by K J Bell
Brooke, Riley and Brody were sitting around a makeshift table they put together with saw horses and plywood. Reese and Layken were not far away, talking quietly, and Brent and Logan were still in the other room.
I approached Layken and Reese hoping I was not interrupting. “Hey guys.”
“You okay?” Reese asked me.
I nodded.
“I need to call Maggie. I’m sure she’s worried sick,” I said, pursing my lips to the side.
“You can use my phone,” Layken said, pulling out her phone, which made me smile. It was so Layken. The case was completely bedazzled. I felt the weight of the heavy gems when I picked it up.
Layken noticed my grin and laughed. “This girl loves bling,” she giggled.
“I guess so,” I giggled back, dialing Maggie’s number.
“Claire, how did it go? Are you all right, dear?” Maggie answered, her voice tinged with worry.
“Yes, I’m fine Aunt Maggie,” I replied, walking to a corner of the room where I could have a little privacy.
I filled Aunt Maggie in on everything that happened with Kace and learning about the others like me. She told me she had her suspicions because they had all moved to town around the same time. I told her we were going after Kace and would do our best to send him back to The Realm. I tried not to cry thinking about the fact if we failed, this could be the last time I spoke to her. I made a point of telling her again and again how much I loved her and how grateful I was for everything she had done for me.
“I love you so much, too, Claire. Please be careful,” she fretted, sighing heavily.
“I will, Maggie,” I promised, biting down on my quivering lip to restrain my tears.
“Oh, and Claire…” she started.
“Yes?”
“If anyone can do this, it’s you. I believe in you, now you just need to believe in yourself,” she finished with sincerity.
This was the part I struggled with. Could I ever believe in myself enough to find good in the man I watched end Mandy’s life or the man that took my parents from me?
“Thanks Maggie. That means so much to me. I should go now. I love you.”
“I love you too, dear.”
My heart felt heavy as I hit the button ending the call. I felt a fight in me for the first time since this began. We had to end to this. I was the only family Maggie had and the thought of leaving her alone in the world was agonizing.
When I lifted my head I saw both Brent and Logan were standing beside me. They both had the same look of concern on their face.
“I’m fine,” I snapped at both of them. “Stay out of my head, please,” I said, a little angrier than I wanted to but they needed a warning.
“For now,” Brent responded. “Logan and I have been talking and we think it’s best if we wait until the morning to find Kace. It’s getting late and we should use what’s left of the evening to put a plan together. Logan said we can all crash here.”
I smiled at the two of them proudly. They talked without yelling and even managed to make a decision together. Brent and Logan were both very important to me and the two of them constantly at each other had grown exhausting. Maybe they would be friends after all.
That might be pushing it.
“That is probably a good idea,” I agreed, knowing I was beat physically and emotionally with everything that happened. I was hoping the rest of the group felt the same. We told them what we decided and they all agreed.
“Saaweet! I’ll order pizza. It’s a campout,” Reese yelled excitedly. I chuckled. My brother, the immature child inside him sprang to life. He was looking forward to this evening like he was hosting a sleepover. I was a little envious of his ability to make light of any situation, even one as serious as this.
We sat around the makeshift dinner table eating pizza and laughing. Everyone was sharing stories of their childhood, telling about when they had discovered their abilities. Brody told us about a time he saw a man in the market that was being really nasty to the cashier. He used his ability on the unsuspecting man who became so dizzy, he got physically sick.
“My parents were not happy but it was hilarious. The look on the cashiers face totally made it worth it,” Brody laughed.
Riley shared that she had once healed a dog on the side of the road. The dog had been hit by a car. She had been really happy when she saw a woman walking the same dog a few days later.
They continued sharing their stories and I felt so many different emotions. I never had friends, and now I sat with people who all had been designed for that sole purpose. I wondered silently if circumstances were different would I still have met and become friends with all of them? Brent squeezed my hand, leaning in close.
“It doesn’t really matter, Claire. They’re here now,” he whispered reassuringly.
I know the gesture was meant to be helpful but I pushed his hand away. I had told him to stay out of my head and was disappointed he had not respected that.
“Excuse me,” I said flatly, sliding my chair out from the table. I walked out onto the small balcony and stared out into the city lights which sparkled like stars glistening in the darkness. I inhaled the crisp night air, clinging to my emotions.
“Are you okay?” Brent asked, joining me.
“No Brent, I’m not.” I spun around to face him. “I asked you not to do that. I need some privacy,” I said, folding my arms over my chest.
He started to run his fingers along my jaw but I took a step back annoyed.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I can’t help it. What you are feeling just shows up.”
“So, you can’t block it out?” His silence was his answer. “Then you need to do that, please.”
“I can’t, Claire. I need to know when you’re upset and what the cause is,” he said, slipping his arms around my waist.
I wiggled from his grip, knowing if I didn’t, I would forget why I was upset. “No, you don’t, Brent. If I’m upset, I’ll tell you.”
He was pacing. “I can’t risk it, Claire. You’re not always forthcoming.”
I put my arm on his to stop him from wearing a hole in the floor.
“Even if it upsets me?” I asked loudly.
“Especially if it upsets you,” he responded.
I threw my hands up in the air. And he thought I was the stubborn one. “Stop it. Just stop it, okay?”
“No can do,” he insisted smugly, leaning against the railing.
“You’re impossible,” I fumed, heading back inside, no longer able to continue a conversation with Brent I knew he would win. He would never stay out of my thoughts as long as danger was near.
Brent returned a short time later. I switched seats with Riley so I was now sitting between Layken and Reese. Brent frowned when he saw me. I didn’t like that I was responsible for that frown, but I was too irritated with him to be close to him. I recognized the feeling. It’s the same annoyance I felt for my parents growing up. They too, were always so focused on my protection they wouldn’t consider what I wanted.
We came up with a plan starting with Logan finding out where Kace was. The rest of the group would use their abilities to weaken Kace until I opened his seal. Brent would then be able to trap him. It was a good plan but I was uneasy about Kace’s abilities and what he would be able to use against us. I agreed we had to try.
I didn’t allow myself to look at Brent. His possessive nature went above his role in my life as my Paramour. It was a part of who he was. He said as much. I was swimming in doubt. Having grown up with parents who were overly fastidious when it came to my protection, I wanted nothing more than be free of it. Being with Brent meant I would never be free if it. I started to get upset thinking about it, and forced myself to stop, knowing he would be listening.
Don’t kid yourself. Part of this has to do with the fact that you have unresolved feelings for Logan.
I rolled my eyes at my subconscious, annoyed with her too.
As we settled in for the evening, Logan se
t up his laptop and started a movie. I smiled thinking about the last time I watched a movie in this room, remembering how Logan and I quoted lines from The Princess Bride. That was a big moment for us – a moment when I first saw a side of him I knew was good. At the time, I was in a terrible situation. I shouldn’t be smiling but I was, thinking of his goofy face while he quoted Vizzini. I glanced at Logan who was smiling back at me, obviously thinking the same thing. I noticed Brent was looking at me and then to Logan. I knew he saw the exchange. I turned my head away, trying to ignore my conscience.
Brent approached me, asking me to come lay next to him. He wanted to talk to me.
I wasn’t ready to talk. “I’m going to hang out with Layken, if that’s okay with you.”
“No, it’s not okay, Claire,” Brent seethed.
“Really? I didn’t know I needed your permission to hang out with my friend for the evening,” I said, wanting to scream, but I forced myself to keep my voice low so the rest of the group didn’t hear.
“It’s not about needing my permission, Claire. It’s about you shutting me out because you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared,” I lied, while my lips did that stupid pursing thing.
“Claire, you can lie to yourself all you want. But you can’t lie to me. I know you, remember? I know you never developed feeling for anyone because you knew you’d leave them eventually. I know how you feel about me. And, I know that scares the hell out of you. You don’t have to run anymore.”
“I’m not running,” I lied again.
“So, you’re just back to being stubborn?”
Was that a question?
I sucked in my bottom lip, holding back the words I wanted to spit at him. How dare he say I’m scared, even if it was the truth? I hated he was right. I was scared of my feelings for him and I did want to run, but that wasn’t the point.
Because you’re being stubborn!
“I’m not being stubborn, and I’m not running, Brent. I’m just asking for some space, okay?” For some bewildering reason I continued the lie.
His jaw shifted back and forth as he ground his teeth together. “Fine, keep lying to yourself, then.”
“You know, Brent. I’m still not exactly over what happed at Layken’s house with Mandy.” I was totally steering the conversation in another direction to avoid the truth and he was going to see right through me.
“Really, you expect me to believe this is about Mandy? Because I thought you knew she lied.” He grabbed my elbow and towed me into one of the rooms. I was grateful to escape the watchful eyes of the others.
“You’re right! This isn’t about Mandy. It’s about the fact that you won’t respect my wishes. Stay out of my head, please. As long as were on the subject, I know you didn’t sleep with Mandy but something happened, Brent. What was it?”
“Why is it important?”
“Oh, I see. When it comes to me, you think you have a right to know everything, but you get to choose what you share with me,” I clarified irately.
“Fine! You really want to know? We were at a party over the summer. Mandy looked so much like you my insides ached. I led her to believe I liked her, wanting her to be you so badly. No matter how much I tried to like her, I was only pretending, because she wasn’t you,” Brent confessed, turning his head embarrassed.
“Brent,” I whispered.
His shoulders slumped forward and he hesitated before continuing. “We had way too much to drink and went into a back room…right before it was about to happen…I couldn’t do it. I got up, put my clothes on, and left without saying one word to her. I hadn’t seen her again until this morning.”
“How could you do that?” I asked, completely perplexed that he could behave that way.
“I don’t know, Claire. I’m not proud of it,” he admitted, his shame feeling like a punch to my gut. “My heart belonged to a girl I couldn’t have.”
Brent leaned against the wall with his hands folded over his chest, waiting for my reaction.
I felt sick. I had to get away from him. I loved him without a doubt, but I was in shock over what he had just told me. “I can’t talk about this right now. I need time to think without you in my head. Is that too much to ask for, Brent?”
His only response was a shrug of his shoulders and a half grin which only stirred my dander. I glared at him in nail-biting silence for a few minutes. There was nothing left to say. I bowed my head before turning on my heels and leaving him, trying not to think about it anymore. When I entered the front room, I took a seat on the floor next to Layken.
Several minutes passed before Brent came back into the room. He didn’t look at me, which was probably best because I would have ran to him consoling him, giving in to my desire to please him and make everything right. No, I wouldn’t give in, not if I wanted him to consider what I wanted, regardless of how much he needed to protect me.
Because you’re stubborn!
As the night progressed, Brent didn’t spare me one glace, nor did he speak to me. I asked him to stay out of my head not avoid me completely. I got up to go to the bathroom and when I returned I kneeled in front of him. There was a painful distance in his gaze when he looked at me.
“You don’t have to ignore me,” I whispered so only we could hear.
Brent huffed out a laugh and turned his head. “You got what you wanted, Claire. Go spend the evening with your friend,” he said, throwing my earlier words in my face.
I bit back the fury I was feeling. My insides began to quake. I quickly steadied my breathing and calmed the sensation. It was then that I realized I was learning to control my abilities. As much as my resentment was willing me to shake the walls and bring the loft down around us, I was not about to explode in front of our friends. I stood up feeling like I might have actually pushed Brent too far this time and returned to my spot next to Layken. She knew I was distraught, but thankfully she didn’t pry.
As the movie played, I watched the group drift to sleep one by one. Reese was the last to doze which I expected. I closed my eyes trying to sleep, but my mind was going through the list of unanswered questions, searching for guidance. I wanted more than anything to know with certainty if I was doing the right things. Who was I kidding? I really wanted to know if I had two Paramours. Did I have to make a choice? What would it change if I made the wrong choice? I needed reassurance and I knew just where to get it.
Bad idea Claire, you should wake Brent and talk to him. It would be dangerous to go alone. You know it.
That may be, but I didn’t need Brent’s permission to do this. He was not my father. I decided as foolish as it seemed, the best way to get answers was to go to Maggie’s and see Omni. I was still in my clothes so sneaking out would not be a problem. I could get to Maggie’s and back before anyone even knew I was missing.
Brent’s phone was on the counter, but his keys were nowhere to be found. I cursed him silently, thinking he kept them in his pocket, knowing I might try to leave. How could I blame him, as I had made a habit of doing just that? I convinced myself it was different this time. I needed these answers to help all of us so it was somehow justified. I swiped his phone and quietly left the loft. Outside, I called a cab which arrived just a few minutes later.
CHAPTER 24
“Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” – Scott Peck
Once at Maggie’s, I stopped at the front door, considering if I was doing the right thing. Frustrated with myself, I admitted that maybe this was impulsive and I should go back to the loft. I needed to apologize to Brent. I scolded myself, thinking I was doing exactly what I always did. Brent was right; I was looking for an excuse to run. It was all I had ever known. Run and trust no one.
I felt a hand on my shoulder startling me and I jumped, dropping my keys.
“What are you doing?” Logan asked, while turning me to face him.
“Logan, you scared me to death,” I said. To my surpri
se, Logan didn’t look angry with me for leaving. Instead, he looked at me expectantly. “I needed some answers and I can talk to an Agent here.”
“You should have got me up, Claire. I would have come with you,” he said, while bending down to retrieve the keys I had dropped. After picking them up, he handed them to me.
“I know. I’m sorry. It was stupid to come alone. Please don’t lecture me, Logan,” I snapped, having been in the habit of defending myself when I disappeared.
“Whoa,” he said throwing his hands up in the air defensively. “I’m not lecturing, just worried about you.”
I unlocked the door. Before I opened it, I turned back to Logan.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I thought I’d get back before anyone knew I was gone,” I admitted, happy Logan was not like Brent in that way. He wouldn’t make me feel like I was being difficult for doing what I thought was best.
“Guess not,” he said shrugging. “Shall we?” he asked, turning the knob and opening the door to Maggie’s house. He put his hand on the small of my back, his touch affecting me, though I couldn’t place the emotion.
When we entered, I threw the keys on the small table in the hall. We made our way upstairs to my room. Logan turned on the light and I went and stood in front of the mirror while he sat down on the bed.
“Claire.” Logan’s edgy voice broke my concentration. “Can I talk to you for a second?” he asked imploringly.
I turned, looking at Logan’s troubled face and took a seat next to him. “Sure, Logan.”
He positioned his body so we were facing each other. “Claire, I…I’m not sure how to say this. I know that you’re supposed to be with Brent but I have feelings for you and I’m not sure what to do about them.”
