“Okay,” was my one word response.
“It will get better. First trimester is always lousy if you ask me.” She wriggled her nose. “A vitamin wouldn’t hurt, either. We’ll wait until the nausea subsides, though.” She continued on for God knows how long. Her next sentence left me breathless, though. “Congratulations to you both,” she said joyously and left. Congratulations. Was it a felicitations-hats-off-cheers-greetings-compliments-well-done-nice-one? It didn’t feel like one of those occasions. I certainly didn’t feel very congratulatory.
“Did you know?” he came right out and asked as he played with my hair.
“Not really, but kinda.” It was the truth.
“How does that work? Explain that to me, please…” He wanted to pin me down to specifics.
“Well, remember when I was in the hospital recently…my stitches…” I pointed to my head. “They took a pregnancy test, but I never stayed for the results. The doctor said he’d call…”
“And he never called?” he asked nervously.
Here goes nothing.
“He called. I just never listened to the message on my voicemail.” I peeked up at him. His crystalline blue eyes scrutinized me. I didn’t like that otherworldly look he was giving me. His eyes were dramatic enough on a regular day. I didn’t want his mad eyes dissecting me. I felt bad enough. Both physically and mentally. I’m a shit. There I said it.
“Ever? Like still to this day you haven’t listened?” He was beyond annoyed. That made me sick to my stomach again. My only solace was Chance understanding. If he didn’t understand, what would Abel do? It was a fucking omen.
“No. I was too scared.” I shrugged. Another truth. He lifted my head carefully, scooting up off the couch.
“I need to pace. You’re just maddening. I’m afraid I’ll strike out and hit you.” He opened a window that didn’t need opening. He started his OCD straightening.
“I deserve it,” I said, closing my eyes. Damn, he was angrily mumbling to himself. Not a good sign.
“Yes, you do. Christ, I’m so worried.” He blew out a long breath. That comment had me sitting up. I mean, I was worried, too. But his worry sounded like an ominous worried thingy.
“Why?”
He gave me a really, you need to ask kind of look.
“I know. I know. Is there something else?” I hedged.
“Oh, there’s several things.” He held out his fingers to count. “One, the alpha doesn’t know. Two, you haven’t been to a doctor. Do you have any idea what he’s going to do? Three, aren’t you on medication? Four, and you kinda weren’t honest, love-bug. I mean, not a bold-faced liar…but definitely not upfront,” he went on manically about it.
“Okay. Okay. I get it. I’ll tell him as soon as he gets back,” I yelled weakly. I more than got it. Fuck. Just when we turned one corner, bam…another wall. Was it one too many? Would this be the last? Was it too much to ask for to be happy? Why?
“Oh, no!” he yelped, fumbling for his phone. “Sweet Jesus, could this day get any worse?” he yelled at the ceiling. It wasn’t a good thing.
“What?” I sprang off the couch. “What’s the problem? What are you going on about over here?” I nearly slapped him.
He frowned. “The alpha’s off the grid…as in MIA. I didn’t get to tell you what happened at the meeting. He and Ender got into a fistfight.” All I heard out of his theatrical mouth was…off the grid, MIA, and fistfight. Not good.
“About?” I asked impatiently.
“You, the pictures that surfaced, and you some more.” He continued to dial.
“Me?” I countered. “What the fuck did I do?” I marched over, grabbing his phone.
He grabbed it back, frowning. “Long story. We don’t have time for this right now. I’ll fill you in later. Right now, I have to find him.” He marched over to the door, opening it. “Rambo, don’t let anyone in or out of here.”
Commando nodded.
“You—” He pointed at me. “–go lay down. I’ll be back.” He left swiftly out the door before I could ask when he’d be back. Argh. With the latest turn of events, my nausea turned to worry. My worry turned to fear. That damn fear settled in my heart, turning my blood cold with dread.
After several hours of relentless torment and non-answered calls, I sought to forage my own details of Abel’s whereabouts.
Woody would know. “Hi, Woody, it’s me. Do you know where Abel is? Chance acted like it was a life or death situation,” I probed. He was Abel’s best friend. He’d surely know something.
“Not at all life or death, dear. We’ll find em’. Prolly, just arsing around.” He sounded completely calm. Well, that’s a relief! He’s just arsing around. By now, I was well-acquainted with Woody-isms.
“Promise?” I couldn’t help but ask him to promise me. I’ll always be an insecure worryier.
“Abso-fucking-lutley. I’ll be in touch, love.” He hung up.
I sat there for a few minutes, looking at my phone. He sounded normal, but why did I have the gnawing feeling this was anything but? I needed to poll the others. After a mutual consensus, I’d feel so much better. So I started with Dave’s cell. It went to voicemail. Then, Jake’s. It rang and rang. Defeated, I hung up.
A feeling of dread came over me. I thought about his parents, but I didn’t want to worry them for no good reason. My last resort was Ender. It was an emergency. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have called after all the trouble with him. However, I was that desperate for information. His phone either was dead or turned off. My next stop was Commando, just outside my door. He was security. Surely, security would be in touch with one another, right?
I opened the door he was stationed in front of. He was sitting in an armchair, reading an article in Time magazine. “Excuse me…have you heard anything?”
He let out an annoyed breath. “Nope.” He never looked up from his article. That fucking annoyed me.
“Nope? You are the head of security. You haven’t heard a word?” I asked, finding that hard to believe.
He rolled up the magazine, tapping it on his leg. “Listen, sweetheart, I’m paid for security. I’m providing that for you. I’m not here to baby-sit out-of-control-rock-stars.” He shook his head indignantly. Wow, what an asshole.
“He’s not out of control! And you’re not babysitting. It’s your fucking job.” I slammed the door in his face. Fuck him! I was going to tell Abel as soon as he returned what a fucking douche this guy was.
I sat on the comfy sofa and picked up the papers the doctor left behind… You and your pregnancy. It made it just a little bit more real holding them in my hand, but there wasn’t anything more realistic than having your belly grow. I was conflicted for a million and one reasons. My emotions were all over the place. I was happy because it meant really sharing something between Abel and me…having something completely on our own. A piece of both of us. However, not everybody would be happy. I’m sure some would say I did it on purpose…to trap him. What about the cancer-psycho-cunt? God only fucking knows what evil winds will blow my way because of this event. There was also my mother. She’d surely see this as solidifying a nice bank account. Finally, there was Abel. I seriously had to wonder if he’d see this as an Amy Dunne thing. That made me giggle. He was so ridiculous and outrageous at times, and yet so dominantly loving and nurturing. He’d be a wonderful father. I only prayed he’d eventually see himself as I saw him—beautiful.
Sunset peeked over the lemon trees. The gentle breeze swept my hair off my face. I cuddled with a pillow on the chaise just outside our bedroom. Would it still be our bedroom? I clung to that pillow like a mental lifeline. I hadn’t eaten all day. However, my nausea receded. Thank God for medicine. I’d make sure to call her tomorrow and schedule an appointment. Well, that’s assuming I’d still be there. It was all in Abel’s tatted hands.
I silently thought up a prayer and cried. I mean, really ugly-snot cried. I put the pillow aside to hug my stomach. I wasn’t showing at all, but I’ve heard that mothers talk to
their babies in-utero. What could it hurt to start being a mother to this child? I wasn’t sure I’d be given the opportunity to be a mother. Yes, I always hoped. However, it was more like a prayer. Never did I think I’d actually find myself in this position. It’s easy to fantasize. Hell, I lived most of my life in a fantasy world. It’s so much easier than the life I’ve led. So, I spent my childhood and most of my adult life fantasizing about possibilities.
Tiny little baby, my baby.
I wanted to let you know, even though you weren’t planned…you’re loved. Very much. I don’t know what kind of mother I’ll be. But I can promise I will be the best mother to you that I can be. You will not meet your grandmother…my mother. She’s a wickedly horrible person. You will meet your daddy’s parents. They’re wonderful people who know the meaning of family. I know they will be so happy to meet you, too. You’ll also be instantly part of a famous rock-band. So, you’ll have a few talented uncles who will teach you the ropes of being bad-ass. But knowing your daddy…I’m sure he’ll want to show you that himself. He’s the most amazing man in the world. I’m so lucky to have met him. We’re so lucky to have him in our lives. We’re going to see the doctor in the morning. I want to make sure you have the very best care. It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or girl. I just want you to be healthy. And if you turn out to be a broody lil alpha boy, I will hug you, smiling happily. If you turn out to be a bratty, fresh lil girl, I will be there to show you the ropes. Boy do I know about being bratty. I just wanted to have this quick chat before any more drama gets in the way. Just know…above all, you’re loved and so is your daddy.
I sat there, rubbing my stomach like a genie lamp. I didn’t know if this tiny baby was capable of wishes, but it couldn’t hurt.
The sound of a crashing bottle followed by the acrid smell of Jack Daniels was my only warning he was there. His shadowy presence in the doorway grew as he neared. Oh, fuck. Did he hear? He was drinking again. My stomach twisted more from the thought than the smell that infused the air. Was he trashed and incoherent? What was I dealing with? Right about then, a blacked-out Abel was appealing. Not ideal, but at least I wouldn’t have to deal with his fury. Could I blame him, though? Nope.
“So, it’s true?” His shadow moved closer. I couldn’t look him in the eye. Coward.
I nodded solemnly. “Yes,” I squeaked out shakily.
“How long have you known?” His voice was devoid of any discernable emotion.
I wasn’t going to continue the lie. I’d just come out and say it. “I suspected for a little while.” I let out a sob. I was scared to death, yet so fucking relieved to admit it out loud. I focused on the brown bag that now held the broken bottle on the ground. It hurt like hell to know he picked up a drink again. Truthfully, I wasn’t surprised. I was disappointed. I had no fucking right. No right. Yet I sit here and judge…while I expect him not to. Hypocrite to the max.
His shadow disappeared and reappeared through the other adjoining terrace doors. “I didn’t use today,” he said, putting his arm around me, pulling me back to his chest. “I wanted to. I really fucking wanted to, Gia.” He kissed my head. “You know what else?” His whispered breath tickled my ear.
“What else?” I repeated and waited, holding my breath.
“This is the best news I could’ve gotten today. When Chance told me earlier, I was really fucking mad. But when I came here to talk to you and heard the sweetest words ever spoken, my heart no longer felt broken. It was in pieces earlier. I thought…another lie. Another time she didn’t trust to come to me.” He hugged me from behind smelling my hair.
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. I truly was. It was fucking lame, but it didn’t mean it wasn’t true.
“I don’t want to hear that word in your vocabulary anymore, Beauty. Find a new one. It’s getting old. I’m tired of hearing it. I’ve given it some thought. In order for this to work for us…for the baby and for our family, we just can’t fuck our way through it. We can’t afford to figure it out later. We both need to be plugged in to this one hundred percent. Didn’t you tell me you wanted a family of your own?” he asked.
Of course, I did. I’ve said that many of times my whole God-damned life.
“I do. I want this more than you know.” I turned to him. I needed to face my fears for once.
“Then show me,” he asked. I turned to kiss him. Naturally, I thought he meant sex.
“Not what I meant, Beauty.” He turned me around on his lap so I was facing him. He cupped my chin in his hand. “Show me by your actions. Trust me to be the man you wished for, the father you want for our baby, and the husband you’ve always wanted.” He reached into his leather jacket, producing a little blue box. “I wanted to do this very differently, but I can’t think of a better moment than right now with just you and me…and our baby.” His voice cracked, breaking my heart in the best possible way. His hand shook as he opened the box. “Will you marry me and make me the happiest man in the world, now and forever?” His eyes were dark. His voice was thick.
There was never a doubt. No hesitation. “Yes, I would love to be your wife.” I launched into his arms, nearly knocking us both off the chaise.
“Hey, aren’t you forgetting this?” He held a beautifully flawless pink diamond ring. I had no idea of the carat weight, but it was enormous. I held my hand up, looking at it this way and that. Wow. It sparkled brightly. “This will never leave your finger—ever.” He kissed the ring. I agreed. This would never leave my finger. He reached into his other pocket, pulling out a larger box. He gave it to me to open. With tears in my eyes, I opened the box carefully.
“Ah, oh my God, baby. What have you done?” An equally beautiful matching collar sat on a white satin-bedded lining. My God! I had never seen anything like it. This was too much. Who does this? This had to cost…well I had no fucking clue, but it was way too much to spend on me.
He removed the collar, opening the clasp and held it to my neck. “Forever mine?”
“Yours forever,” I answered without question, sealing it with a kiss.
Sometimes life closes doors, because it’s time to move forward. That’s a good thing, as we often forget we won’t move forward unless circumstances force us to. My mother came to mind. She hurt me…fucked me up. However, I’m going to remind myself that no pain comes without purpose. I vowed to move on, but never forget what that pain taught me. It taught me to trust my Sir above all else, and love with my whole heart every day.
That night, we spent it making love and talking. I mean, really talking. We made all sorts of exciting plans that cemented permanent smiles on our faces.
My broody alpha had left me kind words before sleep took me under. “Remember, Beauty, there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. Stop resisting it...both help you grow. Grow with me…”
When Chance found me, I was a cap-screw away from downing a bottle of Jack Daniels. He pried the bagged bottle from my hands. “Please don’t. You made a promise.” He looked for a trash bin.
“I’m not asking. I’m telling you…hand that fucker over.” I had enough of his guru clarity. If I wanted to drink, I’d drink. Plain and fucking simple.
He handed it over forcefully. “Oh, just take the damn bottle. You’re such a baby…you know that? Now’s not the time to have a pity-party. Gia needs…” he said, walking away.
Gia? What would Gia need? I left Beauty in the hotel room. “Gia needs what?” I asked, but he continued walking across the street, paying me no regard. “Did you hear me, you plaid lovin’ fuck?” I yelled across the traffic and clung to that bottle tightly. Fuck knows if I really needed it now?
He turned around, abruptly stopping the flow of traffic. “FYI, I don’t like plaid, band-boy.” He rolled his eyes. I spied his socks quickly. Plaid! “Don’t even mention them. They don’t count. They’re considered undergarments which go under outer-garments.” He huffed. What?
“Gia? What about Gia? That’s all I care
about,” I pressed him. We moved out of the street, taking a seat at a bistro-bar. “So? Now, you’ve got my attention, drama queen.” I unburdened myself by placing the JD bottle on the bar.
“There’s no easy way to say this. That being said, you need to know pronto. You’re going to be a father.” He winced, sitting as far back as possible in his seat.
I played the words over again, jumbling them around to decipher if the order fucked with the implied intent. Nope. I tried. It resulted in the same outcome—pregnant. Shit. I didn’t see that coming. Yet, it all made sense now. Her eating for two. She was erratic and emotional lately. Now, I felt guilty for the way I treated her the night before. Damn, I’m an asshole.
We sat quietly for a few minutes. Chance struck up a conversation with the bartender, explaining why I had my own brand of whiskey in hand. Several emotions played over my face as I palmed it.
“Oh, come on…it’s a baby. Babies are a blessing,” he said.
And just like that, it all came together. It wasn’t a picture-perfect situation. I planned on doing things differently. However, life being what it is…it sometimes surprises the fuck out of you. Every moment gives you a new beginning. A new opportunity for a new ending. A few hours ago, I thought I knew the ending of today. But you get a new chance every second you take a breath. Yeah, deep shit. I know. I wasn’t going to blow another second…another breath without her in my arms. She’s my second chance. My best chance…
After getting my head together, Chance filled me in on the rest. Beauty had big-time trust issues. That hurt—a lot. I had to believe that with proper guidance, we could grow this relationship into something really beautiful. This family meant everything to me. It was my family. My immediate family. And there wasn’t anything more immediate than her and the baby needing me. We had time to work on the rest...a lifetime. With certain urgency, her needing me made me feel wanted. In the end, isn’t that what we all craved? To feel needed and wanted?
I entered the suite. It was dark and quiet. Quiet enough to hear her sobs from the terrace. I walked over to listen. Who was she talking to?
Forgiving Gia (Rocker Series Book 2) Page 19
