanking on the rope once again, pulling me close to him. Anger was seeping out of him. I could smell the alcohol in his sweat.
As much as I wanted to, I didn’t struggle, try to run, or scream. I stood firmly in place, while angry tears streamed down my face. Maybe I should’ve said it to calm the beast in front of me, but I didn’t. The feeling of him violating me was still thick on my skin. I met his stare with the same heatedness.
“I won’t take it back, Logan!” I spit. “You disgust me!”
That was a big mistake.
The back of his hand struck my cheek with so much force that it knocked my feet out from under me. I landed on my tail bone, shrieking loudly, as the pain shot up my spine. Logan was on top of me, straddling me. He wrapped his hands around my throat and just like in my dream, he began stealing each breath I took.
“You can’t speak to me like that, you bitch. Not ever…you got that?”
I managed one big gulp of air, finding my voice long enough to shout back at him. “I hate you. Do you hear me, Logan? I hate you.”
Logan’s hands went limp and fell from my throat. Sliding off my body, slumping against the wall, he folded his arms over his knees and buried his head. I turned to my side in a fetal position, coughing violently between inhales, greedily trying to pull air in my lungs. I shuddered when I felt his fingers on my leg, but I was too weak to move. He inserted a key into the shackle and tossed it aside. Unlatching the shackle, he peered at me through red, glassy eyes.
“Go,” he screamed, his voice hoarse. Guilt, shame, regret – the emotions were written all over his face. I had finally caged the beast, now it was time to throw away the key.
“Logan.”
“Just go, Claire,” he commanded, standing and leaving the room.
My ankle was sore where the shackle had been. A purple bruise had begun to form, circling my leg. I changed my clothes hurriedly, and placed my things in the bag Logan had given me earlier.
I heard Logan in the other room, although he sounded more like a small child hiccupping than a grown man.
“God, please help me,” he repeated over and over until it sounded like he was chanting.
Regret had a firm grip on my emotions. Even as repulsive as Logan was, I felt sick for him, wishing I could have been stronger and controlled my anger long enough so the night would have concluded differently. He obviously didn’t want to be this angry, confused young man that he was, yet he failed to have control over the things that haunted him. His ending should be different than his fathers, not exactly the same.
Not all endings are happy ones, Claire, my subconscious reminded me.
What am I doing? I wasn’t going to leave him here like this. I promised to help him and that’s exactly what I was going to do. He needed a friend to stick by him, long enough for him to understand that he could choose another path. It’s not too late.
Are you crazy? Run!
I went to Logan and he lowered his eyes when he saw me. Frantically, he wiped the tears away from his face.
“It’s okay to cry,” I said approaching him warily, still uncertain which Logan was sitting before me.
He was balled up against the wall, and didn’t say anything in response. He huffed when I sat down next to him. I positioned myself in front of him. My desire to save him burned so strongly and I wasn’t about to let him smother it.
“Look, Logan, this is really messed up. I promised you I would be here for you. Despite what you may think, I know you are a better person than all of this,” I reasoned, trying to persuade him to realize who he really was and who he wanted to be.
Logan fidgeted uncomfortably, turning his head without speaking.
“All right, look, if you don’t want to speak to me again when this is over I get it, but right now I’m the only friend you have, so don’t be indifferent,” I ranted, frustrated that he was ignoring me.
His head twisted back around to face me.
“What are you doing?” he asked hesitantly.
I was flush with nerves. I didn’t want to set him off again but holding back was not an option. Logan needed to know he was not alone. He wanted someone to care about him so badly, and I was prepared to do just that. “I’m being a true friend, Logan. I meant what I said when I told you I would be here for you.”
“I’m a monster, Claire. There is no helping someone like me. You need to run far away from me,” he urged, sitting in front of me, begging for needs he was unaware of.
“No!” I huffed this time. “I said I wouldn’t run Logan, but you can’t treat me this way. You can’t treat anyone this way. I’m not your mom, and you Logan, are not your father,” I pleaded, placing my hands on his knees, begging him to listen.
“I’m worse, Claire,” he admitted, breaking my heart.
“And that is your father talking, Logan.” I chided.
Silence.
“God, Claire.” Logan started sobbing again. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to live with what happened here. I need to take you back to Brent. You belong with him. I know that now.”
I pulled his head down to my lap, running my fingers through his soft blonde curls, trying to calm him. “Shhh, Logan. It’s okay, I’m here.”
His sobs transitioned to heavy breathing and in no time at all, he drifted off to sleep.
I considered bailing, but I couldn’t bring myself to break my promise. So I sat, continuing to stroke his hair, thinking about how ashamed his mother should be. She had received an amazing gift – one not every woman could receive. That woman should have protected him –above anything else – particularly against his own father. I knew it was wrong to judge her, having not been in her shoes, but a child deserves more.
The next couple of hours went by in a haze as I wondered where Brent and Reese were, and if they were safe. I had yet to move so as not to awaken Logan, knowing he needed to sleep off the alcohol. Finally deciding I needed to sleep as well, I grabbed my sleeping bag and returned to Logan. I covered the two of us up and lay close to him for warmth.
Clutching the locket Brent gave me, I sighed deeply and a warm sensation draped my body.
It’s going to be okay, baby girl.
My dad’s voice was exactly as I remembered it, thinking for minute he was actually in the room with me.
Stay strong, you’re doing the right thing.
I heard him again and then the voice was gone. That was all the reassurance I needed to hear. If I had any doubts before about handling Logan, they had been erased. Logan needed this and maybe I needed it too. A few tears gathered and I squeezed my eyes, releasing them before my lids closed heavily.
In th
e morning, the room was filled with sunshine and Logan was nowhere to be found. I walked around the empty loft noticing for the first time how interesting it was. There were tools and drop cloths strewn about in some of the rooms. It appeared to be an industrial building that was being converted to living space. I peeked out the windows immediately recognizing Boston, although I was unsure of the exact location. We were at least five floors up. The view went on for miles. Spotting the ocean in the distance, I blushed recalling my time with Brent at the beach house. I really missed him.
I heard the door open. Logan entered with coffee and a Dunkin’s bag looking abashed.
“I brought bagels and coffee,” he offered.
“Thanks,” I said, rocking back nervously on my heels. “Coffee would be awesome.”
Logan set the bag on a saw horse and handed me the Styrofoam cup. I flipped the lid covering the hole. Pleased with the scent of the caffeinated goodness, I blew into the hole and took a large sip. The warmth and flavor was intoxicating.
“Nothing better than this,” I said, wiping my mouth on my sleeve, attempting to lighten the mood between us.
“I guess,” Logan said nervously, playing with the strings on his sweatshirt. “Claire, we need to talk about last night,” he suggested, staring at the floor.
“Yeah, that wasn’t good, huh?” I agreed, setting my coffee next to the bag on the sawhorse. I strode closer to Logan.
“How can you be so calm? I’ve been trying to figure out why your still here when you could have left in the middle of the night. I was down for the count.” Logan watched me closely as I responded.
I shrugged. “I told you I wasn’t going to leave.”
Anxiously, he twirled his fingers around the laces of his sweatshirt, thinking about my answer.
“Claire, last night was horrific and I’ll never forgive myself for all of this. I don’t know what came over me. I still can’t believe it myself. I should be in jail,” he grimaced. Both of his fingers were now fully wrapped in the laces of his sweatshirt.
“Logan, I’m not calling the cops. That horrible person who stood before me last night is not who you are. I think part of this was the Adherent and the other part was the anger deep inside of you towards your father. Either way, confining you to a cage won’t solve anything,” I informed him, tugging on his hands, releasing his fingers from the strings he had been nervously playing with. His expression was regretful and relieved at the same time.
“Claire, I only have a small recollection of the Adherent. I can’t remember most of what happened in that time. It’s as though there’s a huge gap in my life.”
“You don’t remember, Logan? … My aunt is dead,” I reminded him icily.
“Oh, my God, Claire. I’m so sorry. What happened?” he asked innocently.
You freaking killed her!
His face was sincere. I saw in his eyes that he really truly didn’t remember.
“You don’t know?” I questioned.
“No, God, Claire. I had no idea.” His voice was as downcast as his eyes. “I hurt you while you were dealing with that. How could I have done such a horrible thing? I’m going crazy. I don’t even remember bringing you here. We need to get you home.”
Did he remember anything?
“Do you remember the mill?” I asked.
He looked at me quizzically. Apparently he truly had no recollection.
“I had flashbacks all night of being with you and how I treated you. I’m so ashamed. This has happened to me before, after I drink. I get violent and possessive. I’ve tried to piece it all together, but I can’t. Were we on a date or did I just force you here? I can’t make sense of any of it.”
He begged me to fill him in on everything that happened between us, but I wasn’t sure I should do it. Talking with Logan this morning I sensed he was different, free from the Adherent and the hate that came with its procession of him. More than that, he was free from his hate towards his father. I knew giving him any more burdens to carry concerning me could bring all that hate back.
I told him as much as I thought he could handle. Filling him in on Kace and the Adherent he had entertained, and I left out that he choked the life out of Maggie. I lied about how we ended up here, telling him I met him at the mill to hang out, but after getting really drunk, he brought me here.
“I shackled you like an animal. When I saw this place this morning I knew I was responsible but I couldn’t remember how,” he admitted, shaking his head regretfully.
“Look, if I understand things correctly, the Adherent that possessed you can hang on for a while after it leaves you. Logan, it wasn’t you. I know that,” I reassured him.
He took a step back. “It doesn’t make it right though, Claire.”
I stepped toward him, sealing the space he just put between us. “No, it doesn’t, but you couldn’t stop, especially while you were drinking.”
Logan explained to me how he had sat in front of the window for hours this morning looking between the city and my sleeping face and the strangest thing happened to him.
“You know that old expression, I’ve seen the light?” he asked. I nodded. “I saw it, Claire. It made me feel things, made me think, forcing me to reconsider the path I’ve been on for years. I’ve made decisions about so many of things in my life.”
Happily listening to Logan, I wanted to hear more.
“Okay, like what?” I encouraged, proudly waving my hands at him to continue.
“The first one is to take you home,” he said seriously.
That one was easy. “And after that?” I prompted him, impatiently waiting to hear more.
“Well, my Uncle Jeff is the one renovating this building. He owns a construction company that’s converting the units into lofts. He’s been trying to get me to leave my house for years, but I didn’t think I could leave my mom,” he paused, studying me.
What is it with guys? I totally understood why my mom used to say it was like pulling teeth to get anything out of my father.
“And now?” I urged, hoping to hear the rest of his plan.
“Now…I know I can leave my mom. She has to make her own choices. I’m eighteen years old and I need to be responsible for myself. I’ve spent too much time trying to take care of her and ignored what I needed to do for myself. I’m going to quit drinking to cover up my pain, since you may have noticed it’s not really working anyway,” he smirked.
I nodded, meaningfully.
Logan continued.
“I can’t blame my parents for my anger. I have to address it. Maybe I wasn’t dealt the best hand, but it’s not going to be a crutch any longer. My uncle said I could work for him part time and stay at his house until I can finish school. I’m definitely going to take him up on the offer. I already called him,” he finished, finally.
My heart sang. I was so proud of him.
“Logan that’s great. I’m so happy for you.” And I was. He deserved more than he had been handed, and he finally realized it.
He opened the door gesturing we should leave now. The hallway outside the door was dimly lit. I noticed a door across the hall freshly sanded and smelt the wood. I hesitated, stopping just before walking out of the door.
“Logan, I can’t go home. Kace is looking for me and it won’t be safe there,” I explained.
“I’ll take you anywhere you want to go,” he offered.
“I’m not sure where that is. I need to find Brent,” I told him, praying my mention of Brent wouldn’t upset him.
With no trace of anger he said, “My cell phone is in the car. You can call him.”
He turned and faced me, brushing my overgrown bangs out of my eyes. “I’m so sorry for everything, Claire. I know I can’t change what’s happened, but I’ll spend my life indebted to you for your kindness.”
His expression was thoughtful and his smile genuine. The joyful feelings I had for him were surprising, considering where we started. He gazed at me and I smiled happily, noticing the warm amber ton
e in his eyes. They were glowing. The dark cold stare I had always associated with Logan was gone. I threw my arms around him, holding him tightly. We had shared this crazy journey together and my heart had helped to heal his. I reveled in how that felt. He kissed me gently on the forehead and whispered. “I’m sorry.”
I pulled back and looked at him so he could see the sincerity on my face. “I know this was a good thing Logan, for both of us.”
He smiled faintly.
“You are an amazing girl, Claire.” he complimented and I blushed. “Brent is a lucky man.”
He leaned down to kiss my cheek just as I was turning my head. Our lips brushed against one another’s and time stood still. I should’ve pulled away, it was wrong, but when he kissed me, I let him. Softly and warmly, he pressed his lips to mine. Not anything at all like the last time he kissed me, violating my mouth. This time he was gentle and sweet. I kissed him back, not with desire, but with reassurance that he would be okay.
As he started to pull away, I watched him fly backwards through the air and hit the floor like a bomb. Standing there, I saw Brent leap on top of Logan and watched as Brent’s fist landed blow after blow to Logan’s face. Reece’s arms were around me reassuring me that I was all right. But I wasn’t. Brent was going to kill Logan.
I pushed Reese away from me and ran over to Brent, jumping on his back, trying like crazy to pull him from Logan. He was angrily shouting at Logan. Logan held his hands up defensively but didn’t fight back. It shattered my heart into a million pieces knowing that Logan thought he earned this. He was allowing it to happen, so sure that he deserved the punishment.
“Brent! Get off him. You don’t understand,” I screamed, but my voice wasn’t loud enough through the chaos. Without considering the consequences, I slid off Brent and threw myself in front of Logan. Brent’s fist hit the side of my jaw with enough force to knock me back a couple of feet, and I was sure I saw stars.
Logan was the first to reach me and held me tight. “Claire?….Claire, oh my God. Are you okay?”
