Janie checked the time, then put her phone away. “Let’s head back. I don’t want to stress Roo with too long of a ride.”
Tim followed her lead and turned Roo in a wide arc until they were headed back to the barn. They rode in silence. She was lost in thought this time. She had successfully avoided having a talk with Cody for the last month, but she was running out of excuses.
Maybe it’s about time, she thought. Tonight might be a turning point with Tim, and she probably shouldn’t head into something new while this ghost lurked on her horizon. It didn’t look like Cody was going anywhere. She knew he had moved into the old Buford family cabin out on Eyelet Lake, and the gossip she’d heard in town indicated he was fixing to stay.
She sighed, stealing a glance over at Tim. “Yep. Time to put it aside.”
Tim’s glance was the only indication that he’d heard her, but he didn’t ask. She figured she would tell him about it when she saw him in town afterward.
⋘⋆⋙
Cody was waiting for Janie at the lunch counter at the Chew & Brew when his friend walked in.
“Well, hello, handsome,” Dylan said, briefly resting a hand on his shoulder.
“Hello yourself, stud,” he replied, not rising to the bait. It was an old ritual they had re-established since Cody had come back to town. Dylan Ducharme was one of Cody’s oldest friends, and the fact that he was Syracuse’s lone bi-sexual—the only one out of the closet, at least—failed to be much of a factor in their friendship. Dylan’s youth in such a conservative town had been rough, driving him away for a time to seek residence in a more accepting climate. But family and the prairie ran deep in his blood, and he had come back a few years ago, determined to bring his hometown up to speed with reality.
The comparatively flamboyant man now owned the Chew & Brew portion of the truck stop, as well as a successful one-man, one helicopter crop dusting operation. It was the only crop duster in the county, which guaranteed him customers, whether they liked the proprietor or not.
“What’s the scoop, Romeo? Had a chance to talk to Janie yet?” Dylan asked, sitting himself astride the stool next to Cody and leaning in close. His proximity might make some men uncomfortable, but Cody’s own time in the city had taught him plenty of tolerance.
“I’m waiting on her now,” Cody said. “If she actually shows up.”
“How many chances are you going to give her?” Dylan asked. “I don’t see why you keep subjecting yourself to her ice-queen attitude.” Cody gave Dylan a sharp look, and Dylan held up his hands in mock surrender. “I love Janie, too, but dude, she has not given you an inch.”
“She’ll get as many chances as it takes until she realizes.... I mean, I don’t want her to regret not knowing the truth, you know?”
Dylan’s expression darkened with some old pain, and he nodded his agreement. “Secrets are soul shredders.” His friend forced a smile that quickly turned genuine. “That’s why I refuse to live them. I applaud your effort to break the silence on this one, and for hanging on until Janie comes around.”
Bitterness tinged Cody’s laughter.
“Seriously, you have both been hurt enough. It’s time for it to end.”
“As long as the truth doesn’t wreck her.”
“I guess you’ll find out soon enough.” Dylan pointed out the window as the little Chevy LUV pulled up. “I’ve got to run out to the airport and check the chopper, then file a flight plan for tomorrow. You keep me posted, you hear?”
“Yes, dear,” Cody said, waving as his friend left. He took a deep breath, debating whether he should turn around and let Janie know he knew she was there.
⋘⋆⋙
Once again, Janie sat in her truck outside the Chew & Brew, looking in at Cody sitting at the counter. He had been talking to Dylan, who had left moments before, waving to Janie as he headed off. Cody turned on the stool to look out the window at her, so she knew she had to go in.
“Great,” she mumbled, grabbing her phone off the seat and feeling her back pocket to make sure her ID and debit card were there. When she went out, she didn’t like having to keep track of a purse. Then she grabbed her keys out of the ignition and climbed out, heading for the diner’s door. Taking a deep breath, she pushed through and tried to walk normal as she approached the man who had once been the love of her life. She still had to fight the urge to stomp up to him and slap him again, like she did the first time he’d shown his face nearly three months ago.
“I’m here,” she said, wanting to throw her arms out in a “bring it on” gesture, but she held back. “I really do have plans for tonight, though, so....”
“I hope you left enough time for dinner,” Kylie said, appearing from the kitchen, wrapping an apron around her slim waist as she came to stand beside her father. Janie looked between the two of them, noting how they shared the same stormy green eyes, but where Kylie was fair, Cody had that dark, sexy charm that had seduced the wide-eyed young woman Janie had been.
“One hour, max,” she said. She had told Tim she would be out at the Wild Horse Saloon at eight.
“Then let’s get you into a booth and I’ll bring out your salads,” Kylie said briskly. She gestured to the corner booth, where they would have the most privacy.
Janie nodded, biting back the urge to snap out an answer. It wasn’t Kylie’s fault that she was so reluctant to get this over with. As she approached the booth, she shrugged out of her denim jacket and threw it on the bench. Turning around, she caught Cody’s appreciative gaze.
“You look great, Janie,” he said.
“Yeah? Well, I didn’t dress like this for you,” she said, brushing her hands self-consciously down her blouse. She’d run by the house to shower and put on some party clothes. The blouse was a pretty thing she rarely had occasion to wear: doeskin brown, short-sleeved, and snug over her breasts, a cream-colored ribbon tied close below before it flared out to drape over the waistline of her best blue jeans...the ones she knew hugged her butt, making every curve count. “I told you I have plans.”
Cody’s expression was almost comical as the corners of his mouth drew into a disappointed frown. Thankfully, he didn’t kick up a fuss. “Oh,” was all he managed to say before he slid into the seat across from her.
They’d hardly settled in before Kylie arrived with two plates of salad, Janie’s made with fresh spinach. “Be nice,” she said, glaring at her before turning away.
Janie didn’t say anything as she picked up her fork and very deliberately began to eat. She hated eating salad in front of people. Growing up with a mother who refused to teach, much less enforce table manners, she hadn’t figured out how to do it with even a modicum of grace, and usually ended up cramming whole leaves into her mouth. That was one of the reasons she preferred spinach over iceberg.
Cody followed suit, and they ate in silence.
Kylie frowned as she cleared their empty salad plates, then brought out their second course, chicken fettuccini with cream sauce. Janie’s favorite...and another messy one to eat.
Kylie didn’t bother hiding her disapproval. “Dad!” she hissed, jerking her head at Janie. “Tell her now!”
Cody’s smile was genuine as he looked at his daughter, and some of Janie’s anger melted in the face of the bond the two had obviously forged while she’d been acting like the stubborn child.
“I will,” Cody said softly, glancing at Janie with hope in his eyes.
Kylie turned on her mother. “You, listen!”
“I will,” Janie said obediently, unable to keep from smiling. Satisfied, Kylie retreated to the kitchen. Janie stared at her plate and picked at her food before she looked up at Cody. “I’m listening,” she said, answering his unspoken question.
He sighed. “That’s all I ask.” Pausing to take a drink from the bottle of beer he had brought from the counter, he set it down and cleared his throat. “I’ve had all this time to rehearse what I have to tell you, but I...I don’t know whether to start with what brings me back to Syra
cuse or what drove me away eighteen years ago.”
He held up a hand to forestall an interruption and, honestly, Janie had been resisting the urge to spit more fire at him. She was sure he wouldn’t have anything to say that would change the way she felt.
Cody gazed over her shoulder at some spot on the wall, and she did her best to wait patiently. This aspect of Cody was very different from the cocky young man she’d fallen in love with. This Cody looked like she could blow him over with the gentlest puff of breath. It was enough to give her pause. She remembered he had been sick, and she again wondered what that was about.
“I had a heart attack last year,” he said at last. “Three of them, in fact.”
She gasped in shock. He wasn’t even forty!
“Yes, it was a wake-up call. I was working my butt off in a very high-stress environment. Couple that with damage my heart sustained from a tooth infection I’d had years ago, and I was down. I thought it was the end of me with the last one. It really made me take stock of what was...is important.
“Of course, it took a while to sort out what was going on. I started working with a doctor to figure it all out. When he recommended I change to a less stressful career, I looked at my finances and realized I could live quite comfortably for a while without working. I also realized how badly I messed up by leaving Syracuse in the first place. All I could think about was the daughter I’d never met, and all the reasons I’d had for leaving just didn’t cut it anymore.”
Cody fell silent, and Janie realized she was staring at him. She picked up her fork and cut some noodles into a dainty bite that she didn’t really feel like eating. She chewed thoughtfully, processing everything he’d said. She didn’t think she’d heard anything to moderate her anger...yet.
He took a few moments to eat, too, and drink a little more beer. He cleared his throat again. “Which brings me to why I left in the first place. I remember that day you told me so clearly. You looked so scared, and so was I. If you remember, I had just been accepted at Harvard and I had a plan. I was going to get my business degree and come back, marry you, and take you away from here. Kids weren’t in my plan, not for a few more years. Certainly not until you graduated. But there you were, tears in your eyes, and I freaked out. I admit, my first thought was to abort it, to pretend it didn’t happen, and then we could stick with my plan.”
She must have made a noise because he held up a hand again. “I shouldn’t have suggested it, and I’m so glad you didn’t listen. Kylie is such a great kid! I just.... I hadn’t yet learned how to face the hard stuff. Everything in my life had been so easy up to that point, you know? You had every right to be angry and hurt when I didn’t do something to make it better somehow.”
“So what happened? Why did you go?”
“Believe me, I’ve had a lot of time to sort it out in my head. The first few months after that were like a nightmare for me. I’m sure you remember the rumors.... It seemed like everybody knew about it almost as soon as you told me. All the adults talking about us being sinners for not waiting until we were married, the kids scoffing because I’d been stupid enough to get you knocked up. But I don’t know if you know how much heat I took about it. People said your parents were going to press charges because you were so young and I was nineteen—”
“What?” This was news to her. “Why would they do that?”
“You were only sixteen. It was statutory rape, Janie. It didn’t matter that we were in love. Your parents could have had me thrown in jail. The only reason the DA didn’t press charges on behalf of the county was because my dad played golf with him and had always contributed to his re-election over the years.”
“But my parents didn’t....”
Cody shrugged. “I asked your dad when I got back to town, and he said he and your mom would never have done that. They were less than thrilled we hadn’t waited, but they had always planned to support our decision. At the time, I didn’t know that. All I heard were the people saying I was going to go to jail and be on the sex offender registry. I was terrified! When my folks found out, they were...less than supportive. They said you were a gold digger after the family fortune. I told them there was no way that was true, but they didn’t believe me. They said if I were younger, they would ship me off to boarding school. As it was, they threatened to not pay my tuition. They said they would cut me off if I acknowledged that Kylie was mine.”
“Oh, my lord, Cody! I had no idea!” Janie put a hand up to her mouth in a kind of horror. “All this time, I thought you’d just run. That you couldn’t be bothered, and I—”
“I was scared, and I let my parents brow-beat me into making the worst decision of my life. I know I can’t make it up to you. You’ve moved on, and I accept that. I just.... I’m begging for your forgiveness, that’s all.”
Janie’s fork clattered to her plate, but she scarcely noticed. Cody’s face blurred before her eyes as she felt tears coming. All those years, all the venom and hate she’d felt toward him.... In some ways, he’d been on the receiving end of more judgment than her over their daughter. But the fact remained that he’d left her to raise their daughter alone, lacking the courage to stand up to his parents and stay, to make their way into the future together.
Emotions—anger, pain, fear, relief, compassion, confusion—raged through her as she stared at him, not really seeing, hearing him speak without understanding what he was saying. She was lost in a storm of “what-if” scenarios, and only came back to the present moment when it registered that he was asking whether she was okay.
Blinking, she focused on his hand reaching out to brush a tear from her cheek.
“Janie? Are you all right?” he repeated.
“Honestly, I don’t know,” she said. She looked down and saw her jacket. Reflexively, she picked it up. “I have to go.”
Ignoring his protests, she got up and practically ran out of the restaurant, leaving her meal scarcely touched. After she climbed into the LUV, she saw Kylie looking out the window, a hand on Cody’s arm holding him back from following her. Her daughter knew she needed time to process everything she’d learned. She started the truck and backed out, not sure where she was going. Vaguely aware that driving too far in her state of mind might not be the smartest idea, she headed across town to the Wild Horse.
Chapter Fourteen
Tim stared out the window while the rest of the cowboys in the SUV talked excitedly about the upcoming fair and rodeo. Most of them had signed up for various events, and they were talking trash to each other, declaring who would be the biggest winner and bring home the purse for the event over the pros who followed the circuit. He tuned them out, wondering why he had agreed to come along in the first place.
He’d been surprised when Deke approved the outing after checking in with Blue, who had contacted Mitzi. Tim had promised not to drink, and Deke said he would be in town late so he could bring him back to the ranch before curfew. But the only reason he could find to go was to see Janie someplace away from the ranch. As much as he wanted that, he still wasn’t sure it was the best idea. What did he think it would accomplish?
He’d gotten pretty comfortable with her, but if he got to the point he could tell her about his past, he wasn’t entirely sure she wouldn’t push him away. He hadn’t been lying to her, but he hadn’t been up front about it, either. He knew that could backfire on him.
He resolved to talk to her tonight, tell her about his past so they could move past this fantasy they seemed to share. He was pretty sure she was attracted to him, and he knew he was attracted to her, but neither of them had moved to do anything about it. He didn’t know about Janie, but he felt that if they didn’t move forward, he wouldn’t get hurt or rejected, and they could still daydream about “someday” when they could requite their unspoken desire.
“Hey, Reardon!” Kenny called out. Tim rolled his eyes, knowing he was about to be the butt of some attempt at wit. “I didn’t see you sign up for anything. Did they not have a horse walking event
?”
Tim didn’t even turn around. “No. But I hear they had too many cowpokes signed up to ride your momma, so they had to cancel....”
A scuffle behind him told him Kenny had tried to reach across two rows of seats, but someone held him back.
“Ooooo,” Jax crowed. “Nice one, Tim!”
He winced, realizing he had let his mouth go without thinking. It had been a childish remark in response to a childish attack, and while he usually ignored Kenny, he had something else on his mind and hadn’t censored himself. From the driver’s seat, Trip glanced over at him with an inscrutable expression, and Tim was pretty sure he hadn’t approved of the jab.
“Sorry, sir,” he mumbled after the guys in back resumed their argument over who was the better rider.
“Kenny can be an ass. Best to ignore him.”
“Yes, sir.”
A few minutes later, they pulled into the parking lot of the Wild Horse Saloon, and Tim saw Janie’s truck already there. His heart thumped in his chest twice before settling into a more normal, if elevated, pace. Whatever her dinner plans with her daughter had been, he hadn’t expected her to be early.
Trip put the car in park but left the engine running. “All right, boys. I’ll be back to pick you up at midnight. I’d rather not have to carry anyone out, so remember to drink in moderation.”
“Sure thing, boss,” Ray said, and the others mumbled what may have been assent as they climbed out the back. When Tim got out of the front seat, Jax took his place. The kid wasn’t old enough to drink, so he was going back to the ranch with Trip.
“Have fun,” Jax told him with a wink, then Trip pulled away, leaving Tim with Kenny, Ray, Rick, and Pete in the parking lot. Tim turned around when he realized Kenny and his boys were spread out, facing him. Pete stood off to one side, obviously trying to stay neutral in what might turn into a scrum, but not willing to leave.
Tim didn’t like the odds, not to mention the potential trouble, so he decided to try to diffuse the situation. “Hey, man, sorry about that comment. I was out of line.”
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