That was not the way I liked to woken during the night. Good fucking God up in heaven. I called a meeting with the band first thing in the morning. This time I couldn’t fault the cancer bitch Morgana. Or Commando. He’s been effective in protecting my beauty. However, someone very close to me was purposefully fucking with my life. I peeked into the bedroom, watching my beauty’s form cuddled around all her pillows. She didn’t feel secure. I knew by the amount of pillows she surrounded herself with. One of the many secrets she’s shared with me. We promised to share a secret a night. I knew in my gut that she was holding something big back. I felt it. However, I refused to push. I wanted her to tell me as organically as possible. Trust. It’s important that we grow it mutually.
I was going to wait on proposing, too. But I’m not sure that would be wise. Then again, I also didn’t want her perceiving it as a gesture of guilt. I needed to think. Needed some clarity. So, I sucked it up and called the old man for advice. I explained the story. He agreed that right now it would come off to Gia as a Wag the dog, as she called it. She’d say I was making something of secondary importance improperly take the place of something of primary importance. Talk about a mind-fuck. She did remind me at times of my own version of Amy Dunne.
My pops offered to come with Mom for a long weekend. He’d have to wrap some things up with work, but it was doable. I told him I’d get back to him. His call ended with I love you, son. I opened my mouth in response but closed it just as quickly. I wasn’t ready to forgive him yet. We both had some things to work out before that happened.
On another fucked up note…It was hard not to take it personally that she didn’t trust me. My pictures were always going to circulate, especially while Lethal Abel was successful. Couple that with a comprising position and bang, you’ve got headlines. I refused to be villainized. Nor would I apologize. Fuck that noise. Time to wake up Beauty…
I crawled through the mountains of pillows to pull her into my lap. “Wake up, my beauty.”
She rubbed her eyes, pretending to be asleep. I, of course, knew her. She was waiting and over-thinking. I knew that pretty little head of hers was going to spin it into only God knows what. Time to straighten shit out.
She peeked up at me. “It’s taking every ounce of self-control not to take you over my knee right now. I’m going to be honest with you, you’ve hurt me deeply. I know you see this as something being done to you. However, there’s another person in this relationship. That’d be me. You’ve hurt the man, and the Dom. You’re supposed to trust and depend on me. Your distrust in me only solidifies I have failed you—us.”
She was stunned. Good. She needed to see the bigger picture. It wasn’t a game I was playing. It’s a lifestyle I’ve chosen to live with her. I put some distance between us and went to the terrace, leaving her in bed. I heard her sob and it took everything in me not to turn. I didn’t. The cool night’s breeze was welcomed on my burning skin. I was pissed.
“If you fell backward. Who would catch you?”
“You,” she said weakly. I turned quickly to face her.
“Me.” I pointed to my chest. “That’s fucking correct. Are you positive?” I waited.
“Positive, Sir,” she answered. Her eyes said she was submitting. Her heart was another matter altogether.
“I would fucking dive head-first with an iron grip to save you,” I yelled. This point needed to have been made. It was important for her to understand. “I don’t think I earned that trust. I know you feel you mean it. However, your insecurity tonight proved otherwise, Gia.” I punctuated her name, knowing that she’d know from that how very hurt I was. “We shall have no secrets—ever. Thus making our bond unbreakable until the day I cease to please you. For you are my Master, and I your beauty for all time. Do you remember those words, pet?” Fuck, it was hard speaking so distantly. Again, she needed to know her place. I wasn’t done yet, either. “Did you not ask me for a collar?”
Her tears ran freely. “Yes, I did,” she said, grabbing the pillow for comfort. Fuck that.
“Put the pillow down, Gia. Look at me.” She shook with fear. Not my intent. This wasn’t about punishment. It was another lesson she needed to learn. She would now. This was about trust—all about trust. “How can you wear my collar and not trust me? You can’t,” I said turning away from her. “You said you loved me…”
“I…I…do. I swear it. Please…” she begged. That was a start, but just a start.
“You are mine. You belong to me. To use as I see fit. To take when I wish. To fuck how I wish. To do whatever the fuck I wish. But also to love. I do utterly-deeply-irremovably-without-a-fucking-doubt love you. Does that mean anything to you?”
“Everything,” she sobbed into her hands. “I’m an insecure mess of a sub.” She continued making excuses that I already was aware of. Fuck yes she was insecure.
“Get on your knees,” I asked her.
She climbed off the bed and carefully made her way to me. Then lowered herself gracefully. She knelt with her hands outstretched, palms on the floor. Her legs pressed tightly together and toes pointed. Her ankles and feet rose off the floor. Perfection…sheer fucking perfection. Now, she’d hold that pose and think about trust until I said so…
I busied myself having a cigar off the living room terrace. I liked cigars, though, I didn’t love them. It was a better alternative to a cigarette considering that usually went hand and hand with a scotch. At the moment, I desperately wanted two fucking fingers of scotch and a cigarette. I needed to do something with my hands, and since sticking them in my lovely was out of the question for now…this was my alternative. Before taking my cigar outside, I went to the safe, shoving the tiny blue box in my pocket. Lighter, cigar, water…check.
I took my time lighting the Davidoff cigar my father left behind. The fucker took a while to light. Ah, there we go. Toke. Toke. Puff. I kicked back after fingering the blue box free from my sweats. The cigar hung off the edge of the table as I opened the box. A 5.5-carat pink Asscher diamond sparkled in the moonlight. It was perfectly Gia in every way. I wanted something unique and different and this met every expectation. My father’s jeweler came through.
I closed the box putting it in my pocket. I reached into my other pocket taking out the matching pink diamond collar I bought her to wear. A true bridal set in my eyes and I couldn’t wait to see it on her. It was time to return the jewels to the safe and for me to return to Gia. I extinguished the cigar with a heavy heart. I gave Beauty plenty to reflect on, but I hoped her fractured reflection didn’t break my heart. Her mind was a threat to my heart and I didn’t know how much more my heart could take.
She was still in perfect pose. I knew by her little breaths that she was nervous. I walked over to the armoire that held my bondage toys. Hmm, I wasn’t sure I wanted to use the new vibrating glass rabbit. It was more of an extended-tease orgasm-denial type of lesson. A psychological lesson I loved and she hated. Perfect. I grabbed the Hitachi magic wand.
“Your orgasms belong to me. They are a gift to you. I will give or withhold them for my pleasure. Do you remember that conversation, Beauty?” I asked, waiting patiently. She knew what it meant. I could see it in her now stiffened pose. “Breathe, little one.” And so it begins…
“Please…”
“I don’t want to hear words unless you chose to use your safe word. Understood?”
She nodded solemnly.
“Rise, please.”
She sat up straight on the backs of her legs, pressing the tops of her feet into the floor with her toes still pointed. With poise, she returned to a standing position and waited for her next command. My fucking dick was hard as fuck. She was so beautiful. My sunshine in the darkness.
“Go to the bed and lay on your back. I want your hands tucked under your knees. Spread them wide, Beauty.” I watched as she obeyed flawlessly without question. I removed the bindings and tied her hands to her knees. “I’m going to bring you to the edge of orgasm and then deny you until it’s t
ime to fuck.”
She never spoke a word. She already knew what was coming. Ninety percent of sex is in the head. I planned on expanding her mind tonight. I held the hatachi to her clit, alternating from low to high. I was mindful when using this. In the wrong spot, it could be uncomfortable. My intent was to make her scream in ecstasy, not agony. And so I played. She screamed—intensely. I was going to blow my load if I wasn’t inside her soon. I continued to tease the outside of her pussy with the head, turning it off when her orgasm was near. As soon as her legs stopped shaking, I flipped it on again. I didn’t want her pussy numb. She needed to feel my cock filling her up. A dead, numb pussy isn’t good for anyone.
I turned it off, putting it to the side. With my cock in hand, I was already stroking myself. Fuck, she was wet. Her juices were glistening. I wanted to spend the evening licking up all that shit, but my cock needed to be buried deep in her cunt. She needed to be owned. And it was time I owned that shit—hard.
I grabbed her pussy lips between my fingers. “Who does this belong to, lovely?”
“You,” she moaned wrestling with her bindings.
“Mine.” I worked my cock into her wet hole. I didn’t go gently. This wasn’t about love-making. That’ll come later. This was about her trust in me…in us. I was going to pound the doubt out of her head with my cock. Yeah, I could be a brutal fuck. I wasn’t a sadist, though. I had this need to mark her that was primal. She needed to be filled with my come. I wanted to watch it drip from her legs as she slept. This was a give and take relationship. I’d give her many orgasms for being a good-girl, and take what was mine. “I plan on emptying you out and filling you with my cock, Beauty.” Not a word was spoken between us. Just primitive sounds and murmurs.
So, I spent the rest of the remaining hours doing just that, over and over again. When dawn broke over the olive groves, I was convinced she understood a little more about trust and a fuck lot more about jumping to the wrong conclusions. She wouldn’t mistrust again. Mission accomplished…
I left my well sated beauty sleeping with Commando acting as a sentinel just outside the hallway door. “Good day, sir?” he asked, scratching the back of his neck.
“Not particularly.” I hit the elevator button a little too hard. Whatever. Someone had some explaining to do. “There’s been a breach. It’s unquestionably coming from within. I’m going to find the fucker and kill him myself.” I spit into the ashtray.
“You should let me handle that, sir. Isn’t that why I’m here? It’s what I get paid for,” he said, reaching into his pocket for some dip. Huh. I didn’t take him for a tobacco chewer.
“Can I grab that tin a minute?” I asked as he handed me the tin of Menthol flavored tobacco. Perfect. I grabbed a good pinch stuffing it just inside my lip. Insta-nicotine. Fucking brilliant. This is going to be my new best friend. “Can you grab me a tin? Not now, but later. I’d appreciate it.” I returned his tin.
“Sure. Any particular flavor?” he asked. He seemed surprised. Why, rockers don’t chew tobacco? When you are an addict, you look for other ways to get what you need. Right now, I needed one-dead-rat-motherfucker and a tin of tobacco.
“Nope, the one you have is fine.” I stepped onto the elevator.
I walked into Dave’s room and the war-room was in full swing. Thank fuck for that. Chance hurried over with my espresso. “Oh, thank God you’re here. It’s been so stressful around here. Everyone’s pointing the finger at each other. It’s terrible.” He handed me my cup.
I took my espresso in one mouthful. Yeah, it was going to be that kind of day. Dave, Jack, Woody, and Ender sat around the table awaiting my words.
“Give me your phone, Ender.” I waved at him.
“Why?” He abruptly stood, knocking the chair over.
“Because I asked. Is that a problem?” I shrugged. Was it? It shouldn’t be, right?
“Fuck you, concha,” he spat.
“That’s your response…to call me a cunt?” I shook my head. “You took that motherfuckin’ picture in Amsterdam in your suite. And said the picture happened to find its way to the tabloids and then into my girl’s hand,” I yelled, moving closer to him so I could wrap my hands around his neck.
“Oh Em Gee! Don’t hit him, Abel,” Chance screamed.
“Sit yer pussy-ass down, Chancy,” Woody called out.
From the corner of my eye, I could see Chance taking a seat. What a little pussy bitch. We were going to have a talk later.
“Listen man, I don’t have my fucking phone, okay? When I woke up that morning, it was gone. I never activated the trace on it when I purchased it,” he spit out in one breath. And there you have it, if I believed that to be true, which I really wasn’t fucking sure right about then. He threw up his hands like what the fuck? It was typical posturing for Ender, blaming someone else. My phone never left my side—ever.
“What about the chick that’s been with you since Amsterdam? Did you ever check her out? Maybe it’s her?” It was possible. I didn’t know her from shit. Neither did the other guys.
“Fuck you! Did you check out your girl before you took her to bed?” he gritted out through his teeth. Motherfucker.
“Oh, now she’s your girl? Don’t you bring Gia into this.” I cracked my knuckles. Woody jumped up. He knew what was coming. Jake followed; Dave sat and watched.
“That’s fucking right, esse. My girl.” He beat his chest with his fist. “She has no motives. Just here for me,” he punctuated. Everyone took a step forward.
“What the fuck does that mean?” I grabbed his shirt. My fist was ready to plant in his fucking Spanish face.
“It means, I bet a hundred fucking percent she’s hiding something. You’ll see. You’re a stupid motherfucker when it comes to her,” he said incredulously before his face was filled with my fist. I got in a few good punches and a knee. He had elbowed me in the eye before the boys broke it up.
“You talk about my future wife again and I’ll gut your ass, fucker.” I shook out of Woody’s wrestling hug.
“Ha! Wife? You hear this pussy-whipped fucker?” He thumbed toward me, looking at the guys. “He’s going to marry her?” he asked. Woody stayed motionless. While Dave, Jake, and Ender looked at one another disbelievingly.
“What’s your problem with Gia? All of a sudden you don’t like her? Yet you’re always around kissing her fucking ass. You’re a sad, desperate motherfucker. It’s sad. Grow the fuck up already. And maybe you’ll find a woman who wants to stick around for more than a few days on tour. I’m out.” I turned to Dave. “You need to figure this out. This is fucked. We have this jackass losing his phone and people uploading shit. You need to be on this shit.”
I left, slamming the door. Fuck, I needed to spit this shit out. It was numbing the back of my throat. I stepped into the elevator, hitting my floor. Chance jumped in. Of course. I spat on the floor. Ugh.
I saw Chance’s up-turned nose. Thankfully, he knew enough not to utter a fucking word. Worst fucking night ever, followed by the worst day ever. I needed a drink. Immediately.
I turned to Chance, hitting the stop button. “I’m going out. Stay with Gia, please. Can you do that for me?”
He nodded. “Can I ask where?”
“No.”
He got off on my floor while I continued on my journey to God knows where. There was no show that night; we had the night off. It was still early in the day so I threw out a text to have a car brought around back. The air around me felt like a cage, and I needed to be alone with my sins for a while. There was a lot of rage in me right now. Poison built up, polluting my head. Being off the grid would do some good. At least that was my intent…
I was unpleasantly surprised when I woke up, hugging the toilet bowl. To my absolute relief, Abel wasn’t in the room. That was a good and bad thing. Good because he didn’t need to see this. Bad, because I needed his help. We also needed to talk…really talk. My head wasn’t coming out of this bowl anytime soon, nor was I getting up after it did. My clammy
skin sought the cold comfort of the tiled floor. I lay on my side, cradling my head with my elbow. Sigh.
I didn’t hear the door open, but was thankful for that, until he flipped on the light. “Oh em gee, baby girl? What’s wrong? You poor thing. How long have you been here?” His voice was just way too loud.
“Shhh.” I covered my eyes with my arm. His voice stirred the nausea angrily. “Stop talking.” Of course, he didn’t.
“Don’t be silly. Let me help my little lamby.” He grabbed underneath my armpits.
“Please don’t…” It was coming up violently. I heaved myself over the lid of the bowl and let whatever was left up. I was convinced my stomach was producing vomit. No way in fucking hell did I have this much food in it—still. “Just let me die.”
“Never,” he vowed. “I’m calling a doctor.” He rushed out of the bathroom before I could pick my head up to plead with him. I already knew what it was. I already knew.
Sometime later, I came to rest across Chance’s lap on the sofa. “I’m giving her Zofran. They give it to Cancer patients and…” a woman’s voice spoke softly.
“Cancer patients? It sounds toxic,” I yelped.
I could hear the smile in her voice. “No, I can assure you it’s not toxic. We also offer it to expecting mothers.” She rubbed an alcohol swab up and down my arm. I wanted to protest, but couldn’t—wouldn’t. I needed relief. A part of me was happy that it was finally said aloud. Pregnant. “She needs to rest. The nausea should abate, and she will be able to drink. I would encourage ginger ale. Stay away from juices or water. Here’s my private number if there are any developments. Of course, the father may call if there’s anything of concern. Otherwise, I will be back tomorrow,” she clarified.
I didn’t want to open my eyes yet, so I listened. “Gia, you’ll need pre-natal care.” She waited for me to respond. Fuck. I didn’t want to be engaged. However, I couldn’t be rude, either.
Forgiving Gia (Rocker Series Book 2) Page 18
