by Joss Wood
She was already the black sheep; this news would upgrade her to scarlet status.
But as much as she wished she could treat their reaction lightly, seeing their disappointment would just be another deep rip in a spirit that had yet to heal.
Why do that to herself? No, it was easier to keep her distance, to assume they were disappointed in her rather than confront them and have their disappointment confirmed.
“I’m sorry no one believed you, Sades,” Carrick said, his voice a deep rumble. “I promise to always—”
Sadie held up her hand, her slashing movements cutting off his words. “Please don’t promise something you can’t deliver, Carrick.” Her voice cracked. “I couldn’t bear it.”
Carrick ran his hand over her hair, down the back of her neck. “I’m going to do my best not to disappoint you, Sadie.”
At another time in her life, in another incarnation, those words would’ve caused a warm fire in her belly. Today, here and now, it terrified her to think he’d be yet another person who kicked and bruised her heart.
That battered organ couldn’t withstand any more abuse.
* * *
Sadie, her head on Carrick’s chest, lifted her eyes to the painting above her head and released an annoyed sigh. Despite spending more hours on researching the painting than she should, she was still no closer to discovering who the artist was or why it felt so familiar.
For someone who prided herself on her extensive knowledge about art and artists, the puzzle was deeply frustrating.
“Welcome to my world,” Carrick said, his hand sliding down her bare back.
“What’s that?” Sadie asked, unable to pull her eyes from the painting. Who else used those tiny splashes of red, the flash of a reflection in the water, the hint of yellow in the sky?
“That painting will drive you nuts,” Carrick told her, amusement coating every word. “Just accept that you will never know who painted it or why.”
“Not happening,” Sadie told him. Dropping her head, she looked at the smiling face of the naked man she lay on top of. Stretching, she brushed her lips against his, her nipples dragging across his chest. Sadie liked the fact that his eyes went foggy so she did it again and Carrick’s fingers dug into the skin on her butt.
Yeah, waking up with Murphy was a spectacular way to start the day.
Sadie drew circles on his chest with her fingers. Last night they’d delved into her past, her murky marriage, but his past had been off-limits.
He still wasn’t prepared to explain...
She’d exposed herself last night, rolled away the boulder to allow him to look inside her carefully concealed cave, but Carrick had given her nothing. He still refused to speak about Tamlyn or their marriage.
But did it matter? Did Sadie need him to? Whatever happened between him and his ex had nothing to do with her, and while she would never condone abuse of any kind, she was adult enough to know that some women didn’t always tell the truth.
Carrick wasn’t anything like Tamlyn had portrayed him. He wasn’t the jerk, the arrogant, derisive man she’d described.
He was confident, he didn’t suffer fools, but he wasn’t cruel. Or selfish. Or ugly.
He loved his family, he was ethical in his business practices and he treated everyone he met, from janitors to wealthy clients, with respect. Sadie couldn’t imagine him treating his wife with anything less than the respect he automatically gave others.
She wasn’t going to speculate as to why Tamlyn spread rumors about Carrick—anger over being rejected, a need for revenge?—Sadie just knew that Tamlyn had lied.
She’d trusted Tamlyn’s version because nobody had believed Sadie’s. Sadie now knew that she’d misplaced that trust, that she’d believed something because she’d wanted to believe it.
And because, God, this was hard to admit, it didn’t make her feel quite as much of an idiot, quite so alone, knowing that Tamlyn—so smart—had also had a mess of a marriage.
Sadie had also wanted to believe he was a bastard in his marriage because it placed a barrier between him and her, a wall her heart couldn’t climb. But time spent with Carrick dissolved that wall...
Dennis hadn’t shown his true colors until much later in their relationship; maybe Carrick would do the same...
Sadie shook her head, her fingers digging into Carrick’s skin. No, that was just her mind playing tricks on her, wanting her to be safe, protected. Her heart knew that, with Carrick, she was safe, she was protected. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt her, including himself.
Peace, warm and soft, rolled over her, and Sadie released an enormous sigh, every inch of her body going lax as she surrendered to the truth. She trusted Carrick, a surprise when she thought she’d never trust anyone again.
But she was also going to have a baby with Carrick and he was going to be in her life for a long time. She might be on that slippery slope sliding into love, but he didn’t love her—there was no law that stated if you loved someone they had to love you back. And since she wasn’t sixteen, she knew the difference between sex and love and she had no illusions that sleeping together meant anything more than mutual attraction.
If she couldn’t stop herself from falling in love with him—and she intended to try to stop herself—she’d have to hide her love for him. She would never be that woman who would do or say or be anything to get a man to love her.
She’d done that before. She’d lost herself in pursuit of love, and she categorically refused to do that again.
* * *
Carrick felt Sadie’s breath against his skin, felt her narrow chest rising and falling, and wondered what she was thinking about. He glanced down and saw the frown between her eyebrows, the tension in her mouth. He swallowed down the offer to help her figure it out.
Did he want to go there? Did he want to dive deeper?
They’d already covered a lot of emotional ground last night and he didn’t know if he wanted to cover more. He needed to keep her at arm’s length emotionally, not physically. He simply couldn’t stomach losing another woman he loved.
He’d loved his mom, and she’d died. He’d loved Raeni, and ditto. Tamlyn, he’d loved as much as he could at the time, and she’d messed with his head and his reputation.
He could not afford to repeat past mistakes, because it hurt too damn much.
And he and Sadie had to keep their heads on straight. Their child would be the bridge between them and if they allowed their emotions to become involved, if he and Sadie fell out, their child would suffer.
He refused to allow that to happen.
So no. Just no. They had to keep this simple.
Sex they could handle; love was a biological weapon.
“I love your skin,” Carrick said, wanting to remind them both that loving her body was as far as he was prepared to go.
“I love you touching my skin,” Sadie replied, her voice dropping to a sexy murmur. He was sure she didn’t realize that her voice deepened when she was aroused.
She could recite the most boring text in that sexy voice and he’d be hard in, like, two seconds.
As he was right now.
And Sadie knew it because she lifted her knee and ran it up and down his shaft. She ran her hand across his abs and over his rib cage, spreading tiny prickles of delight across his skin. For the longest time, foreplay had been a means to a happy ending, but touching Sadie, being caressed by her, was something he could do even without the earth-shattering orgasm at the end of it.
Of course, since he was a guy, he preferred it to end with its natural, satisfying conclusion.
Rolling out from under her, Carrick rested his head in his hand and asked Sadie to roll onto her back. She did so without any shyness, revealing her naked body to his hungry eyes. Her breasts were perfectly round, her nipples a sexy pink. Her stomach was still flat and sometimes he forgot
that his child was growing inside her, that beneath the layers of muscle and skin, a little human carrying his genes was, hopefully, flourishing.
Carrick sat up and bent his head to drop a kiss on her stomach, just below her navel, wanting a small connection between himself and the child he’d played a part in creating.
Then Sadie’s scent, warm and musky and aroused, drifted up to him and Carrick forgot about babies and pregnancy, his thoughts moving on to how quickly he could have Sadie on the edge of orgasm.
He knew he could straddle her now. He could slide into her and she’d welcome his weight, but he wanted to go slow, to treat her like she was infinitely precious and wonderful.
Carrick ran his hand over her mons, lifting his head to suck a nipple, pulling it against the roof of his mouth. Sadie’s back arched and he felt her hands in his hair and heard her breathy moans, looking for more.
Expecting him to give it to her...
Beneath him, her knees fell apart, her legs shifting to accommodate him, and he smiled, loving the fact that Sadie wanted him as much as he wanted her. But this morning he needed to go slow, to nibble and suck and tease.
Carrick’s mouth drifted down her sternum, did a detour over her rib cage and he dipped his tongue into her belly button, loving the little swirl of skin. Placing his hands on the inside of her thighs, holding her legs apart, he placed his nose on her strip of skin, inhaling her essence—salty, sweet, all Sadie.
He moved down, but ignored her lifted hips, holding her thighs so that he remained in control. Enjoying her soft skin under his fingertips, he ran his tongue down the ridge between femininity and her thigh, smiling at her frustrated growl.
He knew what she wanted, what she needed, but he now knew her well enough to push her, to make her wait, to build her up so she would shatter.
And he wanted her to do that on his tongue, in his mouth...
Carrick swiped his tongue over her and Sadie launched herself up, pushing herself into his mouth, demanding more, demanding all he had. He rubbed his lips across her, sucking that small bundle of nerves and lifting his hands up to cover her breasts, to pull her nipples into hard points. She was the one who was being pleasured but it was he who couldn’t get enough; he who was insatiable. He felt Sadie’s fingers tugging his hair and, knowing that she was close, sucked her gently and felt her shiver.
Every muscle in her body contracted as tremors rushed over her skin. Wanting to give her more, he sucked her again and she screamed.
And groaned. And called his name.
Yeah, job well-done, Carrick thought as he crawled up her to rest his weight on the forearms he placed on either side of her head.
“Open your eyes, Dr. Slade,” he teased.
She did, and foggy blue smacked him in the heart, causing his breath to stop in his throat. She was so damn beautiful but never more so than when she was flushed with pleasure, bleary-eyed from an intense orgasm.
It was his favorite look on her.
Carrick pushed her hair off her glistening forehead, his thumbs tracing the delicate arch of her brows, sweeping over those impossibly long eyelashes.
He could stare at her forever...
Uncomfortable with the thought, Carrick pushed his way inside her, sighing when he slid into warmth and wonderfulness.
This, he thought when he was deeply seated within her, this was something else he could do for the rest of his life.
Moving in her, hearing her sigh, then her moan, feeling her respond to him despite having multiple orgasms a minute before made him feel...yeah, invincible.
Powerful.
Yes, this was what he was damn good at.
This he could do...
Eight
After kissing Beth on the cheek, Sadie slid into her seat at the cozy bistro just doors down from Murphy International. Pulling her gloves off with her teeth, she shoved them into the pocket of the coat she’d draped over the back of her chair and picked up the laminated menu.
“What are we eating? I’m starving.”
Making love with Carrick had, yet again, made her late and she’d skipped breakfast. She’d answered Beth’s text to meet her for lunch with five happy faces, a dancing woman and a few thumbs-up.
Soup, Sadie decided. Chicken soup sounded perfect on a cold winter’s day.
Sadie gave her order to the waitress, asked for some tea and looked at her friend’s face. At some point she’d have to tell Beth that she was pregnant and it was a conversation she wasn’t looking forward to. Beth was still concerned about Sadie’s relationship with Carrick, and hearing that she was having his baby might make Beth’s head explode.
Sadie loved Beth, she did, but her friend’s protective streak was overblown and a trifle annoying.
But Sadie wouldn’t spoil today’s lunch by having another argument with Beth. If they stuck to discussing business, they’d be fine.
“Did you manage to set up that appointment for me at the Bethel Institute?” Sadie asked, smiling her thanks when the waitress placed her tea on the table in front of her.
“Yep,” Beth said, casting an anxious look toward the door.
Sadie frowned, wondering why the usually efficient Beth was distracted.
“Anything else I should know about?” Sadie asked, her unease growing.
“I emailed you,” Beth told her as she stood up and waved. Sadie, feeling eyes on her back and the hair rising on her arms, slowly turned around and saw Tamlyn, dressed in a black wool mini dress, black tights and knee-high boots walking across the coffee shop. A cashmere coat lay over her arm and her copper-colored hair glistened with raindrops.
Sadie turned her head and narrowed her eyes at Beth, looking defiant. “Why is Tamlyn joining us for lunch, Beth?” Sadie asked.
“We’ve all had lunch together on numerous occasions,” Beth airily replied, but Sadie wasn’t fooled. She recognized an intervention; she’d experienced one before.
“I’m not happy about this, Beth.”
Beth didn’t have time to answer as a wall of strong perfume hit them. Then slim arms clutched Sadie to Tamlyn’s too-skinny frame and Sadie felt Tamlyn’s lips on her right cheek, then her left.
Tamlyn eventually released Sadie and slid into the chair next to her sister, folded her hands on the table and looked at Sadie as if she were a fifteen-year-old who’d just been caught skipping school. If a single “tut” left her mouth, Sadie might lose it.
“Well, well, well.”
Okay, it wasn’t a tut but it was just as bad. Sadie shot Beth an annoyed glance before raising her eyebrows at Tamlyn. “Do you have a problem, Tamlyn?”
Tamlyn rotated the big diamond ring on her left finger and Sadie wondered if it was her engagement ring from Carrick and, if it was, why the hell was she still wearing it?
“Beth tells me that you and Carrick are seeing each other,” Tamlyn stated, and Sadie leaned back, not liking the hellfire in the woman’s eyes.
“Since we are both single and consenting adults, that has nothing to do with you,” Sadie replied, keeping her voice even.
“And may I point out how deeply unprofessional you are both being?” Tamlyn asked, her voice sugary sweet.
Sadie’s work hadn’t been compromised; if anything, she was working harder than she normally did because of her relationship with Carrick.
Not that she’d explain that to Carrick’s ex.
“You may not.”
Tamlyn didn’t even look remotely chastised. “I’m not sticking my nose into your business because it’s fun, Sadie. I just don’t want you to get hurt. Carrick is not a nice guy. You know this.”
Actually, she didn’t. Sadie now believed the exact opposite was true. “I don’t feel comfortable discussing Carrick with you, Tamlyn.”
“You were happy to discuss him before,” Tamlyn pointed out.
She ha
d her there.
“Rick was a horrible husband, Sadie.”
She hated that Tamlyn called him Rick and she really, really, really wanted to wipe that patronizing smile off her face. Why had Sadie never noticed that Tamlyn’s smile was hard, her eyes calculating?
She’d been such a sucker.
She’d wanted to believe Tamlyn, had needed to believe that Sadie wasn’t the only one who’d thought she’d married one man only to get another.
She’d been so wrapped up in her own pain, in her own anger. Oh, she could justify her actions: her parents hadn’t believed her, neither had her friends so she’d chosen to believe Tamlyn, knowing how difficult it was to see one version of a man and have the rest of the world seeing another.
But in this case, Tamlyn was wrong. And she was also malicious. Carrick wasn’t the bad man she’d portrayed; he wasn’t the abusive spouse she’d claimed. Tamlyn was distorting the facts to suit her own agenda.
Sadie knew Carrick; her heart recognized him. She might even...oh, dear...love Carrick. But more important, she saw him clearly. He wasn’t an easy man and certainly didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve.
But underneath the reticence was a strong, occasionally tender heart, and he was a man who danced to his own song, who didn’t need the approval of others.
He was strong but kind.
Beth touched Sadie’s hand with the tips of her fingers. “We’re just trying to protect you, Sadie. You made a really bad decision before and we don’t want to see you make another one.”
Sadie pulled her hand away and shook her head, tired of Beth reminding her not to trust her own judgment.
Sadie picked up her spoon and drew patterns on the linen tablecloth. Given the information she’d had at the time—Dennis was charming, attentive, sweet and seemed to be totally in love with her—had she made the wrong decision? He was everything she, and every other woman she knew, wanted in a man. So had she really made such a bad decision? How was she supposed to know Dennis would turn into a monster?
