by K J Bell
I joined him, swinging so high I thought I might not be able to hang on during the upswing. It felt amazing, but escaping my troubled thoughts was short lived and my mind wandered to Brent. I kept remembering the look on his face as I walked out the door. It was torn between the sting of wanting to stop me, and rage toward Logan. He looked lost. The slow, creeping ache was starting in my legs and I knew the further I got from Brent, the sicker I was going to feel. I needed him emotionally and physically, but I refused to forgive him for his betrayal. He lied to me about something so meaningful and important, and had callously tossed Mandy and her feelings aside. I couldn’t wrap my brain or my heart around that. The Brent I knew could never be so dismissive of somebody’s feelings, but the reality was that I didn’t really know him at all.
Bull! You’ve known him your entire life. You know he would never intentionally hurt you. He tried to explain and you refused to listen.
I had refused to listen because it was my heart that wanted him to explain, but my brain knew what it heard. He lied to me and there was no explanation he could offer that allowed forgiveness for that lie. I could still feel his hands on my body exploring me the way they did the previous night. His scent still lingered on my skin with each sweep of air as the swing climbed and released. A few tears escaped my eyes. I stopped pumping the swing, fighting back sobs as it came to a slow stop. I wiped the tears away and noticed that Logan was watching me worriedly. He didn’t say anything and offered me a hand. I accepted, clasping his fingers in my own.
Logan helped me into his truck, and I looked toward the cemetery where I saw Mr. Shattuck again. He was clear as day and a look of concern brushed across his face. I heard him speak as though he was sitting next to me in the truck.
“Be careful, Claire. Go back, please. You need him,” he urged.
I opened the door to go to him but he was gone. What did that mean? Be careful with Logan, with Brent or with my life as a whole? Returning to Brent was not possible after what happened. I closed the door just as Logan got in.
“You okay?” he asked noting my tangled expression.
“Fine,” I muttered.
You are not fine, you are being careless, and you know leaving him is wrong. You should go back to him right now. I ignored my bossy subconscious. I was not ready to face him.
Logan didn’t push for more. He started the truck and continued the drive towards his uncle’s loft. Logan and I didn’t speak for a while. I assumed he was doing as much thinking as I was. We had been traveling on Route 2 for about twenty minutes when Logan broke the silence. “You hungry? There is an awesome breakfast place up ahead.”
“Breakfast?” I questioned. “It’s almost noon, Logan.”
“Late breakfast, then. The place is too good to pass up, Claire.”
“Sounds perfect,” I agreed, though I wasn’t sure if I could eat. My stomach was in knots.
We entered the small diner, what my dad would have called a hole in the wall. Logan said they had the best Eggs Benedict around. We sat in a small corner both. The diner had a 1950’s theme, layered with trinkets and memorabilia from that decade. James Dean, Elvis, Marilyn, even Betty Boop stared at us as we sat.
“My dad had the biggest crush on Marilyn Monroe” I said to Logan, who grinned at me through a thick layer of brown lashes.
“What?” I said defensively.
“I think anyone donning male anatomy has had a crush on her.” He held his hand out in front of his chest and made a squeezing motion with his fingers.
“Eww,” I laughed. “Very true, but I didn’t really need the visual, thank you.”
We placed our order for Eggs Benedict which Logan requested Irish style, substituting ham for corned beef hash. It was my dad’s favorite. New England was one of the few places it was possible to get it that way.
Sitting in a cloud of doubt, I was twiddling my thumbs and could feel the heat in my cheeks growing as I considered what brought me to this diner. I was so angry at Brent, but I missed him so much.
Logan must have sensed my uneasiness. He reached across the table and folded my hand in his. “Claire, it will work out.”
I wanted to believe him but my heart felt the difference. “It won’t Logan. I can’t forgive him.”
His amber eyes spoke to me before the words left his mouth. “I know firsthand that is not true.”
“You and I have a different situation, Logan,” I whispered, leaning across the table.
His lips turned up in a smug grin, suggesting it was his turn to help me. “It’s not that different, Claire. You hated me, yet found a way to see past that. You’re angry, but I know you’ll get over it eventually.”
“I won’t! I almost slept with him last night and I asked him…” I started to explain, turning my head away, slightly embarrassed. I asked him with my thoughts and Brent knew. What if that was it? I wonder if he read my question wrong last night. No, he knew exactly what it was. “And he lied, Logan. He said he had never been with someone else,” I finished.
Logan’s smile turned apologetic now. “Maybe he hasn’t been with anyone else.”
I allowed a moment of awkward silence to fill the air between us before I spoke. “I heard it with my own ears, Logan, and so did you.”
“He said he could explain,” Logan reasoned. I wasn’t sure if he was defending Brent or himself.
I should have laughed. “Isn’t that what most guys say in that predicament?” I teased, playfully reaching across the table smacking him in the arm.
Logan laughed. “Ouch! But I can’t argue with you there,” he said, reaching across the table and lifting my chin up. “I think you should talk to him, that’s all. I don’t want you to have regrets later.”
God, what was it with the guys in my life and my regrets?
“I’ll worry about my regrets, thank you.”
Just then the waitress interrupted us, setting our plates of food on the table, along with two cups of coffee. I really wasn’t hungry and I pushed the plate aside. Logan dug right into his Eggs Benedict, like he hadn’t eaten in days. I poured cream and sugar into my coffee, stirring it before I took sip.
When Logan finished, he wiped his mouth on a napkin and tossed it on the empty plate. He glanced out the window, obviously struggling with something and then returned his gaze to me. He rested his elbows on the table, lacing his fingers and resting his chin on them.
“If I understand it correctly, he’s like your soul mate or something, right?” Logan inquired, uncomfortably.
I pursed my lips and nodded because coming up with an adequate response to deny the pull I had to Brent was nearly impossible. Logan was right, Brent’s seal was stamped identically to mine, designed to belong to me for eternity. I remembered when Brent told me Reese was my match, explaining that it was a force that couldn’t be fought, only shelved, leaving a person incomplete.
“Yes, but it doesn’t matter. People go their whole lives sometimes without ever finding the one person that was designed for them,” I argued.
Logan looked at me with pity in his eyes. It was a first time moment for him, he actually felt sorry for me now. “That might be true, but only because they don’t find them, and not because they don’t want them.”
“But they do and they live happy lives despite that,” I continued arguing.
He sighed, running his hands through his hair briefly, appearing irritated I was not seeing things his way. “True, they live incomplete lives, but you don’t have to because you have Brent. That is quite a gift, Claire.”
He was being sincere. I knew he cared so much for me.
“Why are you doing this, Logan? I would think you would be happy about our separation.”
We stared at each other briefly before he sighed. “I should be thrilled, you’re right. I think Brent’s an idiot and you’re too good for him. If I thought for one second you could forget about him and be happy with me as a substitute, I would be singing from the rooftops. However, I think we both know you
can’t just forget about him.”
I turned and faced the window, resisting the urge to curl into a ball. I couldn’t look at him, knowing I was about to lie.
“I can forget about him,” I insisted.
I could see in his eyes, Logan didn’t believe me for one second. He already knew me too well. “What about Kace? He’s going to find you and you’ll need Brent for that.”
I didn’t want to think about it anymore because I knew Logan was right. The abilities I had to fight Kace were only at their strongest with Brent by my side.
“Can we please not talk about this anymore, Logan?”
“Fair enough. I know you’ve been through a lot, but at least think about it. Please. I care about you. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be with you. I do. I don’t want anything to happen to you and if that means you need Brent to stay safe then I hope you will think about talking to him.”
Logan excused himself from the table, picking up the ticket the waitress had left at some point. I smiled. Logan had grown these past few days. Old Logan would have happily accepted what he wanted and not considered any of the consequences. But the boy sitting across from me now only thought of me and what was best for me, even if it meant I would be with someone else. He would sacrifice his feelings to do what was right and I was more than proud of him for these significant changes.
I considered a life with Logan, and what it would be like. I pictured him as a loving husband and father to our children. Then I remembered the vision of him with his wife and child, and the happiness on his face when he saw it too. Omni said people’s choices could change the future. If I chose Logan, I would do just that. I felt guilty. Could I take that kind of happiness from Logan just to avoid my feelings for Brent? Could I take the sweet little boy from my vision that adorned Logan’s shoulders? That child would never come to be if I chose a life with Logan. It was incredibly selfish of me to even consider it. Logan deserved that kind of happiness and who was I to take it away from him? I knew he would love me, but there would always be a part of us that could never truly connect because we weren’t stamped to match.
The ache in my body was growing stronger and the few bites I had of my breakfast were swirling in my stomach. The flu-like symptoms gently reminded me I needed my Paramour. Why did he have to lie to me? We weren’t together when he was with Mandy. I would have understood.
Right, you would have been just as heartbroken.
Maybe I would have, but I would have forgiven him if he hadn’t lied about it. He made a choice that would change the future for us, not me.
Even so, you can’t take Logan’s future because Brent was foolish. It’s not right and you know it.
I really wish my subconscious was not so loud or so right, but as usual, she was. I had to let go of Logan.
Logan returned to the table after paying the bill. “Are you ready?” he asked.
I toyed with my napkin, rolling it in my fingers anxiously. “You’re right, Logan. I need to talk to him.”
Logan hid his disappointment with a soft smile, “Okay, then. You want me to take you back to Layken’s?”
“No. I’m going to call him.” Talking to him in person was not an option. Brent’s piercing gaze and his closeness would not allow me to think straight. I wanted to hear what he had to say with a clear head before I knew if I could forgive him, and I couldn’t do that with him infiltrating my senses.
Logan nodded. “I’m pretty sure I left my phone at the loft and if not, my uncle has a few phones he uses on the job.”
He held his arm out for me and I took it, pulling myself up from the table. Our eyes met and I had an incredible urge to kiss him again. I bit my lip and turned my head, feeling ashamed. Any feelings I had for Logan were wrong. He deserved his happiness and I knew from my visions it was with someone else.
And you’re in love with someone else.
CHAPTER 21
“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.” – Henry Van Dyke
Thankfully it was a short trip to the loft and Logan didn’t bring up Brent again. We talked a little bit about Layken and how much Logan liked her once. My heart clenched when he told me about a particularly rough morning at his house. I was still so angry at his parents for treating him the way they had.
“Layken and I went out a few times. My dad went ballistic one morning, and I left the house really angry. I went into town to get some food and meet up with my friend, Brody. I slammed my truck door when I got out hell bent on being mad at the world, and there was Layken’s smiling face. She asked me if we were still on for the movies that night. Seeing her made my whole world light up and I forgot about all the crap that happened that morning at home,” Logan shared, making me even angrier with his parents. Maybe if they had treated Logan better he and Layken would still be together.
Holding my emotions in check, I asked, “You really liked her, didn’t you?”
He nodded. “Everything just felt so right when I was around her, like nothing else mattered. I guess that’s why I was so pissed when Brent showed up. It was obvious that she had it bad for him.”
“I’m sorry, Logan,” I said, understanding how he felt. There was something about Layken that made you want to keep her close.
Logan’s eyes sprang open. “No, I’m sorry Claire. I let the Adherent possess me and took all of my anger out on you.”
“Old news, right?” I replied, placing my hand over his, on the gear shift.
“Right! You really are something, Claire. I’ll never hurt you again,” he said, with so much sincerity my heart ached. He definitely deserved the happiness I saw in my vision.
When we reached the loft, Logan helped me from the truck again. As I hit the pavement, I stared at the tall building, suddenly feeling worried. The hairs on my neck stood up against the tension. I took a deep breath in, trying to calm my fears. Maybe I should go back and talk to Brent? Coming back here seemed like a good idea at the time but now, I sensed, I was making a huge mistake.
Breathe, Claire.
Assuming it was just the intense memories of the last time I was here and my distance from Brent, I took Logan’s hand as we walked towards the building. I would call Brent as soon as we got inside.
The smell of paint and fresh cut wood filled the air and I heard the pipes pinging. Through the ache and nausea, I climbed the stairs. This separation from Brent was already feeling worse than the last time. Feeling so weak, each stair seemed impossibly higher than the next.
I heard Logan speak. He sounded far away, although I felt him next to me.
“Claire, are you all right?” he asked, placing his hand under my arm to steady me.
“I’m fine,” I responded weakly. “I’m just not feeling that great,” I admitted.
“Because you need him?” Logan asked.
I didn’t respond. Logan supported me, helping me climb each stair until we finally got to his floor. When we reached the door to the loft, Logan released me. I slumped against the wall while he fished the keys out of his pocket. Before he put the key in the lock, he spoke softly.
“You don’t look well. I’m calling Brent as soon as we get inside. No arguments, okay?”
I nodded. I didn’t have the strength to argue with him even if I wanted too. Needing Brent to feel better, I didn’t even care about what happened at Layken’s house anymore. I raised my hand to tuck some stray hair behind my ear, and saw the unmistakable mark. Mandy had been adhered to. I saw the faint grey imprint of her palm on mine. It was the same hand I used to shake hers when we met. What does it mean? Did she lie?
Before my brain finished processing those thoughts, Logan opened the door, gasping, and shoved me forcefully against the wall behind him. I slammed into the wall so solidly I thought I went through it.
“Run Claire, now!” Logan commanded.
My legs weighed a thousand pounds. I
might as well have been stuck in quicksand. What the hell was Logan doing? Then I heard his voice. He was laughing, thanking Logan for bringing me here. Logan had betrayed me again. My heart sank. How I had been so blind? This was exactly why my parents taught me not to trust anyone and I foolishly had. But if he brought me to Kace, then why was he shielding me from him now?
“Bring her in here, Logan,” Kace called from inside the loft.
Logan looked back at me, his wide-open eyes filled with panic.
“No chance, Kace. I won’t let you hurt her,” Logan promised, grounding himself in front of me, his arms behind him on both sides of my body.
I peered over Logan’s shoulder, looking through the door. My heart pumped again, filling with relief. He had not betrayed me.
“You pathetic little human. Do you really believe you can protect her?” Kace sneered, coming into view.
I watched horrified as Logan was suspended in air and then sucked into the room. Kace’s arm was extended and then swung to the side. With his movement, I saw Logan fly through the air, hitting the wall with a noisy thud. I watched his limp body slide down the wall almost in slow motion.
Instinctively, I ran into the room and collapsed at Logan’s side. He wasn’t moving. I cradled him to my chest and pushed his soft blonde curls from his eyes, screaming his name, begging him to wake up. The door slammed behind me. I was trapped and alone with Kace – the man that was going to kill me.
“Logan, please wake up. Oh God, please.” He didn’t move. I placed my fingers on his neck and let out a breath of relief. Calm washed over me when I felt he had a pulse.
“Claire, come here,” Kace commanded, curling his index finger. His voice was low and demanding. You could hear in his tone he was used to getting what he wanted.
I hoisted myself up and marched toward him bravely.
“Let Logan go. This doesn’t concern him, Kace,” I requested, knowing he would probably deny me. But I had to try.
Kace shook his head deliberately, rejecting my request.
