by Lynn Carmer
“Tell me.” No pity, no coddling.
Holy hell, this man might be perfect. Ai steeled her shoulders, conscious of the intent stares of the Christmas party. “We married young. I realized it was a mistake almost immediately. I had burned everyone around me—for him. Almost permanently destroyed my relationship with my family because I didn’t want to heed their warnings. I didn’t listen to my own red flags. I wanted him, until I didn’t. Until I couldn’t stand his beautiful face. Not one more day.”
A muscle in Sebastian’s jaw ticked. “He must have done something to make you feel that way.”
“He did. He gave up. Lost himself because of my success.” She took a deep breath. “He also stole from me. Took one of my paintings and claimed it as one of his own.” She wiped her eyes. “I was furious.”
“You damn well should have been. The man you loved stole from you.”
“Yeah.” She twisted her hands in her lap. “You know my temper. After I found out, after all the years I’d put up with him crying and complaining—putting me down, I snapped.”
“What did you do?” Sebastian went very still, watching her face closely.
“I exposed him. Ruthlessly. The art world is smaller than you think.”
“God. That son-of-bitch deserved everything he got. I would have ended him.”
“I did, basically.”
“Why do you feel bad about this?” Sebastian threw his hands up. “Do you still love him? Is that why you think you have bad Karma?”
“No,” she shook her head. “I don’t. I ruined him. Made sure he would never work again. He had no family. No one but me. A few months later, I saw him on Christmas Eve… living on the streets.”
“What?”
“He had nothing. I knew outing him would destroy any hope of him becoming a respected artist,” she whispered. “I only thought about myself.”
“He wasn’t an invalid. He could have worked, found another job.”
She shook her head. “You don’t understand artists. We live and bleed our work.” She hiccupped. “But that isn’t the worst part. I was glad.”
“About what?”
“When he stole from me, I couldn’t stand him. It was the excuse I needed, and I didn’t just break up with him. I eviscerated him, so badly, he couldn’t work gain. Don’t you get it? He ended up on the street. For what? A stupid painting? I’m no more talented than the people that stay at my house. I’m no better than him.” She shook her head. “What’s worse than being homeless. Totally alone.”
His eyes went wide. “That’s why you do it. That’s why you let all those artists stay with you. Because of him.”
“Because I realized I had begun to believe the hype. I’m no better than anyone else.” She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes.
“What happened to him?”
“I had someone contact him and let him know the divorce had been finalized early. He received his settlement the next day.” Her hands dropped into her lap.
“You paid him off?”
“I gave him his fair share.” She sighed.
“Ah, hell.” He slumped back. “You were in a hard situation.”
“I should have been kinder.”
“And done what? Stayed with a man you didn’t love?” His voice rose.
“No, but I didn’t have to be so cruel. I did it during the holidays! He had no family, no friends. He had no one, and I didn’t care. I wanted my freedom.”
“Ai, you were a kid, too.” He rubbed his jaw. “Break this down for me. You think the universe is paying you back because of his actions? After he stole from you?”
“Sebastian, I don’t think I have bad Karma because of him. It’s because of me. I never loved him. Even if I never made any money, I would have left him. Heartlessly. We were totally incompatible.” She bit her lip. “When he handed me a reason on a silver platter, I gutted him, and you can’t come back from bad juju like that.”
“That’s insane.” He cupped her cheek. “You can’t be held responsible for his actions. He betrayed you.”
“Why are you even speaking to me? You should keep your distance, or you’ll get sucked in, too. The universe seeks balance. I may have to permanently pay.”
“That’s impossible.”
“Really? I’m in a friggin’ police station. About to be arrested. I’m going to be in jail for Christmas, but please, keep telling me how ridiculous I’m being.”
“You’re using it as an excuse to avoid getting close to people. To me.” He feathered his thumb along her jaw. “You’ve had some tough breaks, but you can’t give up.”
His words struck deep, but she felt too gutted to examine any of her feelings. “I want to go home.”
“That will be rectified. I promise. I’m going to annihilate Pauls, trust me. His ass is the one who will be in jail. Not yours.” He crouched down in front of her, crowding in close.
“Byrnes,” he called out. Then he focused back in on Ai. “You wore your hair down. Did you do that for me?” He picked up a strand.
“Yes.” She stared, fascinated at the barrage of emotions reflected in his eyes. He was still professional. Guess being at work forced him to be reserved, but she could see the passion, the resolve in his intent gaze.
“It’s up to you now, lovely. You have to decide.”
“Decide what?”
“If you can trust me. If you believe in me more than jinxes or curses.” He shrugged. “Or maybe it has nothing to do with me.” He looked down. “Which, let me tell you, is a tough one for me. I like control. But maybe you have to trust yourself. Maybe that will balance the universe.” He leaned in. “By the way, I may be barred from the state of Texas. We don’t use words like universe and balance.”
“I couldn’t hear that last part, sweetheart,” Ms. Scarlett called out. “Could you speak up?”
“Ssh.”
“Silence.”
“Don’t interrupt.”
The Christmas mob furiously whispered at Ms. Scarlett.
Ai ignored them, completely absorbed in this beautiful man. “You don’t think I’m a monster?”
“You’re fierce and surly, and lethal with that smart mouth, but I’d never call you a monster. If you gave up on the guy you married, it was because he changed, not you.” He swept a strand of hair off her face. “I’m sick to death of our exes ruling our lives. We need to focus on us. But we can’t do that if you don’t trust me. Because every time you pull away, or use Karma as an excuse, it makes me doubt our relationship.”
“Because of what that total bitch did to you? The one I hate and love because she left you for a D lister? I could totally kick her ass.”
He smiled, a brief tilt of his lips. “Don’t waste the energy.”
“Sebastian, I swear, I was on the way to the party. Look, I even wore high heels.” She kicked her feet up through the thick skirt. “Why would I torture myself otherwise? I wanted to see you.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“I thought…” He scowled. “I thought you stood me up.”
“I know. I was so mad, but the longer I was here, I figured that my bad luck was inevitable. I didn’t fight it anymore and told them not to call you. I wanted to, though. But then I was convinced something even worse would happen to you.”
“Things will always go wrong. That’s life. You have to lean on me, like I’ll lean on you.” He brushed his lips against her cheek and whispered in his deep voice, “Besides, I think our luck is changing.”
“How can you say that?” she shivered, pulling back just enough so their noses bumped. “Our relationship was doomed from the beginning…I had a panic attack on our first date.”
“Yeah, so? That was one of the best days of my life.” He leaned into her ear again. “Especially that night. How could you think it was jinxed?”
“I didn’t think about it like that.”
“I know I want you more than any curse, than any bad memory of either of
our exes. You have to decide if you’re in. Because I know, if you say yes, you’ll never go back on your word.”
Ai was floored. “It was the best date for me, too.” She’d trusted him, opened herself up, and shown him the real her. And he’d never flinched. Not once. She flung her arms around his neck, careful of the cuffs. “Before I commit, I do have some further questions.”
He groaned. “Should I ask?”
“Talk a little louder, babies, I can’t hear you when you’re whispering.” Ms. Hattie scolded.
No one dared to shush her.
“Ask away.” Sebastian nuzzled her neck.
“Are you battling sudden urges to move in with me?”
“Yes. I want in.”
“Wrong answer.” Warmth grew in her chest and spread throughout her limbs, with every joyful beat of her heart. “Strike one.”
“Next question.”
“Have you ever played naked bongos?”
“Never.”
“Thank God.”
“But if you asked me to, I wouldn’t say no.”
Ai bit her lip, scared to death to actually voice her last question. Be brave. “Do you think we can make this work? I can be a lot to handle.”
“Do I look like I’m going to break?” A slow smile lit up his face. “I love who you are. I wouldn’t change a thing. You say what you mean, and you’ve never threatened me with a rake, so I’m good.”
“Lucky man. She’s terrifying with that thing,” Willem said. “Dacey, our work is done. Can we get the hell out of here now?”
“Wait,” Dacey sniffled and rushed as close to Ai as she could. “I’m so sorry. All those times I called him a loser, you never told me…I never knew how bad things got.”
“I didn’t want to talk about it. I was a mess and couldn’t separate myself from him.”
“Does that mean you guys are together, or what?” the Cuban boomed from the back of the room. “I’m not comfortable in lock up, so if we could move this along, I’d appreciate it.”
“Are we?”
“Fine, I guess,” she whispered. “Thanks for sticking with me.”
“Forever.” He kissed her, long and deep and soft. Then he cupped his hand next to his mouth and shouted, “She said yes!
The precinct exploded.
Chapter 22
‡
Morning sunshine filtered through the drapes, only banishing a few of the lingering shadows from the room. Her favorite time of day. Ai stretched, blinking away the sleep. I’m home. Not in jail. The booking officer never charged her, and the department had launched a formal complaint against Pauls.
She plumped her pillow, ran her hands along the sheets…and bumped into the human-heater burrowed under the covers.
It was Christmas day—and Sebastian hadn’t disappeared in a puff of smoke. Or been jinxed because of her issues with Karma. She sighed. Time to let that go. Nothing was guaranteed in life, but in this moment, she had a luscious, and very naked man, in her bed. Whose wicked mouth made her melt like wax.
Life was good.
A light tap at the door caught her attention. “Boss Lady,” Jesús unsuccessfully whispered. The man’s natural decibel was set to loud.
What did I tell him about my private time? Ai scrambled off the bed and threw open the door. “Ssh, you’ll wake—”
“Buenos días.” Jesus and Nacho stood at her door sporting Hawaiian shirts and huge grins. Nacho even wore a Santa hat. They both carried trays piled high with every kind of food she could imagine.
“What’s this?” she gasped, finding it hard to get the words out. Not because she was going to cry—nope—but because she was really hungry. And weepy.
“Nacho brought your favorite pan dulce with some cafecitos. I made huevos rancheros for the cop, but then Nacho said he looked like the type who’d prefer chilaquiles. But then, I said a big man like that needs my mamá’s tamales, so she came over. But she took too long, and we ate everything we made.”
“What?” She looked at the tray full of food. “But there’s so much here.”
“Yeah, she said we probably made it wrong, anyways…and made all this for you from scratch.”
“Your mom’s here?” Ai screeched and looked down at her cut off T shirt, and flannel shorts.
“No, Boss Lady, she had to go to church, so she left.”
“She made all this for us?” She blinked away the tears. “Tell her I said gracias por todo.” High school Spanish class came in handy, in Cali.
“I even have some bagels with lox for our Jewish friend.” Nacho nodded at the bed.
“How did you know he’s Jewish?” Ai picked up the pan dulce and dipped it in her coffee. Heaven.
“We have our sources. We wouldn’t some rando date our GOAT.” Nacho winked.
Ai paused mid-bite. “I’m your ‘greatest of all time’?” She set down her food, having a hard time processing all of these good feelings. It was so much easier to act grumpy.
“You saved us. We take care of you. That’s the deal, right?” Jesús walked in and placed the tray on the table. “Nothing’s going to change because the gringo moved in. He got rid of Pendejo, so he’s good people.”
“Hey, hey…slow down. He didn’t move in.”
“Life is change, mi hermano.” Nacho proselytized, setting his tray next to Jesús’s. “All we can do is focus on today.”
“Well said,” Jesús posed with his hand on his chin, and nodded. “Has he seen his surprise yet?”
“Who, Sebastian?” Ai looked over at the corner of the room. “Not yet. I’m being super considerate and letting him sleep.”
“You’re not doing a good enough job,” Sebastian groused and threw a pillow at them. It landed a few feet short.
“He’s right, get out. But first…” she threw her arms around Jesús’ neck and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.” She did the same to Nacho. “And you, too.”
“She can’t live without us.” Jesús winked.
“Please.” Ai rolled her eyes. “Don’t get too used to this. I give out thank-you kisses once a year. Now, go. Shoo. I have to take care of my man.” Ai should have hated saying that, but it felt right.
Jesús tried to linger, grabbing the doorframe. “Seeing as you’re so grateful, do you think you could set us up with one of your friends, we—”
“Never. Go.” She slammed the door in their faces and raced back to the bed. She sat on her knees and stared him down.
“What are you doing?” He peeked his head out from under the covers.
“I’m waiting for you to wake up, so we can have an authentic Mexican breakfast. With bagels and lox!”
“I’m too—” He sat up. “Did you say breakfast?” He sniffed the air. “It smells delicious.”
She laughed, full of joy, the frothy and fluffy kind. It overflowed inside of her, making her chest feel like it might burst. This man made her happy. “Food trumps sleep?”
“Always.” He bounded to the bathroom and used her toothbrush.
“Gross.”
“Have you forgotten where my mouth has been? On your gorgeous body? This,” he held up the toothbrush, “is nothing. But if it bothers you so much, I’ll bring mine over next time.”
“Keep it.” She opened a side drawer and took out a new toothbrush. “That one’s yours now.” She smoothed out the crumpled toothpaste and she brushed her own teeth.
“You get the new one? No fair.” He chuckled and then his eyes widened. “You didn’t even give me shit about saying ‘next time’. Progress.” He spit out the mess in his mouth, picked her up, and headed to the food.
“Enough with the caveman stuff. Stop throwing me around all the time.” She slid against him as he set her down.
“You love it.” He nipped at her lips. “You taste so good, but I’m starving. I missed dinner last night. I had to save my woman from the clink.”
“Food even trumps sex, huh?” She pushed the wave of hair from her face, wanting to catch every inch of his
sexy body. Naked as the day is long, he strutted his stuff, his thick legs flexing with each step. Gorgeous. Maybe she should have tried a little harder to keep him in bed.
“Sex? Hell, no. Sex is never trumped.” He took a huge bite of the bagel and shoveled some eggs in his mouth. “Time for sex. Now.” He turned to pounce but stopped short. “What’s this?”
“Surprise.” She smiled, her heart beating out of her chest.
“A surprise? For me?” He walked over to the corner and studied the Christmas tree, decked out in intricate glass and crystal ornaments. Blinking white lights, and dangling silver tinsel fringed the deep green of the pine.
“It’s artificial, but…”
“I’ve never seen decorations like these.” He looked at her. “When did you do this?”
“Last night, after we got back from jail.” She played with the edge of her flannel pajamas.
“You weren’t in jail.” He laughed. “You were in—”
“You know what I mean.” She shot him a look. Damn, argumentative man. “I’m trying to tell you something important.”
He looked back at the tree, and only the awe and reverence in his eyes kept her from throwing him out.
She let out a deep breath. “Those are all of my favorite ornaments. I’ve collected them for years.” She looked down, unable to meet his eyes. “I wanted to show you…how beautiful they are,” she finished lamely. It wasn’t what she meant to say but opening up about her feelings felt impossible.
“They’re beautiful.” He put his hands on his hips, which only emphasized the firm contours of his rock-hard ass. “Everything you do is so damn creative.” His eyes shone too bright, promising way more than she was ready to receive.
“Put some clothes on, please. You’re distracting me.”
“No.” He laughed and jumped her. Ran right up to her, scooped her up with one hand, and fell into the bed. After he rolled her around, tickling her to distraction, they lay side by side. He kissed her mouth—slow and sweet. “I love it.”
She ran her hands through his short hair. “I would have put up Hanukkah decorations, but I didn’t have any. I also didn’t want to mess it up, in case I was making it too Christmas-y.”
